Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Wee Wee Chu

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, December 27, 2011

One beautiful December evening Ah Meng and his girlfriend Yoke Mei were sitting under a bridge along a river.

It was a wonderfully romantic night… The moon was full and the stars shone brightly in the sky. Ah Meng looked lovingly at Yoke Mei and said: “Hey, dahring, let’s do Wee Wee Chu.”

“Oh no, not now, let’s just look at the moon!” said Yoke Mei very shyly.

“Oh, c’mon baby, let you and I do the Wee Wee Chu. I ruvv you and it the perfect time,” Ah Meng begged.

“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon,” replied Yoke Mei.

“Prease, darling Mei, just once, do the Wee Wee Chu with me.”

Yoke Mei looked at Ah Meng and said, “OK darling only one time, we’ll do the Wee Wee Chu.”

Ah Meng immediately grabbed his mandolin and they both sang…

WeeWeeChu a Merry Christmas, WeeWeeChu a Merry Christmas,
WeeWeeChu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”


And a very Merry (if slightly belated due to the vagaries of air travel) Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. Even to the dozy little savages who think Christmas is translated as ‘Receive Gift Day‘ – brush your teeth just once and all will be forgiven, I say! Even to my neighbours who seem to spend every night either redecorating or screaming at each other in front of their crying ten year-old kid (her for being a whore, he for having a small penis and no prospects) – yes, even to them. Even to the trolls and other bottom-feeders here – especially to you, in fact, for all the amusement and free entertainment you’ve provided us real people with during 2011. May your testes never truly descend!

Thank you, thank you all.

[Elvis has left the building]

13 Responses to “Wee Wee Chu”

  1. 0112337 said

    Laowai, there are probably English-As-Second-Language westerners reading here too. Please be considerate of their English abilities. Do you understand your horrible attempt at a hypothetical, cantonese accent can be the actual, real life depiction of an embarrassing faux-paus of one of your fellow westerners?

    Yes, yes, please be considerate to them during this fine holiday season.

    Oh…and…come here and brag when you have your own private jet. Traveling first class(?) every month means you are a noob, that’s still struggling on the sell-side, still kissing buttocks in order to survive.

    Merry Christmas to you.

    • MyLaowai said

      So, you recognised it as Cantonese then? Good show old chap.

      pip pip, must toodle off now.

    • gowron said

      Fuck you 0112337 and a happy new year. If we’re lucky 2012 will be worse for China. With More blood more gore, and more fuck ups.

    • 0112337 said

      @Mylaowai, sure you are welcome. Like I said, I come here to goof off. You can’t be serious 100% of the time. That’s how you die. Since I can’t get rid of the stupidity/inefficiency/ugliness/stink around me, I pretend they are the perfume of roses and laugh at how I can’t see otherwise…Yes, Yes, sometimes when you see the ridiculous and the laughable in tragedies, nothing becomes impossible to bear…kind of like what you do here. Judging from your comments and your blog, I actually think we have a lot in common, in real life. My guess is you are not a bad person. I am glad my offbeat musings were at least useful to somebody.

      @Gowron, I sincerely wish your life gets better/easier. If you need advice on how to find jobs, either contact Mylaowai, or ask me. Happy holidays.

    • 0112337 said

      Here is a potentially money making idea, for anyone out there that’s interested. This Mylaowai here actually embarked on a revolutionary concept with his Mylaowai.com. Someone should set up a blog and let random people vent on it, and then compile those comments into a book and publish it. Just call it…CyVent Documentary or something…

      It would create waves in the literary world because it is the closest thing to a real, literary depiction of our modern times. Reality as the blog/modernity sees it, crafted by the old medium, a book…

      • gowron said

        But But But I DO have a job…. I’m your boss remember, has the stinky Nox (shit-jenkim), fumes made you brain damaged and forgetful? Good thing for you I love my employees and offered a comprehensive health care benefit. However, the insurance guys couldn’t ascertain if you were huffing glue ( from your furniture, again I know it’s not your fault), or if the scent of humanity’s defeat (Chinese race), and their shame (shitting in the streets as animals) caused it. I’m sorry you’ll just have to continue being an apologetic bestiality lover of these beasts of burden the Chinese.

  2. wtdevflnt said

    Merry Christmas Laowai!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Thank fuck my new company supplied PC can now visit this site. Not sure why the firewall lets me visit using this computer and not my old one, but it is much appreciated. Good old Chinese IT team….

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