A Definite Pattern
Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, January 28, 2008
I’ve noticed a definite pattern with foreign bloggers in China. Two patterns, actually. They are:
1. The nearer one is to Beijing, the more likely one is to be an apologist.
2. English teachers are more likely to be apologists.
Of course, as with any patterns and trends, there will always be examples that don’t fit the general trend, however the trend itself is clear, as shown in this scientific graph:
Having firmly and conclusively established that the risk of a blogger being an apologist twat in dramatically increased by proximity to Beijing, and/or by being an English Teacher, let us examine the likely outcomes of this condition on the blogger’s Blog.
The most noticeable blog effect of this apologism, is that the blogger becomes obsessed with speaking Ewok-hua at every opportunity. This can be seen in the blog in an increased use of Ewok-hua terms and phrases. Obviously, a minimal level can be considered ‘normal’ whilst blogging in Red China, however the extreme lengths these apologists go to in order to incorporate Ewok-hua in their blogs must be considered as a seriously twat-like condition.
Hand in hand with this use of ‘language’, is a frighteningly high tolerance of fucktardedness on the part of the local citizenry. Things that would never, ever, be acceptable anywhere else in the universe, even by retarded lemmings, are considered ‘cultural’ and thus above reproach. Criticism of this mis-’behaviour’ is not tolerated and can often result in virulent criticism, by the apologist.
In addition to these serious effects, the apologist exhibits an increased propensity towards living in ‘Hutongs‘, going to KTV’s, eating local ‘food’, and other forms of behaviour that would be considered aberrant in a normal environment.
Finally, and most worryingly, the apologist frequently resorts to parroting phrases used by the Red Gods (a.k.a. the Chinese Communist Party). Phrases such as “China is peaceful”, “China is developing rapidly”, “China is a victim of foreign aggression”, “China has 5,000 years culture”, “Tibet is part of China”, and other, similar, lies are all repeated over and over again with no apparent consideration of the damage done to the security of the apologist’s own nation and culture.
It is indeed a matter of great concern that the Truth is the ultimate victim here, though as caring fellow bloggers we should all do our best to encourage these apologists to either repent or sod off. The latest medical research has suggested that even the most apologistic bloggers can be reformed, and without the use of Laogai slave labour camps. With the right approach, and with the help of Corneal Modification Technology to have the rose-tinted cornea’s removed from their eyes, these apologists can once again be made to see the Truth.
Perhaps some can never be saved, but we owe it to ourselves to try.