Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Porn Review: Kappa Slut in Cum All Ye Faithful

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I just downloaded and watched the Kappa Slut’s video. I just wasted 12 minutes of my life that I will never get back, and I’m not happy about it. I’d have been better off having a shit. But hey, at least now I can do my famous-in-the-world XXXmas Porn Review, right?

So, the plot: There’s this Shanghainese (presumably) whore with a face like a box of frogs who has all the warmth and charm of a lemon that lost a fight with a mangle. She runs naked into the room, and proceeds to suck off a very young boy – judging by the size of his cocktail stick, he’s probably a kindergärtner. I’ve seen bigger dicks in J-Porn, honestly. It’s pathetic. Then she spits the lot out, which is an absolute no-no in any setting.

The cast: Well, first off, we have Kappa Slut. She’s not particularly good-looking as you may have already gathered. Her features are suggestive of a dog that chased a parked bus and caught it at high speed. She has a noxious growth of long vile hair in the nether regions that would have had Stanley and Livingston reaching for their jungle machetes, and a pair of hopelessly thin chopsticks in place of legs. I’ll admit that she has charleys that meet the minimum standards, but they are shaped like sacks of wet flour and do little to impress. Then we have the Stud, a wastrel of a boy with an unwashed weiner and a stained pair of Y-front undercrackers, who doesn’t last more than a few minutes before getting shot of his mucky water.

The verdict: Zero out of Ten. Go and watch Goo 4 Two if you want to see something with some genuine porn value, or Flesh Gordon for those amongst you who are nostalgic. Even Schindlers Fist and Saving Ryan’s Privates had more class than this rubbish.

Merry Christmas or, as they say in China, Happy Receive Gifts Day.
Vote MyLaowai or the Panda gets it!

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4 Responses to “Porn Review: Kappa Slut in Cum All Ye Faithful”

  1. Eric said

    You wasted your time with that? You could’ve watched infomercials, street lights or the moss growing under your windowsills. Anything but that rubbish.

  2. justrecently said

    No material is too bad for a blog. I can speak from experience (mine, writing about sex and dogs – it’s still a top post -, and Underthejacaranda’s, concerning Zhang Ziyi). So why not about Kappa porn?

  3. Chinamatt said

    At least you got an amusing review out of it. Don’t have any interest in watching this myself.

  4. MyLaowai said

    @Justrecently,

    I agree. My stats tell me that the most popular search term used in finding this blog relates to a post on my nipples

    Close behind, obviously, are searches for wet pussies. I’ve got a mind to show you some of the odder search terms.

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