Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Posts Tagged ‘Music’

Welcome To Red China

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, December 10, 2007

Welcome To Red China

 

I first came to live in China back in 1992,
I thought I’d really like it, that I’d learn a thing or two.
I thought of Monks in orange robes sat up on a hill,
And how there weren’t no whores or hookers, and nobody popped pills.

 

I’d seen those lovely movies put out by the CCP
About how everyone was happy, and everyone was free,
And how the People were always diligent, and everyone was kind…
Then I got to immigration, and saw this great big sign:

 

Welcome to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.
Our Women are cold-blooded monsters,
Our Men retarded runts.
We perch like bloody pigeons
And other stupid stunts.
Welcome to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.

 

I went out to a restaurant, to find out what they eat:
Insect parts and rodent’s guts and fuckin’ chickens feet!
And they wash it down with ‘baijiu’ – gasoline more like,
It’s the kind of muck that’ll keep you up chundering all night.

 

As for the bloody music, it was sickly Canton-pop,
And they were always yipping yapping, they never bloody stopped!
The constant din and racket was doing in me head,
When this ugly hooker waitress turned to me and said:

 

Welcome to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.
Our Women are cold-blooded monsters,
Our Men retarded runts.
We ride motorbikes on the footpath
And other stupid stunts.
Welcome to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.

 

Anyone with any balls is sentenced to hard time.
The Chairman’s a bloody butcher, the CCP’s a herd of swine,
The Law is just a standing joke. Justice? I think I’ll pass,
And the Premier has his mouth connected to his arse.

 

I’ve been here more than fifteen years, it’s too late to go home –
I think the cancer’s got me in the stomach, lungs and bones,
And me nerves are all a shattered mess, and I’ve lost the will to live.
But with me final dyin’ breath this warning I will give:

 

Don’t come to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.
The Women are cold-blooded monsters,
The Men retarded runts.
They always blame us foreigners
For all their stupid stunts.
So don’t come to Red China:
Land of sawn-off savage cunts.

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Posted in China | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 22, 2007

Walk Like A Zhongguo Ren
(To the tune of ‘Walk Like An Egyption’ by The Bangles)

 

All the Chinese folk in the street
They’re always weaving to and fro
If they move too quick (oh Aiyo!)
They’re falling down like a domino

 

All the wai di ren laying tiles
They work so slow it’s stop not go
Spit on the floor (oh Aiyo!)
They clench their teeth on their cigarettes

 

Foreign whites with the hooker types say
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren

 

The whore waitresses take your cash
They turn around and they ask for more
They’ve got some nerve (oh Aiyo!)
They spill your drink, kick you out the door

 

All the school kids so like to sleep
They like to eat, play PC game
When the buzzer rings (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren

 

All the thieves in the market place:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren

 

Slide your feet up the street, bend your back
With your arm, drag a striped sack
Life is hard, you know (oh Aiyo!)
So go into a cheaper whackshack

 

If you wanna find all the cops
They’re hanging out in the noodle shop
They preen and prance (oh Aiyo!)
Tiny minds and smaller cocks

 

All the Japanese lose their yen
The Party boys hate some guy called Chen
But those Chineys know (oh Aiyo!)
They’re walking like a zhongguo ren

 

All the cops in the noodle shop say:
Aiyo! Aiyo! oh Aiyo!
Walk like a zhongguo ren
Walk like a zhongguo ren

Posted in China | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Gratuitous Sex and Music Interlude

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, November 3, 2007

Posted in Sex Sex Sex | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »