Western researchers studying local populations in China are coming to the conclusion that Chinese people are not Homo Sapiens as previously thought, but actually an avian species. While correlation does not always indicate causation, the evidence gathered displays some remarkable similarities that bear further research.
1. They eat seeds, cracking them with their teeth and taking the kernel with their tongues.
2. They are happy to perch on almost any surface.
3. Very few can swim.
4. They are prone to making loud noises (especially in the morning).
5. They defecate on the road (or pretty much anywhere they feel like).
6. Their brains are very small.
7. They can’t drive.
8. Their diet consists mostly of seeds, nuts, fruit, carrion, entrails and insects.
9. They are migratory, returning to the spawning grounds in the spring.
10. Males are required to prepare a suitable nest before the female will mate.
11. Females rarely enjoy the act of mating, rather, they tolerate the situation in order to produce offspring.
12. Babies are not born live but as eggs from which the mature adult must peck their way out.
13. Like Bower Birds and Magpies, they are attracted to colourful and shiny objects.
From the behaviours observed, we can narrow the species down to either: parrot, magpie, jay or crow. Crows have the ability to solve problems, create and use tools and predict the outcome of events… so we can scratch crows off of the list. Parrot may be the best candidate. A parrot can repeat language without any conscious comprehension of what it’s actually saying. It is attracted to shiny objects, eats nuts, fruits and some species are known to eat animals and carrion. It also likes nothing more than it’s own reflection and would probably upload it’s beak to weixin daily (if it had the dexterity).
In summary, it appears that Chinese people may actually be a species of Psittacopasserae (Parrots).
Source: Collective effort from some inspired authors contributing to a thread on Reddit
– daPangzi
Wo Shi Laowai - Wo Pa Shui 