Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Wang Bei Snuffs It.

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, November 29, 2010

Guest Post

Wang Bei, 24, a former contestant on Super Girl, China’s version of American Idol, died on November 15th during “facial bone-grinding surgery” in Wuhan. Official reports cite an “anaesthetic accident” as the cause: “Wang’s jaw suddenly started bleeding during the procedure, blocking her windpipe and causing her to suffocate.”

Yeah right, do you believe this? I didn’t, so with my usual apathy and luck-lustre approach, I began ringing my contacts at her hospital. Chinese nurses are very obliging, especially when they know you have photos of them with you in the KTV where they worked during their training.

Lead Surgeon, Wang Hung Lo, couldn’t resist his natural impulses after he heard that the reason for her surgery was to increase her mandibular extension so she could please foreign judges as much as their Chinese counterparts. He had to sample it for himself whilst she was unconscious, an act routinely performed in KTV’s across the country nightly. Unfortunately, he choked her, the anaesthetic having shrunken her thorax. He can be found at his usual job of janitor at the local bathhouse. He regularly moonlights as a plastic surgeon.

“It’s just like taking out the trash”, he said when I interviewed him. “You peel the skin back like removing the bin liner from a soggy waste basket, then scrape on the bone just the same as scraping week old phlegm off the sides of the bin. Easy work. I get my mum to stitch them up afterwards, she is famous for her embroidery.”

However, the real tragedy is that I had advised her to not worry about the mouth, a tight fit is a good fit, but rather she should get a boob job, as, like the vast majority of Asian women, she was as flat as an airport runway. You can ignore my advice, but be aware there will be consequences.

- DaBizzare.

Wang Bei
Wang Bei. China’s Superbint.

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8 Responses to “Wang Bei Snuffs It.”

  1. Nips Are Great said

    So you’re saying that while Wang Bei was on the cutting table the janitor and part time plastic butcher dropped his trousers, stood on a stool, had a nurse by his side give him a bit of a rub-a-dub so he could muster a woody, and then stuffed the pathetic piece of flesh that gives him an excuse to call himself a man down her unconscious and unsuspecting throat to see what the fit is like.

    Abracadabra she died.

    God damn that’s a great story.

  2. MyLaowai said

    Stupid people deserve to die, and by doing so she has rid the local gene puddle of her defective genes. Why stupid? Because she clearly needed a boob-job, not a jaw-job.

  3. S said

    you are an absolute try-hard, she is such an easy target and you still made a meal out of it …

    being a self – proclaimed “qualified friggen teacher” really doesn’t make any of your shit readable…

    come back mylaowai, all is forgiven.

  4. 0112337 said

    Ewww….. a pervert with necrophilic inclinations!

    shame shame shame!

    Jesus loves you. Go with Jesus my son. Go with the LORD.

    Just say NO to necrophilia. Just say NO.

    OH JESUS, SAVE THIS SINNER FROM THE TORMENTS OF NECROPHILIA. THY LOVE AND MERCY SHALL OVERCOME!

    Say it with me,

    The Lord’s my Shepherd, I’ll not want.
    He makes me down to lie
    In pastures green; He leadeth me
    The quiet waters by.

    My soul He doth restore again;
    And me to walk doth make
    Within the paths of righteousness,
    Even for His own Name’s sake.

    Yea, though I walk in death’s dark vale,
    Yet will I fear no ill;
    For Thou art with me; and Thy rod
    And staff my comfort still.

    My table Thou hast furnishèd
    In presence of my foes;
    My head Thou dost with oil anoint,
    And my cup overflows.

    Goodness and mercy all my life
    Shall surely follow me;
    And in God’s house forevermore
    My dwelling place shall be.

    I WILL NOT DO DEAD LITTLE GIRLS. I LIKE THEM MATURE AND ALIVE.

    I WILL NOT DO DEAD LITTLE GIRLS. I LIKE THEM MATURE AND ALIVE.

    I WILL NOT DO DEAD LITTLE GIRLS. I LIKE THEM MATURE AND ALIVE.

    In JESUS our LORD’s HOLY NAME, We pray.

    AMEN

  5. 0112337 said

    JR, the other thread is getting too congested. I am moving things over here. You want me to be serious right? Ok, I have a serious question for you. How much does a doctor in Germany make on average? What are the qualifications required for a foreign doctor to practice there? Say, with an American MD degree? What additional tests does he or she have to take to qualify? I would greatly appreciate an honest answer. Thank you.

  6. justrecently said

    Can’t see why I should do your homework, 011, especially as there is sufficient information for you on the internet. So I suggest that you look at pages like this one yourself and then come back with information of your own.
    Try searchword combinations like requirements for foreign medics to work in Germany.
    And once you have informed yourself, you can come back with whatever actual concern may be on your mind.
    Fair enough?

  7. [...] in China will tell you that if you want plastic surgery you go to Korea, don’t let another Wang Bei Super-Bint butcher near your precious skin, no no [...]

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