Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

With Chinese Characteristics

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, April 16, 2012

What drives many people crazy is the persistent Chinese insistence that Chinese people are so very different from the rest of the world. You’d think with 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears etc, it would be obvious we share more in common than we have differences…

The problem here is … that they are right. But for all the wrong reasons.

Western people don’t blame the closest Chinese person for any little problem that occurs in the presence of a Chinese person and then scream blue murder for thousands of dollars in compensation.

Western people don’t spit, shit and piss EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE.

Western restaurants don’t need a smiley face to remind you its moderately safe to eat here. They also don’t try to serve you dog claiming it’s beef.

Western beer is drinkable.

Westerners can walk, drive and ride in a straight line, and generally use indicators at times other than warning lights on for ostentatious wedding parades, and horns as something that doesn’t resemble a sonic boom.

Western managers know how to delegate.

Westerners don’t blatantly ripoff and duplicate every idea and product that comes their way. Hi weibo – nice of the government to block twitter for you etc

Westerners can dance something more than a 2-step.

Westerners don’t have to scream at each other – whether in business negotiations, household disputes, dining conversations or just a simple phone call to friends.

Westerners don’t call other nationalities “foreigners” as a term of greeting.

Westerners don’t give a fuck if you’ve eaten or not. It’s 3am guy, why the fuck are you asking me if I have eaten? Just say hello you idiot.

Western police actually attempt to find clues at the scene of a crime.

Western babies wear diaper’s and dog owners pick up their dog’s shit. Here’s a little clue Zhongguo ren… SHIT STINKS – WE DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. Dispose of trash thoughtfully for a more harmonious society.

Westerners don’t litter like it’s their profession. The sidewalk / nature reserve is NOT your rubbish bin you filthy yellow bastards.

Et cetera ad nauseum. There’s plenty more, like the status of women in society, but quite frankly, I have to agree: Chinese are animals and maybe one day, with another few thousand years of harmonious growth, may enter the species of Homo Sapiens.

- Da Bizzare

14 Responses to “With Chinese Characteristics”

  1. justrecently said

    and dog owners pick up their dog’s shit

    Maybe in the U.S. of A., and maybe – just maybe – in Britain, even beyond London. But not in continental Europe. And there are more dogs walking the sidewalks here, than in China – per square kilometer, anyway.

  2. Chinese Netizen said

    Actually told a Chinese guy he’s the “Lao Wai” now that he’s on my turf… got a perverse pleasure from that

  3. Qin said

    What drives many people crazy is the justified Chinese insistence that Chinese people are very different from the rest of the world. You’d think with 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears etc, it would be obvious we Chinese share nothing in common with you Westerners…

    The problem here is … that we are right. But for all the right reasons.

    Western people blame the closest Chinese person for any little problem that occurs in the presence of a Western person and then scream blue murder for thousands of dollars in compensation.

    Western people spit, shit and piss EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE.

    Western restaurants need a smiley face to remind you its moderately safe to eat here. They also try to serve you beef claiming it’s pork. China’s regulations for food are the most advanced and Chinese food is the best in the world. All make by nature ingredents.

    Western beer is not drinkable. Chinese beer is most famous in world and China invent beer 2000 years ago as first in world!

    Westerners cannot walk, are stupid and naive, that’s why China is ruling the world now.

    Western managers don’t know how to delegate. Chinese managers are most superior and smart in the world. See China’s rise and world status as leading culture and super power. In fact westerners ask China for advice. We like teach you.

    Westerners blatantly ripoff and duplicate every idea and product that comes from China.

    Westerners cannot dance something more than a 2-step. Chinese opera is the most advanced dancing art in the world. 6000 years old. Westerners lived in trees by then.

    Westerners have to scream at each other – whether in business negotiations, household disputes, dining conversations or just a simple phone call to friends. Chinese are cultured people and are friendly. Never do this. The harmony is more important than business! You learn now.

    Westerners call other nationalities “foreigners” as a term of greeting. In china we have no racism. We treat all people with respect and friendly. China is best example for harmonious society. All are same in our country.

    Westerners give a fuck if you’ve eaten or not. In China we focus on work and creation of things to advance our great culture even higher and higher! We don’t care about this things. We develop China with idea and science,because China is leader of world in science for 5000 years and we want progress China by our own power of our people.

    Western police actually do not attempt to find clues at the scene of a crime. China has low crime. USA have many crime. all Western countries not safe. China is most safe country in the world!! Thank you for our best world best police in China and our party!

    Western babies do not wear diaper’s and dog owners do not pick up their dog’s shit like in China! Here’s a little clue Westerner… SHIT STINKS – WE DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. Dispose of trash thoughtfully for a more harmonious society. Look at China’s world leading cities Shanghai or Beijing!!! This is how a city must look like! CHINESE make this! Take this as example for how a clean and modern harmonious city look like!!!

    Westerners litter like it’s their profession. The sidewalk / nature reserve is NOT your rubbish bin you filthy white bastards. I saw many garbage in the LA city of USA. Shanghai is more clean, because Chinese care about people and nature for harmonious society! you are dirty foreigners and jealous.

    Et cetera ad nauseum. There’s plenty more, like the status of women in western society (Iran), but quite frankly, I have to agree: Westeners are animals and maybe one day, with another few thousand years of harmonious growth, may enter the species of CHINESE!!!

  4. Qin said

    i give a fuck what you do. you hurt the feelings of the chinese people and noone will buy your foreigner book. you tell lies about our great country and the biggest superpower in the world ever:china. the leader in culture and science. you must apologize stupid foreigner to the chinese people. to all nice foreigner friends: don’t believe this guy. he tells lies. China is very modern and the greatest country in world. very modern and hard working. our culture is superior to the rest of world and very different but not hostile. our food is best and our cities most modern and greatest in world. china helps world to develop and give good advice to foreigners to learn from china. china is worlds oldest and best advance culture!!!!! welcome to china!

  5. Chinese Netizen said

    You da 男, Qin!!

    Can’t argue with you there…especially with all the irrefutable evidence!!

    Word!!

  6. fuckinghateem said

    I have reached the point where I hope for a pandemic…. or sth, this fucking country pisses me off, hope they all go to hell god damn bastards

  7. Jeff said

    Reading Qin’s posting is like a literary ‘YANG’ to Da Bizarre ‘YIN’,
    a kind of ‘push hands’ Tai Qi and Qi Gong of words.

    Qin is a master of thought and philosophy!
    Qin!….. your bloods worth bottling! All of it I dare say, all of it!

  8. Monkey Man said

    I bet before you left your amazing hometown, where everybody is perfect, you said:

    “I am going to go to another country and experience another culture. You know, really find myself”

    People back in your amazing hometown (your friends) think you are really brave, going to somewhere so different.

    And when you got to Asia, you realised that it isn’t the home that you are used to and need your mummy.

    So you constantly complain about everything not being Americanised saying:

    “WHERE IS THE MACDONALDS!!!”
    “WHY DOESN’T EVERYONE SPEAK ENGLISH?”
    “WHY DO PEOPLE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY HERE!?!”

    Chinese people are so very different from the rest of the world that’s what makes China and the Chinese so interesting.

    I have met people like you before and genuinely stopped speaking them some 12 years ago. There are many like you all over the world, even in Italy where they its only 2 hours to England and they still don’t go home.

    Conclusion: You are a drama queen.

  9. dirtychinks said

    I bet before you left your amazing hometown chinkie shit hole zhong zhing zhang Zhu, where everybody is perfect, you said:

    “I am going to go to another country (waiguo) and experience another culture. You know, really find myself and get face and better job in the big stinky”

    People back in your amazing hometown chinkie shit hole zhong zhing zhang Zhu (your monkey face friends) think you are really brave, going to somewhere so different with no food and culture than the big pussy smelly stinky.

    And when you got to Asia, you realised that it isn’t the home that you are used to (no smelly contaminated chink food, no cheap assholes and pussies to fuck, LAWS!, civilization, CULTURE!) and need your chinese monkey mummy.

    So you constantly complain about everything not being Chink saying:

    “WHERE IS THE LA ZI!!!”
    “WHY DOESN’T EVERYONE SPEAK CHINESE OR CHINGLISH?”
    “WHY DO PEOPLE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY, SO UNCIVILZED (AKA: CHINKESE) HERE!?!”

    Chinese people are so very different from the rest of the world that’s what makes China and the Chinese so interesting: Lies, cheats, shitting and pissing everywhere, spitting, cannibalism, stupidity beyond belief, no culture at all, corruption, racism, a TREMENDEOUS INFERIORITY COMPLEX, cheap dirty and unwashed pussies and assholes to fuck for a a few bucks, killings, oppression, hate, jealousy, murders, immorality, cock sucking models, KTV whores, dirt, pollution, propaganda gay TV, every day rice on the table, dumplings disgusting food and the same chemical shit (aka chinese food) every day and with the same taste on the table, ignorance far beyond belief, NFERIORITY COMPLEX, morale emptiness, zero education, backwardness, ridiculity FAR beyond belief, no ethics, and early painful deaths and sickness, diseases, AIDS, cancer, syphillis, NFERIORITY COMPLEX, NFERIORITY COMPLEX , NFERIORITY COMPLEX, NFERIORITY COMPLEX seen and experecienced on a daily basis etc. etc. etc.

    I have met wanna-be chinks like you before and genuinely stopped speaking them some 150 years ago. There are many like you all over the world, even in Italy where they its only 11 hours to the Big Stinky Chinkland and they still don’t go home.

    Conclusion: You are a foreign whore- and KTV asshole fucker. And a western CCP prosititute with no ethics. Be careful of AIDS. Die soon.

    • 0112337 said

      That may all be true, but you forgot something. Chinese people also have MONEY.

      So this means, unfortunately, whether you like it or not, all of those kind adjectives you so nicely put up there will be the worldly fashion in oh…lets say 50-70 years.

      We will transform every current “fuckity-fuck-fuck, fuck left-fuck right, fuck you fuck me” mouthed, baggy-homeless-hill nigger-jeans-wearing, monkey-chested, weed-brained, want-to-be suburban uber wigger into the caricature you mentioned above.

      So, do yourself a favor, find a gun, pull the trigger…and shoot your WHOLE FAMILY NOW, because you know…who knows, I might end up fucking your daughter/wife’s poor asshole in 50-70 years, since that will be the fashion of your people.

      That is to say of course, if they are not taken by some holy muslim brother first. By principle, I do not steal meat from other men, especially not from good muslims.

      Ciao.

      • Jeff said

        As I’ve always said and its a quote from those remarkable Australian philosophers TISM – “I’m into Led Zep”

        Oh sorry I meant to quote “kill yourself now, and avoid the rush”

      • guizi said

        Hey 0112337,
        Even if your kind ends up fucking the daughters of the laowai’s 50 years from now because you’ll be rich and fashionable, I sure hope you will be kind enough to buy them a dildo so that they end up getting some satisfaction out of the whole affair.. Or maybe you will continue the grand tradition started in China at the end of the 20th century – that is pretend to be ignorant your ernai moans like a banshee when fucked by a laowai a couple of hours after she gives you a HJ over a Hermes bag.

        Ciao fratello.

  10. vanoc1 said

    fuck you 0112337 fuck you

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