Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

The Great Rabbit-Proof Fence of China

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, August 26, 2011

The Great Wall of China, formally known as the No. 1 Rabbit-Proof Fence, is a pest-exclusion fence constructed between 220BC and 206BC to keep rabbits and other agricultural pests out of Chinese pastoral areas. And, of course, to keep Chinese people out of the more culturally advanced lands to the north.

The Great Wall of China is, however, not the only Great Wall in existence. No sireebob! There are literally dozens of famous walls in the world, and most of them were better built and more effective at being, er, walls. As it were. I mean, some of them actually kept people and rabbits out. At least a couple kept the roof up as well.

I know, I know: the Chinese have long argued that all walls – everywhere – are in fact mere extensions of their own One True Wall, and that this therefore proves that the entire planet has been an inalienable and indisputable part of China since ancient times. I’m not the first to make reference to this; I merely repeat what other scholars have noted. But I think that this view is not entirely correct: Take for instance the Great Rabbit-Proof Wall of Australia. That was clearly built by Aussies.

Now, before we get bogged down in details, let’s you and I be quite clear about something: Despite what Gavin ‘Oxygen-Starvation’ Menzies and his sponsors in the Chinese Communist Party would have you believe, Australia has never been a part of the Great Chinese Empire. Evidence for this can be found in the fact that Chinese people cannot spell ‘XXXX’. So there. Moving on. The Great Rabbit-Proof Wall of Australia, however, shares many features in common with the Great Rabbit-Proof Fence of China:
> Both are reasonably long
> Neither was effective at keeping rabbits or Chinese out
> Neither can be seen from space
> Neither are very fucking ‘great’; in fact the best you could say is that they are equally ‘average’. The Pyramid of Khufu is great. Angkor Wat is great. A really decent pint of Guinness is great (despite being Irish). The Spitfire MkIX was bloody great. Aston Martons and Lamborghinis are great. Fences that cost a lot of money and time to build which don’t keep rabbits and Chinese and other vermin out, are pretty bloody average.

In fact, the Average Rabbit-Proof Fence of China is a bloody disgrace. Expensive and time-consuming to build, and utterly useless. No wonder peasants were tearing it down and using the bricks to build houses almost as soon as it was constructed.

And how do I know the Great Wall of Australia wasn’t built by the Chinese? Because it didn’t cost a million lives to build, merely £337,841.

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4 Responses to “The Great Rabbit-Proof Fence of China”

  1. kingtubby1 said

    You obviously come from NSW, and if you not pop up north of the border you will be squashed like a cane toad.

  2. 0112337 said

    This is actually pretty funny….

  3. Duke Nukem said

    Fucking brilliant, Mate!

  4. […] The Great Rabbit-Proof Fence of China « Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa … The Great Wall of China, formally known as the No. 1 Rabbit-Proof Fence is a pest-exclusion fence constructed between 220BC and 206BC to keep rabbits and other agricultural pests out of Chinese pastoral areas. And, of […]

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