Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Bog Leaping Day

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I hope you’re all enjoying St. Patrick’s Day. Please note that sobriety isn’t a substitute for happiness. I’m planning on inventing a new drink shortly, and I’ll let you know how I get on if I can remember the details tomorrow.

That Patrick, he was an interesting fellow. He rid Ireland of snakes, don’tcherknow? Mind you, the Chinese (who invented Ireland) have a few Saints of their own, and none so awe-inspiring as Saint Mao Zedong.

That Irish chap, he may have rid a small, cold, island of snakes, but Mao Zedong managed to rid an entire empire of foreigners! The old bog leaper increased the number of converts to Christianity, but Saint Mao doubled the size of his empire by including most of his neighbours in his Map of New China (and then sent in the Army to make sure everyone was okay with the general idea). And finally, although Paddy’s followers eventually came up with a ‘Two Patrick’s Theory‘, Mao’s disciples came up with a ‘Three Represents Theory‘, which is not only one better, but also way harder to understand.

Mind you, pretty much everyone in the world thinks becoming Irish for a day (this day, in fact) is pretty good. I can’t think of very many people who’d want to be Chinese for any period of time, and that includes a lot of Chinese.

So here’s a toast to you, my loyal readership. Here’s also to Saint Patrick, who rid Ireland of serpents. And here’s to Saint Mao Zedong, the greatest butcher of all time, who not only went to war with every one of his neighbours, but who also managed to kill well over a hundred million of his own people (for which he is officially ‘thirty percent wrong’). Cheers!

xxx Vixen, the MyLaowai copy editor.

St Patrick's Day


Update the Next Day: We here at MLHQ did manage a new alcoholic invention that will shake the very foundations of Christendom. At least, we thought last night that this would be the case, but now none of us are sure of the precise ingredients or exact method. It included Guinness, and London Gin. And some other stuff. And now I’m going to have a cup of tea and think quiet thoughts. -Vixen.

3 Responses to “Bog Leaping Day”

  1. serdolik said

    I agree – let’s drink together – this is better than war …

  2. gaylord said

    “Mind you, pretty much everyone in the world thinks becoming Irish for a day…”

    That’s amazing, never knew the world was what you defined it to be.

  3. MyLaowai said


    You’re obviously not a student of philosophy, are you?

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