HOT or NOT (by a long shot)
Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, April 20, 2009
What is it with women? They get on these dating sites, or marriage agencies, or street corners, and flog their wares, so to speak. I’m okay with that. But then they start with the “I not a typical gal” or “I’m only here becoz my frend put my profile up” or “blah blah blah boring boring blah boring tedious blah so if ur interested msg me”.
Honestly – and I do mean honestly – if that’s the best you can do, don’t bother. We men don’t care.
And don’t even get me started on Microsoft English-educated bitches who write in some kind of code involving obscure and language-defying tongues, interspersed with “LOL” and “hehe”.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I already have a special someone to fill my otherwise wonderful life with pain and suffering. I’m not looking to replace the daily terror of Mrs MyLaowai with that of an entirely new and unknown species of poisonous snake, not at all. But window shopping is an ancient tradition, practised by all men with functional sacks since time immemorial, and you girls are there for precisely that purpose.
So do yourselves a favour: A little more tit, and a little less lip. Please.
MyLaowai is, however, an organisation dedicated to Peace, Harmoniousness, Self Improvement, and Equality, and as such, is offering up guidance and advice for those poor and misguided wretches who believe that their personality actually matters.
HOT or NOT (by a long shot). Part 1 in a potentially endless series…
A simple woman looking for a simple life? Explain the Fuck-Me Boots then. You’re no more looking for a simple life than your average Czechoslovakian plumber is looking for a nice glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape whilst visiting the local hospoda. And do you normally sit around showing your admittedly long legs on garden walls all day long? If so, you’re well overdue to find a job, my dear. One that involves working would be my advice. Yes, you are attractive, but wouldn’t you get more satisfaction out of life if you educated yourself to a level at which you were able to capitalise sentences and knew the correct usage of the indefinite article? Lady, give it up now, while you still have a chance. Don’t live with self-hate and regret, existing only to count the profits of your latest illicit tryst. Go on, change your life now. There is still time.