Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

How China Is This?

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, January 6, 2011

From the Party mouthpiece, ChinaDaily:

Mistresses jump into the river for BMW

Two 25-year-old women who shared the affections of the same man in Jinan, Shandong province, jumped into the Yellow River in the hope of snagging a BMW.

The pair were both mistresses of a man surnamed Wang, who had separately promised to buy each of them a BMW car.

When the two women ran into each other on Jan 3, they began to quarrel about the car. One of them said she would do anything for Wang and jumped into the Yellow River to show she meant it. Not to be outdone, the second one followed suit.

A passer-by surnamed Mi saw the two women, one of whom had cut her leg on an icicle, and pulled them from the river before calling their lover.

Wang, a construction supplier from the Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region, arrived at the scene with his wife, who denounced the two women and told her husband to return the BMW to her.

An anonymous party reported the ensuing row to the police, who recorded the incident, and Wang paid Mi for rescuing the women from the river.

You couldn’t make this stuff up, honestly.

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28 Responses to “How China Is This?”

  1. MyLaowai said

    This nicely illustrates the reason that China was removed from the Darwin Awards, as otherwise there’d be no room left for any other nominees.

    Mel Brookes was the last person who could have made a believable movie about China.

  2. justrecently said

    Pretty familiar opera, including Lei Feng (Mr. Mi), who, however, in real life, would give a damn on two drowning silly babes in a cold river, of course. And if Wang xiansheng really paid someone fifty cents for bothering him and his wife, it was probably at gunpoint.

  3. Slap2tickle said

    I wonder if Mr Mi got the 2 girls too, damn, point me in the direction of the nearest river….

  4. justrecently said

    So you think you can manage them better than Mr Wang, right? I’d keep their lives and mine separate. Very separate.

  5. Slap2tickle said

    Good point, maybe it’s best they drowned..

  6. justrecently said

    I’d probably be stupid enough to perform the same duty as Lei Feng did, and consequently get suspected by the police of having kicked the two girls into the river in the first place, being a bloody foreigner.
    But if I had to choose, I’d take Mr Wang’s fifty cents, rather than the two tarts, as a reward.

  7. This summarizes all aspects of ‘modern’ China in a nutshell. :)

  8. Nips Are Great said

    The terms ‘modern’ and ‘China’ are mutually exclusive.

    If Wang wanted some extra tail why wouldn’t he just pay a couple hundred RMB and get a couple girls to tag team him. Christ, they’re all over the place and ripe for the money. Whether he goes to a KTV joint, a day time hotel, or a barber shop.

    And let’s face it. If Wang had the coin to drop on a BMW then he could probably drive it around and stop at any intersection morning, noon, or night, roll down the window and say to passing girls, ‘Take turns smoking my dirty little pecker for a couple hundred?’

    Most of the women here are borderline hoes. They all know to get something you have to give.

    Wang…. Chinks are stupid.

  9. Zhang Yimin said

    you hurt feelings of chinese peoples!! apologize stupid foreigners! chinese is the best strong race and best highest pure best culture in world! strong and number 1 . you jealious foreigner and china master of world . you dirty foreigner you serve chinese peoples soon be slave!!!greater best race and pure race in world is chinese race and our culture is best and supirior in all world and we leaders!! we give world all culture and all the things, China is gold in world,no forget you stupid the people.you li to the us!!all life from China is center and you country belonged to CHINA! .you no lie and be freiend OK?? no angry, you live to our china culture soon and speak chinese all world all country,because is better then yours english foreigners!!!CHINA GO! arogant foreigner must be beaten very very hard!!!white infirior race must die!I hate the foreigner,all lie and jealousy! beat ugly stupid foreigner!!! China is owner the world! Love leaders and the party of the China power!CHINA!!!!!master world!!!!!

  10. Zhang Yimin said

    Nips Are Great you must die!chinese girl sleep with dirty foreigner is die too the die!chinese smart you so naive. is best race and the blood in world and the man in china is best .i hate foreigner must die all white die!!! china is best you stupid!!!so smart use you! use the you!CHINA POWERS!!!!Day coming so you SLAVE FROM CHINA YOU MUST SLAVE FOREIGNER TO CHINA!!! WHITE IS THE SLAVE TO CHINA! HAHAHA!

  11. Nips Are Great said

    Well…. I don’t know what to say.

    I guess I’m flattered.

    I’m happy you appreciate my comments.

    Thank you for your support.

  12. xxyyjl said

    CHINA INVENTED CIVILIZATION, APPRECIATE IT, YOU SPOILED UNAPPRECIATED WAIGUO SCUM!!! AMONG OTHER THINGS, PRINTING PRESS, ELECTRICITY, ART, OPERA ETC BITCH!

    • MyLaowai said

      All true. Well, except for the bit about the printing press, electricity, art and opera. As for civilisation, it may perhaps have been invented in China, but it is no longer to be found here.

      Have a very happy day, grasshopper.

    • Nips Are Great said

      Very Nice.

      Another fan.

      It’s true, the chinks did fairly well when the Mongols ruled China. And of course when the Manchus ruled the chinks they faired well too. When the West ruled a few slices of chinkyland things were good for the locals. And of course the Nips really brought the chinks up to speed on a few things.

      Undoubtedly Xxyyjl is quite excited and getting history confused. Chalk it up to an overenthusiastic student.

      It is undeniable the chinks do have a fairly impressive prostitution industry. They must have a long history of whoring out their wives and daughters to anybody who’ll pay a nickel or a dime.

  13. Slap2tickle said

    @ Nips are Great.

    Didn’t you know that is one of the few inventions the Chinese prefer to keep quiet. The oldest profession in the world thanks to the Chinese, how to say “invented in China 5000 years ago and still going strong” alone with AIDS……. but that’s just speculation.

  14. JamesZou said

    China destini is to rule world. This is very clear. The greater civilization dominate. The China culture and civilization is stronger and famous than western and is clear that China raise so much in short time. It showing China is super power of world and will dominiate. Foreigners is weak and foreign culture is very very low and not good and primitiv compare with China, so China have duty to bring high culture to world and responsible to educated world to accept the Chinese power! The people must accept higher culture power now. is chinese people and 5000 year culture!!!. this is very normal.China want to make the friends and respect. you must foreigners. Foreigners partner to make China small in ancient times, so why China can not be strong power in ancient times. because you! Foreigner stop China developing and stole chinese big invention and sience. All by China make, Foreigner stole! for example the car was first develop by Zhong Niang!! And steel also in CHINA! sorry china is best in world, please no bad word! is the fact!! Now China is smart and strong again and foreigners will go down to China culture and accept, our great culture which is the gold in this world and very very good and best. Foreigner is jealous to China culture and better is be friend to China. foreigners: Not be afraid, Chinese culture is rich and want happy!! All world and the peace!

  15. JamesZou said

    also the world big event in world for leading country is EXPO, a event most famous in world for for civilization and OLYMPIC and all made in CHINA! so proud! Is very good sign for rise of China and place in world for leader!! Why you insult China all time? you so funny and low.

  16. Pan Gu-tu said

    PAN GU and the sacred COSMIC-EGGg-OF-CREATION invented the world 5,500 years ago! He will come back SOON and CLEAN the world from chaos, this blog which doesn’t understand China, and you, TOO, TURTLE-EGG! China is ALREADY the NEW SUPERPOWER and SHAKES HEAVEN AND EARTH! SHAKE WITH FEAR!

    • MyLaowai said

      Have you ever considered a career in stand-up? You’re pretty good, actually.

      Jia you, etc.

    • JamesZou said

      yes, this the very true. Thank you friend.this Blog is so naive. Why the foreigners so naive. very funny.In fact, the first to make culture cooking style and food was the CHINESE! we eat fine food in the ancient times also now when world eat very bad food. Also egg from turtle is very traditional chinese food and special. only in China you eat this. is very good and delicious and foreigner envy us, foreigner only eat pizza and potatoes, so poor. so, all foreigner like the chinese food, is because of long history.

      • Nips Are Great said

        Trust a stupid fucking chinese git to rave on about what passes as ‘culture’ in chinky-land but use the name ‘James’, which is a version of the Hebrew ‘Jacob’, definitely Judeo-Christian.

        JamesZuo you’re a twat. I’d put it into your mother but she’s probably got some grievous v.d. from the Nip soldiers her and her mother serviced during the good old days.

        And James you’re welcome to think Chinese cooking is great. Yes the chinks do a great job with pig anus, trotters, ears, and snout.

      • JamesZou said

        chinese food is best in world and very famous.why you insult china. james is waiguo name but I use for making friends with foreigners.because foreigner can no speak chinese and say chinese name.so we must use english name to help the foreigners because they not know china and china culture,because china is so difficult and foreigner,cannot understand chinese name.chinese are smart we speak english but foreigner no speak chinese, because is high language and very difficult for foreigner to learn,.i no speak with you now because you insult chinese and me.bye.

  17. Nips Are Great said

    Dear mylaowai,

    I am a fan of yours.

    Could you post something entertaining for us.

  18. michaeljing said

    fuk you laowai! you hurt feelings of chinese people!fuk you!!!china is best culture and best food and best people!world belong to the china!!! die all waiguoren die all,china i love is best country in world!die all laowai you no culture and laowai is animal low no culture! we chinese are best of world and rule this the world.,chinese high culture and is high people forever!!!!!love china,best people and high culture of world!!waiguoren die!

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