Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Archive for October, 2007

Why Smoking Won’t Kill Me

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, October 27, 2007

Further to a previous blogpost, here’s a quick comparison between various places, using the Air Pollution Index as a yardstick:

Beijing, China – 184
Riverside County Metro, California, USA (which is on fire) – 173
Los Angeles, California, USA – 41

Note also that the Chinese data is based on, well, Chinese data. Which means that the reality is almost certainly far worse. This is only what they admit to. Anyone who actually believes what they are told here is a naive fool.

In other news, the Olympics is coming up. Xinhua, the Party mouthpiece, has this story:

Beijing going all out to achieve ‘Green Olympics’

The blue bright sky Beijing enjoyed over the past days had been mistaken by some foreign journalists as “a result of government intervention” to polish the city’s image while a significant congress of the Communist Party of China (CPC) was going on.

Beijing Vice Major Liu Jingmin, a delegate to the five-yearly Party congress, said at a news conference on Friday it actually was the wind coming down from the north that cleaned the air in the host city of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. “Frankly speaking, we didn’t take any measures. It’s the weather that played the role, ” he said.

But with a longer view of the city’s environment and air quality, the improvement is explicit. In 2006, Beijing registered 240 “blue sky” days, or days with fairly good air quality, a rise of 64 days from the previous year.

Nice.

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Posted in ChinaDaily, Environment, Olympics | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Nice Logo

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, October 26, 2007

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(Ruthlessly plagiarized from Sinocidal by kind permission from ChouChou.)
(Who was drunk at the time.)

Posted in Olympics | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Oh, I’m Sorry

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, October 11, 2007

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to knock you off your motorcycle as you sped down the footpath towards me this morning. Really, I’m sorry. What is it you Bamboo Monkeys say? Yes, thanks – dui bu qi. I mean it. It really wasn’t my intention to put my elbow out and knock your mirror. Mirror? That’s the useless thing that humans use to help them with their situational awareness. And if my elbow accidentally carried on and hit your arm, then dui bu qi for that, too. All the same, you must admit it was quite funny, that strange noise you made just before you hit the deck. How did it go? Oh yes, “Aiyoaiyoaiyo!“. Hahaha! Priceless! Well done!

What’s that you say? I kicked you? Nonsense. Granted, my foot may have given your rear tyre a nudge, but it was hardly a kick. All the same, dui bu qi. Stop whinging, there’s a good girl – it could have been worse, it isn’t like you actually broke any bones, is it? Oh, you did? Your fingers, you say? How did that happen? I’m standing on them? Well, look at that! Gosh – dui bu qi. I really don’t know how that happened. Lucky for you it wasn’t your windpipe I accidentally stepped on. Not that there would have been any point in that, after all you’ve already spawned your litter and passed on your defective genes, so your death at this point would be almost as meaningless as your entire life.

No, you misunderstand. I’m not blaming your defective genes on you. Not at all. That’s the fault of your mother and the tofu-seller who lived next door. We have a saying: 5,000 years of inbreeding is probably not good. Yep, that’s a real saying. Think of it as a Big Character Slogan, but in a real language. What? Oh yes, I’ll get off your fingers now. Dui bu qi.

Call me a glass-is-half-full kind of guy, but at least there wasn’t a ditch for you to fall into, like the last person who tried running me down did. There she lay, in the bottom of the ditch, legs wrapped around the twisted remains of her motorcycle – Oh how we laughed. Oh yes, she was laughing all right, I could see the tears running down her cheeks. Of course, I did apologise. “Du bu qi”, I said, and I meant it, too.

Well, think of this as an educational experience. Next time you see a foreign devil, perhaps you’ll have learned not to try to run him down with your motorcycle as he walks to work along the footpath. Interesting word, that. ‘Footpath’, foot path, footpath… Almost sounds like it means a path for pedestrians, esp. an alley between buildings or a pavement at the side of a road. Yes, it does sound a bit complicated I know. Call me Mr. Oxford English Dictionary, dui bu qi about that.

Hmmm…? What was that you were saying? Yes, your mobile phone is broken, I’m afraid. Dui bu qi. Perhaps if you’d been watching where you were going, instead of endlessly repeating all your ring tones, it would still be in one piece. So yes, your mobile phone is broken, but on the bright side, your mobile phone is broken. Isn’t it your lot that have that lovely saying, something to the effect of: “If something is broken or stolen then you are lucky, because you can get a new one”? I’ve never really understood that, but I assume you do.

Ah, here comes my bus. It was so nice having this chance to chat with you. No, I don’t have any time now to help extricate you from the wreckage of your former motorcycle, dui bu qi. Perhaps if you are really, really lucky, then one of your countrymen might actually help you.

I wouldn’t count on it, though. Zai Jian lah.

Posted in Rules of the Road | Tagged: , | 11 Comments »

Latest: Typhoon Krosa

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, October 7, 2007

From that shining beacon of truth, Xinhua (faithfully reported by AP):

Powerful Typhoon Krosa made landfall in east China on Sunday afternoon, forcing the evacuation of more than one million people…

Krosa, the 16th typhoon this year, landed at 3:30 p.m. on Sunday near the borders of Zhejiang’s Cangnan County and Fujian’s Fuding City, packing winds of up to 126 km per hour, the Zhejiang Provincial Flood Prevention and Drought Relief Headquarters said…

Krosa is expected to trigger gale force winds, torrential rains and even landslides in some areas…

More than one million people have been evacuated […] while schools, airports, expressways and shipping services in some areas have been shut down. Meanwhile, vessels have been recalled to harbor.

The tourism authorities in Zhejiang have closed almost all scenic spots along the coast, and evacuated more than 500,000 holiday-makers who had flocked to the seaside resorts for the week-long National Day holiday ending on Sunday.

MyLaowai says: Utter Bollocks. Play a new record, Mister DeeJay, this one’s crap.

For the record, Mrs MyLaowai was in one of those scenic spots. In fact, at the time of writing she is on her way back from there. She says it was “a bit rainy”. No one was ‘evacuated’, schools have not been ‘shut down’ (because they were not open anyway – National Holiday, remember?), airports and expressways are all open for business as usual, and the ferries are still running. And I’ve just about had it with the Associated Press for having the audacity to repeat these lies over and over.

News in China? Give me a break.

UPDATE (late Sunday night): Ferries in the area have now been stopped by Government order, but although there is quite a lot of rain, there is nothing resembling a major storm or typhoon. Shanghai has just a light drizzle. Thank you for your attention, you may now return to your regular programming…

Posted in Environment, Lies & Damned Lies, Media | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Wayne Barnes – Rugby’s Refereeing Poster Boy

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, October 7, 2007

Referee Profile
071007waynebarnes.jpg
Full name: Wayne Barnes
Born: Gloucestershire, 20 April 1979
First Test: Fiji vs Samoa on 24 June 2006
Latest Test: Wales vs France on 26 August 2007
Number of Tests: 8
Profession: Barrister
World Cup experience: None

Wayne Barnes is the youngest and least experienced of the Elite-level referees, having refereed just 8 tests. I’m not saying that Mr Barnes is anything less than honest. I am merely suggesting that some more experience at the highest level of the game might have been a good thing, particularly in light of the number of poor decisions made in his most recent game, the game that cost the worlds’ greatest side the World Cup. In the very apt words of Hamish McBrearty:

Although the All Blacks played badly and did not deserve to win, the worst performance of the night came from referee Wayne Barnes. The sin-binning of McAlister was comical and perhaps cost the All Blacks the match, and somehow all three officials missed an obvious forward pass leading up to Jauzion’s try.

McAlister was shown a yellow card in the 46th minute for taking out a French player who was chasing a kick. Replays, even at full speed, showed McAllister turning to chase the kick and Jauzion running into his back.

Of course, this is what a certain other media commentator had to say on the subject:

Fantastic! Sheer fantasy! Amazing Saturday went spirally upwards into fantasy! There has never been a day like it in World Cup rugby.

Whether France deserved to win or not, doesn’t matter one iota.

I’ll let you figure out for yourselves where that twat guy comes from…

I’m off for a drink.

Posted in Media | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

Free Burma!

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, October 4, 2007

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www.free-burma.org

The primary obstacle making United Nations’ efforts on Burma difficult is one country: China. China has repeatedly undermined the UN Secretary General, the UN system, and ASEAN by refusing to back the call for the release of Aung San Suu Kyi and all political prisoners in Burma. China has also refused to call for peaceful tripartite dialogue in Burma, again undermining UN efforts.

Economically, China is exploiting the situation by signing deals left and right that essentially steal the natural resources of Burma out from under the Burmese people. According to the Shwe Gas Movement, China’s new gas deal with the military regime is worth a staggering $40 billion dollars.

Militarily, China has sold billions in arms to Burma’s military regime. These sales include tanks and armoured personnel carriers, jet attack aircraft, small arms and light weapons, logistical and transportation equipment, and coastal patrol ships. These arms sales continue to this day.

Diplomatically, China is undermining diplomatic efforts by ASEAN and the United Nations. Three diplomatic missions to Burma to secure the release of Aung San Suu Kyi (by leading Southeast Asian senior statesmen Indonesian Ali Alatas, Malaysian Foreign Minister Syed Hamid, and Filippino Foreign Minister Alberto Romulo) all failed, mainly because China did not endorse these efforts. China went even further to protect the Burmese military regime by vetoing the one and only United Nations Security Council resolution on Burma. The resolution would have given the UN Secretary General the power that he needs to effectively negotiate with the military regime in Burma. China completely blocked it.

In addition to China’s neighbours in the Association of Southeast Asian Nations, the European Union, the United States, Japan, Australia, 14 United Nations Special Rapporteurs, One Dozen Nobel Peace Prize recipients, and 59 former Presidents and Prime Ministers from around the world have called for the release of Aung San Suu Kyi.

It’s time for all of us to say “enough is enough”. The simple and undeniable fact is that if China tells the Burmese military regime it must participate in negotiations – as the UN has repeatedly called for – the regime will have no choice but to say yes. China does have the leverage – they just haven’t used it at all.

If this were a simple matter of negotiating or not, China’s position would be understandable. But the situation in Burma is much much different and extremely grave. The military regime has destroyed 3,000 villages in eastern Burma (twice as many as in Darfur, Sudan) and continues its scorched earth campaign to this day. Mothers, children, and innocent civilians are being slaughtered or forced from their homes. The regime has recruited more child soldiers than any other country in the world. The regime’s soldiers are raping innocent women as a war tactic. Over 1,200 political prisoners remain behind bars. Just as the UN was paralysed and acted far too late on Rwanda, Sudan, and elsewhere, now China is paralysing the UN into action on Burma.

Free Burma Action Centre

Posted in Human Rights | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Coincidence?

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, October 1, 2007

The Special Olympics are in town.

In other news, the average IQ of Shanghai has gone up slightly considerably.

Posted in Olympics | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »