Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Santa Claus

Posted by pipilaowai on Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Santa Claus is coming to always in town.

For all of you out there, adults and children alike, waiting for Santa Claus to visit your comfy Chinese homes well, I’m afraid there’s some bad news. Santa was refused a visa this year! It was announced on the China Daily website that “due to continued strong enforcement of the visa regulations during the wind down from the most successful Olympics ever, Mr. Claus and his reindeers were refused visas. Mr. Claus has been under investigation for a long time and is suspected of smuggling goods across international borders in order to avoid paying import duty and VAT to the people of China.” When questioned about how Santa could be expected to pay import duty on goods that he intends to give away free of charge, it was pointed out that “giving goods away free of charge is considered the actions of charitable institutions” and that “Santa Claus is not registered as a Charity in China”.

Other reasons cited were that the Reindeer didn’t have the correct and certified quarantine and vaccination documents from the authorities and were considered a health risk. Rudolph is apparently exempt these procedures because his nose proves that he is of Chinese origins and a strong committed communist party member. It was also pointed out on the website that the great majority of the goods that Mr. Claus transports for distribution are toys and the safety of the public is a concern as there was no paperwork submitted with the visa application that detailed the country of origin of the toys and China was not prepared to reimport the shit it had exported.

However, there’s more to this story and we must not forget that the real Santa is Chinese and is with us everyday. As the roughly translated famous Chinese Christmas song says,

You better watch out
You better not lie
You better not vote
I’m telling you why
‘Santa Claus’ is always in town

He’s making a list,
Checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s not getting rice.
‘Santa Claus’ is always in town

He sees you when you are blogging
And when you’re reading the news
He knows if you’ve been surfing porn
So be good and hide your views

Etc.

Remember, next time you sign a contract to stay in China, there’s no such thing as a Sanity Clause.
Marry Christmas Lah

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4 Responses to “Santa Claus”

  1. Shit, it’s hard to sneak past Santa to get here at times.

  2. LaoLao said

    If I were there, I could take care of the visa, but somebody else is taking him to KTV.

  3. WendyW said

    Is this “menglaowai” song related to mylaowai?

  4. MyLaowai said

    I neither confirm nor deny the assertion. However, as Beokgugk correctly observed: “All revolutionary guards support Honglaowai, and oppose the right-leaning imperialist vulgarism of Menglaowai”.

    ‘Nuff said.

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