Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Very Fashion

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, February 4, 2011

New arrivals in the Middle Kingdom have all kinds of questions for experienced old hands like myself, and usually we are able to steer the inexperienced down the correct path and away from trouble. In rare cases, however, the question posed is somewhat of a poser, if you see what I mean. One such question – and one that I have noticed is posed by almost everyone within a month of arriving here – is as follows:

Why do almost all Chinese women dress like whores?

Now, the obvious response is that almost all Chinese women are whores, but despite the evident truth of this, it doesn’t really address the issue of why they dress the way they do. Team MyLaowai investigated…

For one to understand the results, one must approach the question in a systematic and logical manner. There seemed to be two reasons why almost all Chinese women dress like whores:
1. because they want to
2. because that’s all the shops sell

With reference to 1., this is an expected condition, for the same reason that firemen dress like firemen.
With reference to 2., however, we need to look deeper. The shops sell whore-fashions, but who owns the shops? Who makes that decision? A crack team of MLW researchers was therefore sent out on an under-the-covers secret mission. That mission? To find out who owns these fashion shops, what is their shadowy background, and how they came to it.

The results were astounding. It turns out that every whore that was interviewed, whether professional or merely keen amateur, had exactly the same dream, and that was to “own a fashion shop and so on”. I’m not kidding, 98.7% said the same thing, word for word.

The conclusion seems clear, so here is the explanation:
1. Whores want to have their own fashion shops.
2. In some cases, they succeed in leaving home and renting their own shop.
3. They sell the fashion they know, which is whore-fashion.
4. Their customers, who are also almost entirely whores of an amateur nature, buy their clothes.
5. Their customers eventually want to have their own fashion shops.
… And so the majestic cycle of nature repeats itself.

I will leave it there, content to have clarified the opaque and murky waters of Chinese ‘culture’ once again. I have nothing else to say except Happy Year of the Rabbit to you all. I know it is the Year of the Rabbit, because the neighbours climbed over my garden wall, stole the children’s pet rabbit, and cooked it. The kids were, quite naturally, distraught, but they soon saw the funny side when I took them on a 4a.m. raid to super-glue all the windows and door locks next door, before pushing a string of firecrackers through the letterbox. Oh, how they laughed, the little scamps.

Happy Eat Rabbit Year.


18 Responses to “Very Fashion”

  1. Nips Are Great said

    Dear My Lao Wai,

    I suppose it’s a happy coincidence that I can confirm your research.

    Many years ago when I actually cared to engage with the great unwashed masses in local land I made the acquaintance of a woman who sold whore-gear from a boutique. This must been ’99 / 2000. Her business boomed and she opened one whore-gear boutique after another and soon had a half dozen going. She’s made a lot of coin.

    During the years I would bump into her now and again through mutual friends. Well, cut to the chase….

    So this vendor of whore-gear got married one day and I was invited. It was her third wedding, no surprise. The dinner was around the block from where I live and I went. So after the banquet it seemed by coincidence she sat down beside me. We had all drank too much goddamn baijiu but that’s par for the course, right?

    Her newly-wed husband wasn’t around. She put her arm around me and stuck her tongue down my ear. I’m certain some people noticed. Then she started rubbing my leg under the table. Yes, really.

    I didn’t screw her. She probably would’ve been a great romp but you never know what you’re going to pick-up.

    They’re all whores.

  2. […] Very Fashion « Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui Sphere: Related Content […]

  3. michaeljing said

    fuk you laowai,our chinese woman is best in world. chinese is best in world and master of all waiguo and world.you die soon, pure blood of china no like your blood, you no use our country longer you die soon white trash. fuk you! china long live best culture and strong forever in all world, the best!!!!!

  4. Wang Lipu said

    Yes, Michael, fuk laowai. But fuk ASO YOU, beerer of a name APE THE WEST! (michael) You and lowai real name is dog-shit, all you and lowai! dont wright WESTERN name as chinese!

    China too invented spring festive only! China, NOT OTHER contry! China too invented beautifuls china characters to write chinese name!

    and herbals. Wen all western lowai dai because eat macdonald dirt they crool and beg for china herbal medicine but all dai because china herbal medicine only for China and because not respect beloved motherland China and not get our herbals!

    and no “cycle of nature” in China. Chinese rule nature. And have one child polisi. And tree gargle damn! And on moon can see our GREAT WALL! and firework.

    祖国,我爱你!love motherloand tenthousand times! Down with mylaowai and laiwai!

    Wang Lipu (王离谱)

  5. Slap2tickle said

    Actually the greatwall can’t be seen from space with the naked eye, and yes most people die from eating Chinese medicine due to the large quantities of mercury contained in them due to the production processes involving industrial chemicals and heavy metals, also given the choice maybe I’d prefer Macdonalds, at least this way I’d have a happy smile on my face when I die. Of course China invented the Spring festival, China invented everything including corruption, prostitution, the plague ……. the list goes on and I don’t have 5000 years to list them all.

    “China too invented beautifuls china characters to write chinese name!” Yet you write your name in Pinyin which uses the Romanized characters and only use hanzi as a second language signature in brackets. There is a word for people like you but I will “self harmonize” it into …. c**t.

  6. Wang Lipu (王离谱) said

    Fuk u2, spaptikle! Chinese like me alswaxs very considering and help fukers hu dont understand Chinese. So I rite name in romans and sugest u learn Chinese lanugage at an earlier date! I fu r religus, u can say GOD invented parrostituton! So good and bad, but fukin laiwai site is HATE site. u hatefull to!! We riese at earlier date and then u become very poor bugger with NOTHING!!

    祖国,我爱你!love motherloand tenthousand times! Down with mylowai and laiwai!

    • michaeljing said

      you traitor.i speak the english because all ,laowai speak english. all know china speak chinese and the world outside all speak english! is waiguo language! why you do thiseyou no good people.china make all in the world.because of best culture and nation.china is best country and leader of all in world. if you chinese you must agree.china is owner and best culture and rule world.china rule all because most high culture!! laowai must beaten they copy all of us and make China small in ancient times!!!Now we strong and beat waiguo.I so proud!

      • Wang Lipu (王离谱) said

        You however can dare qurrel with me, fuking so-called “Jing”? You not Chinese, because dont know that no split allowed in elewaited body of Rising China! What face you make China to lowai scum?

        I already show how to silenth shameless stupoid laiwai. You only stinking 9 category but lowai not Chinese. You never get herbal, never no how to use other tool then forc to shovel food in your lost face! No Chinese culchure! You alredy mentaly dead! Fuk off!!

      • michaeljing said

        you stupid wang. michael is chinese name,so i use .is origin in ming dynasty of china and close to china and make in CHINA,foreigner copy with marco polo and steal name and everything steal from China!!! all from china steal by waiguo .you stupid and no understand china culture and history.you fuk and shut mouth. you jelous to China and our world power. this world is chinese you understand!!and very stupid.stupid foreigner you are.you no culture and low the chinese very very high and deceent. you not chinese..is no use speak with you.you go now.stupid foreigners

      • Wang Lipu (王离谱) said

        People must never believe that so-called “Jing” is Chinese, because is not!! So-called “Jing” is violator of Chinese honourand not undedrstanding China, not even a Chinese caracter also never used! Sure “jing”use forc to eat like horsew, This is proof!!! Cant be refooted!!!!

        So-called “Jig” is example of dividing China into infight, to subjugate great motherland by foreign agan at eaerlier date as ulterior motive! So need be very carful of so-called “Chinese”! Only WANG LIPU(王离谱)is Chinese in realty! Only believe WANG LIPU (王离谱)and not to believe so-called “Jing”! And never trust!!!

        Fuk lowai or lowailackey “Jing” ten-thousand times, already condemed by history for tentawsand years!! !!!

      • michaeljing said

        you not understand china because you laowai.you bad people and hurt feeling of china i no speak with you.[

      • Hao Ganbu said

        As an Elder, who took part in the Long March and crossed many a dengerous bridge, I must say that I am very concerned, even worryed, when some young people who haven’t been on the Long March and haven’t seen the trouble of the past don’t understand the importance of unity of today.

        Xiao Wang, your efforts and your success in silencing the shameless hateful laowaimen is very good, even commendable. However, you must not say that Jing is no compatriot, because he is. I can see from his good attitude to our motherland as a tongbao.
        Xiao Jing, you must not spoil Xiao Wang’s good efforts. He is also Chinese, but still very young, very inexperienced, but you are even more unexperienced! So you should learn from him.
        But abov all, show a united front to a hoistile world!


      • Wang Lipu (王离谱) said

        好干部的英文多么标准啊!!真羡慕好干部的知识!!小 Jing 同胞,我们向好干部学习吧!
        好干部,赞赏, 赞赏, 赞赏您的正确指导!

      • goodganbu said

        At last, everything is very harmonius and pissfull.
        Xiexie dajia. Nimen xinkule.

  7. Wang Lipu (王离谱) said

    Now shameless stupid lowai all very silently. Good.

  8. Hans said

    I was trying to follow the above dialogue, but simply cannot, my brain is still to fresh and free from being in the free world over the holidays, god how nice it is to breathe free air, being in a free country…
    oh well, back to smoking, drinking and fucking… :D

  9. Monkey King said

    Making my first post here, just to say that I found the above exchange between the two crazed nationalists to be absolutely delightful.

    I so hope it’s not a put-on.

  10. justrecently said

    I so hope it’s not a put-on.
    That would be terrible.

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