Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Why? This is Why…

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, January 3, 2013

China Internet

We have recently concluded a deal that involved receiving bids from prospective suppliers. Of the serious contenders, three were from China and one was located in Japan. We yesterday announced to all parties that the Japanese won the bidding process and have got the deal. This was greeted with whines and anger, with two of the Chinese parties demanding to know why we didn’t pick them. Why? Here, for the hard-of-thinking, are the reasons:

1. When the Japanese come to my office, they have washed and brushed their teeth. I therefore am prepared to listen to them for longer. They are also more polite, or, put another way, they have heard of manners and practise using them. When we eat together, I am not repulsed.

2. The Japanese have never stolen my trade secrets, as have the Chinese. This matters even more than personal hygiene.

3. The Japanese made me privy to their reasoning and were very open and honest with me about absolutely every aspect of the deal. The Chinese were as transparent as a concrete wall and refused to discuss the reasons why their proposals were structured the way they were. Thus, although the Japanese bid was the most expensive, I completely understand why this should be so.

4. I trust the Japanese. Amazingly, I trust the Japanese even though my grandfather fought against them in the Second World War. Seems strange, perhaps, but I just feel that one shouldn’t base one’s entire world-view on something that our ancient ancestors did long before we were even twinkles in the milk-man’s eye. On the other hand, two of the Chinese parties actively tried to bribe their way into the deal, and the other was overheard making disparaging comments about foreigners in China. It seems unlikely that I can trust them.

5. Most of all, however, even more important than all the rest of this, is the fact that the Japanese came back to me with an on-time bid that was comprehensive and answered all the questions. None of the Chinese parties did. Oh sure, they complain now that it isn’t their fault that their email wasn’t working and that they had problems accessing some of the reference documents that were kept in the Google Docs folder, and that their Dropbox was never synched, and that they couldn’t use their VPN’s to access my servers. You know what? I don’t care. I don’t give one single, solitary groat’s worth of shit. For all I care, you can walk East until your head floats. Fuck you, in fact. Fuck you, your mother, your father, your entire fucking family, your neighbours, people who have loaned you money, fuck you all. Your country, your government, and your Party that you are so proud of in front of me, your fucktarded internet controls that you refuse to protest, your oh-so-fucking wonderful Sina and QQ and Weibo and Youku and Baidu and all the rest of your stolen technology, these have done sweet fuck all to help you to compete on the simple, level playing field I set before you. The Japanese, quite frankly, were better than you, their system was better than yours, their country is better than yours, their culture is better than yours, and although their price wasn’t better than yours, I do guarantee that their quality will be better than yours too.

Happy New Year, Mr. Fujimoto. Akemashite omedeto gozaimasu, kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegaishimasu.

21 Responses to “Why? This is Why…”

  1. Chinese Netizen said

    and “ganbatte” sounds so much cooler, with more meaning than the stupid “jia you” as a form of encouragement!

  2. Miguel said

    Thank you Mylaowai. I am from Europe/Spain. And you are so right. Ay Dios mio. I can’t tell ya how much I dispise these cheap chinese locusts. It’s exactly how you describe it. And yes: I love to do business business with japanese people too (what the hell am I doing in this god forsaken country china?). I prefer to do business with japanese or south koreans, thais etc. I have got the same reactions (when I decided to give a project to a japanese firm) from my chinese employees (unfortunately I am FORCED to employ those useless people here………..) like you did and from my KTV-chinese sucker suppliers as well etc. etc…

    Btw: We call the Japanese the “germans of asia” in Europe. That says a lot about them. They are great to do business with and generally, they can be trusted! I confirm that. Chinese just suck. I am happy, that I am going back to Spain soon and I’ll honour my relationship with my japanese and S-K business partners. But surely not with those smiling chinese KTV monkey-company “managers” aka PIMPS. Btw: Vietnamese are also great people to do business with. China is just a disgusting, weak and cheating lil’ piece of ape shit. Thanks.

  3. Hinomoto Oniko said

    Watashi wa kōeidesu.

    Chingokujin ni shinsetsu ni shite kudasai

    Domo arigato gozaimasu.

  4. fucku said

    fuck off! ur jap sucker! u go to hell!

  5. Hans said

    I have made the fucking mistake to let myself being talked into staying another 2 years in this motherfucking shithole of country. Yes, I hate myself for it.

    But not only have I agreed to stay, no, I have even agreed to move from the last inhabitable bubble of Shanghai to the motherfucking core of the shit, i.e. Beijing. Oh help me god i hate them.

    I am currently here looking for a place to stay… it’s plain and simply disgusting.
    I have been talking to a fuckload of people, friends of friends, agents, etc. and checking out places all over.

    Why are there no decent places to lives in this fuckhole of a city? Not only is the internet even more shit here, the traffic is worse, the air pollution ridiculous, the people even ruder (hard to believe – but hey at least they got some tiny little balls compared to the cock-less Shanghainese man pussies…), every aspect is shit.

    Now if this would translate to me living into a large ass palace far away from the scum – that would be ok. Unfortunately, this stupid and idiotic city even charges a fucking fortune for places that are not covered in mold or look like the wet dream of some renaissance fetish porn with fucking chandeliers and shit…

    My question to you all: Should I blow ridiculous amounts of cash (i just don’t feel like handing over my money to any Chinese landlord) on a somewhat inhabitable apartments (and I mean ridiculous $!) or should i just stick it out in a dump for a while, save some (serious) extra cash and then fuck off to the land of the free!

    Last, since due to my relocation I have to re-apply my work permit (fuck knows why, but i don’t even ask anymore…), I would really really really like to donate to some organization whose goal it is to keep the Chinese in China and ban their Visa’s globally, be it work, tourist or god-forbid immigration visas. Recommendations would be appreciated :)


    • 0112337 said

      Awww….this poor little one wants to play but can’t afford to! Hahahahaha…how tragic!

      Tell me, your grandfather, how does it feel being poor? Do you like it? Give me the multi-angle, existentialist, democratic, human rights approach on it. Does it feel EUROPEAN, or does it feel AMERICAN? Which one is it? Oh do tell, thou white wonder.

      Why not go back to the core of poverty, now know as Europe and go suck on bull testicles, (on borrowed money, mind you) drink your cappuccino and talk about the African poverty crisis? There, you shall be so free, that soon no one will wear cloth, because they simply can’t afford to buy it.

      Please do tell me more about freedom, human rights, and democratic success. I want to see how long you can last bitching that shit without money.

      And when you go back tell your beggars not to come back to China to steal our jobs!

      • MyLaowai said

        They are only ‘your jobs’ if you are capable of doing them. Which you patently are not.

      • 0112337 said

        No Little B, lets be clear. By voluntary choice, I will not work for you. You don’t know who you are talking to.

        But if you want to work for me, reply to this post, and I might consider something for you.

      • 0112337 said

        I have heard they are hiring more Laowai males at the local Kindergarden English Corner, and Laowai females at the whorehouse.

        Many Laowais are doing those now in my city. Especially considering the economic situation in the “West”, the beggars are coming in in droves.

        They pay good money! They really do. Do you know how much Laowai whores fetch now per hour at a decent place? Almost 300-400 U.S. Dollars per hour! Maybe you are interested? I will hook you up with the best pimp in town. I promise.

        Wanna know more? ;)

  6. realtruth said

    Hör mal zu Hans, Listen Hans,

    stay if you want to stay. But set a limit to your stay. For the sake of your health. Both mentally and physically. As for the apartment: You don’t need a “palace”. Just a normal apartment. Even so it sucks like everything else in that totalitarian and murderous country. Set a limit to yourself and then leave. In the meanwhile, realize that china, even so it is highly cancerous and harmful to your health (food, air, water) and its people (racism, ignorance, stupidity, naivity, inferiority complex, jealousy, staring, hate, cheating, lies) offers some advantages: Easy pussies and cheap fucks. Pretty and ugly sluts who will do anything for money. Any chinese woman, married or not, employed or not will open her legs and offer u her dirty stinkin chink-hole for any promise you make (don’t fulfill it) and money at any time. Remember to pay them their much loved lunch (must be chinese cancerous food) before you do it. Be careful of AIDS. Chinese women are like apes. they fuck with anyone.

    • 0112337 said

      You know, my darling…I think soon, most of the “free people” won’t have a choice. Between starvation and murderous cancer, I think they will pick cancer.

      Furthermore, didn’t I tell you animals to go fuck as many Chinese girls, then dump them, as you can? This solves two fundamental problems.

      1. You will get Aids, or some other hideous sexually transmitted disease. You and the loose bitch will both die…but most importantly, before you die, you will go home and transmit the disease to your kind, thus killing more…because, you know, I know, you know I know, and I know you know I know, that once the animals grow the habit, they can’t stop no matter what happens. They will make the rabbits look bad.

      2. By dumping the girl, the girl will hate you and your kind, this will strengthen the resolve of the Chinese people and speed up the natural evolution of Chinese society.

      So please, by all means, RIP IT…before you die!

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