Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Can’t Hunt, Fish or Ride?

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, March 31, 2011

I read recently about how some Chinese airlines don’t offer a suitable vegetarian meal on international flights, and that this is a violation of IATA rules. Apparently, “Vegetarians in India are not allowed to eat vegetables that grow under the soil and never see the light of day [and that] the only choice is often eating one biscuit, one cake, and drinking one cup of tea”.

Now, I’m the first one to admit that the food on Chinese flights is an appalling, disgusting abomination, but for once I’m on their side. Vegetarians? What the fuck is wrong with these people? ‘Vegetarian‘ is merely shorthand for ‘the village idiot who can’t hunt, fish or ride‘.

These vegetarian types really piss me off. Why do they get special treatment? I’m a strict meatatarian, but you don’t see me whining about the piece of soggy spinach that lies there ruining my piece of delicious chicken or beef, do you? Sure, maybe you don’t like all the added clenbuterol in Chinese pork, and that’s fair enough. But that’s no excuse to go around eating a bunch of potherbs and pretending that you are somehow better than everyone else.

Fuck you, vegetarians. Now you’ve got IATA drawing up a list of 54 special meals and their specific ingredients for you and your skeletal buddies. Check out these, for example:

AVML (Vegetarian Hindu / Asiatic Meal)
– Spicy vegetarian combinations with limited use of dairy products.
BBML (Baby Meal)
– Two types (with fruit and vegetable) of glass jar baby food available on request.
BLML (Bland Meal)
– For those with digestive tract, gut disorders or chewing problems.
CHML (Child Meal)
– Contains a combination of appropriate and nicely decorated foods which appeal to children.
DBML (Diabetic Meal)
– For those who need to manage their blood sugar levels.
FPML (Fruit Platter Meal)
– Contains seasonal fresh fruits.
GFML (Gluten Intolerant Meal)
– Supplied for those who are allergic to grain flour.
HNML (Hindu Meal)
– Vegetarian food prepared in an Indian style which does not contain beef and egg.
KSML (Kosher Meal)
– These meals are prepared to comply with Jewish dietary laws.
LCML (Low Calorie Meal)
– A low calorie diet should not contain excessive protein portions and should be low in fat and sugar.
LFML (Low Fat Meal)
– High fibre meal with reduced amounts of fat. Does not contain egg, fried products or fat.
LSML (Low Salt Meal)
– Low sodium meal; prepared with ingredients that are low in salt and sodium content.
MOML (Muslim Meal)
– Does not contain pork, and/or pork products. Alcohol is not used in production process.
NLML (Low Lactose Meal)
– Does not contain dairy products or their derivatives.
RVML (Vegetarian Raw Meal)
– Contains only raw vegetables or fruits.
SFML (Sea Food Meal)
– Contains a selection of seafood.
VGML (Strict Vegetarian Meal)
– Strict vegetarian meal (No milk products)
VJML (Jain Meal)
– Hindu Vegetarian food prepared in Indian style, based on Jain customs.
VLML (Vegetarian Lacto Ovo Meal)
– Does not contain meat, fish or seafood. May contain dairy products such as milk, butter, cheese etc.
VOML (Vegetarian Oriental Meal)
– Prepared with vegetables and fruits.
SPML (Special Meal (Celebration Cake))
– Cake for greetings like birthday and honeymoon.

Jew-onna-stick, that’s fucked up! If I asked for a special meal that contained only proper, manly, life-giving meat, I’d be told to simply ignore the vegetables, so why can’t you horrible whiny brats just ignore the meat, if you don’t like it?

And if you thought vegetarians were bad (and they are), then the religious types are even worse! Religious and vegetarian? That’s two completely unrelated types of clinical insanity inside one head – if this is you, then eating special meals is the least of your problems, sunshine. You shouldn’t be allowed to fly – you shouldn’t even be allowed outside the confines of your padded room without a burly, white-coated escort.

Remember back in the good old days? When you could have a smoke and a drink and shag the stewardess in the aft galley (pun intended)? Then the airlines banned smoking because not having to clean the air led to fuel savings, and they started hiring homosexual men and ugly, middle-aged broads with attitudes as big as their ankles, and made it illegal to have sex onboard, so that even if you still wanted to join the Mile High Club, you couldn’t. Then those no-good Yanks made even getting on to a plane an experience so awful that you no longer wanted to fly. And all those cut-rate, penny-pinching airlines in America and Australia started making you pay extra for your drinks, as if fares weren’t expensive enough already. And now you can’t even order a meal without some IATA vegetarian wanker demanding that it be gluten lacto diabetic sodium free!

It’s no fucking wonder people fly their planes into buildings from time to time. It’s probably the only thing left to do.


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18 Responses to “Can’t Hunt, Fish or Ride?”

  1. Hans Dampf said

    what else to say but you are 100% right, on spot, indeed, so true.

  2. Nips Are Great said

    Yes indeed.

    And you know, yes I hate to admit it, but every now and then a yellow runt does or says something that makes you feel that some of them do have more than rice gruel for brains.

    That’s when you’re out with a vegetarian and it’s meal time. Lunch or dinner. And you order it ’cause the fucking nut-shitter can’t speak a word of gobbledy-gook. And you tell the waitress “No meat, my friend is a nut-shitter.” And the food arrives and it looks passable because it’s all green and the nut-shitter is all smiles and before he or she digs in says something about how cool the chinks are and then puts some in his mouth and says, “There’s meat in this.” And so you ask the waitress over and she does the run around and comes back saying…

    “Yes, the cook knows you wanted only vegetable dishes, but he put a little meat in for taste. It needs taste.”

  3. chinatoilet said

    The same goes to their fucking lazi (red spicy), they put it in practically every fucking meal. No matter how often I say: WO BUYAO LAZI. But these bastards ALWAYS put some in it. “It is for the taste…”. Fuck you. Well, now i know why they serve almost everything with that fucking diarrhea lazi: That way you won’t taste the shitty and rotten food + meat so easily! I am sure shit with lazi will be just great chinese food.

    You don’t believe me? Eat chinese dishes around here in without lazi (if you can..)..and then you will taste real chinese world’s best and superior cuisine…mmhh…chinese food is so delicious…

    THe power of lazi.

  4. chinatoilet said

    Oh, and not to forget the chinese vinegar and chinese soya sauce. 2 of 3 main ingredients (beside lazi) in practically ALL chinese cuisine creations. This sophisticated and obligatory ingredients in chinese “cuisine” will even make you enjoy a dog turd and human flesh. Not to forget the syphillis saliva from your fellow eaters. Food needs taste!!

    Hhmmm, delicious chinese food. It is so creative and refined.

  5. Hans Dampf said

    Is funny, i agree, this is the core thing I agree with Chinese on, eat meat! (and smoking while eating, ha! )
    fuck them veggie eaters

    Xinjiang food is awesome!~

    • MyLaowai said

      NB: Around here it’s referred to by its correct title: East Turkestan food.

      • Hans Dampf said

        again i stand corrected , but living in the empire of greed and ignorance does impact my vocabulary sadly. Soon the rest of the world will be claimed by chinese drunk dragon as it truly has always already belonged to the motherland…

      • MyLaowai said

        Truer than you realise. This lot already have claims in on Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand, the Philippines, Vietnam, North and South Korea, Japan, the entire Himalayan region, parts of India, all of Tibet, East Turkestan, Taiwan, parts of Russia, and more. And of course the Arctic, the Antarctic, the entire South China Sea, the entire East China Sea, parts of the Indian Ocean, and so on and so forth.

        Which is ironic, because they can’t even manage to run a noodle shop properly.

      • Nips Are Great said

        You forgot about their claim to the moon.

      • MyLaowai said

        Actually, their claim was to all of outer space, not just the moon. That’s actually true, by the way.

        We’re still awaiting word on whether their planned space station will be a noodle shop or a laundrette. I’m betting laundrette:
        “In Space, No One Can Hear You Steam”

      • Nips Are Great said

        Noodle shop or laundrette, whatever it is the back end will have a hair salon with three chairs and a dozen girls.

      • MyLaowai said

        Haha and no shampoo in sight…

  6. Chinese Netizen said

    “ugly, middle-aged broads with attitudes as big as their ankles…”

    Spot ON!!

    End “cankle” NOW!!

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  9. I am chinese said

    this is a lie as always on this page. Only to make China look bad because you are jealous. Airlines in China are the best in the world and also have best food. I fly one time with air france (a foreign airlines) and they have no chinese food!! is this international??? is this modern? an we all people are CHINESE in plane!!! also they treat chinese people very bad, becvause smpke in tolet! what is wrong with you stupid foreigners??? you must respect chinese people and change yourself, and not talk about airline in china! look at you first foreigner then speak!

  10. I am chinese said

    and i know foreigner now, because i was in france. and the foreigners in france (the french people) also said french airline very bad! and food very bad! so you foreigners say yourself! hehe! see??? you are not good as you think, china is better!

  11. Haarausfall stoppen said

    Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few
    of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

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