Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Oh the Humanity!

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, September 22, 2008

So now even the Communist Party has been forced to admit to there being in excess of 50,000 babies lying sick in various and sundry hospitals scattered throughout the land.

FIFTY THOUSAND BABIES IN HOSPITAL!

Jesus titty fucking Christ! How did they miss that the first time around? Somebody lose count around four again? And that doesn’t include the ones whose parents are too poor to afford hospital beds for them (yes, I know the Party said it would cover the costs, but I also know for a fact that it was a lie). It also doesn’t include the others that weren’t counted. And it sure as all hell doesn’t include the hundreds of thousands who were sick last year, and the year before, and the year before that.

What, you mean you actually thought this whole thing was new news?

The only surprise here is how many people seem surprised at all this. I mean, c’mon people, it’s an old story: Boy Chinese meets Girl Chinese, they somehow make a baby although neither knows quite how it all happened, something to do with squeezing tofu apparently, boy gives baby to girl to take care of so he can gamble and go to the KTV, girl gives baby to grandma because she thinks breastfeeding will ruin her figure plus then she can go back to the factory and meet more boys, grandma gives baby patriotic milk powder that has had all nutrients replaced by cheaper industrial waste in order that the glorious and diligent and very famous in the world Chinese company can make more glorious revolutionary profits to share with the Dear Leader(s), baby gets sick and is taken to hospital, foreign media exposes the whole shebang, Party promises free medical care, both boy and girl and grandma are sent home for being too poor, and baby dies in an amusing but rather unfortunate mix-up with the people who extract collagen from live prisoners for export to evil foreign make-up companies.

Don’t pretend you’ve never heard that old chestnut before.

Anyway, this has all been going on for bloody years, and the fact that now everyone is running around recalling milk powder and milk and ice cream (Magnums! Noooo!) and M&M’s and Snicker’s and Mento’s and Dove Choccies and Oreo’s and Mini-Popper’s and Cornetto’s only goes to show how stupid everyone was to trust these deceitful lying bastards in the first place.

Actually, I’m rather glad to hear this news. Well, relieved is perhaps a better word. All this time, ever since I came to China in fact, I’ve been worried that the pain in my right kidney was due to excessive alcohol consumption. I mean, I’m not an alcoholic (because I don’t go to the meetings), but there are times when I drink to take the pain of life away – such as every day. Now that I know it’s just kidney stones, and that they aren’t serious enough to kill more than a handful of babies, I’m happy as Larry again (in case you were wondering, Larry is your Aunties’ live-in lover).

Thank you, Chinese dairy industry, you’ve taken a load off my mind. May your profits never dwindle, may your KTV whores never get pregnant, and may your CCP masters never extort more from you for their silence than you are willing to pay.

Thank you and good night.

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39 Responses to “Oh the Humanity!”

  1. Sinosceptic said

    Yeah, dairy products and every other fucking thing we eat in China. Is there ever a week goes by without some sort of fkn food scare? It’s bad enough that we hear about the sort of problems with dairy products and babies, because babies are far more vulnerable and susceptible to shit like this and adverse reactions will show up a lot more quickly. Adults on the other hand tend to just keep absorbing crap and it takes a lot longer for it to show up and then in many cases it can be attributed to something else by the patriotic doctors.

    Let’s face it, we all know what we are slowly poisoning ourselves and it may not show up for years after we leave. Everything from the water we drink to the produce we eat to the toothpaste we use to add the final touch of polish to the façade of health we believe we have in China killing us, one day at a time and one less day to live.

    But, SHH!! – If my health insurance company found out then my premiums would go further through the roof than they are now. I’m surprised that they even agree to insure us.

  2. justrecently said

    Honestly, I don’t think that anything would force the CCP to make this story public. If they had decided to sell a nicer picture of the matter, millions of Chinese patriots would have leapt at the patriotic opportunity to help them lying. I believe that advocates of more transparency within the leadership have gained the upper hand after a few days of struggle.
    Basically, I think it’s good that Chinese ppl who want the facts don’t need to listen to foreign radio stations for every detail any more. That said, I’d still continue to do so. The glasnost pipeline which is feeding the Chinese press at the moment is not yet reliable and can be corked again anytime.
    As I said – millions of good patriots would be willing to help with that.

  3. Bill said

    Any predictions on price of human kidney, in say 2 to 3 years ?

  4. justrecently said

    Dozens of possible answers to your speculative question are running through my head, Bill, but I’m not going to voice any of them. I’m not that cynical.

  5. Neddy said

    I feel that real “glasnost” either lasted for a very brief time (as in Sichuan), or has been an illusion altogether. As I said elsewhere, now all that I am waiting for is even the existing info flow to be corked (again, as in Sichuan), as Justrecently put it. I see neither a meaningful change, nor a lasting openness coming any time soon.

    Read this in China Digital Times:

    http://chinadigitaltimes.net/2008/09/china-authorities-avoid-true-reason-behind-contaminated-milk-powder/

    “In order not to interfere with the ongoing Olympics, the authorities would rather let thousands of babies drink tainted milk for a month and gag the media reporting on the incident. Li Changjiang’s resignation obviously cannot comfort the Chinese public because Chinese know very well that it’s not in Li’s job description to make a decision to let kids to drink toxic milk.”

    So much for who is guilty of this fuckup: Have you seen the contamination levels on the list of 22 companies (lost the link, sorry, but saw it somewhere via Danwei)? Most of figures are fractional, and MAY be blamed on milk collectors, and some farmers. But Sanlu’s, and two or three others’ stuff was found contaminated to such a degree, that they must have been putting melamine in by bagfuls on their production lines!

  6. MyLaowai said

    But haven’t they caught the two farmers who were 100% totally and absolutely responsible for the entire ‘incident’? I’ve read where the judge has said they will be executed. Not that the trial has even happened yet, but hey, this is China.

  7. MyLaowai said

    Oh yeah, by the way… has anyone heard anything recently about the ‘investigation’ into why so many schools collapsed in the Sichuan ‘quake? No? Odd, that. Funny too, how no parents of the kids who died seem to be complaining – well, those who weren’t sent for Re-Education Through Hard Labour aren’t complaining, at any rate.

    Funny old world, innit?

  8. Neddy said

    P.S. to my last comment: Some of that contamination info you can find on Sun Bin, here:

    http://sun-bin.blogspot.com/2008/09/and-gold-medal-goes-to-score-2563mg.html

    “Funny old world, innit?” Indeed, but it hurts when you laugh.

  9. Neddy said

    And while you are at it, go the China Digital Times, and have a look at this:

    http://chinadigitaltimes.net/2008/09/chinas-tainted-food-products-only-harm-the-average-people-high-ranking-officials-have-their-own-specially-supplied-food-sources/

  10. Hunxuer said

    It really is the fault of the imperialist Western scumbag governments in the end, right? After all, they are the ones that brought the milk powder making technology to China, thus brainwashing all patriotic and self-sacrificing Chinese to wean themselves off mother’s milk and go for the easier route.

    And then it’s still their fault for creating a money worshipping capitalist mentality now when the Chinese were perfectly content in their socialist utopia of burning temples, beating neighbors, and eating the flesh off of nearly dead relatives. Now they all crave the almighty Merc S class, 15 yr-old hookers (but her passport says she’s 16!) in KTV lounges and slam drinking fine red wine.

  11. MyLaowai said

    Yup. That about sums it up. Just wait and see – the blame will fall on us sooner or later, no doubt about it.

  12. Hunxuer said

    Off topic:

    Why is it EVERY fucking Chinese troll/patriot on blogs these days HAS to insert laughter in their own posts (“ha ha” or “LOL”)?????

    Please let me dust off my Desert Eagle .45 ACP and take aim at their shrunken little skulls.
    LOL!!!!!

  13. Neddy said

    Also off topic, but could not resist: Hunxuer, I never heard of a Desert Eagle in .45ACP. In .357, .41 & .44 magnum, .50AE and maybe some other newer high-power stuff.

    But don’t let me throw a wet blanket on your youthful enthusiasm. Mere details…

  14. Hunxuer said

    Neddy, I don’t profess to know handguns very well. I thought at one time I had heard there was a DE .45 cal.

    Ok then I take a sledgehammer to their wobbly little skulls and cave them in whilst they LOL and ha ha…

  15. MyLaowai said

    .50AE is a bit big for the uninitiated, despite the gas tube that soaks up some of the kick.

    // ~~~LOL >-< ~~~~~~~~(==)

  16. Neddy said

    I think this article in NYT nicely sums up (almost) all that’s known so far about this shitty affair:
    “Despite Warnings, China’s Regulators Failed to Stop Milk”
    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/27/world/asia/27milk.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=asia

  17. Neddy said

    I think this article in NYT nicely sums up (almost) all that’s known so far about this shitty affair:
    “Despite Warnings, China’s Regulators Failed to Stop Milk”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/27/world/asia/27milk.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=asia

  18. Neddy said

    I have gem for you to read:
    “Evolving a self-correcting mechanism for the Chinese society: Thoughts on the tainted milk crisis and other Chinese scandals” on Fool’s Mountain. A quote:

    “While dismayed by the rogue manufacturers’ ability to abuse the public for such a long time (a year, I heard), I am relieved that eventually the scams were exposed, exclusively by forces within the Chinese society. No foreign White knight was in a position to rescue the Chinese people from their rulers and deliver them from their misery. In fact, the New Zealand diary company who owned a stake in the main culprit, Sanlu Diary Corporation, was part of the problem. The Western media have been on the sideline; their opinions on this event are largely irrelevant to the Chinese public.

    http://blog.foolsmountain.com/2008/09/25/evolving-a-self-correcting-mechanism-for-the-chinese-society-thoughts-on-the-tainted-milk-crisis-and-other-chinese-scandals/

    Read it. Keep cool; don’t injure yourself while laughing.

  19. Neddy said

    P.S. Before my last comment, I attempted to post a link to a NYT article “Despite Warnings, China’s Regulators Failed to Stop Milk”. If it is found in the spam-trap, nix it. The link is

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/27/world/asia/27milk.html?ref=asia

  20. justrecently said

    As far as I can tell, BXBQ (the author of the post at foolsmountain) is one of the millions of good patriots I referred to under comment no. 2. That said, I don´t think it´s really that laughable, and one of his better postings. Only if you are used to stuff like foreign elements and forces, of course. But once you´ve become overexposed to the usual national rhetoric and having gotten numb, one might see something which isn´t new at all: great expectations once there is only the slightest silver lining available. Think of how Chinese people named their children even during the darkest decades of their country: Jianguo (building the country), Dongmei (winter blossom, I think, suggesting resilience), and so on.
    One of many samples of wishful thinking, I´d say. I don´t expect this mixture of mortified Chinese explain-aways and putting lipsticks on pigs won´t end any time soon, because the circumstances won´t change much either.
    But wouldn´t it be nice if I were wrong?

  21. Neddy said

    Oh, I didn’t actually laugh myself, it was just that I did not think the author worth of getting angry at. One of his better posts, you say? Life is too short to pussy-foot around: What a moron!

  22. justrecently said

    Nah, I´m not pussy-footing. I´m teaching, I´m a very patient man, and trained in discerning every bit of progress or improvement.

  23. Neddy said

    Whoa, I do understand… I was not shooting at you, but referring to my own unwillingness to bother with the writer of that masterpiece! Myself, I have no patience whatever for the likes of him. And my optimism regarding improvements in the CCPee paradise is ,well, only a tick above the zero mark. I, too, can see improvements, but I fail to find any that can’t be taken away again, should they ever become a threat to harmonious society.

    Peace, and sorry about the misunderstanding.

  24. MyLaowai said

    Personally, I don’t think there’ve been substantive improvements in Chinese society since the Palaeolithic. Sure, instead of caves, we’ve shown them how to build apartment buildings and office blocks, but in terms of social evolution… There hasn’t been any.

    You can put a dog in a renamed Soyuz capsule and call it a Hero of the Nation, but you still can’t stop it barking or pissing on fire hydrants. Frankly, until there is some social evolution here, they will always be a vicious, vile, untrustworthy and dishonourable people, and a threat both to themselves and to others. The only question is, will they come to that happy place before they decide to start slinging nukes, or after it’s too late?

  25. I wouldn’t mind if you were shooting at me, Neddy. I appreciate your straightforwardness, and I’d know how to shoot back ín occasional fits of anger.
    As for the topic, I´d neither flatter nor flagellate myself for my own country’s history from 1933 to 1945. But would you have had great expectations about Germany in 1939 or 1945? Weren’t those years at least as ugly as the Cultural Revolution – from a much higher prior standard? And wasn’t Germany a proven threat, while China is only suspected to be a potential one? Wasn’t Japan looking like a pretty hopeless case? Wasn’t Cambodia?
    What makes China exceptional?

  26. Tai De said

    @ justrecently: Do you threaten to invade China?

  27. MyLaowai said

    @Tai De:

    I’ll bite. Yes, I do threaten to invade China. In fact, I already have. Your women have certainly appreciated it.

  28. @ Mylaowai: Methinks Tai De isn’t Chinese, and his wife isn’t either.
    @ Tai De: I wasn’t, but what a great idea! Do you have an exit strategy, too?

  29. MyLaowai said

    Perhaps we could just invade, capture and convict the dictators that run the joint, kill a bunch of sympathisers, then draw down until the next time.

    Oddly enough, I found myself in a conversation with a taxi driver here, who actually wanted the US to do exactly that. He’s probably undergoing Reform Through Slave Labour now, thanks to the listening devices that all Beijing taxis carry, but I’ve passed on his thoughts to my bosses in the SOE.

  30. MyLaowai said

    Actually, now I’ve thought about it, I know this blog of Tai De. It’s a good blog.

  31. Neddy said

    Now I know why, on justrecently’s website, this blog’s link is attached to a description “a Mother Teresa of Shanghai”.
    *snigger*

  32. MyLaowai said

    It isn’t easy, Neddy, to be perfect.

    But one must try…

  33. So, up to now there is your plan (no. 29) which contains an exit plan. I’m still waiting for Tai De’s, and in addition, I suggest to wait until they’ve invaded Vietnam. It won’t be long, I guess.

  34. justrecently said

    @ Neddy:
    I remember that Mother Teresa came to Shanghai to spread some civilization and light, which I believe is very laudable.

  35. Neddy said

    Exactly!
    That’s what I like about your sense of humour…

  36. MyLaowai said

    As I suspected – indeed, predicted – the Chinese Communist Party is now accusing New Zealand and Australian dairy companies of being at fault, by adding melamine to milk products sold to Chinese companies.

    I hate these bastards more and more with every day that passes.

  37. I think you are too harsh. I mean, look at the situation:
    – the evil Japanese bomb China with exploding notebooks
    – Australia and New Zealand kill their babies
    – Tai De is threatening them with an invasion.
    It’s hard to be the world’s most innocent country.
    Be patient and forgiving, bromo Teresa. The Dark Night of Soul will give way to a new beautiful day. Hehe.

  38. MyLaowai said

    You must be from the southern part of your country, Justrecently. Nice there, I love the trees and the beer.

  39. I´m a Bremer, actually. Grew up on a farm here, and my grandfather taught me coughing, snotting and spitting long before I went to China for the first time.
    They brew some nice beer here too.

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