Today is Lei Feng Day. Normally we here at MLHQ celebrate this day by offering a patriotic tribute to China’s only superhero (here, here, here and here), but let’s face it: Lei Feng the Hero is about as plausible as the Gingerbread Man. I mean, a spotty gobshite who was so hated by his fellows that they wrapped him in barbed wire and drove a truck over him twice? A so-called ‘revolutionary screw’ whose greatest claim to fame was that he washed some socks? Puhlease.
Let us, therefore, turn to a much more realistic celebration of Chinese ‘culture’: Mistress Day.
Mistress Day, celebrated every March 3rd throughout the Celestial Empire, is the day upon which Chinese people secretly celebrate their love of bigamy and deceit. It’s a real, actual, genuine Day. The China Mistress Association regularly invites married men and women (not to mention their key demographic) to attend festivals throughout the nation. Discussion topics include such things as: “how to get my man to come to my place every day“, “how much does your man give to you every month?” and “when will he buy me a house and car?“.
I am sooo not making this stuff up. Most Chinese men have mistresses, most Chinese women are taking dictation from their ‘English teacher‘, and a recent study carried out in Beijing hospitals found that over half the babies born there were not the loin-spawn of their mother’s husband. A 2007 government survey found that over 90% of provincial-level officials convicted of graft in the previous five years had mistresses. The dictator Mao Zedong himself had an entire army regiment (consisting entirely of young women) set up to keep his knob polished – not that that stopped him from punching the stars of a number of young boys.
Mistress Day? Now that’s what Chinese culture is really about.