Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren
Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 22, 2007
Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren
(To the tune of ‘Walk Like An Egyption’ by The Bangles)
All the Chinese folk in the street
They’re always weaving to and fro
If they move too quick (oh Aiyo!)
They’re falling down like a domino
All the wai di ren laying tiles
They work so slow it’s stop not go
Spit on the floor (oh Aiyo!)
They clench their teeth on their cigarettes
Foreign whites with the hooker types say
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren
The whore waitresses take your cash
They turn around and they ask for more
They’ve got some nerve (oh Aiyo!)
They spill your drink, kick you out the door
All the school kids so like to sleep
They like to eat, play PC game
When the buzzer rings (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren
All the thieves in the market place:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren
Slide your feet up the street, bend your back
With your arm, drag a striped sack
Life is hard, you know (oh Aiyo!)
So go into a cheaper whackshack
If you wanna find all the cops
They’re hanging out in the noodle shop
They preen and prance (oh Aiyo!)
Tiny minds and smaller cocks
All the Japanese lose their yen
The Party boys hate some guy called Chen
But those Chineys know (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren
All the cops in the noodle shop say:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren
Walk like a zhongguo ren
Wo Shi Laowai - Wo Pa Shui 
shuggie said
Is There Life On China?
(With apologies to David Bowie and the inhabitants of Mars).
It’s a god-awful big affair
To the gimp with the greasy hair
But his girlfriend is yelling “No”
Although he gave her 10 kwai to blow
But his dick is nowhere to be seen
So he dry humps
his middle kingdom queen
In the back of his Audi A4
While watching CCTV
But the show is a saddening bore
For he’s seen it
ten times or more
He could spit at the drop a hat
It could fill a 12 gallon vat
[CHORUS]
Slappers gobbing on the pavement
Oh man!
Look at those cavemen go
It’s the freakiest show
Take a look at those dumbshits
Picking at their noses
Oh man! Wonder if they’ll ever know
They’re in the worst selling show
Is there life on China?
It’s on Confucius’ tortured brow
That Mickey Mouse
is the national sacred cow
Now the masses
have struck for fame
‘Cause the yuan’s been fixed again
See the scum in their million hordes
From Harbin to the Guangzhou Broads
Nuke Japan is out of bounds
They don’t have the weaponry anyhow
But the scene is a saddening bore
‘Cause I’ve seen it
ten thousand times or more
It’s about to be played again
As I ask you to focus on
{Chorus}
Stranded Mariner said
Priceless! Both of you!