Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

I Are Not The Stupid

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, March 6, 2009

Stoopid is as stoopid does
– Forrest Gump

Some things in this world are stupid. But there’s another whole realm of mindlessness on the far side of stupidity, and it’s called Retardland. Some people live there their whole lives. Examples are legion:

– Deciding the winner of an argument on the basis of who shakes their index finger the hardest and shouts the loudest is bloody stupid. Making that the basis of your entire legal system is nothing short of retarded.

– Stealing a successful and productive business from someone by illegal and immoral means for no other reason than that they are of a different ethnicity to you is stupid in the extreme. Blaming that person when you manage to single-handedly bankrupt the entire operation within months is retarded. Mister Mugabe, this includes you. Mao Zedong, you too.

– Walking erratically and aimlessly across a busy road in the absence of lights or a pedestrian crossing is incredibly stupid. When the traffic is coming from the left and you are looking steadfastly to the right, that makes you a retard.

The character of Mister Bean is a stupid character. But if he were not a fictional character and were, say, an actual person, then he’d be a retard. The Three Stooges played characters who were stupid, too. If those characters stepped out of the silver screen and became real people, they’d be retards. And there is one place in the world where that has apparently happened. I think you know where I am talking about.

Sometimes being a retard has unexpected consequences, as illustrated below:

– When the woman who does the cleaning has been told every day for a month not to touch [someone’s] desk or anything on it, and she persists in moving [someone’s] things around anyway, she is clearly a retard. And now she is a retard who is looking for another job, and who is, furthermore, nursing a clipped ear.

– When the bus pulls into the terminus, and you are one of the eleven other people who is fighting tooth and claw for the empty thirty seats, that’s retarded. If you happened to be one of those persons and you felt a sharp blow to the right kidney around two thirty this afternoon, then you’ll no doubt be grateful of having a place to sit

– If you’ve tried to sell [someone] a stolen laptop, then you’re an optimistic idiot. If you tried it again an hour later, you’re awfully stupid. If you tried it forty seven minutes after that, then you’re a retard. And if [someone’s] knee happened to nudge you firmly in the wedding vegetables, then you are a retard who will never have to worry about accidentally impregnating a female. Which is probably a good thing for the species as a whole.

– Picture a narrow lane with a high concrete wall either side. There’s just about enough room to get a car down it, but no chance at all of opening your door once you do. Fortunately this lane is clearly marked as being ‘One Way‘. Driving down it the wrong way would be stupid, but insisting on driving down it against the wishes of your passenger when you can see another vehicle coming down towards you is retarded. And if you are that taxi driver, now you have a broken window where your passenger smashed it to climb out. A pity you couldn’t open your door to give chase, but that’s called ‘consequences’.

So by all means, be retarded. But do also be aware that things might not always turn out for the best. Still, as no doubt you know:

Confucius say: “Two thousand, three hundred years of a culling program designed to kill off anyone with brains or balls, combined with a strong belief that incest is a game for the whole family and a culture that rewards failure with promotion and success with punishment, cannot help but produce lucky descendants.

2 Responses to “I Are Not The Stupid”

  1. serdolik said

    Forrest Gump was probably Chinese – judge for yourself: tennis, he played the best of all, ran quickly in the trade was successful, and most importantly, where that has happened – it was this one way or another involved.
    So the Forrest – a clear Chinese …

  2. HCW said

    I have just recently started my blog and am really enjoying leaving comments on my favorite blogs ;) Bookmark for sure.

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