Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

My Wet Pussy Award – April 2008

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, April 30, 2008

It wasn’t enough for me this month to merely name some hopeless schmuk as a Wet Pussy, just because he had sided with the butchers in Beijing. Oh no, I wanted more. I wanted a bigger fish to fry, and by the Lords of Kobol I got it.

Now, to be perfectly Francis with you, I’ve always kind of liked the Kiwi’s. They play good rugby, drink good beer and plenty of it, can usually manage a laugh at themselves, and have a healthy disrespect of authority. I like that. I’ve also been to New Zealand, and it’s a very nice place indeed. Good huntin’ and fishin’ for those of us who’re into that sort of thing, amazing rivers and lakes and ocean and forest and snow, and all that good Nature stuff. And Hobbits, everybody likes Hobbits.

The thing is, I never thought I’d live to see the day when I’d side with the French over the New Zealanders. The French do have somewhat of a, er, shall we say reputation for, er, shall we say not always making the bravest or most moral decisions. I’m not saying that I hold that opinion myself, you understand, but it’s a reputation that precedes any French citizen, fairly or otherwise. And it’s a reputation that is diametrically different from that which the Kiwi’s possess. So you can imagine my shock and horror when the French honoured His Holiness the Dalai Lama with the keys to the city (Paris), and the Kiwi’s honoured Hu Jintao (a.k.a. the Butcher of Lhasa) with a Free Trade Agreement.

What the fuck were those idiots thinking? Why not simply give Poland to Hitler’s descendants? Same deal.

So, to my everlasting sadness, I was ready to award April’s Wet Pussy Award to New Zealand, when out of the blue, Australian politician and all-round fucktard Kim Beasley gives an interview on Chinese TV and, when asked about Australia’s position vis-a-vis Tibet, says: “Well, let’s get back to first principles. Everyone in the world knows that Tibet and Taiwan are now and have always been part of China.”

Mister Beasley, are you out of your tiny retarded fucking mind? Who the hell are you to speak for everybody in the world? You can’t even speak for the people of your own country, ever since your own party kicked you out of the hot seat. When I hear knuckleheads like you speaking, it reminds me of the joke about the Eighth Wonder of the World being an Australian in a bar… with his mouth shut.

Mister Beasley, how dare you sell out the tens of millions of poor sods in Taiwan and Tibet, who look to your country with hope? How dare you hand the murdering bastards in Beijing such a propaganda coup? Sure, it was a question that was hard to answer, so why answer it at all? You’re a politician! You’ve spent years not answering questions, distorting facts, telling lies – surely you could have kept yer trap shut just this once? What the Hell were you thinking? Mister Beasley, pray you never run into me in a bar, unless you want to be picking up your teeth with broken fingers, then walking to the dentist’s on broken legs.

Mister Beasley, it is my greatest pleasure to be able to sling this Wet Pussy Award at you. I hope you go and choke on it.

Kim Beasley, Wet Pussy Award winner and right bastard.

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38 Responses to “My Wet Pussy Award – April 2008”

  1. Matt said

    Ha ha ha!! Sadly, you won’t hear any different from any (credible) Aussie politician, on either side of politics, because of the gigantic waves of cash coming from China via Australia’s coal and iron ore resources (we are one of the few nations that has a trade surplus with China). So to say the political class is conflicted would be a huge understatement.

    It sucks but what can you do. It’s a case of hate them, but love their money. At least most of the ordinary people over here know they are a pack of thugs and murderers.

  2. Neddy said

    Well now, that’s one classy wet pussy! Echoing Matt, you at least know what it is about when there are ‘gigantic waves of cash’ involved. But what does this bleeder get out of it, other than, er, the brown stuff on his nose? It’s not as if they were going to boycott Oz coal and iron ore, in the event he hurt their feelings…

    Seems nobody loves him any more. So when China TV were willing to talk to him, he did what he knows best.

  3. MyLaowai said

    “It’s not as if they were going to boycott Oz coal and iron ore”

    Or uranium.

  4. Neddy said

    BTW, this claim of “…was always part of China” is apparently hurting the feelings of more people than just us unreconstructed Rightists. Take historians, for example. This is how Granite Studio puts it:

    http://granitestudio.org/2008/04/10/rantings-from-the-granite-studio/

    I’m going to say this once more: Τibet was not “always” a part of China. “Always” is a pretty big claim. Since when? The Mesozoic? Please remove the word “always” from any sentence talking about history unless such sentence begins, “The Yankees have always sucked…”

    Or Kim Beasley.

  5. Matt said

    “Seems nobody loves him any more.”

    Pretty much. Poor old Beazley. He is regarded as an affable and decent bloke here in Aus, just unfit to run the country. He prefers life in academia now, so the opportunity to get on TV and profess his adoration for our new Chinese overlords was probably too good to pass up.

    “Or uranium.”

    Yes, that’s a happy thought.

  6. justrecently said

    “It’s not as if they were going to boycott Oz coal and iron ore”

    That’s true, too. And Britain’s trade with China didn’t suffer heavy blows either, not even when the “serpent” Chris Patten introduced electoral reforms in Hong Kong. Europe is an interesting case anyway. Its leaders take turns in pleasing or angering the Chinese leadership. That may lead to a cancelled Chinese state delegation shopping tour for investment goods once in a while – but I can’t think of any situation where China has used real economic sanctions against an industrialised country, certainly not since the beginning of the Deng reforms. Can someone else?

  7. Voice from China said

    haha, I come again to say’88′. here are some pics for fun, the torch relay in Guang Zhou, you can find pics very different with what you watched in BBC or …

    http://cache.tianya.cn/pub/c/funinfo/1/1147909.507.shtml

    Enjoy–

    hehe, by the way, I will be so busy ahead, no time to waste here. If u guys are intereste in practicing ur ‘debating’ skills and want it better, not only use some words as ‘bear ori**” to make u look stronger, go to

    anti-cnn.com

    or you can just search anti-cnn in google

    you will get it, there is a english forum there, and you will have nice experience there

    88

  8. stoogie said

    hahaha ….

    good on ya Kim … you tell them the truth.

  9. Dalai Clique Stoogie said

    “good on ya Kim … you tell them the truth” . What you mean is “the Truth according to CCP”, of course. I understand.

    Actually, as Matt says, Kim is not a bad bloke, he just grew up to become a lousy politician, and as a party leader, his most eminent achievement was in how to lose elections. Now , the only reason you don’t see all of Oz rolling on the floor laughing their arses off, is that nobody here gives a hoot about what’s on China TV (ours is bad enough). So maybe he reckoned he could get away with it. Well, he hasn’t, not quite.

    Whether he was sucking up, or just bumbling around, I don’t know. But you can have him for a “friend” , to boost you harmonious ego. You seem to need it desperately, if you scrape the bottom of the barrel this hard!

    Neddy

  10. stoogie said

    Kim was the best defense minister and he could have been the 2nd best PM Australia ever had.

    I have always wondered why Kim was unelectable.

    Look at his contemporaries, John ‘the desiccated coconut” Howard is a lying rodent, Tony “WMD” Blair is all BS and no substance, and the Texan cowboy G.W Bush struggles counting past 10.

    Kim has more intelligence and decency than those 3 jokers combined.

    The question is now eloquently answered by the ever-wise Mr Mylaowai, Kim wasn’t good enough because he wasn’t skilled at “distorting facts, telling lies”.

    Not sure about the physic of your mate Mylaowai, Kim is a beefy bloke and last I heard, he also packs a good punch.

    You know who I put my hard earned $2 on.

  11. stoogie said

    What do u mean aussie shows are bad ?

    TT and ACA are great programmes.

    Neigbours is a industry in itself and turned kelly into a sexy godess for the pommie suckers.

  12. Neddy said

    And I think you would lose it. Well, it’s your money… Yes, Mr..Beasley appeared to be a bright spark in his earlier days in politics, mainly because he came across as NOT a typical politician. The substance behind this appearance is arguable, and another matter…

    At any rate, he “grew” out of this image, as he learned to bullshit, to tell people what he thought they wanted to hear, etc. But he never mastered how to “run” anything; not his own party, let alone the country. This made him unelectable, not his upright character.

    There ain’t such thing as “good government” (or a bad one), only governments which either work, or don’t. Howard’s government worked, but being too long in power tends to make people arrogant, conceited, and downright slothful; they start to think they have the RIGHT to rule, with a mandate to do anything they fancy. Like some governments elsewhere (wink wink, nudge nudge).

    Kevin Rudd’s government MAY work, too, but the jury is still out. Kim Beasley’s? What a laugh! So whoever else Kim is in private, as a politician he is what MyLaowai, our host, says: A deserving recipient of a Wet Pussy Award, and he brought it onto himself. Or do you really believe he MEANT what he said? Go on, make my day, I have Sydney Harbour Bridge to sell you.

    PS: What do YOU know about Mr MyLaowai’s physique, eh? And even if he was just bragging, he is excused: An overexposure to patriotism with Chinese characteristics, I’d say.

  13. stoogie said

    I don’t know .. let me imagine ….

    40-50s, half bald, hairy with a belly 9 months into pregnancy stuffed with big Macs and KFC drum sticks ?

    loud mouth braggers and spoiled brats? Aren’t these American tourist ?

  14. stoogie said

    All governement works, some work better than others.

    All politicians tell lies, some are better liars than others. (The CCP still has a lot to learn from those 3 axis of evil in the anglosphere)

    You can try to sale me the Sydney Harbour Bridge when i start to believe Geroge Bush’s lies about Iraq.

  15. quote stoogie: “loud mouth braggers and spoiled brats? Aren’t these American tourist ?”

    I doubt that you need to be American to be fat, or spoiled, or a bragger. Sheesh – are you stereotyping, stoogie?

  16. Neddy said

    No he ain’t stereotyping, justrecently. Not as such. He just does not have anything sensible to say anymore, but says it anyway.

    And while we are on the subject of braggers and spoiled brats, in China they are called “patriotic youths” (or was it Red Guards?). There is said to be an oversupply of them over there. Nobody else really wants them, but CCP exports them left right centre all the same.

    And since the issue of party-line patriots came up, have you read the post
    http://mylaowai.wordpress.com/2008/01/17/as-thick-as-two-short-planks/
    on this blog?

    I have other reading lined up. Two samples:
    http://thechinabeat.blogspot.com/2008/05/torching-relay.html, and
    http://www.danwei.org/media_regulation/freedom_of_expression_and_gove.php

    See you all later. Some later than the others.

  17. Neddy said

    While waiting for my previous comment to clear moderating queue, or spam-trap (or is it crap-trap?), I hoped to read few pages from the Little Red Book (yes, I am a sentimental bastard). But a Breaking News from NYT has hit my inbox:

    Friday, May 9, 2008 — 8:52 AM ET
    U.N. Suspends Aid to Myanmar
    The United Nations said it would suspend flights into Myanmar
    after the military government seized the food and equipment
    it had sent into the country.
    Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/?emc=na

    Aren’t these bleeders among those tinpot despots China so assiduously “does not interfere in internal affairs of” (read: CCP pets)?

  18. stooge said

    @justrecently

    well spotted, do you want a gold medal?

  19. stoogie said

    My stuff went through like a flash. Seems more like crap-trap to you, could it be because you ..er … spill too much crap?

    Since when has this blogoshpere been a place for anything sensible? eh ?

    Now here is someone who is sensible about this Mayanmar business
    http://chinamatters.blogspot.com/2008/05/fools-rush-in.html

  20. justrecently said

    No, just the recognition is enough for me. This isn’t the Olympics, methinks. Well spotted, too, huh?

  21. Neddy said

    “My stuff went through like a flash.” Hehe, maybe you had a bout of diarrhoea, it run through the cracks…

    That dude on China Matters has a problem, and he must have missed his medications, too. A candidate for a Wet Pussy Award, perhaps? Anyone here missed this post?
    http://mylaowai.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/a-definite-pattern/

    Seriously though, anyone defending those poor Myanmar nutjob generals against “western imperialists” while the former have their own people dying like flies is an apologist of murder. So do tell us you are not serious – it is one thing being called a troll, and another to take the side of a bunch of criminals…

  22. Neddy said

    Actually, I should thank to stoogie for posting that link above. In case MyLaowai ever runs out of candidates for his monthly Awards.
    That guy (?) is just amazing. I have known for a long time there are twats out there, but here’s one who can make you wish that criminal stupidity was an indictable offence. Oh well, we are all people, but apparently not all of us are human.

  23. stoogie said

    It was diarrhoea and it was in your general direction. Glad that you felt it on your cheek and still have the grace to put up a smile. In the spirit of the Games, you do deserve a gold medal.

    Should the goons and thugs in Myanmar be nuked or should the world help the poor people first and worried about the goons later?

    Unlike you and your rightgeous mates, I don’t profess to have solutions to all the world’s problems, but the choice in this instance is very clear.

    Now, what should we do about the goons and thugs in No. 10, the White House and the Lodge ? Should we put those war criminals on trail for the deaths of millions of Iraqis?

    I wouldn’t go to the extent of calling you an apologist for war criminals, but I do believe you and your friends are suffering from a type of mental illness that display symptomes of being arrogant,”too simple, sometimes naive” that resulted in a one dimensional view of the world.

    Off you go Needy, time to see a doctor.

  24. stoogie said

    @justrecently,

    Now now, there is really no need to be so modest.

    I’ve only one medal to hand out, and it seems our friend Needy deserved it alot more than you. …. well, how about give youself a pat on the back for your good effort.

  25. Neddy said

    Of course I “still have the grace to put up a smile”. It’s called civility. Besides, what good it would do to go into a hissy fit over someone whose arsehole shits and speaks at the same time, while his brain hibernates? Yes, I’ll take your advice and see a doctor; I have been laughing so hard, reading your War Criminals 101 lecture, I must have ruptured something.

    No, nobody has solutions to all the world’s problems, and of course there’s little if anything we can do about them. That does not mean we should excuse the “goons and thugs” (bravo!) the way your “hero” at China Matters does. If we call a shovel a shovel, or a murderer a murderer, is that a self-self-righteousness? Maybe it is to you, but it is not in the civilised world where we belong (yes, not every country needs 4999 years of growing up, and still be developing). Why the hell should we not piss on the bastards, when we do the same to our own leaders whenever they deserve it?

    Stoogie, your “war criminals” drivel does not wash up, you do not even know what it means. Else you would not defend them. Neither you comprehend the distinction between naivety an humanity. But then, you live in a parallel world where “freedom is slavery” etc – you know the spiel.

    But I like some of your ideas: Yes, let’s nuke the bastards! Only two problems: How to evacuate everyone else first, and, how to avoid polluting the air, water and earth (never mind that the Chinese “scientific development” will do that anyway).

    Let me think some more about this. In the meantime, you go and polish your own medal. The one I gave you the other day, and which says “International Retard Association Founding Member”.

  26. Neddy said

    An update for our resident schmuck (yes, I am looking at you, stoogie):
    http://www.danwei.org/chinas_neighborhood/burma_cyclone_eye_witness_acco.php

  27. stoogie said

    I believe you to be a very civilised person. But gee you do crap on …

    I’m sorry that I have to speak to you with my back/bottom hole because this is how low you are intellectually.

    Maybe you can explain all you drivels on “freedom”, war crimes, blah blah blah to friends and families of the million dead Iraqis.

    You will find them a very captivated audience.

  28. MyLaowai said

    Well, I would like to thank you all for contributing to my humble blog.

    I would also like to point out that nuking the bastards who have done to Burma what Mao & Co. did to China 55 years ago, will not constitute an effective solution to the current, or indeed any problem.

    Here’s a thought, though: Fly humanitarian aid in, directly. The United States has the appropriate units standing by, within range offshore, and the appropriate units available to support and defend them. Also within range. Just do it.

    So the bastards who run this third-rate military won’t like the fact that you are saving the poor sods who don’t support them. So fucking what. They are in no position to stop you doing it.

    It won’t happen, of course. No one in Washington DC has the balls or the vision to do it, although I know for a fact that the lads in the Pentagon do. I guess we should be grateful that in some countries, they do respect international law.

    Despite the fact that some other countries don’t. No names.

  29. Neddy said

    You mean all the Iraqis killed by the Saddam’s regime? Right. Maybe you should also include, in that number, the ones he did NOT have time to kill, because his own number came up. Thanks to a certain “war criminal” in Washington. It may have been an incidental side effect, but let’s give credit where credit is due.
    If not for that accidental good deed, the UN and all the other “peace lovers” (read: irresolute, self-interested fence sitters) would still be yakking today to no effect, and the China government would be selling arms to Mr Hussein for oil, while insisting that no-one interferes in Iraq’s internal affairs – and fuck the Iraqi dead!
    I think it was Winston Churchill who said to “trust Americans to do the right thing… after they tried everything else”. You can turn that around, and say: Regardless of all the mistakes… God bless America. After all, what’s the alternative? Another W. Churchill here: Democracy may be a lousy way to run a country, but it’s a best way we have.
    You may not like it, but reality will not go away. Happy wishful thinking to you, too, loser.

  30. Neddy said

    @MyLaowai: Amen.

  31. Needy.. Head of the International Retard Association said

    I was wrong, I have to give credit where credit is due: You ARE an apologist for the crims in No. 10, the White House and the Lodge.

    Well what more can I say, in my parallel universe, no one is perfect, you can be a civilised intellectually handicap.

    …. also what are all these sucking noises ? Are you the one behind the little lying rodent in the Conga Line of Suckholes ?

  32. justrecently said

    I have little complaints about and a lot of praise for America from where I’m writing. But to be honest – I’d probably look at it in a different way if I were Cuban.

  33. piomEcolo said

    very intresting

  34. Jon.Jnr said

    Wishing you a very happy and prosperous new year !

  35. Jack said

    Here’s wishing you a very happy and prosperous new year !

  36. If the nosy news paper and televisions people would write about themselves and start telling what their lives consist of the Wood’s could get back to normal status. The newspaper, television, and camera people need to be locked up for writing hearsay and being copy cats.

  37. best domain registrar…

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  38. mick said

    you are a bad man

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