Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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HOT or NOT (by a long shot)

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, April 20, 2009

What is it with women? They get on these dating sites, or marriage agencies, or street corners, and flog their wares, so to speak. I’m okay with that. But then they start with the “I not a typical gal” or “I’m only here becoz my frend put my profile up” or “blah blah blah boring boring blah boring tedious blah so if ur interested msg me”.

Honestly – and I do mean honestly – if that’s the best you can do, don’t bother. We men don’t care.

And don’t even get me started on Microsoft English-educated bitches who write in some kind of code involving obscure and language-defying tongues, interspersed with “LOL” and “hehe”.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I already have a special someone to fill my otherwise wonderful life with pain and suffering. I’m not looking to replace the daily terror of Mrs MyLaowai with that of an entirely new and unknown species of poisonous snake, not at all. But window shopping is an ancient tradition, practised by all men with functional sacks since time immemorial, and you girls are there for precisely that purpose.

So do yourselves a favour: A little more tit, and a little less lip. Please.

MyLaowai is, however, an organisation dedicated to Peace, Harmoniousness, Self Improvement, and Equality, and as such, is offering up guidance and advice for those poor and misguided wretches who believe that their personality actually matters.

HOT or NOT (by a long shot). Part 1 in a potentially endless series…

i'm simple woman looking for simple guy and simple life..........

i'm simple woman looking for simple guy and simple life..........

MyLaowai advises:
A simple woman looking for a simple life? Explain the Fuck-Me Boots then. You’re no more looking for a simple life than your average Czechoslovakian plumber is looking for a nice glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape whilst visiting the local hospoda. And do you normally sit around showing your admittedly long legs on garden walls all day long? If so, you’re well overdue to find a job, my dear. One that involves working would be my advice. Yes, you are attractive, but wouldn’t you get more satisfaction out of life if you educated yourself to a level at which you were able to capitalise sentences and knew the correct usage of the indefinite article? Lady, give it up now, while you still have a chance. Don’t live with self-hate and regret, existing only to count the profits of your latest illicit tryst. Go on, change your life now. There is still time.

18 Responses to “HOT or NOT (by a long shot)”

  1. Ned Kelly said

    Her figure has potential, but she’ll need to gain at least another 10 kilos in the right places before she’s of interest to any heterosexual males not on active military duty.

  2. Macau Dave said

    Standard issue Filipina on a husband search. Preferably a white, American husband no doubt.

  3. Ned Kelly said

    Why on earth would she particularly want a husband from another third world country? I mean America.

    What the hell would be the appeal of American men? Are Filipinas into morbidly obese, functionally illiterate men who lumber around gracelessly in ridiculous baseball caps, shorts and sneakers?

  4. MyLaowai said

    @Macau Dave: Yes.

    @Ned Kelly: Yes.

    Besides which, Flippers don’t really care, as long as they get a husband and a baby. Green- and Gold-Cards are a big plus, though.

  5. Hunxuer said

    Yuck…dislike LBFMs that roam the corridors of HK. Am continuously shocked that they manage to land some goofballs there. I guess it’s the ability to make change quickly or serve a beer with a smile.

  6. FOARP said

    Never understood the way all the Yanks I knew used to go on about how scorching the Filipinas are. I have only visited the Philippines once (during SARS, stayed 5 days in a hotel just off Roxas Boulevard, not far from the airport in Manila, and it was a total shithole), and since then have only met bar-girls and Filipino bands which seem to be the country’s main export. All the girls seem to be the same scrawny-looking 5-foot-nothing biatches, no exception. Then again, the guys who used to rave about the Filipino girls were always the same 18-stone (that’s 250 lbs) washed-up 40-something ex-peons, so I guess they deserve each other.

  7. FOARP said

    To be precise I stayed in the Mabuhay Manor, Baclaran – officially Manila’s shittiest district. My advice, when you arrive in a country you’ve never been in before, DO NOT TAKE THE ADVICE OF TAXI DRIVERS AS TO WHERE TO STAY, especially the bastards who pick people up at the airport, and don’t arrive so late that you can’t shop around.

  8. FOARP said

    Damn, I forgot to mention what has to be the absolute worst thing about Manila – the smell. Now, I’m pretty hardy when it comes to that kind of thing, but Manila literally stinks. Not just your average open-drain stink either, more the kind of smell you get if you left some poor animal to choke to death on its own filth and then rot for a week or two. Rubbish was literally piled waist-high down the middle of some streets. You guys might think China is bad, but it doesn’t even compare to the pure shittyness of Manila.

    Oh, and it’s dangerous as fuck, or at least was back in 2003. The locals feared to tread out on the streets at night, soldiers stopped vehicles to search for explosives, manning check-points covered by heavy machine guns. There were burned-out buildings in the centre of the city, and guys totting guns on pretty much every street.

    Did I mention that I didn’t enjoy my stay in the Philippines?

  9. Hunxuer said

    And those little brown claws they have for “feet” used primarily for shimmying up and down coconut trees to gather fruit and rats. Yuck…

  10. justrecently said

    She’s just finished a spontaneous sunday sermon from a pedestrian bridge. Why all these unharmonious allegations?

  11. Ned Kelly said

    I’ve just spoken to my American co-blogger, Ivan, about this. He says his fiancee, Hypatia de la Pink, can probably get this girl a job as a pole for in her pole-dancer bar.

  12. Macau Dave said

    @ Hunxuer: What does LBFM stand for?

  13. justrecently said

    Don’t ask.

  14. FOARP said

    @Macau Dave – Google is there for a reason . . . .

  15. MyFenwai said

    It’s good to see that there’s a site where white men can honestly hair their opinions about Southeast Asian women.

  16. MyFenwai said


  17. MyFenwai said

    General rule is all the white men with “hot asian wives” actually have a hideous brown chimp of an Australoid whore, probably purchased for 10 dongs or 30 batabingos or whatever their currencies are called.

    If they are “Japanese” or “Korean” it’s likely they’re of the Australoid underclass.

  18. Alden Corredor said

    Thank you for the time you spent on this post. Know that your work is much appreciated. Keep it up!

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