Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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A Valuable Lesson

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, July 27, 2009

If you are a student on your summer break, and you are currently nursing a bruised rib or two, then it is entirely possible that you are the young man who today learned a valuable lesson.

That lesson, of course, is that a scummy peasant ought not shout abuse at a laowai, particularly when said laowai is standing within striking distance

19 Responses to “A Valuable Lesson”

  1. Macau Dave said

    Yeah, strike a blow for laowai everywhere!

  2. Josh said


  3. MyLaowai said

    I prefer to think of this as a lesson that can be applied generally, to the populace at large, by any laowai. As long as said laowai is fast, inconspicuous, and leaves the scene immediately.

  4. Ned Kelly said

    Substitute the name “Ed Gruberman” for that anonymous Chinese student, and then this will fit the scene:

  5. MyLaowai said

    Q. Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?

    A. Yes, none of us can defeat you, Master.

    Me likeee.

  6. Ned Kelly said

    The one and only time anyone took a swing at me in China – and there were two of them against one of me – I just kept avoiding the blows and backing up until I led them straight into several policemen who were not at all please to see them making China lose face. The policmen took them away in a police car.

    “Owwwww….” indeed.

  7. LoveChinaLongTime said

    TWO against one???? That’s actually unfair on YOUR part!! Good odds here are, minimum, 5-1 against you by the wannabe Bruce Lees!!

  8. Ned Kelly said

    That plus the fact that my combat veteran father taught me hand-to-hand combat, made it an act of mercy on my part. Plus the fact that it was prudent for me to avoid being taken into any Chinese court over a violent incident. It was more prudent for me to leave it to the Chinese police to deal with their own people in their own way.

  9. Ned Kelly said

    By the way, I will add a note of acknowledgement, in all fairness, that I never had an unpleasant encounter with any Chinese police. As a general rule, as long as a White man in China doesn’t do anything stupidly provocative, most Chinese police will either leave him alone or else treat him with especial courtesy. I’ll give China that much credit, for how most Chinese police are courteous to foreigners (at least White ones) unless the White foreigner really asks for trouble.

    A vignette I remember agreeably and almost affectionately: One day in Beijing I went to a kiosk to buy some Dunhill (British) cigarettes. The woman in the kiosk kept offering me other brands even while she had a pack of Dunhills in her kiosk window.
    I got frustrated by her bolt-headed incompetence and began to raise my voice, which attracted the attention of two Chinese policemen. The Chinese cops came over and I explained to them in my rough Chinese that I just want some Dunhills. The Chinese cops said a few words in better Chinese to the kiosk vendour, who then sold me some Dunhills, and then – and sorry, but I DO remember this with respect and some affection for those cops – then those Chinese cops smiled and patted me on the shoulder, and then they saluted me.

    Come on, they deserve credit for that. Give credit where credit is due. Those cops were just young guys who were really trying to be decent, quite UNLIKE OTHER Chinese men of their age who were at university earning 5 mao for every ugly xenophobic comment they make on the internet.

  10. MyLaowai said

    “in all fairness, that I never had an unpleasant encounter with any Chinese police.”

    I have.

    Edit: I have had a small number of encounters with Chinese police that were unpleasant. I have also encountered a very large number of Chinese police who were very unpleasant to other people, mostly other Chinese people.

    That said, I have also gotten away with a few things that would have seen me beaten and shot in the U.S. of A. Some of those things have seen Chinese police officers as victims of my sense of humour, and a huge loss of their face, so I guess it averages out a little.

    I wouldn’t try any of those things in 2009, though. This was years ago.

  11. LoveChinaLongTime said

    Neddy: Agree. I have had a few small “situations” and have always been treated fairly and decently.

    Rule 1: NEVER cave in to the extortion (some jabba scum will inevitably want undeserved money from an altercation)…fight for YOUR rights as well

    Rule 2: Be prepared to waste a LOT of time…the coppers have to act as arbitrators and there are processes they have to go through

    Rule 3: Don’t speak a word of the local tongue…make them bring in the wai ban translator cop

    Rule 4: Be courteous, polite and patient (to the cops)…fuck that jabba that’s trying to squeeze you for a grand

  12. Ned Kelly said

    Your best protection is good old fashioned guan xi in high places. But that leaves out the average drugged out backpacker English teacher. (It did not, however, leave out my drugged out friend Ivan.)

  13. MyFenwai said

    So a scrawny chimp white boy tickle-slapped a college student in the ribs?

    They should start pushing every white English teacher into the subway tracks.

  14. MyFenwai said

    I prefer to think of this as a lesson that can be applied generally, to the populace at large, by any laowai. As long as said laowai is fast, inconspicuous, and leaves the scene immediately.

    You mean randomly assaulting any Chinese person who is not paying attention to you as a proxy for that one guy who insulted you for being a fat piece of shit?

    Typical white behavior, utterly childish and somewhat retarded.

    China should instate kill whitey day:


    This will put whites in their place. It will teach these cowardly, fat pigs how to behave when living in other people’s countries (such as Hawaii)

  15. MyFenwai said

    I would love to see thousands of laowais being tossed into oncoming trains and highspeed rails, to crush their tiny skulls like a pinata. Then everyone can look for their tiny, shriveled peanut brains as part of the game!

    No one should be denied the pleasure of beating the shit out of an arrogant, pasty, pink subhuman as I have done regularly in self-defense.

  16. Ned Kelly said

    “I would love to see thousands of laowais being tossed into oncoming trains and highspeed rails”

    You see that’s the kind of attitude that has kept China’s transportation so backward for so long.

  17. MyFenwai said

    Yeah, the fat would get stuck in the wheels.

    But with the right heat, it might speed things up!

  18. LoveChinaLongTime said

    Self loathing really is fun, isn’t it YourFenwai?

  19. MyFenwai said

    Self loathing

    I’m not a white person. I don’t hate white people, I just hate stupidity, ugliness, fatness and general retardation which 99% of the white race demonstrates.

    To your credit there might be 1 or 2 good white people in the whole short history of your race, but they’re probably dead.

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