Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Your Donations – Hard at Work

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, August 8, 2011

Well folks, it isn’t often that I am genuinely emotional, but you’ve managed to move me to tears, you really have. The MyLaowai Charity Appeal is proving to be a wonderful success, with thousands of names rolling in from across the globe. From your Adam’s and Abigail’s, through the Noel’s and Oscar’s, and all the way to Zachary – you have done more for poor China in a week than China has managed in five thousand years alone!

Already, these names are being sorted, assigned, and despatched around the country, going to the needy and the nameless. Even as we speak, Liu’s and Chen’s are for the first time able to tell each other apart, and Zhang’s and Li’s can finally have some pride in themselves. We have heard stories – and seen for ourselves – Huang’s who never thought they could have a name of their own, suddenly enriched beyond their wildest dreams. And all this is due to you, who picked up the White Man’s Burden and gave generously to a cause not your own. I salute you all.

We decided it would be nice to follow one of the many names sent in, and see where it went. We picked one at random – it was ‘Alfonse Lickertwat‘. It turned out that this name was allocated to a poor, rural village somewhere in darkest Zhejiang, called Wenzhou (meaning “Shite Hills”, apparently). When we arrived, the entire town had turned out to welcome the arrival of The Name. The person destined to receive it, a twelve year old boy known only as Xiao Wang, was proudly front-and-centre with his parents, Wang Xiansheng and Wang Xiaojie. Here is little Wang, seen posing with his friends:

(From the left) Wang, Wang, Wang, Wang and Wang

Wang’s father, Wang, had this to say to our reporter: “Thank you very much. Now my son can earn a good living and care for us in the proper manner“. Wang’s mother, Wang, was nearly overcome, but unfortunately was able to say a few words anyway: “Oh, how wonderful! Now we will be the envy of all our neighbours whose children don’t have any real names! Thank you, thank, oh thanks you so much!”

Xiao Wang himself seemed a bit confused by all the attention, but the little tyke appeared to take it all in his stride. It wasn’t long before he was strutting through the streets, trying out his new name and generally showing off to all the other children. We have since heard that he has now been offered a place in the nearby school, No.47 Fireworks & Light Industrial Manufacturing Middle School and Happy Ending Massage Emporium.

So to you, my dear readers, I offer my thanks. It is your generosity that made this story, and many others like it, possible. Thank you.

16 Responses to “Your Donations – Hard at Work”

  1. 0112337 said

    Uh-huh, right, and I will quietly observe by the sidelines at this anachronistic kiplinger-ism. Nice one, Laowai! Now we know that not only are you an asshole, but you are also delusional.

    Guess what was on New York Times’ frontline news yesterday? Government calls for PRAYERS FOR THE NATION. Why don’t you do some of that too, instead of living in your make believe little bubble.

    Do the sensible thing and pray for the west, pray for mankind, pray for all those people who will commit suicide as a result of the global economic realignment.

    I will too.

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      You will too? What, commit suicide? So there is some good news after all?

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      Global realignment? What. when they found out, as the markets are indeed doing, that the “remarkable” Chinese economic growth is just an uncoordinated, haphazard scramble to keep GDP figures high by throwing around a load of money on mostly unproductive, wasteful investment on vanity projects that will ultimately undo all the banking reform and produce another crop of non-performing loans? Perhaps when they issue new bonds to save the banks, like the AMC’s were authorized to issue bonds to buy NPL’s from the state banks at face value and didn’t even recover enough to pay the interest on the bonds, you might like to invest in them? I believe there are some rather tasty investment projects for you underfoot in Loudi:


      Perhaps you could get a job at the frivolous Dagong credit rating agency?

      I see Putin’s been foulmouthing the US about the debt crisis but during his term as president, Russian purchases of US debt increased 1600%, if I’m not mistaken. Grandpa Wen continues to express his confidence in the US economy, because unless China changes its monetary policy, its got no choice but to invest in it, and if it does change it too quickly, hello social unrest. Basically, China bet all its money on the continued prosperity of the US and now it’s tanked, is bitching to detract attention from its own bad decisions. I saw something on the TV about the other night. They were complaining that the US doesn’t allow China to spend its dollars on what it wants, ie certain sensitive technology. They can talk! You’re not even allowed to buy Chinese stocks in China, not that I’d want to. Talking of which, I see a whole bunch of dodgy Chinese stocks have tanked soon after IPO in the US. As if they think they can fool savvy investors with a bit dodgy accounting and hype.

      So basically the realignment is when the fickle public realizes, as we who live in China have known all along, that China is nothing more than one big sham and turn their attention to some other crap country like India, Brazil or whatever the up-and-coming nation du jour happens to be next.

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      Do you know that construction accounts for 60% of Chinese GDP? The Chinese economy is in totally uncharted territories. I learnt that from Jim Chanos. Watch some of his stuff.

      Basically the Chinese let their egos rule their heads and will go all out in doing the most reckless things things if some old hag round that back says it’s the Chinese way. The Chinese crash is going to be the most spectacular firework display the world has ever witnessed.

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      Global realignment, as yet another East-Asian bubble economy is slated to “rule the world.”

    • 0112337 said

      Rapunzel, here’s another thought. Sometimes, people tend to transfer the cause of their family problems onto their foreign environments. Consider this, is the root of the problem the “Chinese people”, the “Chinese nation”, or is it your “family”, or maybe something else?

      I am speaking from personal experience. When I first came to America, I hated this country, largely because I realized I could have had a better introductory education in China. I felt that American schools, even good ones (the ones I went to), were schools for retards, and realized that by staying there, I was not being prepared for higher education and thus, will not be competitive in the future. I felt I was wasting my time, but there was nothing I could do because my father refused to move back to China. So I hated and judged every foreigner around me. Thought they were retards and they in turn became racist, which then fueled this cycle further.

      But then I graduated from university and found a job, started working for a few years and became truly independent, and I realized it was not America or the Americans that was the problem (although they have their problems), but it was my family. My father made the stupid mistake of leaving China for this land, caused endless hardship for himself and his family (far more than what you went through, I assure you), when he could have catapulted himself into a very prominent position if he stayed in China. The problem was with him, if he was not so shortsighted and if he did not lose faith in his country, my family’s situation would have been far better. We could have lived very very well in China, even better than how we are now.

      So I ask you the same question, which I have asked myself at one point, is the root of the problem really your surroundings or something in your family which you do not want to pinpoint due to tender feelings?

      Your surroundings won’t change, because you are not Hu Jintao or Wen Jiabao, and you will drive yourself nuts if you blame that, but is there something else that is causing the problem? What is the root of the problem?

      Perhaps if you learn to look at things from an objective perspective, you will realize that nearly every single nation on earth is the same. It’s up to you to make it enjoyable. People are the same everywhere, following the rules of human nature, but with a few minor subjective local differences.

  2. 0112337 said

    And by the way, I want to share this with all of my western friends here. I made a bet with my Yale educated lawyer friend that the market is going to tank today. He didn’t think it will, since the possibility of the S&P downgrade was already known to everyone. He believed the prices in the stock market should have already factored that in.

    We bet a dollar, I think I am going to win. Yay!!


    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      So what?

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      Most commentators seem to fall in line with the party line and say that Chinese inflation will peak this summer, whereas Prof Chovanec says he thinks it won’t, but then the Government controls the figures anyway and has a lot staked on them. Well, summer is past now so we wait till the figures come out to see if inflation actually peaks or the Government actually cooks the books. Either way, there’s no way inflation in China is going to get under control.

      Construction, construction, empty construction. We who actually live in China see it everywhere.

      60% of GDP. It was in the high teens in the construction boom preceding the bust in many European countries. I can’t believe it – 60 bloody percent of GDP. You should be listening to some of these commentators instead of reading the China daily for your updates on the Chinese economy.

      There’s a lot of talk of the China economy entering a period of stagflation and guess what? The China Daily is actually bothering to deny such rumors, so it must be true.

      Here’s a little story. When I was at school, there was this kid a couple of years above me called Sean. He had a wooden leg because he’d been run over by a truck when he was younger. He was a bully and I used to crap myself when he was near and try to take a different route home from school. When he turned 18, he received a triple figure sum from the trucking company which has caused his accident. For the next 6 months he was surrounded by chicks in the local pubs and nightclubs asking for drinks. “Buy us a drink, Sean,” they’d say. Not long later his money had run dry and he was back to propping up the bars by himself again. The chicks had left. That’s China’s position right now, but one day all the easy money and easy credit will run dry and it will be a laughingstock again.

      • 0112337 said

        Again, I get the feeling that a lot of you left China during the early 2000s. Are you not familiar with the policies implemented by the government to control real estate speculation or do you simply refuse to acknowledge them?

        I do not deny there is empty construction. This was an issue in Beijing at one point too, we would see construction companies bring in teams of provincial young men who would build new roads in a few weeks, then tear it up, and build it again. This is a problem. However, China is a developing country, much of the nation does not possess highways or well functioning roads as in Europe or the United States. The government thinks it is crucial to build a inter-province highway system that would facilitate trade, improve communications, and secure unity. It is essentially trying to cover 100-200 years of Western progress in 10-20. In light of this, do you think it’s strange that 60% (I have no idea, but using your numbers to prove a point) of GDP is construction? This will clearly continue for at least 5-10 more years. China still has a lot of area that needs construction and development, much of the inland areas are still undeveloped, even to this day.

        When the basic infrastructure is in place, which will take at least another 20 years (which means business opportunities a lot of people), the country will move its massive manufacturing facilities toward internal consumption, which will be more sustainable, and essentially create an effect like something that happened in America after WWII, where that country profited off of Europe.

        Regarding your story, Sean is not China. The Chinese government is not a bully, it is simply a rational and, it looks like, intelligent entity that succeeded in doing its job, which is to improve the livelihoods of its people. The modern Western government on the other hand, as we can all see, is incompetent. You people have no one to blame except yourselves for this. The root of the problem lies in European decadence, and Western arrogance, the exact same attitude that destroyed the Qing Dynasty in the early 1900s.

        Lastly, the FDI that went into China was not all due to colonization compensation, which is the parallel I think you were trying to draw with reference to your bully’s disability compensation. I know YOU don’t even believe that.

      • Rappy Pun Zelly said

        No, it’s you that left China in the 1990s. You have no idea what’s going on here. It’s totally reckless. Anyway, I’ll leave you to believe that unplanned investment is actually part of a long-term, wise plan, and not just a short-term hack to cover for real growth.

        So, real estate speculation isn’t a problem? The miles of empty housing in Ordos isn’t wasteful. Empty malls (I can see one from where I’m sitting), like the one in Dongguan that’s ludicrously built in the middle of an inaccessible swamp, bad debts that can’t be repaid because most of the people don’t spend, but save. People actually boast to me that there is no financial crisis in China because the Chinese save their money, blissfully unaware of the steps the gov is taking to encourage consumption. Look, if ordinary people don’t consume, you can’t make them consume by building a mall, and you can’t wait 20 years because the bank wants the loan repaying now, not in 20 years when people start to spend and the investment starts paying off.

        Anyway, I’ll leave you to believe in your Fairytopia view of reality, and the omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent, incorruptible Communist Party in the sky. After all, you’re not here, so it’s easy to see the grass yonder is greener,

      • Rappy Pun Zelly said

        “Are you not aware of the policies implemented by the government to control real estate speculation?” Oh, we are pompous now, aren’t we? Policies? Are you having a Turkish or something? You mean like one household is not allowed to buy two houses, so they divorce, become two households, buy the extra apartment then remarry? Those kind of effective policies? Or what about this one, you can’t bank loans to finance empty malls any more so a whole load of dodgy new financial products where idiots like yourself can kiss goodbye to their life’s savings in one fell swoop suddenly pop up like fresh toadstools after a shower of rain? Come on, now, the government lost control years ago.

      • Rappy Pun Zelly said

        I tell you something, 0112337, romanticizing, loving and growing attached to some distant thing you don’t actually understand is a sign of emotional immaturity. And yes, I do believe you really don’t have the slightest clue about your ancestral home.

      • Rappy Pun Zelly said

        Turkish -> Turkish bath -> laugh.

        Are you having a Turkish? = Are you having a laugh?

      • 0112337 said

        Heh heh, ok, ok, Rapunzel. I stand corrected, I thought you guys were Laowais. My experience with expats in China are that they pretty much stay in their insulated little expat circles like scared children and have limited understanding of the world outside. I am impressed by what I read, are you guys fluent in Chinese as well?

        I do operate over here in the United States, and occasionally go back for family projects. I don’t live there so it’s likely that you know more than I about what’s going on. From my vantage point, things are very rosy, simply because my “ancestral land” wants and needs everything and so we are making a healthy profit. Other than the work I do, my family is making large sums on these side projects. The China I see and deal with, is pretty good.

        But you are right, China is like America during 1920s. Scam artists, cheats, and liars are everywhere. One of my relatives that managed a large state corporation making steam gauges embezzled 30 million yuan from the state over the course of 5 years, and he is close to being thrown in jail. What he did was he had his accountant note down the amount as various false investment projects, which he then took out and gave to companies operated by people he knew well, and through many change of hands, ultimately ended up in his pocket. He is not the only one out there, just the dumb one that got caught.

        This shit is everywhere, and it doesn’t just happen on such a massive scale. Everyone cheats and steals, there’s no morality anymore. When I went back to Beijing from Yunnan one night, I was dropped off by the airport shuttle bus at this hub east of Tiananmen on Chang’an, where all the cab drivers park their cars to pick up people. I tried to get a cab and this drunk, pollution-poisoned zombie told me he charged 50 kuai to go from Chang’an to Xinjiekou. I was too tired to be sarcastic. This fucktard was so messed up by baijiu or maybe the pollution that he couldn’t see right. He thought I was some provincial peasant that had no clue even though I spoke to him in fluent Beijing hua. So yeah, scammers run the gamut, from small idiots to big idiots, from fucktards with no guts that steals a bottle of ice tea on the street, to fucktards with balls that stole 30 million. What you have are uneducated but very very greedy fucktards who has no sense of morality. It can be rough.

        Yet, despite that, I am still optimistic on China, simply because despite all the negativity (you are not the only one, a lot of Chinese people and members of the CCP also share similar views), I think the policies passed by the government are working. The CCP, despite its many flaws, is steering the country toward a more sustainable path. A few weeks ago I was having lunch with this MD at Morgan Stanley and he was telling me to try to angle myself toward China, saying that there is no way he could see the U.S. economy doing better than 1% in the next 5-10 years.

        There is very little activity here in the States. The collapse in the housing market is still a drag on the economy 3 years after the crisis, and with interest rate at basically 0%, there is no incentive for banks to lend out or for lenders to deposit, yet our idiot Bernanke keeps on printing money, so we have commercial banks that squat on large sums of cash which prevents the housing market from recovering, keep people out of jobs, AND we have inflation.

        The job market is so tight right now that some of my buddies from school that graduated a few years later than me are facing the same crap as if they graduated in ’08. Law school grads here, unless they graduated from HYPS, or graduated in the top 5% from the top 10 law schools, can guarantee themselves that they will be working shitty jobs making only $50,000 – $60,000 a year. China may not be pleasant, but it’s the best the world has in these sad times.

    • Rappy Pun Zelly said

      Did I say triple figure? I meant 5-figure sum.

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