Let’s try this again, shall we?

I have decided to become a communist. It appears that I will never reach the pinnacle of my ambitions to be financially independent and above the law by taking part in the Capitalist rat-race and working for someone else, so I’ve decided to switch sides and join the real Rats-race. I’m going to use my many years of military experience and join the Peoples Liberation Army so that I too can become one of the privileged elite. That’s the great thing about communism – it’s fkn great if you’re up top, propped up and top dog. I live to serve and be served but don’t try and be like me – Know Your Place, Comrade.

Ok, ok, so I will never be accepted into the ranks of the PLA elite. I fact, It’s unlikely that I’m even fit to wash their dishes in their mess halls due to the fact that I’m ethnically impure and not born to serve the Handy ones.

However, what I can do is “masquerade” as one the “privileged members of the People’s Liberation Army”. Yes that’s right, Privileged! These are the same Privileged Members who are above the law and answer to no one except the other Privileged Members of the PLA. These are the cunts who drive on the wrong side of the road, cut up traffic at will, run red lights, totally ignore all traffic control and police, park where they want and generally act in a Peoples Liberation Privileged Army sort of way and in fact, ‘look at me, I’ve got a white number plate’ sort of way. Not only are they Privileged Members, they also have funny sounding Horns and are not shy about using their Horns in public.

I am going to get myself one of these (see below) – one of the fast and expensive ones – and I’m going to masquerade as one of the Privileged Members. In fact, let’s not call it ‘masquerading’ – let’s call it ‘aspiring to be’…

Traffic police said, “over half of speeding drivers either cover up their plates or use a fake plate, the chances of capturing them is next to nil!”

Speeding drivers in south China are getting clear away thanks to machines which switch the numbers on their licence plates in seconds, state media said.

“More than 50 percent of cars caught on camera for speeding and other offences either cover up their plates or use a fake licence plate,” a traffic policeman in the Guangdong city of Yangjiang was quoted by the Beijing Youth Daily as saying, “our chances of capturing them is next to nil.”

The price of the remote-control device starts at around 800 yuan ($115), while a more advanced apparatus with the ability to flip over the numbers in less than three seconds costs more than double.

“The era of covering up the licence plate by hand has passed,” a driver surnamed Zheng told the newspaper.

“It’s really convenient and economical too,” a salesman who specializes in such devices in the provincial capital of Guangzhou was quoted as saying.

In April, Xinhua news agency reported that China had confiscated thousands of fake military vehicles and number plates in a move to crack down on citizens masquerading as privileged members of the People’s Liberation Army.

In years past, Chinese counterfeiters have used fake military vehicles to ship bootleg cigarettes and other goods, previous reports have said.

– Photo and text from Asianoffbeat