Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Chinese People Are Really Birds!

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Guest Post
Western researchers studying local populations in China are coming to the conclusion that Chinese people are not Homo Sapiens as previously thought, but actually an avian species. While correlation does not always indicate causation, the evidence gathered displays some remarkable similarities that bear further research.

1. They eat seeds, cracking them with their teeth and taking the kernel with their tongues.
2. They are happy to perch on almost any surface.
3. Very few can swim.
4. They are prone to making loud noises (especially in the morning).
5. They defecate on the road (or pretty much anywhere they feel like).
6. Their brains are very small.
7. They can’t drive.
8. Their diet consists mostly of seeds, nuts, fruit, carrion, entrails and insects.
9. They are migratory, returning to the spawning grounds in the spring.
10. Males are required to prepare a suitable nest before the female will mate.
11. Females rarely enjoy the act of mating, rather, they tolerate the situation in order to produce offspring.
12. Babies are not born live but as eggs from which the mature adult must peck their way out.
13. Like Bower Birds and Magpies, they are attracted to colourful and shiny objects.

From the behaviours observed, we can narrow the species down to either: parrot, magpie, jay or crow. Crows have the ability to solve problems, create and use tools and predict the outcome of events… so we can scratch crows off of the list. Parrot may be the best candidate. A parrot can repeat language without any conscious comprehension of what it’s actually saying. It is attracted to shiny objects, eats nuts, fruits and some species are known to eat animals and carrion. It also likes nothing more than it’s own reflection and would probably upload it’s beak to weixin daily (if it had the dexterity).

In summary, it appears that Chinese people may actually be a species of Psittacopasserae (Parrots).

Source: Collective effort from some inspired authors contributing to a thread on Reddit

– daPangzi

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16 Responses to “Chinese People Are Really Birds!”

  1. Chinese Netizen said

    Absolutely brilliant conclusion!! There’s a Nobel in there, somewhere. Wonder if Norway will suffer more trade sanctions if you win in the science category?

  2. spain said

    haha. chinese are cheap and primitive. yep they are.

    • spain said

      and fucking dirty. chinese shit and piss on streets.. go to china and u will see it.

      • spain said

        china and chinese are primitive people. do not listen to ur media.

      • Long long time been here said

        Totally know, everyday I get into the lift to my apartment there is a puddle of toddler piss all over the lift floor, I just love stepping in it after a long hard days work! And the smell in an enclosed space after hours in the heat is just……………

    • penguincadi said

      @ Long Long Time Been Here

      你丫的没钱租一个更好的狗窝吗?随地大小便的中国人是低级的(当然总体来说,中国人比你们这些浑身长毛的傻比进化地好多了),你跟这些人住一楼里,不说明点什么吗?比如你也是垃圾?

  3. spain said

    chinese show no respect for other people whatsoever. they are a disgusting race.

  4. da bizarre said

    Glad to see our original chat blossomed so fruitfully… utterly brilliant

  5. penguincadi said

    终于有一篇大致能看懂的东西了。

    这篇引用的傻比西方研究人员研究成果让我想起了另外一些研究人员,比如有个傻比研究出来说,穿品牌衣服的人收入要比穿非品牌衣服的人收入高,而且可能社会地位也高。最近我还发现一个,说每天开心的人收入比每天不太开心的人高。我就纳闷了,这俩傻比就没想过很可能是因为收入高了,有钱了,才买品牌的衣服,没想过收入高了,生活滋润了,每天才乐呵呵的?你们的西方社会就养这样的傻比研究家吗??

  6. penguincadi said

    Warm tips: Those mentally and linguistically retarded guys who very misfortuntely cannot read my Chinese comments are rudely directed to seek medical help from Google Translate. Thanks for your cooperation!

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