Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

One lane, two lanes, three lanes, more!

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, February 7, 2010

Captain Rad again. Just got in from a trip to our most lovable French corporation, Carrefour, and highly disappointed that there isn’t a single box of Hamburger Helper to be found. Alas, Mr. Rundown will have to solely feast on Chinese grub tonight.

Which brings me to today’s driving lesson.

One lane roads.

People, people, people… seriously. When you come to a one-lane road, how many lanes are you allowed to form?

That’s right! The answer is four! Because if you’re at a red light, what should you do? Pull your car up to the front via sidewalk, other lane, on small children, whatever it takes to make YOUR trip shorter!

It’s genius! In a “very development” country such as China, in order to development faster, you MUST be at the forefront. You must be ahead. Therefore, you must form your own lane.
At this point, you may ask yourself, “Self, what is he on about? Form your own lane?” As a laowai here, I don’t understand either. We can’t. Huang Hung has officially told us so [Editor: Dear God in heaven, is this for real?].

But that’s just what you do. Doesn’t matter if you block oncoming traffic and the ambulance can’t get through. Doesn’t matter if you’re on the sidewalk, and little Xiao Wang can’t get by to buy some stupid fucking Digimon toy. Why? Because chances are, the other lanes are doing THE EXACT SAME THING!

As a development country, this is how you race to non-3rd world status!

Keep it up! Someday you too will have the world’s respect and awe. Just like America!

capnrad@hotmail.com for hate mail. mylaowai@gmail.com for love mail because I don’t want to hear it.

7 Responses to “One lane, two lanes, three lanes, more!”

  1. Slap2tickle said

    I particularly like it when car number 25 in the queue or above makes a break for it on the wrong side of the road to do a right turn, “Red doesn’t apply to me, I’m doing a right turn, why not overtake all these dumb arses waiting here” and before they make it the oncoming traffic has already arrived, then I think “look at all these dumb arses going nowhere”

  2. andrew said

    that huang hung article was awesome, i felt like my brain was melting out my ears.

  3. Slap2tickle said

    I know this is slightly off topic, but I’ve heard on the grapevine that the 50c army has recently taken a pay cut back to 10c, does anybody know it this is the reason that mylaowai.com is a little quiet these days?

  4. Cap'n Rad said

    I’ve heard the same. If anything, they should be going at it even more, especially this close to the spring warzone.

  5. Slap2tickle said

    Ah yes, it’s the “Let’s threaten T” time of the year again.

  6. Florida_girl said

    Brilliant! As it was explained to me, “We Chinese drive by feel, you Americans drive by rules. Rules get you nowhere.”

  7. MyLaowai said

    Ironically, Chinese have no feel for driving. Who’d have known?

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