Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

One Thing at a Time

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 24, 2011

Time and again, I am asked by people in the real world what it’s like being in business in China. The people doing the asking are, in many instances, interested in doing business here themselves, and they are smart enough to want to get a feel for things by asking someone who is already ‘on the ground’. The trouble, is that they seldom really believe what they hear. It isn’t their fault though, not really: they just don’t come equipped with the mental map needed to get a grip on how things really are.

Take, for example, how one manages office employees.

I know of a chap here who, whenever he hires a secretary or personal assistant, gives them a simple test. He gives the applicant a handful of invoices and says: “Please put these in date order and add them up, then book me a flight to XXX, to arrive on such-and-such a date, returning on such-and-such a date, and reschedule tomorrow’s meeting for the day after I return”. Then he sits back and watches nine out of ten of these people start to cry. I’m not kidding – nine out of ten simply go all to pieces under the pressure and start to cry, boys and girls alike. Keep in mind that these people are so-called university graduates who have already passed through the HR filter and are considered ‘qualified’ for the position. They just cannot cope. Interestingly, boys fare far worse than girls, which should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever been to China. Chinese people have the intellectual and emotional strength of an eggshell.

Ask a Chinese to do one thing, and there is a reasonable chance that they will do it. Probably incompletely and poorly, but they will do it. Ask them to do more than one thing, and they will do just one of those things, and very badly indeed. Today, for instance, I asked my PA to get some prices and details on something. The conversation proceeded thusly:

Me: “Please get me full prices and details on XXX from such-and-such a supplier.”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “They have two types.”

Me: “What are the two types?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “The two types are [a] and [b].”

Me: “What do they cost?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “They cost [$] and [$].”

Me: “Which price is for which model?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “They cost [$a] and [$b].”

Me: “So, those are the prices? Anything else I should know?”

PA: “Yes, that’s everything.”

Me: “Do those prices include the printing?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “I think so.”

Me: “Do they have any in stock?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “How many do you need?”

Me: “Why? How many do they have in stock?”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “They say because how many you need affects the price.”

Me: “Get me a price on one, two, and five, and find out if they have any in stock!”

PA: [makes phone call to supplier] “[relates prices] … and they have some stock.”

Me: “So, can we get that tomorrow?”

PA: [starts to cry very quietly]

Eight phone calls. Eight phone calls, and I still don’t really know if the information is accurate. I will probably have to do it myself in the morning, instead of something else that needs to be done. But – and here is the really important thing – this person is really good. One of the best, in fact. And this is her on a good day.

So, how shall I describe doing business in China? Well, to start with, if you are a CEO with loads of experience running organisations and managing staff, you’re probably better off forgetting the whole thing. Hire a kindergarten teacher and stick a sign on their door that says ‘Managing Director’ instead, because they are better qualified.

I really do mean it.

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65 Responses to “One Thing at a Time”

  1. dianajiang said

    you stupid foreigner!you think you the king?chinese people are most smart!look at China now, and number 2 of world in economies and soon number 1!!!!!!.this is prove!!!!this only is so because China is very smart for business number 1 in world!!!!!!!!!! and educations in china is best for business!!!!!!!!!!you make chinese people small because you loser,but you are small and stupid.and you must go from China.this is not your country.your country is part of China soon!!!!!!!!!chinese people hate you you hurt feeling and lie!!!!!! go out!!!!!!

  2. gowron said

    Can I have your rant in ENGLISH, or fundamental ESL please?

    • dianajiang said

      I dont need yours english and learn more of this stupid laowai language.is enough already.!!!i am chinese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont need english moreis not of my languages!!!!!!!you understanbd stupid foreigner?????can you speak chinese????hahahaha!!!!!you must soon also speak in ur countries!!!!!!china get more strong and chinese culkture go everywhere in world now!!!!!!!!!!!you better prepare and learn the very big languag in world in future!!!!!!only chinese!!!you arestupid i dont want talk with anymore 神經病有病!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Jeff said

        This young lady’s ESL is a little shabby ( SHA BI !!???? )

        rule the world? Chinese culture and language everywhere ……Meh!

        Dear Diana (River/(ginger?)) you need “mines English yes!!!!!!!!!!!!”

        Chinese is an outdated languague born on random forms of cracking tortoise shells left in a fire more than 5000 years ago during a pre-bronze age agriculturally inept era?

        Such an old language points to the fact it is outdated and cannot evolve.
        for instance the names for some very simple appliances:

        faucet – water dragon head
        telephone – fire talk
        power supply – fire cow (Taiwan “huoniu”)

        crazy phrases -
        and then to express my anger in Chinese I say stupid things like
        “Not three, Not four, I give you colour to see see”
        - now WTF?

        Yes China needs a software update more likely a complete replacement in language as it has not evolved since the Ming dynasty after 1250AD.

        Pity really,

        You said
        “i dont want talk with anymore 神經病有病!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
        - My answer –
        Good,…Then you won’t hear STFUB! and get in the kitchen and cook me some eggs! (quoted from the film – Once were Warriors)

      • MyLaowai said

        COOK ME SOME EGGS!

        I thought I was the only one here who had heard that :) I say it to Mrs MyLaowai all the time.

        She, being Shanghainese, ignores me.

      • 0112337 said

        Hahahaha….SERVES YOU RIGHT Laowai!

        Your karma paired you up with a tigress, hahahaha…. I hope she beat your ass…

        Like major SMACK DOWN…

      • 0112337 said

        And this Jeff is going to have a major culture shock when he comes to the North, as most of you Laowais that take what you see in the South (Guangdong, Shenzhen, Fuzhou, Wenzhou, Hong Kong, Xiamen) as the all encompassing image of China.

        Taiwanese Mandarin sounds nice when it comes out of the mouth of a girl, because it is so soft and finely articulated. But nothing can be more homosexual to a Chinese listener when that dialect comes out of the mouth of a male.

        But if you are a girl, and cute,…please, by all means, study the Taiwanese dialect. That makes you more attractive.

      • MyLaowai said

        Ironic, isn’t it? Especially since the ‘South’ isn’t really China at all from a historical perspective – it was only comparatively recently added to the Chinese map as a result of (another) conquest of unarmed ‘minorities’. Guangdong is a perfect example.

        But steady on… Hong Kong isn’t part of China at all. If you don’t believe me, just ask and Hong Kongers – they hate you lot.

  3. gowron said

    I saw that movie.

    • 0112337 said

      Grandson, your grandfather is in a jolly mood today. He was finally able to get a few nights of good sleep, had a GRAND turkey feast with his girl and her family, AND he got the job offer from the hedge fund he interviewed with.

      Thus, he would like to wish you and everyone else a happy thanksgiving.

      • MyLaowai said

        You mean, your imaginary girlfriend got a turkey, and you are still a student studying abroad. If you actually had a girlfriend, she’d have been eating duck. With a pork sword attached.

      • gowron said

        So YOU’RE that old man that keeps on swimming in Chinese swimming pools and goobering it up. You’re that old dirty Chinaman who fucked China up as a teenaged Red Guard and now blames Whitey for all YOUR problems such as not going to school. Good job you old bastard hope you enjoy retirement with NOTHING because your rich young Grandson (me), took it all and is enjoying life in a democratic country while you rot in some frozen old folks home being attacked by bed bugs.

      • 0112337 said

        Don’t worry, I love both of you too. Again, I wish you both a happy thanksgiving!!

        :)

        P.S.: I am not a student or an old man, I am a canibal.

      • gowron said

        So you ARE A savage Chinese after all. There were cannibals here in Red China. Fucking savages.

  4. justrecently said

    I suppose that the Chinese army is better trained than the average Chinese MBA. But posts like these fill my heart with hope that not all may be lost for places like Taiwan (and with deep concern for all other countries in the region).

    Imagine January 10 – or two or three days before or after.

    Comrade Mao Xinyu (where is my car?) gives a call to Wang Jiangjun.

    Mao: teach those splittists a lesson – bomb Green Island (綠島) below sea level!

    Wang: COMRADE-YES-COMRADE!!!
    (hangs up)

    Wang:: JIAAAANG JIAAAAANG PAAAAOSHOOOUU!!!!!!! (江炮手)

    Jiang:: Oui, mon général!

    Wang: Bomb the crap out of Green Island! Ten-thousand degrees north, sinner-for-thousand-years east, Mao Zhuxi Wan Sui south… umm, look it up on that yin-te-net, or whatever those intellectuals call it. I expect execution within ten minutes. Report right back to me.

    Jiang: Oui, mon général! (leaves for the control room)

    Wang: If only my advice was heeded – if we bombed Taiwan proper, we could declare the place our maritime exclusion zone…

    Jiang: All your instructions have been correctly executed, mon général!

    Wang: Well done. You’ve earned yourself twelve days of special leave, for your great service to the unity of the motherland. But hang on…
    (logs on to the yin-te-net) …
    JIAAAAANG PAAAAOSHOOOUU!!!!!!

    Jiang: Oui, mon général!

    Wang: Google Earth say Green Island still exist!!! You fail!!!

    Jiang: Oh, mon général! This is just a perfidious American plot! The old paper tiger doesn’t want to admit defeat!

    Wang: You LIE!! To save your own skin, you betray the motherland!!! (guns Jiang down)
    Bloody intellectuals. Must do the job myself.
    (Another ten minutes later)
    Hehe. Aquis submersus, all, with the possible exception of Yushan! Let me report our great victory to Comrade Mao Xinyu…

    Mao Xinyu: You did what??!! You can’t tell a fat general from a spider! Tell me the coordinates of Taipei, right away – no, don’t “look it up”.

    [Next scene sees Mao Xinyu frantically calling Chinese embassies in Vietnam, Australia, the Philippines, Brunei, and Nukuʻalofa: "Are you still there?"]

    Updates and improvements to this little revolutionary opera are welcome.

  5. dianajiang said

    you are stupid foreigners.i dont speaking with you anymore.you are so stupid and low peoples.

  6. taide said

    Funny that you mix Chinese and frogs, JR. You read this article?
    http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-11-25/air-france-a340-flew-with-missing-screws-after-shop-visit.html

    Thirty screws missing after servicing in China.

    “At no moment was the safety of the flight in question,” said spokeswoman Marina Tymen in a telephone interview from Paris.
    That was a very QUICK statement, I think.

    Lufthansa planes get serviced in China, too.

  7. Jeff said

    The only thing I’d let them do in China is wipe the windows of the Jet clean of bug splat! (the result would be 1/2 arsed at best and they wouldn’t use a detergent just green stinky river water anyway)

    There’s a reason why aircraft manufacturers are mainly british/French/American (Russian?)

    Technology in China’s “developeding” history went downhill after the compass and the can-opener.

    Flight, the industrial revolution, ‘successful’ surgery were invented by the west.

    but our little mates still bang on about the printing press, and compass which is over 1000s years old.

    So for our Glorious little munchikins I say “Meh!” actually I say “meh!”

    have a look at the highspeed trains now…..they are no-longer highspeed! (Whoo Whooo ch ch ch ch ch Whooo whoo!)

  8. gowron said

    Don’t forget paper. The Chinese invented paper….. thousands of years AFTER the Egyptians invented Papari…. (which still exist today, which get this still used for medical procedures. China produces diseases, and the West Cures them. It’s a symbiotic relationship. Like where would the West be, if they wern’t busy solving the bullshit China creates for them for the world.

    Like say, health care. now thanks to China’s diseases, we now know, that 1)Filthy living breeds diseases 2) Soap kills diseases 3) Fleas, ticks and other vermin that come from filthy living, causes dieases (and to our pets too). oh don’t get me started on Chinese pet meds (Hartz, the over the counter ones you can get from Walmart…. so many poor pets have died terrible deaths, of toxic pain and drool. Just like from toxic pet food, also from China).

    Why can’t the fucking piss skins just stop being harbringers of death and destruction? What is it about my people’s genes that compel us to be psychotic rapists barbarian brutes? (Like surly Hong Kongers arn’t like this, or over seas Chinese), Is there truly something in the water, negative Juju Qi spirits in the air, what? What? What will it take for the Chinese to be civilized?

    Like you don’t hear about crazy shit like this in Indonesia, and Thailand and Philippens, and those places are a warzone of revolutionaries beheading people. You only hear about China fucking up the world. First it was the black death, then SARS, then Avian Flu… the Chinese beg, “please a give shit about our culture”. Would it be too much to ask that they give a shit about others?? Like how about NOT killing our pets, how about NOT spreading Chinese culture (pandemics).

    • Jack zhou said

      who are you to talk like this about chinese people???why you hurt feeling of chinese people and tell so much lie???chinese people and china is the biggest harmony love people in world!china is leader,we make rise in short time with peace not war and on our own power and invention power and smart nature!in 20 years we achive all alone by ourself.look how rich china is now!!you see????all made by chinese!!no country do this before!now china is rich and big power in world,because china is strong and very special culture and peacefull people!stop lie!

      • gowron said

        You know what? you sound like the 3 other Fen-fens in here. Who seem to use the same vernacular as you do word for word. Don’t tell me that the Chinese mental health sciences are THIS backwards to allow your split dual personality to fragment into a trio…… I honestly feel bad for you. It was bad enough conversing with your “TWO” friends, now we have to talk to THREE of them?

    • Jack zhou said

      also you are very bad person!dieasease come from west! AIDS, cancers, syfilis, and most dadly bad diseases come all from WEST!!!first they bring to hongkong they steal from us,then spread to china.in my university i study medicine, it is best university in china!and we know this now, that bad disease all come from west and white people!!china is so strong in genes,superiors to other people in world.but we will solve problem by kick out you dirty foreigners from our pure blood country and then mix our pure blood with you so you will be chinese more because it is best for peace!!!!!!!!you only b ring dieseases to us and bad habit!!!

  9. Jack zhou said

    poor laowai.you are stupid.of course it is all funny and lie what you say . look china is strongest superpower now and biggest super economy in world!why you think is like this??because chinese people and business is best and clever!so your writing is not logical.you live in your own world.look at real life. china is biggest economy in all world!! very soon!loook…you are so poor.you don’t understand china,poor laowai you lose soon.

  10. Jeff said

    Hey Jack!,
    most probably one of your grandparents was a Japanese or Korean soldier and If not then most probably you are carrying Mongolian DNA.
    don’t propagate rubbish about “pure blood” blah blah … The last Chinese “Nationalists” got their arses kicked to Taiwan in 1949 anyway.

    If you are a really a medical student at the “number one” medical university, your raving and ranting would be more objective OR the Chinas education system needs to be revised. ( how much was your bribe to get into university? )

  11. 0112337 said

    The World in 10 points.

    1. The unemployment rate in the U.S. is far higher than the government stated 9%. Among males aged 25-55, the jobless rate is actually somewhere around 30%. With an economy based on consumption, if no one spends, as is the case now (the U.S. is under severe de-leveraging), there cannot be job creation. It seems the U.S. media that bashed on China so fiercely in the past 4+ years have dropped a huge rock on its own foot. Sure, manufacturing jobs are gone in the States, but the lions share of the profit/money didn’t go to Chinese factory workers, but to U.S. retailers. Now that the media has brainwashed Americans into believing that ‘Made in China’ is evil, and spending, in general, is wrong, we have a severe recession.

    2012 will be a threshold year. The year of fate. This is the year when the last effects of the economic steroids/stimulus package in the United States fades away. If the sick man/U.S.A can survive this detoxication period, cross the threshold, it will continue with its current trajectory of 1% growth for the next 4 years. If not, there will be a double dip recession, one that is far, far, worse and scarier than this country has yet seen. Coincidentally, December 21st 2012, the day of the Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan calendar and economists alike, is the day for the 70th birthday of Glorious Comrade Chairman Hu Jintao (Laowai, this is prime material for your writings).

    This will also be a crucial year for Europe. If the disparate European nations continue its divisive bickering and doesn’t gather the political will to end its debt crisis, there will be hell to pay in the financial markets, and this hell fire will spread.

    2. China will continue with at least 4-5% growth for the next four years, which means, it will be one of the only countries in the world, outside of BRIC, that is still creating jobs. Which means, more Europeans and Americans, and ‘Westerners’ in general will be flooding to China and seeking their beggars handouts there, if not out of necessity, despite the idiocy and pettiness spun by this Mylaowai on Mylaowai.com. This time, these Laowais will be of higher caliber and quality than the first wave of losers, drug users, dropouts, and fools from the 90s.

    3. China’s investment banks and funds (private and sovereign) will grow stronger and bolder, seeking to acquire assets abroad. Most will probably be more interested in tangible assets such as infrastructure and real assets, rather than financial instruments.

    4. Spain, Italy, Portugal, Ireland, France, AND Germany to some extend will all have to go through austerity measures, with the former four in extreme forms. The Spaniards, Italians, Portugese, and the Irish public will fight back with fervor unseen since their barbaric days in 1 A.D. Governments may topple, and that, may ruin the European Union.

    5. In 20 years, if the United States does not alter its current public finance policies, it faces a outcome where it can only utilize 8 cents of every dollar of government revenue on ALL federal programs (NASA, NSA, National Agency for the Protection of Forestry and Wildlife..etc.) There will be drastic cuts to scientific research and university funding. The 92 cents will be spent almost in equal thirds on social security, medicaid and medicare, debt. Social security will first stop its inflation adjustments, then face drastic cuts in payouts. Medicaid and medicare will be drastically cut as well.

    If Obama stays in power, he will just make things worse. Socialism does not work in a political system of extensive checks and balances. It will just create huge inefficiencies. If he stays in power, the Great Recession in the U.S. will continue for a bit longer than the expected ‘norm’. 20 years is the period of no return. Once past 20 years, the public finance structure of the United States will be irrevocably headed toward a path of total failure.

    By which time, the United States will look around, realize its competitive advantage in arms and weapons, engineer some kind of coup or civil unrest in China, causing China’s communist regime to collapse, and thus find a cowardly way to get out of its debt obligations.

    6. Japan will collapse. Its extremely leveraged economy will have to unwind, and its current generation of retirees (that refuse to die) will be supported by a younger population that is far far smaller than needed. Japan will have to allow more immigration, probably along the lines of Europe. Namely, hire undesirables such as Filipinos, South East Asians, etc. to do the dirty work but not receive the full extent of social benefits. This will cause civil unrest like in Europe, and cause crime and violence.

    7. Korea will grow closer and closer with China, due to trade, sharing Chinese culture and playing a part in the story of China’s dramatic rise, as it has always done for thousands of years. Taiwan will as well.

    8. South East Asians will form some form of union, spurred on by Americans and westerners, to balance the Chinese behemoth, to preserve their own identity.

    9. Africa will grow stronger, from better management of its resources. It has learned its lesson from interacting with Europeans the first time.

    10. The world will become a multi polar political entity with power dispersed in many regions of the world. Gone will be the days when the ‘West’ ruled the world.

    • justrecently said

      Funny wet dream. Where will China draw its growth from? From other BRIC and emerging markets? From collapsed American and European export markets? From domestic demand? The coastal provinces and the hinterland won’t give each other the time of the day.
      I can tell that the above ten wishful expectations weren’t spelled out by a political economist.

      The world will become multi-polar indeed. But while China’s societal model is likely to prevail within China, it will be too unattractive to become globally relevant. Most of its international fans are people who like the idea that you can make your opponents disappear, once they begin to bother you – but there aren’t too many people of that kind outside China. Too many moral and practical reasons speak against the concept.

      One big option both for America, and European countries, is also left out of the account here: defaulting on the loans and simply choosing Argentina’s path. Argentina has no access to IMF or world bank loans these days as a consequence, and if OECD countries choose this option, they may lose that access, too.

      That, however, would lead to a reduced role for international agencies in return. What the past decades have shown above all is that the global economy was too unbalanced to be sustainable. The conclusions are in the pipeline.

      • 0112337 said

        Schoolmaster,

        1. You did read about how China’s economy is heavily reliant on low profit margin goods exports in the newspapers/magazines/online, but have you considered the other factors that contribute to a country’s GDP? What are the factors involved?

        2. You don’t think the massive Chinese export machine will turn inward toward domestic consumption given the young “post-80s,90s” monstrous, voracious, spending binges? Why?

        I mean most of Armani, Gucci was produced in China anyway. You don’t think the smart Chinese people learned something about design while manufacturing them these years?

        3. If any country within Europe defaults, the E.U. will collapse, member states’ economic well being severely damaged, Euro bond price will crash, interest rates shoots up, banks and funds die, any foreign financial institutions that does CDS will experience violent, sensual ass rape, real estate market freezes, lending immobilized, credit crunched, economy halted, people + dogs + cats + goats(?) raped, gay sex spreads, general chaos and barbarity reigns.

        So in short…NO, defaulting is not an option, simply because European countries have/had too much influence, more than Argentina.

        4. Ditto for the U.S., except if U.S. defaults not only will the above apply, but also for central america, since they essentially adopted the dollar as their currency. The financial markets would be destroyed. U.S. global political influence will end overnight.

        5. Most people in Europe, including politicians and scholars have no clue about the ins-and-outs of their current debt crisis or about how serious it is. They are busy drinking their cappuccinos and talking about how to suck on that bull testicle.

        5. I believe you teach history, language, culture, or one of those “touchy-feely” humanities things, and don’t know much about economics, and I have this theory that you are a woman. But that’s OK.

        6. I still love you.

        Cheers!

      • justrecently said

        It’s a wide-spread misunderstanding that economics would be contrary to the humanities, 0112337. Just as sociology, economics is about human behavior, plus an occasional bit of math. How touchy-feely “economists” can actually be can be viewed in the markets on any given day – or in this thread, where very-important bankers/hedgers start crying to totally unrelated people, about their job fears, or their job-related smugness, depending on where their unstable personality has taken them on that day. That much also about men and women – there are some no-nonsense women in this world, and pretty whiny men on the other hand. There is no reason to believe that women were second-class to men, or that to call a man a woman would be an insult. It can lead to problematic confusions, however.

        If you want to learn a thing or two about economics, read my blog under the corresponding tags, and think, before you comment there.

      • 0112337 said

        Who ever said women are second class to men? If anything, women are better and smarter than men. They are more beautiful and more caring. I wish you were a woman, then it would be interesting.

        Moreover, I love Mylaowai.com because it is the only place where I can have a little freedom, as a balance to a world where everyone is forced to be unemotional, rational, civilized, and calculating, watching out for every word uttered, every action done. And I love it! You lousy sniveling lot that are born with plenty needs re-education.

        I know you would love for me to post on your blog, but if you insist, you can’t put on restrictive parameters on me can you? You have to accept the whole package as it comes, the stink and the sweet, eh?

        :)

        By the way, I think the technical lingo is a hedgie not a hedger.

        Take care.

      • justrecently said

        I know you would love for me to post on your blog, but if you insist, you can’t put on restrictive parameters on me can you?

        That’s another of your misunderstandings, 0112337. I encouraged you to read there, and to learn a thing or two. I’m not encouraging you to comment.

        Whoever wants to comment on my blog needs to accept the whole package as it comes – including the commenting rules. I’m interested in quality, not in quantity.

      • 0112337 said

        Well, but I am only interested in YOUR space for its potential as another venue to loosen up.

        One of the key mistakes made by academics in the social “sciences”, as I can tell from my observations (compare and contrast my university days to real life experiences) is that they value their theoretical nonsense too much.

        People locked up in universities and academic institutions have no clue about reality. Thus, other than articles on the pure sciences or mathematics, I almost never read drivel written by so called “scholars” of the social “sciences”. All nonsense…by scammers, frauds, cheats that either didn’t have the guts, or the common sense to make it in the real world in the first place, who, despite the obvious, still refuse to accept the inevitable truth that they suck, decided to take the easier alternative route of brainwashing stupid, naive members of the next generation, that are forced to pay and listen to their BS because of structural problems in the social system. Bravo indeed! These swindlers are smart, but they used all their talents on mastering “self-economics”. Maximum payout of prestige and financial rewards with minimal conflict involved.

        I am kind of experimenting with this mindset here on Mylaowai.com.

        Look, I am not saying I know everything, and I certainly am not amazing yet. But from what I saw and heard while working in finance, I can tell you, a lot of that stuff preached in the social sciences really is nonsense. You guys analyze us right? What we and politicians do and such? And break it down to the masses? Well, a lot of times you are wrong, from what I can tell.

        So yeah…sorry to break your bubble there.

        Oh, and I did take a look at your blog. The phrase, “for the sake of a more scientific internet”. Really cracked me up. That made my day.

        You are SOooo incorrigibly German….

        Thank you.

        P.S. I once had a girlfriend in school, she was from Bremen as well. She was very beautiful, thus, I am inclined to believe your town/city/area in Germany has good water, climate, food…etc.

      • justrecently said

        Misunderstanding number 3 – my major was neither sociology nor the humanities. That you may not respect certain academic efforts, or education more in general, doesn’t mean that everyone outside those schools needs to look down on them just as you do.

        And while we are at it, misunderstanding 4. I’m not interested in long discussions with people who express disdain for everything that is beyond them. Rather, and in turn, I believe that people who try to explain their own intellectual laziness away with their “practical experience” are a joke.
        I reacted to your The World in 10 points nonsense because I thought it was funny that someone who brags with his economic or financial knowledge would think of any emerging economy as an economic perpetuum mobile, but that was that.

        If you need more attention than that, try talking to someone else, 0112337.

      • Taide said

        OMG – Mr. Number had a girl from BREMEN?! Hope (for him, not for her) that she was of Turkish origin – the natives look like cows on the meadow.

        Well, to each his own.

      • justrecently said

        To each his own? Having read 0112337‘s sexual fantasies, I’m afraid his “girl friend” was a cow on the meadow.

        That, however, is strictly illegal in our realms.

      • MyLaowai said

        At least we know now he is Chinese:

        In China it’s perfectly legal to make an animal your girlfriend, as long as the animal gives it’s consent.

      • 0112337 said

        1. “I’m not interested in long discussions with people who express disdain for everything that is beyond them.”

        I am trying to ENLIGHTEN you, as someone who once walked down your path, so you can move on to the next level. My contacts, acquaintances, relatives, friends, and myself make decisions that ultimately translate into what you write about in your blogs and I am telling you your efforts are foolish. You and all these other political “scientists” have no clue what is really going on simply because you are looking at what we do from the outside.

        If you are really interested in this stuff, get in it. Go into politics or finance, then you will see what I mean. Reality is NOT what you and other academics like you think it is.

        2. I KNOW you didn’t study the humanities. If your major WAS sociology or humanities, or something remotely related to learning about people, you too will realize how ridiculous social “sciences” are. That category in itself is an oxymoron. But then again, maybe Germans are in a category by themselves, since no one else in the world comes closer to being fully robotic, so the bogus “rules” stated in the social “sciences” may actually work on Germans….

        3. I went to one of the top universities in the U.S., came into contact, or I should say, knew top scholars in the fields of political science, economics, sociology…and my conclusion, from observation and experience is written above. Take it or leave it, it’s up to you. The only benefit I got from that education was I became smarter, that I could logically analyze and make accurate decisions faster, nothing more.

        4. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg QUIT school. Then everyone IN SCHOOL started learning about and analyzing them. You will too, probably, sooner or later.

        5. In ancient China, merchants actually look down on scholars. In Shanxi, only the dumbest and laziest kids read/learn and go for the 状元考试. Rich families send their dumbest kids to “graduate school”.

        5. In a person’s life, the most important education is in high school. That’s when the fundamental intellectual tools are taught to a child, such as deductive and inductive reasoning abilities, abstract interpretation, ideology formulation, sense of worth, discipline, etc. Thus, a very good high school education is CRUCIAL in a person’s intellectual growth. College and university is less important, since nowadays, all that information can be attained online. Once someone knows how to think, and how to research, they can find that information themselves, at almost no cost. They might need a good mentor in graduate school, if they wish to pursue that, since only the mentor knows which articles represents the “frontline” of research. THAT, is not so available online, because demand is less.

        In the 21st century, information is everywhere, the child no longer needs to memorize, thus, from a pedagogical perspective, the goal should be figuring out how to teach the child to think, and find the information he needs in the fastest and most efficient method possible.

        Doctors for example, are losing their worth, because self diagnostic information are readily available online.

        6. I didn’t see anything insightful in your blog.

      • justrecently said

        My contacts, acquaintances, relatives, friends, and myself make decisions that ultimately translate into what you write about in your blogs and I am telling you your efforts are foolish

        Tell you what, 0112337: I’m just blogging to loosen up, when I’m taking a break from making quick, world-shaking decisions myself. But being incorrigibly German, even when loosening up, I’m making sure that what I write does actually make sense. (I’m not surprised that it doesn’t make sense to you – after all, that’s why I said you will need to think before you comment.

        Everyone who wants to find excuses for his own laziness will mention Albert Einstein or Bill Gates sooner or later – but few dimwits will count the dropouts who went on to a druggie career and ended up writing stuff like The World in 10 points on other peoples’ blogs, to remind the rest of the world that they are still there… somewhere.

        Sheesh.

      • S said

        Come on my learned nazi friend, you are just a glorified English teacher… and most English teachers runs out of puff when challenged to count past 10.

      • MyLaowai said

        Yours obviously did, at any rate.

      • S said

        As someone who couldn’t differentiate T.E and D.H Lawrence, you are not in the same league as my learned nazi friend.

        Lack of originality and always blame others for your own incompetents, not wonder you are a failure at home and aboard.

      • 0112337 said

        My German girl in college had dark hair, does that mean she’s Turkish? Who the fuck cares.

        She was a pre-medical school student at that point, studying biochemistry, the nicest girl I have ever met. She had eyes the color of a pure Dongbei summer sky. We met during sophomore year, in the dormitory. She was my neighbor. I think she then went on to study medicine at Cornell Medical School and is now doing her pediatrics residency at Mass. General Hospital.

        We broke up in senior year.

        But Taide…YOUR MAMA IS SO FUCKING FAT, WHEN SHE JUMPS FOR JOY, SHE GETS STUCK.

      • justrecently said

        I suppose “S” is talking to 0112337.

      • 0112337 said

        You know, when I was younger, I loved reading about history, philosophy, literature, poetry, etc. I could go on and on and talk to people for hours non-stop about these BS, I could even do it in Latin, Spanish, English, Mandarin, Cantonese, 文言文, 古汉语, and a bit of Russian and Japanese。 Then I went to college, had to support myself, and realized just how worthless this stuff really was. Nobody in the real world today gives a damn if you know about the debauchery in Catullus’ poems, the power in Cicero’s speeches, the literary triumphs of Gorky, or the madness of Gunter Grass. Most U.S. high school graduates have no clue what calculus is (unthinkable in the former Soviet Union), and my colleagues would probably read Nabokov like some $5 Playboy magazine. The truth is, the modern “West” has deconstructed to the point of disintegration, its culture dissolved to the point of disintegration. The eternal pursuit of divine beauty and truth to transcend lowly humanity, in the traditional “Western” tradition has become nothing but a vulgar standup comedy show. Even the sons and daughters of the “1%”, the Old Money”, the rich elite, that I deal with on a daily basis are listening to Tupac and Eminem, singing about bitches, ho’s, crack, and guns, pussy, dick, cum, and titties.

        So yeah, take a good look around, and smell the stink. Your society is decomposing, wake up, and do something. I am just following the trend.

        And take note, all of this has nothing to do with China, its because of YOU and YOU, your profligacy, your arrogance, your laziness, and YOUR incompetence.

        Nothing else.

      • 0112337 said

        And you are donkey right I am blaming y’all. Where else can I find such a high concentration of brown deposits in one place? Who wouldn’t blame you and curse at you?

        I will figure out some more artistic way of blaming you. That’s in the pipeline, up and coming. Advice and “pointers” are welcomed.

        Peace.

      • 0112337 said

        By the way JR, I apologize for being rude. I can see through your writings that you are a kind and good teacher in real life. Keep up the good work, don’t fail another generation of youth, like how things are here in the United States.

        We don’t shape the future, you do, teachers do.

        Make the world better.

      • S said

        acutally Mr Mylaowai, please delete the link in the previous comment … too much shit here … not the right place to drag someone in…

      • justrecently said

        By the way JR, I apologize for being rude. I can see through your writings that you are a kind and good teacher in real life.

        Tell you what, 0112337: most of the guesses you are making about me are wrong, and you aren’t necessarily more accurate simply for trying to be “nice”. It’s just a tantrum, something like “shit, I overstepped. Time to be nice for a few minutes”.

        Do you really think that it could hurt me to be called a nazi? That’s one of the most frequent accusations made worldwide (against Germans, and against others). Some other likely – and more universal – attempts to curse people would be “racist”, or “xenophobic”.

        What hurts me is that there once were fellow citizens who contributed to this country, who had fought for this country in ww1, some 30 years before they were declared “the people’s enemies” or “vermin”, and who were then first robbed of their civil rights, then of their honor, and in the end of their lives – by fellow Germans, and for the mere reason that they were jewish – either by faith, or by some crude “race theories”. What hurts me is that many other Germans, and later people far beyond our borders, suffered exactly the same fate. But being called a nazi has nothing to do with that. It’s a completely different thing. It’s a popular childish game.

        To apologize for being “rude” in this thread is childish, too. I’ve seen you switching from one mode into the other several times in these threads. We don’t know each other. If you want to get to know yourself, read what you happened to write before, every once in a while. To comment is the next best thing to keeping a blog, or a diary, because you can read up, and catch up with yourself. And if you don’t like what you see there, get help. Sometimes, that’s the best first step to become a good man.

        The fashion to call Germans nazi, or insinuating that the old stuff was lingering in every corner here, has became a fashion in the Chinese media some time around 2007/2008. As far as it does linger on in Germany, we’ll fight it – but the kind of finger-pointing from the Chinese media is usually far off the mark. There, “nazi” is just an inefficient attempt to “shame” people, and to have ones way by doing so.

      • 0112337 said

        ‘It’s just a tantrum, something like “shit, I overstepped. Time to be nice for a few minutes”.’

        Hmm…you are absolutely right… come to think of it. To think that I care about any of you on here, or any Laowai “suffering” in China is a joke. That’s the truth. That country treats you unworthies too well and I am glad they are beginning to see that.

        I don’t see any reason to show respect toward people that belittle other, who are less fortunate, as a way to alleviate their own wounded pride/sense of loss, from not doing well in their own country.

        When I come on here, and writing, I am generally only writing with less than half of my brain, while thinking about how to solve some other situations in real life, usually related to my work. Call it multi-tasking, or mental relaxation if you will. Whether you respond or not, it really doesn’t matter and frankly I don’t care.

        I apologized because I attempted to be nice to you, seeing that you were civil. I see you understand me well.

        “What hurts me is that many other Germans, and later people far beyond our borders, suffered exactly the same fate.”

        Why does it hurt you? Is this outcome surprising? Did you really think you Germans are NOT capable of such acts, when put under extreme poverty? Why? Is it because you people are NOT poor right now that this logic is beyond you?

        “The fashion to call Germans nazi, or insinuating that the old stuff was lingering in every corner here, has became a fashion in the Chinese media some time around 2007/2008.”

        Really? I wonder why that has become a “recent” trend.

        See…as someone that is completely neutral towards politics, nationalism, and racism, I want to add a bit of personal observation here. The Chinese truly and honestly approached the world with love and appreciation during the 80s and 90s, with no hidden agendas, or at least on an individual level, when the country first opened up. At the time, it was still communist, and society valued (or at least espoused to value) inner beauty, character, knowledge, world peace, tolerance, acceptance, and understanding. Sure, on the superficial level, it was dirt poor. People had no sense of fashion, were simple and rough in their manners…etc. But they were good people, far better than they are today.

        You can call that stupid, perhaps…sure, they were stupid. Maybe most Chinese people today would look back at that period in the same way, since the country is a developing country.

        But I believe…ultimately…it is the type of hatred like the one spread through Mylaowai.com that is causing China to develop this new trend. You worthless lots can be arrogant now, but be careful of what you are messing with.

        Every Chinese parent (and I think most asian ones, except Korean) teaches their children to not voice their critical opinions of others, and especially so if that person is less fortunate. Because doing so would look ridiculous, it would only show how much the fortunate person has downgraded him/herself. If they found the unfortunate individual extremely disagreeable, they should simply move away. That is the wise thing to do, however, it seems “Western” parents, or at least the parents of the Laowais on Mylaowai.com did not understand this basic concept of 做人道理。

        So then, dear JR, you tell me, shouldn’t I, or anyone for that matter, mock the fools on here?

        I tried to create a Chinese version of Mylaowai through the pseudonym ’0112337′ on Mylaowai.com to see how the holy “Westerners” on Mylaowai.com would respond to the same insults. The results have affirmed my initial expectations.

        Merry Christmas to you all. May your God save you and your society, be it the debt crisis, the Great Recession, or Jerry Springer/Sascha Cohen.

        Peace.

      • justrecently said

        Why does it hurt you? Is this outcome surprising? Did you really think you Germans are NOT capable of such acts, when put under extreme poverty?

        Your mind is beyond repair, 0112337. It hurts me because they were fellow citizens, and because my country owed them every civil right they used to have during the previous decades – just as any other German. That’s a very basic concept, but somehow, it doesn’t surprise me at all that you can’t see that.

      • 0112337 said

        Good, good, I am glad to see that some Germans are making attempts toward true social equality, true multi-culturalism, and freeing themselves of centuries of anti-semitic thoughts. I hope other Europeans will follow your lead and treat their slaves the muslims more favorably. They are people too.

        And I agree with you on one thing, the Chinese people do have many flaws. I am thinking that is partially because of communism in the last 60+ years, which destroyed culture, and simplified society. Most Chinese people today are not as socially sophisticated as Westerners. Most are just simple, diligent workers trying to live their lives in an increasingly chaotic, foreign, and dangerous environment, to make sense of globalism…as I believe what most Westerners are facing as well.

        I too, have been thinking a lot about how to save China from total moral collapse. See, what I think is this…

        Over the past 30 or so years China copied all the political and sociological “tools” and “mechanisms” inherent in Western society, but the technocrats in charge didn’t copy the essence, the soul behind those mechanisms. The moral fiber strings that held everything together…Christianity. Yes, this is the SOUL of your society, which everything else branched off from.

        But I really think China needs God right now. God is the only way to save the Chinese people, because God can do 2 things to the Chinese people, which they desperately need, that nothing else can do.

        1. Cleanse the Chinese people from the soul, so they will care and to love one another, so that they don’t just view others as competitors, to be destroyed.

        2. Re-instill a belief of punishment after death. That will at least ameliorate the current immorality pervasive in Chinese society, which is tearing it apart. Yes, communism was a glorious experiment that believed humanity was mature/sacred enough to handle itself. But sadly, as we can all see from history, mankind is not as holy…or..um…we are not there yet, not as evolved yet. So we still need a leash, a belief in punishment after death.

        Chinese society and the Chinese people needs love and wisdom, not just science, math, and personal financial gains.

        I think democracy and Christianity will one day become a norm in China, but that is a long long way off. But that day will come, albeit in the very very distant future.

      • 0112337 said

        Hmmm…and lastly, I hope you read all my drivel. It’s actually pretty good. I do read what I write sometimes, when I have the time.

        A lot of it is simply my observations and analysis. I only tell what I see. Truth is not always pleasant. When you view it on purely objective terms, you will realize it adds another dimension to what you believe already.

        And God is great, He/She/It has given me more than I ever hoped for. Nothing else in this world can match the joy I gained through knowing God.

        That is priceless.

      • justrecently said

        I hope other Europeans will follow your lead and treat their slaves the muslims more favorably.

        As I said before – you are reeling between emotional extremes. Past comments of yours suggest that you see yourself as a “slave”, too. Victims, victims, victims.

        China needs God? Maybe – if such a belief leads to courage and realism in more profane areas. But there are many ways to pick a good dose of the two – “God” isn’t the only one.

        Maybe you need God. But I think that above all, you need to respect others – including people you refer to as “slaves”. Some self respect on your part might be a good start.

        But don’t expect to get respect from me. What you write doesn’t command respect.

      • 0112337 said

        “But don’t expect to get respect from me. What you write doesn’t command respect.”

        It matters to me very little what YOU think of ME, or what ANYONE HERE thinks of me. I am just an observer and a messenger. I write what I see. But remember, your God still loves you. The One has always loved you ever since the very beginning.

        Merry Christmas, may the fat red man with the wicked beard go to your house and rape ALL YOUR CHILDREN.

        Happy holidays…with love!

    • S said

      “I suppose “S” is talking to 0112337.”

      come on my nazi friend … so intelligent of you …

      what do think of the assertion that the worst nazi are the educated ones ?

      http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5e1921190100mz9f.html

  12. King Tubby said

    I dont need yours english and learn more of this stupid laowai language.is enough already.!!!i am chinese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont need english moreis not of my languages!!!!!!!you understanbd stupid foreigner?????can you speak chinese????hahahaha!!!!!you must soon also speak in ur countries!!!!!!china get more strong and chinese culkture go everywhere in world now!!!!!!!!!!!you better prepare and learn the very big languag in world in future!!!!!!only chinese!!!you arestupid i dont want talk with anymore 神經病有病!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I gotta, just gotta know.
    This is parody, right.

    • justrecently said

      At least some of it is parody, KT. I can tell, because it’s from me.

      But some of it may or may not be parody, because it’s not from me.

      • S said

        So you ARE the guy in dark wig and red heels roaming the back alleys of Hauptbahnhof.

        One balmy summer night, father JR in search of some enlightenment chance upon you …“Is it you my son?”

        “It is me, but it is not me, I’m nothing but a parody “

      • justrecently said

        Projecting ones sexual fantasies on foreigners is an old global custom – but these days, it seems to be rampant among hopeless overseas Chinese fenqings.

      • 0112337 said

        Yep, JR, I have a mental picture of you as a gay nazi SS uberfuhrer that go about with a red swastika armband, wearing nothing except tight leather thongs with a black leather cap that’s got a rat showing its asshole on it. You are also screwing one of your farm animals, training it to scientifically march in Prussian goose step during orgasm.

        There, I kept it “scientific”. It’s very European.

  13. Jeff said

    WTF?
    this topic does ‘evolve’
    你们都是神经病,脑子被门挟了!
    真的有问题啊!
    这么多网吧蛋!

    不三不四,给你你颜色瞧瞧!啊!
    ………………
    Neo Classical modern Chinese Poetry!

    yak yak yak yak!
    rrrrrrrrreally WTF?
    thats my bit for today.
    get lost and merry Xmas you heathens!

  14. blaise said

    My two cents
    1- 1,340,000,000 people and they are identical, they all work like this.
    2- In my most recent trip to civilization I realized just how little the world knows about the land of stink and corruption- China

  15. [...] PA: “Yes, that’s everything.” Me: “Do those prices include the printing?” continued here http://mylaowai.com/2011/11/24/one-thing-at-a-time/ Share this:TwitterLike this:LikeBe the first to like this [...]

  16. vigo faucets…

    [...]One Thing at a Time « Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui[...]…

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