Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Very Fashion, Redux

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, February 4, 2011

Hello Dear Valued Reader, and a special hello to all the laowai lost in the land of the endless bribe. Of course, happy fricking late-assed new year and a billion burst eardrums to you and yours. Next, let me apologise for my late supplemental. Boss warned me many weeks ago that this article would be due, and I missed the deadline. Some of my research subjects have had extra time off for good behaviour for their spring festival, and we have been… exploring various avenues for… err… competing alternative theories that I am still following up on for you, but evidence is now coming to hand rapidly and vigorously, and the baijiu has run out, so I shall report my preliminary findings now.

Ob-Comp R&D
They can’t help it, it’s a cultural thing, they just have to Rip-off & Duplicate whatever they see. Base level whores, whose unsung role is keeping the glue of society firmly in place, have little choice about their fashion: they have to advertise their wares, and usually amplify said wares in this land of airport runways. They are omni-present, thus exerting a constant sub-conscious pressure on all of society’s fashions through the stupid desire to conform and blend in with everyone else lest you get stood on by a tank or something.

Foreign female readers, take a deep breath and let it out slowly before proceeding. Find that happy place first… Ready? Ok. You see, fashion for Chinese is the ability to choose an outfit just like everyone else is wearing. Uniformity, conformity, normality, blendicity … all these and more are paradigms for Chinese fashion, business, entertainment, food and so on. Certainly demonstrable for what passes as beer here.

This is a country where not so long ago, if people in your community were talking about you behind your back, you’d probably end up in the local dumplings as meat. These days, you’ll probably just switch to a richer man (and proper pork dumplings).

There are days when a rich student will come to class dolled up to the max. I have often queried why. The answer still shocks me: “Because I couldn’t dress like this anywhere else other than here or home. It is too different from what everyone else wears.

It looks like a duck…
If it looks like a young boy then maybe it should dress like one too…

You’re looking at the wrong fashion accessory
Women ARE the fashion accessory for men. Their only real purpose in proper society is to dress up as her man’s plaything and appear beside him on cue as required. What that exact relationship is, will always be somewhat variable. Thus, in order to avoid actually making any serious claim to a definitive level of relationship with the man, if they all appear as the wannabe hopeful, maybe they will get lucky.

More means less
Ok, so I am open to the charge I have been here long enough that my pearls of wisdom are beginning to sound as klutzy as the Confusionus fellow. However, the math is simple: 1.3 billion people + limited denim etc production = hungry shorts + skimpy thin t-shirts + eye glasses without glass. This goes for everyone, with the nouveau riche strutting their leathers, furs and chains as they rise their fashion sense towards bondage mistress.

The Korean Influence
Everybody who is anybody in China will tell you that if you want plastic surgery you go to Korea, don’t let another Wang Bei Super-Bint butcher near your precious skin, no no no.

So, the people with the money go to Korea to try and correct their inbred exteriors. Whilst there, they are exposed to Korean fashion. Korean whores tend for a slightly classier look SOMETIMES. Anyway, the point here is that different whore fashions come in to a small percentage of the eastern peasants.

Its a Big Improvement
A fun mental exercise. Compare and contrast the Zhongshan zhuang of Chairman Mao and what they wear today. Thanks. Look in the archives, from the red and yellow mickey mouse cheerleader fashion in the 70’s, to the hip, grungy and definitely-for-hire slut look of today, its been one glorious long road of progress and freedom for the masses.

Author’s Note
Personally, I am all in FAVOUR of these fashion trends, so please don’t take this as any proof that Chinese whores should start dressing in any other way. It’s just such a fascinating area of research that I can’t help but extend beyond apathy into active interest.

Umm, boss, you did say that the brothel receipts would be fully tax-deductible on this research… right?
[ML: Yes, but your condom expenses are a joke. More than one and you aren’t doing it right.]

– Da Bizarre


3 Responses to “Very Fashion, Redux”

  1. Hans said

    less is more is the best fashion trend and chicks dressing like whores is awesome, it is the first of many steps to live in paradise ;0

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