Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Written in Realtime…

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, January 11, 2009

I’m sitting here, at my custom built computer and sipping my fifth properly dry martini, considering the implications of the current Global Economic Recession. It’s hard for many of us: hardly a day goes by that a major bank doesn’t require a government bailout (China has bailed out each of its’ state-owned banks more than a dozen times each over the last five years, so I know what I’m talking about), companies are dying by the score, and people are seeing their savings evaporate at an alarming rate. I myself have had to actually resort to cooking my own fois gras, and the usual French Sauternes has had to be replaced by an ordinary late harvest white, so I’m quite certain that you understand my own personal pain.

Why, just the other day, I made the tough decision to put off my order for an Aston Martin V8 Vantage Coupe until things eased. It was especially tough because I’d already made the difficult decisions regarding the text on the sill plaques, whether to have fine or coarse stitching on the interior leather-work, and whether or not to have the optional smoker’s pack (well, that one was easy for a man who only smokes Havana’s).

Everywhere I look, I see people in pain. My friends at the club, according to a discrete survey I performed the other night, have reduced the average amount they are prepared to lose to a meager $306 an hour, and a maximum of just $1100 per evening.

Demand for trinkets has plummeted worldwide, and the effect on the entire supply chain has been devastating. I’m not joking when I say that sales in my company have declined nearly seven percent since October!

So, believe me when I say that I am truly heartened by the fact that it is now, in this most troubled of times, that the Chinese Communist Party has bucked the trend… And gone extravagant. Some of you may think I’ve lost my marbles, but I’m serious, and here’s why: When times are tough, as they are now, and both money and resources are in short supply, most people tighten the belt and go back to the basics. They make do with what they have and with what has been proven to work. They generally don’t choose a time like this to invest in pure invention.

Now, I know some of you are reading this and thinking “Hey, I get it, this is where MyLaowai surprises us in an ironical yet humorous way by suggesting that the current ChinaDaily lead story is about how China ‘invented’ all kinds of train technology and didn’t steal it from Alstom, as claimed by everyone else in the world“, or “Hey, I wouldn’t be surprised if MyLaowai brought about a chuckle by mentioning that the Chinese government have made the laughable claim that H5N1 isn’t currently rampaging across Beijing and have even invented a ‘survey’ to prove it.

If so, you would be quite wrong.

Because it’s all quite serious in this currently depressed climate. The CCP is working hard, and investing a lot of time, money, volts and bullets, to totally invent an entirely new history for the recently occupied country of Tibet, which it has every confidence will be bought lock, stock, and several thousand smoking barrels, by ‘The People’. And here’s why:

Tibet is expected to set a date for the commemoration of emancipation of millions of serfs and slaves 50 years ago after the central government foiled an attempted armed rebellion led by the Dalai Lama and his aristocratic supporters.

The bill set forth by the Standing Committee of the regional people’s congress is aimed at “reminding all the Chinese people, including Tibetans, of the landmark democratic reform initiated 50 years ago”

On March 10, 1959, the Dalai Lama and his supporters in the upper ruling class staged an armed rebellion against the central government with assistance from some western powers.

The People’s Liberation Army swiftly quelled the rebellion and later introduced a democratic reform to overthrew the feudal serfdom and abolished its hierarchic social system characterized by theocracy.

Talk about large ones! And you know what? I reckon they’ll get away with it, too.

Time for another martini.

6 Responses to “Written in Realtime…”

  1. C.A. Yeung said

    By the look of it, Bi Hua may have finally cleared her name and is back to do her “United Front Work”. No worries. The computer hacker will get her again. I’m sure of that.

    On a more serious note, the mysterious Tibetan blogger Therang has just posted a very good article about how the global financial crisis will affect Tibet. Here is the link:


  2. MyLaowai said

    That’s a bloody good blog. Well spotted, CA.

  3. justrecently said

    “… and they lived happily ever after.”

  4. Neddy said

    This comment is off topic, but that never stopped me before, so what the hell…

    Just visited the Stonecamel blog, and found this “Request For Help” post:


    Many here know Got Rice?, and his girls, of course. John is a good man, and does not bullshit. So I think that if this cause is good enough for him, more people should hear about it. And, maybe, pass it on.

    My only regret is that I have been too slow to notice myself. The trouble is that, while his pictures are excellent, I have always preferred the real thing to photographs, and so do not visit his site very often.

  5. The world is full of people who are dying. That story/cause has been around for ages. Tell me, why should 2 ‘older’ people deserve support for treatment as opposed to the thousands of kids in an even worse situation who’ve never yet had the chance to experience life?

  6. Neddy said

    True enough you cannot help everyone. But what one chooses to do is his/her own business, and nobody’s else. Least one can do is to pass it on; no harm done and the next bloke may think differently. Or perhaps it’s easier to just lie down, give up and die, no?

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