Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 22, 2007

Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren
(To the tune of ‘Walk Like An Egyption’ by The Bangles)


All the Chinese folk in the street
They’re always weaving to and fro
If they move too quick (oh Aiyo!)
They’re falling down like a domino


All the wai di ren laying tiles
They work so slow it’s stop not go
Spit on the floor (oh Aiyo!)
They clench their teeth on their cigarettes


Foreign whites with the hooker types say
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren


The whore waitresses take your cash
They turn around and they ask for more
They’ve got some nerve (oh Aiyo!)
They spill your drink, kick you out the door


All the school kids so like to sleep
They like to eat, play PC game
When the buzzer rings (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren


All the thieves in the market place:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren


Slide your feet up the street, bend your back
With your arm, drag a striped sack
Life is hard, you know (oh Aiyo!)
So go into a cheaper whackshack


If you wanna find all the cops
They’re hanging out in the noodle shop
They preen and prance (oh Aiyo!)
Tiny minds and smaller cocks


All the Japanese lose their yen
The Party boys hate some guy called Chen
But those Chineys know (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren


All the cops in the noodle shop say:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren
Walk like a zhongguo ren

2 Responses to “Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren”

  1. shuggie said

    Is There Life On China?
    (With apologies to David Bowie and the inhabitants of Mars).

    It’s a god-awful big affair
    To the gimp with the greasy hair
    But his girlfriend is yelling “No”
    Although he gave her 10 kwai to blow
    But his dick is nowhere to be seen
    So he dry humps
    his middle kingdom queen
    In the back of his Audi A4
    While watching CCTV
    But the show is a saddening bore
    For he’s seen it
    ten times or more
    He could spit at the drop a hat
    It could fill a 12 gallon vat

    Slappers gobbing on the pavement
    Oh man!
    Look at those cavemen go
    It’s the freakiest show
    Take a look at those dumbshits
    Picking at their noses
    Oh man! Wonder if they’ll ever know
    They’re in the worst selling show
    Is there life on China?

    It’s on Confucius’ tortured brow
    That Mickey Mouse
    is the national sacred cow
    Now the masses
    have struck for fame
    ‘Cause the yuan’s been fixed again
    See the scum in their million hordes
    From Harbin to the Guangzhou Broads
    Nuke Japan is out of bounds
    They don’t have the weaponry anyhow
    But the scene is a saddening bore
    ‘Cause I’ve seen it
    ten thousand times or more
    It’s about to be played again
    As I ask you to focus on

  2. Priceless! Both of you!

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