Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Archive for January, 2008

MyLaowai Olympic Ticket Giveaway

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, January 29, 2008


MyLaowai is giving away two free tickets to the 2008 Genocide Olympics. That’s right folks, right here is where you can find your chance to win two tickets to the Summer Games. All you have to do is take a look at the photo below, and correctly answer the following questions…

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Send your answers to:
MyLaowai Olympic Ticket Giveaway
c/o International Olympic Committee
Private Bag

Posted in China | 7 Comments »

A Definite Pattern

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, January 28, 2008

I’ve noticed a definite pattern with foreign bloggers in China. Two patterns, actually. They are:

1. The nearer one is to Beijing, the more likely one is to be an apologist.
2. English teachers are more likely to be apologists.

Of course, as with any patterns and trends, there will always be examples that don’t fit the general trend, however the trend itself is clear, as shown in this scientific graph:

Having firmly and conclusively established that the risk of a blogger being an apologist twat in dramatically increased by proximity to Beijing, and/or by being an English Teacher, let us examine the likely outcomes of this condition on the blogger’s Blog.

The most noticeable blog effect of this apologism, is that the blogger becomes obsessed with speaking Ewok-hua at every opportunity. This can be seen in the blog in an increased use of Ewok-hua terms and phrases. Obviously, a minimal level can be considered ‘normal’ whilst blogging in Red China, however the extreme lengths these apologists go to in order to incorporate Ewok-hua in their blogs must be considered as a seriously twat-like condition.

Hand in hand with this use of ‘language’, is a frighteningly high tolerance of fucktardedness on the part of the local citizenry. Things that would never, ever, be acceptable anywhere else in the universe, even by retarded lemmings, are considered ‘cultural’ and thus above reproach. Criticism of this mis-‘behaviour’ is not tolerated and can often result in virulent criticism, by the apologist.

In addition to these serious effects, the apologist exhibits an increased propensity towards living in ‘Hutongs‘, going to KTV’s, eating local ‘food’, and other forms of behaviour that would be considered aberrant in a normal environment.

Finally, and most worryingly, the apologist frequently resorts to parroting phrases used by the Red Gods (a.k.a. the Chinese Communist Party). Phrases such as “China is peaceful”, “China is developing rapidly”, “China is a victim of foreign aggression”, “China has 5,000 years culture”, “Tibet is part of China”, and other, similar, lies are all repeated over and over again with no apparent consideration of the damage done to the security of the apologist’s own nation and culture.

It is indeed a matter of great concern that the Truth is the ultimate victim here, though as caring fellow bloggers we should all do our best to encourage these apologists to either repent or sod off. The latest medical research has suggested that even the most apologistic bloggers can be reformed, and without the use of Laogai slave labour camps. With the right approach, and with the help of Corneal Modification Technology to have the rose-tinted cornea’s removed from their eyes, these apologists can once again be made to see the Truth.

Perhaps some can never be saved, but we owe it to ourselves to try.

Posted in China | 11 Comments »

“It’s too cold”

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, January 26, 2008

Where I live:

A. Concrete tower with no insulation (the normal situation).

B. It is snowing outside.

Problems I currently am experiencing:

1. When I turn on the electric heaters, the circuit breakers kick in.

2. When I turn on the A/C unit, it refuses to supply hot (or even warm) air.

3. When I use the gas-fired water heater to have a shower, it shuts off after three minutes, and takes up to ten minutes to restart.

Why are these problems occurring? Simple. “It’s too cold”.

Think about that for a second – “It’s too cold”. Just think it over for a moment. What the fuck is wrong with a society that doesn’t question the basic assumption that heating systems should malfunction when it is cold?

Er, so sorry if this sounds all neo-colonial and Western-superialist, but isn’t that exactly the fucking time when you need heating to work? I have three, independent, systems for getting some heat in my (overpriced and uninsulated) home, and none of them work because “It’s too cold”.

I’ve had it. I really have. Blood will be shed this day, so help me God I’ll do it.

In the words of T.E. Lawrence: “No prisoners! No prisoners!”

Posted in China | 6 Comments »

My Wet Pussy Award – January ’08

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, January 23, 2008

There are some people who, were this the post-WWII period, would no doubt be busy explaining themselves to UNWCC (the United Nations War Crimes Commission). I refer, of course, to those people who have gone over to the Yellow Side of the Force, and who have gone out of their way to provide support, aid and comfort to the Enemy.

Now, I’m not talking about just anyone here. Not at all. Businessmen who have suppliers in China are guilty of funding the regime, but I’m not referring to them in this post. Tourists who visit Red China are guilty of providing moral support to the regime, but I’m not referring to them, either. Those of us who live here are guilty of giving the regime credibility, but I’m not referring to us, either.

I’m referring to the small group of foreigners who actively seek out ways to support the Han Regime, who publicly side with the Chinese Communist Party on matters such as invasion (and genocide) in places like Mongolia, East Turkestan, and Tibet. People who publicly offered support to the regime in the days following the nationwide bloodletting that followed the butchery of Tienanmen Square just a few years ago. A great many of these sympathisers work (or have worked) in the entertainment industry, and most show their support by simply agreeing in public with the position the Han regime takes on anything and everything: They do television commercials in which it is agreed that [the few remaining] Tibetans are very happy with their lives, they do ‘learn English’ programs in which Uighur herdsmen are forced to say that China is their country, they do the ‘look at the stupid Laowai’ entertainment shows in which Han Chinese are shown to be superior to the nasty barbarian foreigners.

Most of my readers who are familiar with China, probably think they know where I’m going with this. “Ha ha ha”, you are thinking, “you’re about to have a crack at DaShan”.

Well, young grasshoppers, you’re not quite right.

It is true that Mark Rowswell, known throughout Red China as DaShan, is as guilty as they come. As the best-known of the apologists he is an easy and highly visible target for anyone to take a shot at. Which is why I’m going to introduce to you one of the lesser-known, but no less traitorous, sympathisers…

Daniel Newham

Daniel Newham is, according to his website, “one of the few Westerners both lucky and skilled enough to study the intriguing art of Kuaiban” [which is ordinary talking in the usual way, but with a bit of a rhythmic pattern. Not terribly hard or clever]. His self-proclaimed ‘Fan Club’ boasts four members, three of which are pre-pubescent Chinese girls and the other is himself. But most of all, he does Entertainment For The Han Regime.

Check this out, and see if you can find all the things he does that are morally wrong (I stopped counting at 100):

As one of the seven comments on Daniel’s blog says:

Posting moody black and white photographs of yourself in an attempt to look better won’t change anything. You are and most probably always will be a deluded, talentless, and arrogant dick. You should have stayed at Durham.

Daniel Newham, it is my pleasure to present you with the MyLaowai Wet Pussy Award for January 2008. And we all know what ‘Wet Pussy‘ is an allegory for, don’t we?

My Wet Pussy, January 2008

Posted in China | 15 Comments »

Behind The Scenes

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, January 19, 2008

Thank you to China Digital Times for this excellent translation.

Internet Censor’s Latest “Working Instructions”

The following “working instructions” contain two lists of detailed censorship orders from a government propaganda authority. Their contents have been posted on some Chinese blogs, translated by CDT:

Work Instructions Jan. 2, 2008 As noted from the superiors:

1. Web sites should immediately delete posts about the central government planning to set up a Ministry of Energy and merging the securities, banking, and insurance regulation commissions, both of which are rumors.

2. Web sites should not report on and cook up the incident of a tiger being poached and skinned at Three Gorges Forest Wildlife World in Yichang City, Hubei Province. Relevant information should be deleted.

3. Web sites should only republish information from the Xinhua News Agency about the leadership reshuffle at the General Administration of Civil Aviation, and should not open forums, blogs and interactive columns to discuss this.

4. On the assassination of Bhutto, only report on the objective occurrences and reactions from various parties, do not associate the event with Pakistan’s internal struggles, or with Pakistani terrorist forces, thus avoiding attracting fire onto ourselves and getting involved in Pakistan’s internal problems.

5. On Dec. 29, the National People’s Congress made a decision on the future political development of Hong Kong. Here below are the guidelines and requirements for reporting on this:

A. Strictly follow reporting guidelines: Only use the dispatches from Xinhua News Agency and commentaries from People’s Daily, no articles from other sources.

B.Tighten the management of news comment posts, forums and blogs. Comments should be posted only after review. Don’t actively create news topics in forums, and blog monitoring should be tightened. Those posts that negate the spirit of the NPC decision and criticize our political system should be absolutely blocked or deleted.

C. Strengthen positive guidance. Web sites should proactively guide public opinion in a positive way, highlight positive voices and create a pro-NPC online environment.

D. Strengthen online situation monitoring. When problems arise, they shall be resolved immediately and major situations should be reported to our department quickly.

E. Keep a good schedule of shifts for the 24 hour period between Dec. 29 and 30. The New Year period should also be adequately monitored, ensuring a positive public opinion.

F. Web sites should pay great attention to the importance of online publicity management of Hong Kong’s political development. Managers of sites themselves should personally work on following the above guidelines and ensure a positive environment online.

6. Web sites should not cook up Hu Ziwei making a scene at the press conference announcing that CCTV’s sports channel will become the Olympics channel. Relevant video clips, photos and text information should be deleted.

7. Delete all articles about “the coming of an era for the second land reform.” If necessary, emergency actions should be taken, such as shutting down BBS at night and reopening the next morning, and stabilizing the BBS situation on campuses. If any such posts appear, get in touch with the web site management center. Titles of such articles include:“Terminator of China’s high housing prices – end of urbanization and subprime mortgage crisis”“China needs a second land reform – time to carve up the land and hand to farmers”“The era of the second land reform has arrived”“A second land reform started by Chinese farmers,” etc.

8.Web sites should delete the photos of Lu Yongxiang (路甬祥), President of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, attending the democracy life meeting of the Institute of Mechanics. Clean up forms and blogs that have such relevant information.

9.Immediately clean up video clips about “Lust, Caution” and “Lost Beijing.”

Work Instructions Jan. 3, 2008 As noted from the superiors:

1. Web sites should delete posts about “PLA will soon beat ‘Taiwan’ a bit.” Our department will do a thorough examination, those who have not cleaned up will be punished.

A. All higher education institutions should strengthen BBs patrolling and delete anything relevant. Don’t bother closing down reply function.

B. Also pay attention to mutated character sets, or Martian scripts, that look similar to the original texts, such as “(方攵)” or “(氵弯)”.

C. Close down sites when necessary, and ensure a stable online environmenta on campuses.

D. When relevant posts appear, report timely. Those who do not report or neglect to report will be punished.

2. Please go to Touching China People of the Year voting page http://news.cctv.com/special/07gdzg/06/2007 and vote for a hero that moves you. Also please mobilize votes for Li Jianying, the navy pilot who died while making an emergency landing.

3. A note on the online management about the hearing on mobile phone billing and pricing: The National Development and Reform Commission and Ministry of Information Industry will hold a hearing on reducing the cap of mobile phone domestic roaming fees. Web sites in the city should guide netizens to have a rational view on this event. Relevant news information should roll like usual, but no hype and topping of the topic on forums. Malicious attacks or curses on our social system should be deleted.

Posted in China | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

As Thick As Two Short Planks

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, January 17, 2008

Now, you may be of the opinion that I hold most Han Chinese in fairly low esteem. If so, you would be correct. Few groups of people in this world can collectively hold a torch to the Han, when the subjects are Greed, Spite, Sloth, Dishonesty, Cowardice, Arrogance, or any one of a hundred other sins.

And yet, the Han are not entirely alone when the subject is mindless, unreasoning stupidity, and I’m an equal-opportunity criticizer. Take for instance the group known as Religious Fundamentalists, who come up with some real doozies on a regular basis.

I recently stumbled across the following collection of assorted forum posts. I apologise for the sheer volume of text I have quoted, but this stuff is gold! The authors of this retarded gobshite are all, apparently, fundamentalist Christians, but I’m quite sure that the general theme would be the same had they been fundamentalists from any of the other religions around the world.


On evolution:

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don’t know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.
Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don’t really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that
1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years
4.how come we cant speak monkey
Just for a fact ape like creatures are monkeys

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example… sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

If you mean that men have ever been animals you are 100 percent wrong. No evidence under the sun can prove that I was ever my pet cat. ET can happen within a species but not between species.

all the evolutionists, tell me something. i know how the big bang “has happened”, but tell me, wouldnt an explosion, especially one that size, take away life instead of allow it? think about it.

ex: the a-bomb, the h-bomb, grenades, cannon balls (when fired from a cannon of course), mines, rocket launchers, and anything and everything in between. they all have taken lives.

“Sorry but scientists have just shown that mice DNA is more similar to humans than human DNA. So would evolutionists then declare that humans came from mice? Probably. That’s because most people can’t think for themselves and are confused about reality. That’s why they believe anything scientists say.”

On homosexuality:

The only solution we have to stop gays from recruiting other people is to cut off the source. They need to be taken to specialized containment centers where they will be forced to become straight and accept Jesus as thier savior and to repent from their disgusting, wicket, hatful, devilish ways. Those that refuse to go can either be forced, or banished from society in other specialized communities where they have no connetion to the outside world at all. Most would die of AIDS anyway. Anyone who refused any of the answers to make them better would have to be killed or banished.

In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.

On gravity:

Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that’s just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it’s not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn’t the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)… but for a second can you imagine what these so-called ‘scientists would have us believe — If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH – A DREAM – A DELUSION – and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are ‘tiny.’ Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world… this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE… a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning “herd”… prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball!

On one’s children:

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he’d been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of “I knew you wouldnt understand! You’re just like everyone else!” before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I’ve dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he’s the one who’s feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its ‘ok’ to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son

On the Second Law of Thermodynamics:

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

On mental disbilities:

This girl [with a mental disability] is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god

if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state

Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she’ll always be like this

god tests every one of us

On rape:

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Are you calling them victims now? Should’ve stayed in the house where it’s safe.

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

On the Bible:

We know the only true translation [of the Bible] is the 1600’s version in English.
It’s too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in… and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James — your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right.

But think about it, who is smart enough to write the Holy Bible? The answer, no one. How could people back then have written words with such intellegence? We were not very educated back then, we all know. So tell me, how could people back ages ago could have written the bible?

If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

On athiests:

do Atheists cry at funerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and they hate Family, and they hate Country, who are they crying for? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist.

On technology:

The other day while installing some new fiber optics cables for a satellite array I overheard some coworkers talking about quarks. Quarks are supposedly tiny particles that nobody can see and nobody has any use for. So why do we know about them? What good does it possibly do us to know what a quark is? Just another example of useless science, and wasted money on the so called research needed for this great discovery.

I seriously have to wornder about people who spend their free time thinking about things like quarks or quasars. There are more important things to do.

As far as I am concerned if an answer to a question isn’t in the bible, then the you have no business asking the question. A few years ago when my wife suddenly had to get an emergency c-section I was scared. But I didnt turn to any book about quarks. Luckily I had my palm pilot with me, which just happened to have the entire King James bible on it! I read a few passages that gave me the strength to pray for her and the baby to get through this ordeal. I sure didn’t need any useless trivia books about quarks to find comfort in.

I have very little use for science. In fact it is in impediment to getting close to God.

[Someone points out the obvious fact that c-sections and computers are a benefit of science.]

You are confusing TECHNOLOGY with SCIENCE.

Technology and science are often lumped together, but are totally separate and unrelated things.

Technology makes peoples lives easier. Technology is the product of inventive geniuses who were inspired by God. Inventions and innovations improve life.

Science causes confustion and makes things complicated. Everytime there is a new discovery the old discoveries and old wisdom are discarded! And theories get more and more complex. Science makes people confused and complicates things. Who is the author of confusion? Satan of course. The bible it the opposite of science. Biblical wisdom NEVER CHANGES, and anyone can get it. Scientific wisdom is always changing and contradicting itself, and really nobody gets it.

Please don’t insult our intelligence by lumping science and technology together. They are as different at night and day.

On child abuse:

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl’s sister.

On whatever-the-fuck-this-idiot’s-thinking:

One theory is that the pre-Flood Earth had a canopy of ice above it that squeezed the atmosphere down to, say, 15 miles […] If you squeezed the air down to 15 miles – instead of 100 – it would be more clear because there would be less distortion – atmospheric twinkle it’s called. And probably this canopy of ice would act as a photo-amplifier where you would actually see things much more clearly. That’s one theory that [in] the pre-Flood world you don’t need a telescope – you could see incredibly well.

Why is it that spiders could spin and weave a million years ago, but they try to say people could only spin or weave 20,000 years ago.

Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.

I was recently criticized for making a statement about my daughter not being able to play a war game on the Wii because she was a girl. Besides being too young to play it, it is true that I won’t let her play it because she is a girl. And no, I don’t think she should not learn math, either. I want my boys and girls (I have 2 each) to grow up being boys and girls. I don’t want them growing up confused as to what their roles are in life. I want my girls to grow up with a desire to take care of their kids at home. Even homeschool. I want my boys to grow up learning what it means to lead, how to lead, and how to do it in a Godly way. I want my girls to learn how to follow their husbands leadership. I want them to learn that submitting to their husband does not make them a door mat. That it’s as God wants it, and that they will have a more fulfilling life by doing what God has said.

No one knows what’s happening until the flood comes (according to Matthew). And the flood is here – it refers to the apocalypse. There is a huge amount of supporting evidence on the site. For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico.

“According to evolutionists, it’s a fact that aliens ruled the planet before the dinosaurs because that can’t be disproven.

We have deformed skulls to prove that these aliens once had ape-like foreheads, and some walked on 2 legs and others walked on 4 legs. And since there have been confirmed sightings of alien spacecraft, that proves that they have come back to check on how things are going on planet earth.

We don’t know who the first alien was, but from the few skulls and bones we have, we can tell that there were millions of them. Then when they had explored planet earth, they found it boring and decided to leave but not before some of them had died here which is why we still have their skulls and bones. From them, we can tell what they wore, what color eyes they had, and that they were covered in hair. These are what evolutionists call facts, so we’ve proven that aliens once ruled the planet earth.”

ok so for school my homework was to read a book on evolution in biology. i didnt want to do it but i had to because i need a good grade in biology. well anyways i waited till the last minute to do it, at like 130 in the morning before school. and i was at my hosue alone in my room. i started to open the book but then i got a really cold feeling. i looked around and nothing was there. i tried opening it again and then it seemed the walls started shaking and i thought i heard a voice saying ‘beware the way of heathens’ i was just wondering if this was god trying to keep me away. also, should i not do my homework to stay good to jesus

I’m not talking about a simple power outage. I’m talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe.

To me, religion is evil. It is manmade and man-centered. I have a belief. A belief in My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Well, here’s MyLaowai’s take on the whole thing:

Bible Bashers, you’re all as thick as two short planks. Now sod off, please.


The End.

Posted in China | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Relax. Take A Deep Breath.

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, January 11, 2008

According to SEPA, the State Environmental Protection Administration, Shanghai has today an Air Pollution Index (API) of 119, which makes it a “Grade 3A” day. That’s according to SEPA, of course. I wouldn’t want to bet on it being entirely accurate.

According to This report, Beijing tells little fibs about the Air Pollution Index all the time:

With the Olympics just seven months away, a US environmental expert has cast doubt on Beijing’s claims that it has significantly improved the number of its “blue sky days”.

He has accused city authorities of cheating by adopting easier targets and using monitoring stations in less polluted areas.

Steven Andrews, a Washington-based environmental consultant, said that from 1998 to 2006, Beijing’s Air Pollution Index was compiled from data from seven monitoring stations in the city centre. In 2006 the city dropped two monitoring stations from its pollution calculations — and added data from three monitoring stations in less polluted areas.

Beijing has a blue sky day when its index (on a scale of one to 500) is 100 or less. Mr Andrews recalculated Beijing’s pollution levels in 2006 and 2007 using data from the original seven monitoring stations. In Wednesday’s Wall Street Journal Asian edition, Mr Andrews said his findings contradicted Beijing’s blue sky record. He claimed authorities overestimated it by 15% in 2006 and 22% last year.

Mr Andrews also noted that a disproportionate number of borderline blue sky days were now interpreted as meeting national air quality standards, casting “grave doubt on China’s reported five straight years of continuous air quality improvement”. In 2001, about half of these borderline days were reported as blue sky days, but by 2006, 98% were deemed blue sky days. “In 2006, of the 84 major cities in China reported by the State Environmental Protection Agency, Beijing had the fewest number of days attaining the national air quality standard — and in 2007 the air quality was even worse,” Mr Andrews reported.

But even if SEPA is telling the truth today, and Shanghai has an API of 119, what does that mean?

SEPA says that an API of 119 is “slightly polluted”, and that “The symptom of the susceptible is aggravated slightly, while the healthy people will appear stimulate symptom”, whatever the hell that means. SEPA also advise that “The cardiac and respiratory system patients should reduce strength draining and outdoor activities”. Lovely.

An API of 119, SEPA notes, only narrowly misses the target for a ‘blue sky day’. Here is a photo I have just taken, looking out from a friend’s apartment in downtown Shanghai:

That murky haze is not a gentle mist. And if that is almost a ‘blue sky day’, then what the hell was it like last year on April 2nd, when even SEPA admitted to an API of 500!

Of course, it isn’t all bad news – SEPA Minister Zhou Shengxian said in a statement late last year that:

“…the first three quarters of this year witnessed the first ever “double fall” of the total discharge volume of two major pollutants nationwide… Minister Zhou noted that, starting from this year, various localities and departments have seriously implemented the deployment of the Central Committee of the CPC and the State Council and further increased the efforts in pollution reduction… Minister Zhou further pointed out that the SEPA has continuous strengthened efforts centred on the core task of pollution discharge reduction and that all the measures have gained prominent effect.”

Minister Zhou also noted that:

“…we must fully implement the scientific outlook on development, intensify our resolution, spend more efforts and take more effective measures to fully enhance the implementation of all the tasks defined in the Comprehensive Work Plan on Energy Conservation and Emission Reduction of the State Council in light of the spirit of the 17th National Congress of the CPC.”

Yes, Minister.

Posted in China | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Happy New Year

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, January 1, 2008

2008 is upon us, and MyLaowai would like to take this opportunity to wish all of you joy and the very best of luck in the coming year. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my readers for their support, and thank those who sent death threats for the amusement they have provided me.

In the words of that Very-Famous-In-The-World leader, Chairman Hu “call me the Butcher” Jintao, let us Make Joint Efforts to Advance the Lofty Cause of Peace and Development for Mankind.

I think there’s something in that for all of us, don’t you?

Posted in China | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »