Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Bargaining Guidelines…

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, April 20, 2007

Disclaimer: I’ve previously posted this elsewhere, but it’s worth repeating, if for nothing other than me liking to see my name in lights…

1. Chinese are not honest. They lie in much the same way that the rest of us breathe. Assume that every single thing you see, hear, or read is a complete fabrication. I mean it, I really do. Usually, the lies are not even good lies. Blatant, stupid lying is just par for the course here. If you challenge them, they attempt to convince you by shouting and acting angry. Don’t fall for it. You can either shout back or laugh at them. Laughing works best because then they don’t lose face. Do this every time and you won’t go far wrong.

2. Bargaining. After taking careful note of point 1, you bargain hard for the lowest possible price. This is anything from 10-30% of what they say. When you have got the price down as low as it will go, look regretful and reluctantly walk away. That’s usually good for another reduction. Do this a few times and you will get the lowest price. Now, walk away and don’t come back. Go to the next shop and start again, this time knowing where to start bargaining.

3. Do not, under any circumstances at all, ever, assume you are dealing with actual people. You are not. The best that can be said for them is that they have thought processes resembling those of 7-year old children. They may look outwardly similar to us, but even a short time here will be sufficient to convince even a die-hard sceptic of this. Do not underestimate this point.

4. Negative reinforcement is the only strategy that will work here. Being nice and polite is a complete waste of time. Use elbows generously, be unafraid of pushing old ladies out of the way, give way to no-one, walk right over the top of beggars and hawkers, be a compete arsehole… It’s the law of the jungle here! Learn to say “buyao”, meaning “don’t want”.

5. Chinese will tell you that Chinese are honest and kind. Please refer point 1. 99.999% of the population is a natural born thief. They would sell their mother for a small profit and their mother means a lot more to them than you do. Be careful with your money and don’t carry a handbag (backpacks worn on the front).

6. Chinese in general, and Shanghainese in particular, go through life with no colour vision at all. They see everything in shades of profit. The exception is foreigners, whom they additionally see in terms of racial purity. Of course, Chinese are pure, white skin is barely acceptable, other Asians are scum, and brown/black skin is just plain filthy. They are the most xenophobic arseholes I have ever encountered. It actually comes from a deep-seated sense of inferiority, so bear this in mind. It can work in your favour if you play it right.

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One Response to “Bargaining Guidelines…”

  1. Mao Ze Dong said

    “They are the most xenophobic arseholes I have ever encountered. It actually comes from a deep-seated sense of inferiority.”

    “It actually comes from a deep-seated sense of inferiority.”

    THIS is the sentence that says it all about the Chinese, their “government”, China. This is the reason for all their actions, hate, stupidity, backwardness, ignorance, shows, lies, stupidity, weakness and ridiculity beyond belief. There are no other people on this planet who are so far, far behind of being civilized human beings like Chinese. And the day is coming soon: They will face the bloody truth again. And they will continue after it. Like they always did. You can’t teach algebra to monkeys.

    A Hyena has no chance against a Leopard. But China is brave and attacks! It will lose, but a defeat is glory and being a victim feels good to the Chinese. Makes them feel good. For many practical reasons. They need it. Chinese victim-tears are the best. Their so called “culture” is based on that. Since the big opening in 1839 :-D. Thanks to the white man, ONCE AGAIN!

    Where is a lil’ “Thank you West” you little yellow monkeys?

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