Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

How Wet Thou Art, Pussy!

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, August 19, 2010

Well now, Lee Hannon, it seems you have been a bad boy recently. A very bad boy indeed. Been working for ChinaDaily, have we? Tsk, tsk. As the Chief Editor no less, according to your LinkedIn profile, although ChinaDaily themselves say you are a mere ‘journalist’. My word, Mister Hannon, you have been stretching some truths, haven’t you? Naughty, naughty.

But hey, it’s cool with us. We don’t mind if you get your kicks by licking a Panda’s arse, and we don’t really care if you do love the Party more then you love your own family, because it takes all sorts to make the world go round, and even treasonous vipers like yourself have a place in society. Granted, that place is swinging from the end of a rope tied to your gentleman’s vegetables at one end and a lamp post at the other, but it’s a place nonetheless.

I was, however, interested to read a recent article in which you slagged off England, the nation of your birth. In it, you said words to the effect that the UK was not a good place for tourists to visit during the next Olympic Games. As evidence, you cited the Anholt-GfK Roper Nation Brands Index on the quality of welcome offered to visitors, in which the UK ranked 14th. You probably thought you were quite safe in doing so, as this Index is not widely available for public consumption.

You obviously read the report thoroughly, right? I mean to say, it would hardly be responsible of you to not have read it from cover to cover, agreed?

You made a point of bemoaning the fact that, in the particular category quoted, the UK ranked 14th. Where did your beloved China rank, I wonder? But wait, it would appear that I have a copy of the report myself. Let’s just have a look, shall we? Oh yes, here we are…

Overall Nation Brands Index
UK 4th
China 22nd

Exports Index
- contribution to innovation
– effect on attitudes towards ‘country of origin’
– degree of creativity

UK 4th
China 17th (quality of products 45th)

Governance
- competently and honestly governed
– respect and fair treatment of it’s citizens
– responsible behaviour in international peace and security
– responsible environmental protection
– responsible for reducing world poverty

UK 7th
China 49th (just in front of Iran, in last place)

Culture
- sports
– cultural heritage
– music, films, art, literature

UK 4th
China 7th

People
- friendly towards visitors
– other people want them as friends
– valuable employees

UK 6th
China 35th (but hey, up from 41st, which is good)

Tourism
- people would like to visit
– rich in natural beauty
– rich in historic buildings
– vibrant city life

UK 5th
China 19th

Immigration & Investment
- foreigners want to live there
– quality of life
– good place to study
– businesses worth investing in
– equal opportunities

UK 4th
China 33rd

Special Category: Contribution to Global Recovery from the Economic Crisis
UK 3rd
China 11th

There’s something else worth noting about this report, and that is that the authors have a website on which you can see how ordinary people around the world rated cities and countries across the globe, including their own.

This is how the Chinese people (and Lee Hannon) ranked Beijing:
Most important city in the world (with Shanghai 2nd and Shenzhen 3rd. Hong Kong 4th, of course.)
Best services and accommodation in the world
Best people in the world
Most lively city in the world
Most opportunities in the world

However, China was the only country in which it’s citizens were not allowed to give their opinion on their own country. I find that telling.

What I find equally telling, is that you, Mister Hannon, have lied through your back teeth whilst in the service of the Party. You have crossed the line, sunshine. The Wet Pussy Award is given to those bottom-feeders who “actively seek out ways to support the Han Regime, who publicly side with the Chinese Communist Party… A great many of these sympathisers work […] in the entertainment industry, and most show their support by […] agreeing in public with the position the Han regime takes on anything and everything […] they [also] do the ‘look at the stupid Laowai’ entertainment shows in which Han Chinese are shown to be superior to the nasty barbarian foreigners.”

Mister Hannon, I believe you qualify in the worst possible way, and I award you this Wet Pussy for being a complete and utter toe-rag, wastrel, scumbag, and all-round traitor to humanity. You’d better hope you never meet me in a bar, because I’ll have your guts for my garters, sparky.


Mister Lee Hannon, Wet Pussy Winner.
I hope you die of cancer.

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14 Responses to “How Wet Thou Art, Pussy!”

  1. Chinese Netizen said

    Sellouts are despicable slime, be they Poms or superior & righteous Han.

    You only assume he has vegetable to hang from. No doubt he has a superior Han wife that jarred them a long time ago.

    Simply pathetic…

  2. Sinoscpetic said

    CLASSIC!! China deserves assholes like him and good riddance to him. I hope he reads your post and scurries back under the nearest piss-stained mattress in his poxy wee apartment.

    I hope his cancerous death is slow and thirsty. Cancer of the tongue from too much ass licking.

  3. justrecently said

    Well, I have to tell you that Mr Hannon didn’t sell his soul for nothing – he’s chief editor after all, or so says China Daily.

    Did you electrolute the cat before shaving it? And where did you buy that beautiful wallpaper?

  4. Ned Kelly said

    You forgot another category where China outranks Britain:

    Sodomy Index:

    Britain: 5th, below the Scandinavian countries

    China: Number One

  5. justrecently said

    Maybe South Carolina ranks first.

    Thinking about it, journalism praising the CCP must frequently be costly for China. Any ideas about Mr Hannon’s monthly pay at China Daily?

  6. ReeceO said

    I love this website… it helps me put everything into prospective when feeling overwhelmed by our uncivilized friends in china.

  7. Paul W said

    Ha, this is nothing but laughable, you can’t even get your facts right. Hannon did not pen this story for the party, paper or get the facts wrong. It was a story from one of the most widely used news agencies in the west, Associated Press, read by Hannon as an audio file those learning English. Check out the original and I think you should delete your offensive, malicious, libelous claims and comments. http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gkyEicnDxQgZeNTy9ooPA_PhZdFQD9HHB7S00

    • MyLaowai said

      Did Mister Hannon or did Mister Hannon not, on or about the beginning of the twenty-first century, take employment at the Party mouthpiece, ChinaDaily?

      And did he or did he not, whilst in the employ of that despicable organisation, wilfully and with malice consent to be a propaganda mouthpiece himself?

      He’s lucky he isn’t shot for treason, or consorting with the enemy, or whatever it’s called these days.

      And as for you, Mister Paul W. Outraged, you can take your apologistic tendencies and stick ‘em so far up your brown star that even Mister Hannon won’t be able to find it on Friday evening.

      Finally, how dare you refer to this fine, upstanding, award-winning paragon of virtue as “offensive, malicious, libelous claims and comments”. There’s nothing libelous about it, Sparky.

    • file124528 said

      Paul W. W obviously stands for WANKER.

  8. justrecently said

    It’s either libelous or nothing but laughable, Mr W.
    How can you criticize perceived flaws in a post of 792 words when you can’t even get a comment of 73 words right?

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