Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

Today is, in fact, March 30th – a great day in history, I’m sure you’ll agree. For it is on this day in history – this one, special, day – that China cannot claim to have invented anything at all. Not only did China completely and utterly fail to invent anything, no matter how small, they even managed to have nobody of note born on this day in history (claims that ‘singer’ Hebe Tian is Chinese can be dismissed on the grounds that it’s a lie, as she is Taiwanese, and claims that Nanjing was made capital of the country on this day in history are refuted on the grounds that Japanese tourists were simply pulling everyone’s leg). Nope, nothing interesting has ever happened on March 30th.

Because MyLaowai favours balanced reporting, we should also note that nothing of any worth or significance happened anywhere else, either. Just ask anyone who has listened to a Celine Dion ‘song’, or anyone who either voted Reagan, lives in Florida, was born in Alaska, or happened to be the Archbishop of Canterbury once. The Heinkel He100 was boring, as was UNIVAC. The Treaty of Paris and the Treaty of Fez are just more examples of ‘unfair treaties’, and the only thing interesting about Hymen Lipman is his suggestive name. World War Two was only the side show to what was happening in China, and nobody cares what the Soviet Union did in Austria. Vincent van Gogh is practically unheard of.

Mind you, the first recorded perihelion passage of Halley’s Comet is something worth remembering, and today we celebrate it’s 2,249th Anniversary. It was discovered, naturally, by Chinese astronomers, according to documents recently uncovered in a demolished hutong in Beijing.

Happy Anniversary, Mister Comet.