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Archive for the ‘China’ Category
June 4th? POTIF!
Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, June 4, 2010
It’s June 4th. But no one actually seems to either know what that means, or care if they do.
At least it’s also a Friday.
Posted in Censorship, China, Democracy, Fact Friday, Human Rights | 80 Comments »
You Dirty Rat
Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Rats!
They fought the dogs and killed the cats,
And bit the babies in the cradles,
And ate the cheeses out of the vats,
And licked the soup from the cooks’ own ladles,
Split open the kegs of salted sprats,
Made nests inside men’s Sunday hats,
And even spoiled the women’s chats,
By drowning their speaking
With shrieking and squeaking
In fifty different sharps and flats.
It seems that China is experiencing a Plague of Rats. Again. And this is of course a matter of some concern for us all, though I must confess that it doesn’t concern me nearly as much as the stories of a Plague of, well, Plague that is sweeping across the nation. And I’m half convinced the stories must have some truth to them, else why would the Government be denying them so strenuously?
What is it with China and Plagues, anyway? It’s all here, you know, from SARS and bird flu and swine flu, to Hand Foot & Mouth disease and half-a-dozen things labelled as being H-number-N-number. The CDC are currently talking about an outbreak of measles and go on to warn travellers to China of the risks of encephalitis, malaria, dengue, filariasis, tickbourne encephalitis, leishmaniasis, schistosomiasis and leptospirosis. They also warn that taking Chinese medicines is as likely to kill you as it is to kill the disease, but what do they know, really?
The BBC has been reporting on a mysterious HIV-like disease that is spreading like wildfire, with victims saying things like: “Twenty-four hours [after having sex with a prostitute] I had a strong desire to vomit. I had headaches, I was dizzy, I could feel my internal organs were swelling up. I was in intense pain. This lasted months.” The Pasteur Institute is taking this very seriously, and so far has confirmed that whatever it is, it isn’t HIV. Of course, on the other hand, the Government has made it perfectly clear that “their illness could be the result of a mental rather than a physical condition.” Okay, fine. If you say so. I reckon it’s just as likely to be the result of eating the disgustingly vile muck that passes for ‘food’ in this hellhole. I’ve heard rumours that pneumonic plague has escaped the quarantine zone around the north-western town of Ziketan, but for the record I’d like to state that these rumours are certainly malicious and untrue. Also, for the record, spreading or listening to rumours can get you shot, or so it’s rumoured.
China gave the world the Black Death, and that’s no rumour – it’s an historical fact (though not perhaps a fact one can find in a Chinese history book). A doctor friend of mine says it’s also a fact that China has the world’s highest rate of appendicitis, caused when poorly cooked rice is not digested and goes septic in the intestines. Mind you, removing internal organs is at least something that most hospitals in China have a vast amount of experience at doing. There is an incredibly high incidence of rabies, Hepatitis A and B (and probably C, D, E and F as well), AIDS, and quite literally dozens of unidentified influenza-type diseases besides.
There is, as we speak, a Plague of Boils, judging by what I see every time I take a countryside bus. And a Plague of Lice. I feel confident in saying that there is no Plague of the Death of the First-Born, however there is certainly a Plague of the Death of the Second- and even Third-Born, and sometimes of the Parents Who Didn’t Follow The One-Child Policy as well. It’s entirely possible that there is a Plague of Frogs, but really how would you know in a country where frogs get themselves eaten the moment they stick their heads above the parapet? Which brings us nicely back to the current Plague of Rats.
The Government, to be fair, is doing the best it can under the circumstances, spreading hundreds of tons of poison across the vast areas of land, and with some effect. That effect has been the death by poisoning of all the cats and dogs, though it must be said that the rats are still doing fine, thank you. And perhaps this is just as well, given how popular rat meat is in this country. Wet markets are reporting an enormous increase in the supply of rat meat, which is often used to make a spicy rat stew, and though in Beijing and Shanghai restaurants frequently mix rat meat with lamb fat to disguise the taste, the experienced gourmand can tell the difference (the difference being the small size of the meat lumps, the stringy gristle, and the pieces of lamb fat amongst the meat). But at least the snakes are doing well, what with all the rats to eat, and that means that snake is also on the menu at just about every sit-down meal in the land.
What the hell is wrong with you, Chinese People? If it moves, you eat it. If it doesn’t move, you kick it until it moves. I mean, honestly, Bird’s Nest Soup? What the fuck is that all about? It’s the nest of a cave-dwelling bird and it’s made from bird spit! Shark Fin Soup? I’ve had it, and I’m relieved to be able to say that the best one can say for it is that it is slimy and tasteless, a bit like the population of the country as a whole. Seriously, if you want slimy and tasteless, why not just use way too much MSG, the same as you do for every single other thing you cook. And don’t start on me with your tales of China World Famous Cuisines, because that’s bullshit and you know it. I know for a fact that I’m not the first to observe that your ‘Famous Cuisines’ consist of cabbage dumplings, cabbage and pickle dumplings, pickle dumplings, and shit (possibly in a dumpling). It’s no wonder you are all so weedy, weak, and pathetic, with your protruding teeth and sunken chests and titless women. In the name of all that is holy, just eat a fucking steak, and I don’t mean a thin strip of hormone-injected schnitzel with a few macaroni curls on top. That isn’t steak, not even close. If you don’t know that, you probably don’t even know what a purplised grumbler is. What’s a purplised grumbler? Exactly my fucking point. Get a grip.
Here’s some advice: take your ‘delicious food’ and your ‘very healthy’ medicines and your disease and dirt and disgusting culture and stick it up your arse, or at least keep it to yourselves. Because we don’t want any of it.
…
This post has been brought to you by the letters of the fucking Alphabet and numbers that don’t look like childish pictographs. I dedicate this post to Charlie_Sierra, who gave me the motivation I needed.
***
Posted in China, Environment, Food | 29 Comments »
Bollocks
Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Damn. Two hours of properly good ranting lost. Thanks, Chinese Government.
I’m going out now to meet some Chinese People in the street. If that doesn’t inspire me to have another go, nothing will.
Oh, and Chinese People? Fuck you.
Posted in China | 1 Comment »
A Word Of Advice
Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I’ve heard that China is “very development” these days. Also that Chinese people are “very diligent”. And that the country is “strongly economy”. The Chinese, I’m told, work hard and well and that “harmoniusness” is a value that is treasured here. Everything, it seems, is “getting good and good”.
It’s certainly true that this is the best place in the world for a foreign investor to put his money, and there are a dazzling variety of ways in which to do it. WOFE’s, JV’s, Rep Offices… China certainly does go far out of it’s way to make you and your money welcome.
But only until you have arrived, because after that it all turns to ashes.
Take for example the diligent local employee. They might be working on an assembly line, or they may be your receptionist. They could be your driver. Whatever role you have employed them in, however, there are a few things that are a near-certainty:
- They will be stealing from you, and I don’t just mean paperclips. Your inventory will be sold out the back door, and you’ll never even know it. Your assets will be sold out the front door, but you’ll never see it go. Your customers will be diverted towards local competitors, your orders will suffer the same fate. Your suppliers will not deliver what you want, when you want, or how you want, but they will deliver your orders to the parallel company your workers have set up. The information in your computer will be stolen within minutes of it being made available to anyone, though it may take them longer to steal it if they have to work for it. The ways in which you will be robbed and cheated are legion, the only thing that is certain is that the first you hear of it will be when your cheques bounce because someone finally went after the bank accounts. Your accountant will be helping with this, if the bank manager isn’t.
- Don’t think you can detect it all, because you can’t. The only thing you can say with certainty is that if you can’t catch them cheating you, then you aren’t looking hard enough. And if you can catch them with their digits in the till, then start worrying about the ones you haven’t caught yet. I’ve lost count of the naive laowai’s who thought they had good employees, only to find out the hard way that bankruptcy was just around the corner.
- Don’t think you can sack ‘em if you catch ‘em. To start with, you’ll be paying massive compensation claims, and nothing you can say or do will change that. A year’s salary as compensation is routine when you fire someone who was caught thieving from you. Getting caught is a bonus for these people, because that way they catch you coming and going. And even after they are gone, they will bring trouble to you – having a hundred peasant scum turn up at your office or factory in order to intimidate you is far from uncommon, and remember every one of those tyre-kickers is a tea-leaf in addition to being an agitator.
- You can sometimes see justice done via an unexpected yet fortuitous accident, of course. But to be certain that justice was done fairly, it would mean every employee was in hospital, and then you’d get nothing done.
And how about that great economy, huh? Wow, just imagine if every person in China bought just one of your widgets, or whatever you do.
- Well, forget about it. With very few exceptions, the Chinese won’t buy your widgets. Some can’t because the Communist Party steal all their money before they get a chance to spend it. Others won’t buy it because they are boycotting whichever country the Party has decided to hate this month. Some would if they could, but then decide that the locally produced fakes will do the job nicely, thanks. Mostly, the remainder will just steal it from you directly, which brings us back to your employees and their own distribution network.
- If you are in that tiny minority of companies that have not only made some money here, but also managed to keep it from being pilfered by the locals, then congratulations. Enjoy it in whichever manner you choose, as long as it’s inside China. Because getting your money out is a bloody sight harder than getting it in. The entire system is geared to take your money, your talent, your skills, and your knowledge, but the whole point is that you’ll be lucky to get away with the shirt on your back. Deng Xiaoping was a smart cookie, and one of the most unscrupulous and cowardly bastards of the 20th Century – and the latest crop of murdering thugs who run the joint are even worse. They don’t allow you here because it’s good for you, they allow you here because they want what you have. And the WTO be damned.
- Oh, and don’t think that importing your foreign goods is much use, because it isn’t. China is in the business of exporting goods and importing payments, not the other way around. Expect inward-bound shipments to be held up in port for months, banned outright, caught up in paperwork forever, or simply stolen by the Red Army. I know of shipments that were held up during the 2008 Olympics on the basis of ‘security inspections’, that have still not been released. About the only things you can import, in fact, are things like five-axis milling machines, and we all know why that is (if you don’t, Google it).
So folks here it is, MyLaowai’s recommendation to would-be investors in this marketplace:
Just say no. No matter how good it all looks, it isn’t. Sure, I’m here myself, and many of my friends are too. And I suppose that it is just possible that you can make a go of it yourself. But remember that for every one who succeeds, hundreds will fail, and fail big. The only thing in your favour is that there are a few people here, people who know these vermin for what they are, who might be able to help you. Find one or two of us, buy us a drink, and pay close attention to the advice you are given – it might be the cheapest and best advice you ever receive, and it just might save both you and your company from ruin.
In other news, I just received a phone call from a guy I met in a bar a few years ago, the day after he’d arrived in China as it happens. He called me to say that the advice I gave him that night and several times afterwards had saved him and his company, and that he’d like to buy me another drink on the anniversary of that first chance encounter.
It’s not always nice being right about these things, but it sure beats being wrong.
Have a nice day, y’all.
Posted in Ask MyLaowai, China, Rules of the Road | 35 Comments »
US Sells Arms To China!
Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, February 1, 2010
The United States has just announced arms sales to the Chinese provinces of Anhui, Zhejiang, Guangzhou, Shuting Sum Yung Gai, Japan and Australia.
Chinese Foreign Minister Yang Rou expressed his solemn position on the US arms sales on Saturday, urging the US to stop selling weapons to Chinese provinces.
Yang, who was paying an official visit to Number Forty-Seven Lucky Fornicating Dragon Noodle Factory, said in disregard of strong opposition and repeated protest from China, the US administration “flagrantly announced its plan to sell the weapons to the provinces worth about 6.4 billion dollars.”
“Such a move is gravely against the three joint communiqués between China and the United States, especially the ‘August 17′ communiqué”, Yang said, adding that it constitutes “crude interference in China’s internal affairs, and harms China’s national security and peaceful annexation efforts.
China firmly opposes such a move which runs counter to the US commitment to support the peaceful growth of the cross-Strait relations”, he said.
The Chinese foreign minister urged the US side to “adopt a serious attitude towards the Chinese position, earnestly respect China’s core interests and major concerns, revoke immediately the erroneous decision on the arms sales to China and stop selling weapons so as not to undermine the China-US relations.”
Yang Rou said China has repeatedly stated its position on the US arms sales to China’s provinces. During a recent meeting in London between the foreign ministers of the two countries, the Chinese side again made clear its solemn stand on the issue, urging the US side to fully recognize the gravity of the issue and stop selling weapons to China, he added.
“The plan endangers China’s national security and core interests and will severely disrupt the ties between the two militaries and will have a seriously negative impact on the cooperation between the two countries as well as peace and stability in the world,” said Se Lang, Defence Ministry spokesman in a statement Saturday.
“The Chinese military expresses its strong indignation and opposition to the US move which betrays its promises to China, wantonly intervenes in China’s internal affairs and damages China’s national security.”
Posted in China | Leave a Comment »
Best Joke of 2009
Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, January 21, 2010
WINNER OF JOKE OF THE YEAR 2009
Two women were sitting together, quietly.
- Paul Stephenson
Posted in China | 4 Comments »
How to place an order with a factory
Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 26, 2009
Are YOU having delivery problems with YOUR Chinese supplier?
Deadlines missed? Delivery dates passing by with no sign of your goods?
Well then, listen up schmucks. This is how it is done…
1. Get yourself a piece of paper and a pen. After you’ve done this a few times you’ll be able to do it in your head, but for now let’s play it safe, ok?
2. Write down the date on which you absolutely must have the goods by. The latest possible date. We are going to count back from here.
3. Take off the number of days it will take for the freight people to transport the goods from the factory to your warehouse. For the sake of this exercise, we will assume four days, but it could be any number. Well, I say it could be any number, but in actual fact it could be any number except for the one you are expecting.
4. Take off two more days to allow for the fact that the freight people forgot to pick up the goods from the manufacturer as arranged.
5. Take off one day to allow for the fact that the freight people didn’t deliver the goods to you until after 8:00 P.M., when your warehouse is closed. You will need to have someone there all night, every night. This means you, because relatives of your local staff will simply use the opportunity to loot the place.
6. Take off two days to allow for the fact that the Chinese manufacturer has been repeatedly told it is of absolute urgency and that all future business rests on their shipping the goods on time.
7. Take off three days to allow for the fact that they had to produce some critical component. But not for you, unfortunately.
8. Take off the production days, however many that is. For the sake of argument, we will assume seven days.
9. Take off three days. Because this is China.
10. We now have twenty-two days lead time. This is how long it will take to actually receive the order which you can reasonably expect in eleven days. This is your secret, to be shared only with your client, but never with the factory. Place your order no later than this date.
11. When placing your order, specify in the first line what it is you want, together with the quantity and price. In the second line, state the last possible date of delivery to your warehouse to be eleven days. No one in China is capable of reading past the first line, so this detail will be lost, however they will acknowledge your order. When, in your correspondence, you repeatedly refer to the ‘delivery date’, they will have no idea to what you are referring, but they will happily agree regardless.
12. On the tenth day, call them up and enquire as to the shipping status of your order. You will be told it is “okay”. Ask detailed questions regarding the shipping documents and tracking numbers, then ask the same questions again. And again. And, possibly, again. Eventually, the person on the other end of the phone will be forced to answer your questions. They will answer with lies, of course, but now at least they have committed themselves.
13. Tell the manufacturer (who has, by now, started production and may actually have even completed it), you are cancelling the order because your clients cannot wait for even two more days. Point out that this was agreed to in all the correspondence. Tell the person you are talking to that this is coming out of their wages. Make the person you are dealing with cry – I mean it, really lay it on. Important point: don’t shout; remain calm and collected.
14. Keep this up until the person stops beginning every sentence with “Because…”. This is the moment when you have the knife to their throat, and they know it. Now allow them the briefest glimmer of hope: ask them when is the soonest date that the goods can be with you, and what are they prepared to do to compensate you and your client for your losses.
15. Remain silent yourself for four seconds (use a watch). Then crush their hopes and tell them that the date they have just specified is – and I quote – “completely unacceptable”. You get another day or so knocked off this way. Now you are down to the original twenty two days you calculated, perhaps even twenty one days if you are really sharp.
16 Compensation should be in the order of an additional twenty percent of the value of the order, free with your next order. You will in fact actually receive five percent of the value of the order free with your next order, but that’s better than a kick in the teeth. Plus then you can use the shortfall to demand further concessions in the future.
Congratulations. If you have followed these simple steps, you will receive your goods on time, or slightly before. Your client will receive a small incentive to give you further orders. And you, well you got to make some mutt cry.
Happy happy everyday. For any question pls contact me freely!!!
Posted in China | 48 Comments »
Dear China Eastern Airlines
Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, November 16, 2009
Dear China Eastern Airlines,
I owe you an apology, and I can see from the expression on your face that you need an explanation, too. That seems fair.
I took one of your flights recently, and that’s where the trouble starts. You see, I didn’t actually make the booking, and by the time I realised on which airline I was scheduled to ‘fly’, it was too late to make any changes. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I may be slightly prejudiced when it comes to flying Plummet Airways.
I was so organised, so very well prepared, so efficient, that before I had even boarded the aircraft, I had composed an entire post in which I would describe the awfulness of the experience.
China Eastern Airlines, I was hasty, and I am sorry.
Things were much better than I had anticipated. To begin with, we were only an hour late in taking off, and that wasn’t really even your fault. After all, one can hardly hold you responsible for the manner in which your passengers behave, can one? By the time most of them had found their seats (by looking at every seat number, one at a time), sat down, got up again, stowed their sacks of vegetables by the emergency exit, sat down, got up, discussed where to sit, sat down, got up, etcetera etcetera, we were so far behind schedule that we were in danger of missing Christmas, never mind your runway slot. Oh, and I’m sorry for scratching the window in an attempt to get it open for some fresh air – the breath of my fellow passengers is no responsibility of yours.
When we did finally make it to the runway, I give full credit to your pilots for being able to get us into the air on the second attempt, despite the rattling of loose rivets around every window frame and the drag caused by not having closed the cargo hold doors properly. In a way, the reduced weight of the aircraft after we had shed most of the luggage actually made for a faster flight. I guess thanks are in order.
Unlike my previous experiences with your flights, I was not pointedly ignored by your entire cabin staff, and I was eventually able to gain the attention of one brave Air Doris, who lowered herself in the eyes of her colleagues and the other passengers by allowing me some food and coffee. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you her name, but for her actions I feel she has already been made to suffer enough public ridicule. And yes, for the sharp-eyed amongst you, I did say food and coffee. The food was far better than the inedible and very possibly near-lethal garbage bin leftovers that I have come to expect from your airline, as it was in fact a sandwich. The bread, at less than fourteen days of age, was very fresh for a Chinese culinary creation, and there was a filling that was relatively inoffensive and gave me only a slight case of botulism. And the coffee, too, was wonderful. I’m not going to go so far as to say that I could taste that it was coffee, but it’s a fact that I could taste that it wasn’t recycled green tea. I could also taste the water you used, but this is not automatically a bad thing – as the Chinese saying goes, “If it’s black, send it back. If it’s brown, drink it down”.
The flight itself was uneventful, once the pilots realised their mistake and turned us around to the correct heading. They even kindly warned us of the turbulent conditions ahead, a mere four minutes after the turbulent conditions were behind us. And they botched the landing far less badly than is often the case. We didn’t even hit a single runway light, despite having one wheel on the grass verge.
So there you have it, China Eastern Airlines. I am forced to admit that my earlier article, in which I was critical of you, was premature. I apologise unreservedly, and have taken steps to ensure that it will never be published. Thank you for showing me that you have improved, and just between you and I, it’s delightful to witness the change.
China Eastern Airlines, you are now as good as all the other Chinese Airlines. Well done you.
Posted in China | 17 Comments »
eBay
Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I have a reputation for not putting enough effort into describing items I sell on ebay, so this time I’m going to be very clear in describing the item.
The pictures above appear to be of some type of small child’s motorbike, possibly a minibike, yes, that’s what it looks like. However, this is one of those very rare Chinese made miniature motorcycles of which only about 56,785,920 were distributed world wide last year. The total lack of spare parts for these things has now convinced me that each child born in China was tasked with producing one of these; from a roll of aluminium foil and an empty ice cream container. That explains why each one is different. Not just different colours, but every single one is unique in its dimensions and spirit. Some have even been made inside-out.
Some of them have wheels which are almost round, mine doesn’t. The frame appears to be made of bamboo, painted silver to make it look stronger. When they gave the Chinese made boats the name Junk, I can now see why. Surely, one of the five year old kids tasked with building these things could weld. Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly. Every bolt is a different size and the fact that it doesn’t change shape if left in the sunlight has amazed me.
I rode it once, that was enough. It was about as comfortable as pouring a cup full of leaf-cutting ants down my undies. Even though I’m so short that my feet are actually above my head, somehow riding this thing saw me wearing my ankles as earrings and trying to steer at the same time. Making things even worse was that it was like riding a chainsaw with wheels. The motor can rev like a cat with a clothes peg on its tail, making this little bike go faster than standing still – which is already a stretch of its safety envelope.
Before I took it for its one and only ride, I had to fill it up with fuel. I couldn’t understand how such a small machine could need such a large fuel tank, but then fifteen minutes after I’d put the fire out, I worked out why. The fuel leak from the carby was that severe that by the time I’d travelled 12 metres with my feet behind my head, the grass behind me was on fire. The leaking fuel had some how caught alight and although I was hoping it was a trail of burning rubber from its tyre shredding power, it was merely a small fire, not unlike a burning pipeline in Iraq. Fortunately, the fuel leak was so bad that by the time the fire caught up to the bike, there was nothing left to burn.
The bodywork on the bike isn’t even attached. I don’t know how it ever could be. There must have been a fight at the child labour factory when this thing was made, obviously the stronger five year old stole the bits that allowed this bike’s bodywork to be attached to its silver bamboo frame. So it just sits there making this thing even more ridiculous. You would expect that motorcycle bodywork would be made of plastic, true. But given the fact that this stuff a) didn’t burn and b) is as flexible as a Viagra induced erection, tells me that it is something from another planet, possibly China. I suspect that it may be some super organic, self regenerating rice paper or something.
Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm. Despite the fuel gushing from the poor excuse for a carby, this thing has a pull start which has a cord about as long as a primary school play lunch. With the amount of fuel flooding from the carby, it requires full throttle to start. The first time I got it going it rode off with only the ghost of Chopstick Creek at the controls. I later learned that the best way to start it was by holding it under your arm and acting out an ACDC guitar riff before putting it back down, placing your ankles behind your ears and hoping that the thing stayed upright long enough for someone to get a photo.
On the bright side, this thing would make a fantastic garden ornament, because it has a miraculous ability to convert itself to important soil nutrients, like iron oxide, very quickly. You will notice that one of the front fork stanchions is all rusty. I didn’t do that in photoshop, it really is rooted. You will also notice that the steering is out of alignment, but what do you expect from child labour?
When the Trike of Death saw this little bike, it turned around in a very large circle and looked the other way. You have to feel sorry for this little machine, it’s like a puppy in a pound. Surely someone out there must have a good home for it? Lets face it, you can now buy something that has trodden the same ground as the legendary Trike of Death for less than the cost of a Trike of Death T shirt. You may even be able to convert this little thing into a candle, a hearing aid, a belt buckle or something else useful.
This monstrosity needs to go. Even if you buy it just for something to kick your toe on it would be worth it. You could paint it black and leave it on some stairs one night. You could create an artificial reef out of it, for one small and selfish fish. Whatever you do with it is your own business, just don’t tell anyone where it came from.
In response to some anticipated questions, here are the answers:
No, I don’t have a buy it now price, but if you can convince ebay to refund my listing fee, you can have it.
No, it doesn’t have a seat, the manufacturer didn’t design it to last long enough for your arse to make it to the where the seat would normally be.
No, it ran out of warranty on the third day, which was when it was somewhere in the middle of the Sea of China, on its way to infest the world with a good dose of unquality control.
Yes, I will deliver it to Anaheim California, it will only cost a return airfare ex Sydney and a Disneyland pass.
No, the brakes don’t work. It wasn’t designed to make it that far.
Yes, it is crap.
True, it does look good. So too do most celebrities until you see them in the flesh.
No, it wouldn’t be a nice gift for a six year old, or any other number between 1 and 1000.
No, there isn’t any spare parts available for it. They were designed around the same concept as disposable razors and toilet paper, not much good after the first use.
Yes, you are welcome to take it for a test ride after you buy it and then sell it to someone else who advertises it for sale and offers you a ride of it.
Questions and answers about this item
Q: Is the starting price a typo ? I’ll offer you 67c for it and you pay the postage.
A: The starting price was $6.99, which was my payment for writing the silly ad. Serious ads cost $12.80 so you should be thankful.Q: Is the lead paint job in good shape? Are the plastic parts the same material they use in the dog food they export to the U.S.A.? How far are you from N.J.
A: The bike is painted in blue asbestos, cheaper than lead. The plastic in the dog food is far more nutritional than this rubbish. I’m a long way from NJ, but if the sale falls through, I’ll take in on a world tour.Q: Serious suggestion Hollywood. Withdraw from sale and relist in eBay Nigeria. When the scammers win, send them the bike with a hefty postal charge. Should cure them of ever scamming again. Thanks for the laugh.
A: Thanks Chris. I just received an email from Nigeria where they have recommended that I invest in shares in this thing. Far out, I own it, how much more investment do I need.Q: I was thinking this would be a good gift for my Ex-wife. However I am concerned about the gas mileage that her F@tA$$ would be getting. Could you tell how this will perform on fried rice? Also is a fart regenerator available?
A: The fuel economy will be improved once her r’s catches on fire and the fat starts to drip into the carby. It may just blow a little more smoke. The only modification this thing really needs is to be put on a train track.Q: I am 73 and have a busted leg- does this qualify as a mobility device under Medicare? You must be the reincarnation of Mark Twain. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Thank you for making my day so enjoyable!
A: Enjoyable day – with a busted leg. You wait ’til I list my boat for sale, that will make you happy and it may just be what you need for your rehab. Good luck with straightening out coat hangers to scratch those itches.
Thanks to Whackingday
Posted in China, Guest Post | 6 Comments »
