Fall is here (Note for non-Americans: I would say “Autumn”, but really, “Fall” is a far more appropriate word in China). It’s official, and I know it because the Government has commanded it be so. But even without the Red Gods telling me, I’d ‘a’ know’d it. How? Read on…
Top Ten Signs Fall Hath Arrived:
1. The little leaves in the lovely trees have turned a slightly different shade of grey, and are now starting to fall off their delightfully grey branches. Nature is truly beautiful.
2. All the cats have now disappeared, and people are starting once again to enjoy ‘lamb’-onna-stick.
3. Each and every Chinese citizen has now switched to the obligatory minimum three layers of clothing. Seven layers for small children. Even though the temperature is the same as it was a month ago, when it was officially Summer and everyone was wearing summer clothing.
4. Every whore, slut, and ho in the country has begun wearing knee-length boots (boots by Fuk Mi).
5. In an effort to impress one another, bus passengers have begun covering up their collections of rare skin diseases for the winter, and bringing out their interesting coughs and phlegm gurgles instead.
6. Pickled rotting cabbage with garlic has become the standard by which all meals are measured.
7. Taxi drivers now start drinking the Baijiu at breakfast, an hour earlier than before.
8. Plans are being hatched all along the Eastern Seaboard, with the express aim of upsetting Westerners before the Christmas Season. Chances are that they will, as always, succeed only in driving said Westerners to further increase their consumption of alcoholic beverages.
9. Heaters are being switched on in office buildings all over the nation. Windows are being opened too, but that’s just for the sake of fresh air (Note: fresh air not required during summer).
10. With declining temperatures just around the corner, the air will soon lose some its’ characteristic stench of rotting *something*, which will be replaced with coal dust. Coal dust, as everybody knows, is a sure sign of “development” and “fashion”. It’s probably “very delicious in the world” as well.
Finally, a Public Service Announcement
From Laowai’s Who Take Public Transport:
Wo Shi Laowai - Wo Pa Shui 