Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago


Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, October 30, 2009

Dear Chinese People,

Would it fucking kill you to maybe just smile once in a blue moon?

Granted, being Chinese you probably don’t have a hell of a lot to smile about, but there are plenty of other people in the world who have faced adversity, and still manage a grin from time to time.

Take Cambodians, for example: their entire country was at the mercy of the Beijing-backed Khmer Rouge for several years, during which time half the population were brutally tortured and murdered. Yet Cambodians smile all the time. The Vietnamese, too: their country was invaded by China as a reprisal for the Vietnamese getting rid of Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge. Over one hundred thousand civilians were killed in just a month, and the scorched earth policy of the Red Army had lasting effects, yet today one often sees Vietnamese people with smiles on their faces. Even the Japanese manage to smile from time to time, despite being treated so badly by their younger brothers here in China. The Japanese did everything they could to help China develop a proper civilisation, even going so far as to arrest and punish all the serious criminals in Nanjing, but did the Chinese ever thank them? No, quite the opposite. And yet, the Japanese still smile. That takes real honour.

So, Chinese People, stop looking like you’ve been sucking on a lemon. Put a smile on your dial and turn that frown upside down.

It won’t actually kill you. Probably.

091030 smile

17 Responses to “Smile”

  1. Slap2tickle said

    It’s my experience here in Shandong that Chinese people do smile, they smile on many occasions such as losing face, lying and when you ask them a question they don’t know the answer to or in some other kind of embarrassing situation, it’s worth noting this fact especially when you get engaged in some kind of negotiation with the Chinese.

  2. justrecently said

    This is the first publication ever where Sponge Bob shows an annoyed facial expression. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  3. Neddy said

    Good point, S2T! Cannot claim enough direct experience myself, but this is what I am told quite often.

    Oh, and there’ll be even fewer genuine smiles now! An international incident in the making, in fact: India is contesting China’s claim to 5000 years of history, and invention of everything including daylight:

    “India claims to be the ancient birthplace of scientific inquiry”

    “There is the widespread perception that science began in Greece. We want to correct this, and publicise advances made in India as long as 5,000 years ago.

    A new exhibition at the centre suggests that the study of atomic theory, mathematics, biology and cosmic evolution were all born in the subcontinent — when Britons were living in huts made of wattle and daub.”

    Them friggin’ Indians have no shame!

  4. MyLaowai said

    A more pertinent line of reasoning would be not how long one has been playing the game, but how high one’s score is. For instance, no one can claim that the U.S.A. is an ‘ancient civilisation’, but they had people on the moon when the Chinese, Indians, and Egyptians had people living in mud huts.

    “5,000 years and still developing” is not really much of a sales pitch.

  5. justrecently said

    Methinks that you’ve arrived at the crossroads today. You can criticize China either for being backward, or for polluting the environment. Living in mud huts is an economically sustainable, albeit unpleasant, way of life.

  6. Slap2tickle said

    Or is it concrete huts with mud in them, sometimes I wonder how far economic saving needs to go when you have a washing machine that conveniently washes the floor with the waste water, a sink that drains directly through a hole in the wall and 5 stories below (with the odd person collecting it for a shower later)and trying to save on the water bill by trying to fool the meter and dripping the tap water into containers. It is logical that the Chinese, the people who hoard everything, I mean come on, have you seen their balconies, would like to hoard all the inventions for themselves like a little kid fighting over candy, it seems to be a new trend for the developing countries, though this is just my opinion, due to the fact that they have nothing else to claim as it’s already been taken up by the developed countries, after all isn’t history down to interpretation of a few chicken scratchings in caves and on stones?

  7. justrecently said

    Actually, I meant to say ecological, not economical. But of course, the two go hand in hand, ideally.

  8. Neddy said

    I think you all take this too seriously, guys, getting bogged down with facts and failing to see the Truth.
    I was thinking more along the lines of a clash of two 5000 year civilisations, locked in a heroic pissing contest over their respective claims of scientific superiority. Why, those Indians say they invented zero… what a shit-pile of hurt feelings that will cause all by itself!

  9. justrecently said

    You bet I’m taking this seriously! Do you think a nuclear war between some 2.5 billion people can be limited to Aruchanal Pradesh?

  10. Slap2tickle said

    Is it true that the Chinese invented phlegm or is that being bitterly contested too? I feel this is a bit of the old “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” scenario.

  11. Neddy said

    JR, a war over Aruchanal Pradesh? Then what is all that talk about a peaceful rise? Are you telling us they mean a soufflé, not China? Heh, an Indian soufflé with Chinese characteristics: India is peaceful while China rises… or else!

  12. justrecently said

    Hang on, Neddy. Aruchanal Pradesh was, is, and will always be Greater Ti-…, umm, Chinese! If there is a nuclear war over Aruchanal Pradesh, it is already India’s fault! Besides, it would be Arunachal Pradesh, not Aruchanal Pradesh. But it isn’t either, because it was cruelly carved away from the arms of the loving motherland by the imperialists. WHEN WILL BE THE LANGUISHING OF OUR BELOVED PROVINCE BE OVER? WHEN WILL BE ITS yi-jiu-jiu-qi?!

  13. Sojourner said

    Hey dipshit “Mylaowai”, I will smile when I kick your fucking foreign ass out of my country. No I will LAUGH.


    YOU and all your foreign, small village expat pricks can smile back home amongst your laid off countrymen..ok?

  14. RecoveredSinoholic said

    The Chinese all suffer from horror vacui (fear of empty space). Every Chinese desk is piled a mile high with useless crap. Every Chinese refrigerator is stuffed with 3 week old chicken wings and other assorted science projects. Modernistic simplicity is completely beyond their range of understanding. And of course, an empty floor must be covered with gobs of spittle in varying degrees of congealment.

    Add to the endless list of Celestial Inventions: hacky sack! Ooh, look, we have a Song Dynasty painting of a bunch of soft flabby scholars standing in a circle with a ball in the air! We invented soccer in the 12th century! Not at all just kicking a ball around like the old Roman legions did! No sir, and the suckers, I mean intelligent China-loving folks at FIFA recognize our Han primacy! All hail the Celestial Hua race, inventors of the very air you breathe!

  15. justrecently said

    Sorry, Sojourner. It isn’t your country.

  16. Sojourner said

    孙儿啊, 是吗….?

    不是我的国家? 你肯定吗?难道是你的国家?

    井底青蛙, 目光短浅, 可悲….



  17. If you were a princeling, you would have a share in that country, sojourner. But you are too frustrated to be a princeling. Therefore, all you can do is to act as their dog, and to bark at foreigners. Sorry – it isn’t your country.

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