Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

It’s [Fact] Friday!

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, March 20, 2009

Today’s fact is:

Fact! China invented toilet paper.

It’s a well-established fact that toilet paper was invented for the use of the Chinese Imperial Court. The sheets measured two by three feet each, and by the fourteenth century in Zhejiang province alone, production exceeded ten million packages each containing 1,000 to 10,000 sheets. All this goes to show that to be a Chinese Official, you really had to be full of shit. Times, of course, change, and today consumption of toilet paper for the entire nation is less than 100 sheets per year. The officials are still, however, just as full of shit.

China – Leading The Way Since 2991BC

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12 Responses to “It’s [Fact] Friday!”

  1. justrecently said

    I’m afraid you got this wrong. Toilet paper was of course invented in China and nowhere else, but only in 1948. These days, the purchase of toilet paper is sometimes mandatory.

  2. Neddy said

    Oy, trying to hurt Chinese people’s feelings again? This time by equating the birth of People’s Daily with invention of toilet paper? I think you are confusing “toilet paper” with “shit-paper”. Two different things altogether.
    I recommend the “10 Things China Is Really Good At” post, at
    http://froogville.blogspot.com/2009/03/list-of-month-10-things-china-excels-at.html
    I think the item “1) Inventing stuff (but then not fully developing or utilizing it) applies to 4999 years of history of toilet paper. Whereas history of the shit-paper got to do something with item “10) Boring its population into acquiescence”

  3. Neddy said

    P.S. There’s a massive body of expert literature available on all aspects of this topic and associated issues. One of my favourites is “The environmentally friendly approach to paper conservation” article by one PiPi, at
    http://frankcandoit.com/sinocidal/?p=178
    Sorry about missing pictures, but it’s still rather good.

  4. justrecently said

    So what’s mandatory? Buying toilet paper, or buying shit paper? Just to put an end to my confusion.

  5. Neddy said

    If I were you, JR, I wouldn’t take myself (Neddy) too seriously.

    But if you insist, I’d say it’s the shit paper that’s mandatory in the Motherland, as per your link. It’s full of crap. For which reason also I wouldn’t recommend it for toilet paper use: CCP’s excreta in intimate contact with one’s bum… very unsanitary!

    Aww, I dont know. Maybe I am ripe for a bit of re-education. Haven’t been back to China for almost two years…

  6. justrecently said

    So shitpaper is for reading. That’s scientific.

  7. MyLaowai said

    If I may…? I think the confusion is due to the lack of the definite article.

    Toilet paper is toilet paper, but ChinaDaily isn’t shit paper – it’s ‘a’ shit paper. And although this particular shit paper is for reading, I wouldn’t recommend it, even in emergencies. There are days when I literally have to reinsert my spleen after venting it completely out of my body in reaction to reading ChinaDaily’s daily dose of lies and excreta.

    The mandatory part comes from the fact that for many people in China, purchase of ChinaDaily and/or the many other political propaganda newspapers the Party puts out is not an optional extra – it’s compulsory, required by your employer / school / department / etc.

  8. Hey, they invented the turd. Only logical they would invent the toilet paper as well.

  9. justrecently said

    Turds are about cultures, not about civilizations. Are you suggesting that stone age people, more than 5000 years ago, were unable to produce turds, due to constant runs?
    Get scientific.

  10. The turd was invented during the Han dynasty. Together with oxygen, the snowboard, the outboard engine, and cricket.

  11. In the 1960s Mao recognized that toilet paper was a great threat to his power and so urged the Red Guards to defecate on people they found using the “imperialist butt cleansing cloths.” The method worked and the use of toilet paper was all but eradicated. Because not using toilet paper makes the children stinky enough to distract us during class, we decided it was time to teach them about toilet paper. The task was more difficult than expected and may end up taking years.

  12. MyLaowai said

    “The task was more difficult than expected and may end up taking years.”

    Yeah, another 5,000 at least.

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