Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

China – A Tribute

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, June 24, 2010

What is this beast called China?
And why do they say its red?
It’s a question that keeps going
Around in my poor head

Who is the goddamn chairman?
That’s causing all this mess?
And when is the premier baby
Gonna pass his test

The schooling system’s awesome
They say it can’t be beat
If all you want to get
Is a masters in how to cheat

I have a Chinese student,
Her English is so poor,
But after dating me,
Her friends say she’s a whore

I’m sick of fricking dumplings
With special rat inside
And what was on the barbecue
Was not what my mom fried

My veggies have more hormones
Than the girl that’s on my lap
And as for fucking baozi
How can you eat that crap?

But while the water’s rancid
And the fish are all on ‘roids
The baijiu is all that’s clean
But gives me haemorrhoids

Why can’t they damn walk straight
Along a fricking line
It gets worse when they drive
Or try to dance in time

The drugs are bloody lousy
And the go go girls have AIDS
But one thing they do have
Is a country full of maids

I’d kill to see some breasts
Beyond a half A cup
And a proper set of legs
To stand the poor thing up

There is rubbish on the side-walks
And spit upon my shoes
My whites have all turned grey
And I’m always on the loo

Blue skies are just a memory
And the sun a hazy ball
The rivers can be walked on
Coz that is nature’s call

They crap upon their streets
And pick their nose with glee
Their buck teeth are filled with junk
For all the world to see

And why do they all wear glasses?
For such a master race
Their physiques are so puny
It’s really a disgrace

5,000 years of history
And having wooden beds
Has made this country what it is
I’ll tell ya, they’re inbred

Yes they love their fireworks
It’s a replacement for having sex
Coz after kiddy 1’s been born
There’s no more spreading legs

While Shanghai slowly sinks
Into its chemical soup
I lounge inside a KTV
Waiting for brewers droop

They prattle about their culture
Like there’s roses in their shit
But it is usually only found
Inside their damn armpit

Well, its time for me to end this
For there’s a new depth left to stoop
The restaurant just next door
Is now serving foetus soup

– DaBizzare

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3 Responses to “China – A Tribute”

  1. whiterice said

    don’t i get credit for my verse :-P

    and, no, you don’t sound bitter… not at all.

  2. Chinese Netizen said

    Epic

  3. Hilarious!

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