Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Love You Long Time, GI

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, March 27, 2013

It may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, that we here at Team MyLaowai receive on a daily basis emails from girls wanting to meet us. Now, on the surface this may seem strange, as none of us really like China very much and very few of us actually want anything to do with Chinese people, and we are fairly clear on this. But the simple fact is that even someone who doesn’t want to know you and who despises your culture with a deep and abiding passion, is a better choice than a Chinese bloke. That’s just a fact. Some of these girls are probably gold-diggers and some are looking to get the magic passport of any other country, but I reckon that the vast majority are probably normal, ordinary girls.

Now then girls, I can’t speak for everyone at Team MyLaowai, but speaking personally I have to say that your chances are not great. To start with, Mrs MyLaowai would not be very impressed if I were to park the Aston at your place overnight, if you get my meaning. In fact, she would probably be tempted to do nasty things involving a pair of secateurs and quite frankly I don’t fancy the thought of spending the remainder of my life in the style of John Bobbit. But because you do still keep writing, and because I can’t get into trouble by reading your emails or looking at your pictures, allow me please to give you a few tips.

1. Don’t send me pictures of yourself eating. I don’t want that horrible thought in my head. I have enough horrible thoughts there already. I know you eat, I know everyone eats, but unlike you I don’t find the thought of constantly eating some disgusting muck very appealing, and you are not turning me on with it. Please stop.

2. I can tell the difference between a face that is clean, and one that has a quarter-inch of makeup plastered over it. You’re not fooling anyone with that. If your face has all kinds of growths and birthmarks and disgusting boils and bad acne, so be it. It’s at least honest to show that, instead of hiding it under builder’s plaster.

3. I am not impressed with your iPhone or Louis Vuitton handbag or whatever other piece of fashionable crap you want to show off. I just really don’t give a shit. If you want to show me something that might impress me, then show me your tits if you have any worth looking at.

4. Please, please don’t tell me you are “God-fearing”. To start with, I don’t live in the Philippines and you do, and that would pose logistics problems if nothing else. Secondly, saying you are God-fearing is like me saying that I am mango-fearing, the only difference being that at least mangos do actually exist. If you want to live in La-La Land with your psychotic and delusional fantasies about a mythical Man in the Sky whom you are afraid of, then please keep it to yourself. I am not interested, because I have a brain.

5. Saying that you are “wait me” doesn’t actually mean anything in English. I do appreciate that English is your second language, but in this wonderful age of MS Office, you can do a spelling and grammar check without twisting yourself into contortions, so bloody well do so.

6. So, you are a ‘Traditional Chinese Woman’, are you? That merely means you take it up the Hershey Highway so you can keep your virginity intact. That’s about it, really.

7. Interested in marriage? Great. I’m not. Marriage is something to flee from at high speed. I don’t want to marry you, or meet your family, or have your relatives anywhere near me. I will not visit them at Spring Festival and I don’t give a flying fuck if they need to go to hospital and are short of money. I’m not interested in making babies with you. These are just some of the things that I don’t want, but you get the point.

8. If I was a single chap, I might possibly be interested in meeting for a drink, and maybe you could even offer to buy me one. If that went well, maybe we could date for a while. If that went well, we might end up living together. And then who knows what the future might hold? But I’m not single, and I don’t play the field. One woman is already more bother than I need in my life, and the trouble caused by women is equal to the square of the number of women in a man’s life.

9. I might have hinted subtly at this previously, but I want to be clear: you really do need to show me your tits. This is the main thing, really.

10. There is no point 10. I was going to write a point 10, but now I am distracted by a picture of a girl with no makeup and decent tits who doesn’t have an iPhone or a LV bag, and who isn’t shovelling gruel into her maw. The picture is of Mrs MyLaowai, and she is the gatekeeper. Basically, if you can get past her, you have a chance. Good luck with that, and keep sending me pictures of your tits. Thank you.

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44 Responses to “Love You Long Time, GI”

  1. DavidfromTacoma said

    BTW, that is not a Louis Vuitton bag, that’s a Louise Vutton bag. It cost her about $5 from a vendor stall at the Cheap Cheap Fashion Mart. And that isn’t an iPhone, it’s a NiPhone and it cost her $15 from a tiny store-front at the at the DodgyFake Electronics Mart.

  2. thru said

    how can they show u tits? chinese women have NO tits. period. just 3 holes. each one for a profitable purpose and usage. here is how a chinese woman looks like. either from the outside (tits etc) or inside (their deeply insecure and empty inner self; narcissism): http://fap.to/images/full/16/202/2027573062.jpg

    they are sooooo special….because from chaiiiiiin,chiiinaaaa ng..zhongzhonglvspaaaeciaaallfromchina.realpritty. hahaha!

    • MyLaowai said

      Three holes, all smelling awful.

      • 0112337 said

        Little B, I think the point is to insert…not to sniff. That’s what dogs do. When they get happy, they sniff each other’s perky butts.

      • zhong said

        “Little B, I think the point is to insert…not to sniff. That’s what dogs do. When they get happy, they sniff each other’s perky butts.”

        well, chinky..no wonder u say that. for you sex is just like going to the toilet, satisfying appetite, like eating, shitting pissing with no meaning at all. this is chinese culture. it’s your understanding of life, women etc. I am sure that you have done it with humans before for money (cheap silly white underaged girls) cuz u wanted to smell civiization at all costs and see clean white asses and pussies and feel special for a few minutes.

        Eating a pretty womens pussy and ass is quite hot. human sexuality you know. open mind. but sure, you have to have a pretty one and a clean one first. try more of those real humans (even so they are stupid, they still represent a superior race. but they dont know it yet) in the laowai country that u suck on like a bloodsucker. after the sexual act after shooting out ur useless DNA and monkey sperm you feel empty as before. don’t you? i know you do. this is how it is for you and your race. a few seconds pleasure and BOOM: you are back to your own yellow/red reality. it doesn’t give you pleasure. you feel desperate. die and reborn, ok?

        You can be sure that white girls/japanese/russian/indian/african/world girls actually clean their asses and pussies properly. not like the females of your race and your hated “country” called “china”. i wanted to fuck one shanghai citizen female once, a company employee, who had marks of shit on her ass and panties. i refuse to even touch her. so disgusting. she said i am a stupid foreigner. well so be it dirty chinese whore *laughing*.

        good luck and enjoy your last couple of years on this planet. u will die first. buried 2 metres below the ground or burned to ashes. you will die young and useless. and so will your so called “country” china. this strange place called “china” will survive you for just a couple of years. trust me, things are in the making right now in this world, you can’t even imagine. you might enjoy your animal life now, money, and such, but the truth is that the death is waiting for you soon. and at the end you will be stripped off everything. just a little naked monkey will be left begging for his life. now guess what will happen to you then….:-D

      • 0112337 said

        My, my….see Little B? See? Look what you have done to this poor fellow! He is probably foaming in the mouth! Look how you angered him!

        It’s one giant leap forward toward cancer, for him, but one small step for the Chinese people, in getting rid of scoundrels.

        Little B, you should be ashamed of yourself. *tsk* *tsk* *tsk*

        Of course it’s all YOUR fault.

        *shaking finger*

      • Jeff said

        somebody around here said “Eating a pretty womens pussy and ass is quite hot.”
        I say…”be carefullee! You’ll get tapeworms or pinworms and end up scratching your arse forever like the locals”

      • yoyoya said

        well jeff: doing it with chinese “women” will surely increase the risk *lol*.

        thing to do do- force them to brush their teeth vigorously, gargle with mouthwash (twice) then scrub up their holes and give them a douche and serious enema, put them on a western diet (bitch slap them if they even think of eating stinky tofu or blister packed salty shit) wait a day or two then they’re squeaky clean and ready to play. just not into those super tight lil holes and pitiful whining.

        ;-)

    • 0112337 said

      Fap.to/images… Do you fap to her???

      0_o

      Jealous latent lover syndrome??? What happened? TELL US!!!

  3. thru said

    good luck to all those idiots who are married with one. what lays underneath their plaster make up and whitened mask is quite..to use a (too) nice term..uncivilized. but in real they are below that, below anything you had ever known and seen among animals. you have been warned.

  4. ebene said

    *lol* no wonder they feel so inferior and bitch around bout real woman from the west, india, japan, russia, world etc etc..I have seen it and heard it (original statement from my last chinese gf: “WE are so better and beautiful than your western women and japanese women, because WE ARE CHINESE. you luv me more laowai?”). They are deeply jealous to the white women and try to be like them. using creams to be more white, being “modern” and “special” with LV and iphones, lol. Using foreigners to make feel more special. Its all about THEM. not about YOU. They are SO unnatural!! and so fake..don’t they notice it themselves??

    how weak they are. how non-female they are behind their insecure mask. i have had 3 chinese gf’s once. lol yep they have no tits. i would have loved them nevertheless but their “bow down, i am the master chinese”-thing and their abnormal “give me the feeling 24H/day that i am special, even so i am chinese “-attitude just grabs me down. leaving those people is the best choice. So I did. *LOL*

    China’s society is so sick..it makes us look super-healthy compared to them. and yes we are healthy in general, and have real women with real tits and no wonder bra’s and character and self confidence and natural! West yeah! The problem with the chinese women and…lol…”men” (they are not really men) is that they have such a big mouth or a small dick and there is nothing behind it. But there is a lot of evil (coming from a deep rooted jealousy and insecurity) and lies in them that CAN consume u if u r weak and naive. Why they just can’t shut up and accept that they are just…zombies. Would be a start for real love. For a night or two in the dark. Without tits.

    • Long Long Time Been Here said

      “Using foreigners to make feel more special. Its all about THEM. not about YOU.” Sooooo true!

    • 0112337 said

      Can’t help but add this…if Chinese women are so non-female and awful, then why did you have 3 gfs? And ALL of them had no tits. Are you blind? Stupid? Or spatially challenged? Maybe you are hypocrite??

      Either something’s very wrong up there, or something deeper is at work here…Tell us!

      Also, it is apparent LLTBH has been USED before…

      • Long Long Time Been Here said

        You can only wonder and speculate haha

      • ebene said

        when you live in a country for a long period of time, then of course u try out the women there and start relationships. the thing is this: chinese women are all the same. they react in the same manner, they (99,9% of Han) have no tits, they have the same opinions, the same insecurity complex, the same narcisissm, the same coldness, the same gestures (i only say: the famous chinese pointing finger that chinese “men” and “women” use alike when their “feelings are hurt” and are angry LOL ;-).

        You treat the first one honestly, with love and courtesy and understanding (never mind the silly lil tits u know; that’s not important really) and she just treats u like she holds the keys for heaven, a queen of the world so to say, and is entitled for daily kow-tows from ya and to humiliate u on the streets, using u as a “decoration object” for her “friends”, calling u “laowai stupid”, aggression far beyond belief even over lil things like this: “i dont like to eat chinese food”—she almost got me killed for that! she said: you fucking foreigner you insult china…well…not even the greatest understanding can accept this kind of behaviour. it just doesnt fit into a relationship ;-). i got my share when i fucked her hard from behind. she just took it. and it made her angrier cuz a laowai is “using china” lol..it’s sick but i know that some of you guys got the meaning. chinese women…thanks. no..

        oh yes and meeting other men constantly is normal for chinese women/(and also chinese “wives”) (she called it “meetings”) and cheating and coming back home at a time she pleases was normal. respect for you: zero. she just did what she wanted. nothing else. the whole universe circles around THEM. she is the chinese master and queen so she thought :-D. wrong thought :-D (quote: “foreigner this is china!”. they are my “friends”). well, this is loyalty in a relationship with chinese characteristics. I say no thank you and you go where u and ur construct called “china” belongs: The Toilet. Nope. Not acceptable. So I did say bye. easiest thing in the world. I just knew too much. this pissed her off even more. I dont care. She didn’t know that I knew ;-).

        Not surprising to real insiders in china, that she threatened to kill me when i -rightfully- wanted to leave her cuz of her sick behaviour. She threatened me with her guanxi *lol* (quote: u r in china! i will call powerful friends to kill you, you never leave china alive laowai”). puhh..and i loved her..wow..:-). hot chinese fart air :-D i didnt care. LOL. u should have seen her screaming like a hateful little dwarf throwing all kinds of axes, knifes and threats to me. i am sure many of u guys know what i am talking about.

        So, then you try to change for her (cuz she can’t change obviously) cuz there is something called love and understanding and mutual respect in a relationship in the civilized world, the result is this: She keeps going on HER way! zero care :-D hahaha! what else she can do in her small chinese world. you think that fucking her well is enough? nope. they are so deeply ill and cold..fucking is like shitting for them..a way to get what they want. and when they get ya…u can say bye bye to fucking. cuz she will do it with payigng customers. oh, they are very corrupt, low and cold. trust me :-).

        Ok, then u try the second one. Sure, a man needs a woman and there are only chinese women in china so…;-). Well……the same happened….try to treat her well…like i described above..then: no tits (she also weared a wonder-bra to make her lappet-tits look bigger..lol; like all chinese “women”). , same whitened creams, same LV obsession, iphone, high heels…money greed, selfishness, egoism, same fashion style like all the other fine specimen females in china (did u notice that in every season they wear the same stuff?? all of those who think to be “special”…cuz it gives them a feeling tio be fashionable or what? why all of them wear suddenly the same high fuck-shoes etc? only in china. you can see that on the streets..)..same, same..same cheating, same lies, same “meetings”, same insane insecure aggressive nationalistc view of herself and life, same same like before…..then the third: same actions, same gestures, same shit…same as stated before..totally the SAME. they are useless.

        NO DIFFERENCE! they even had a different job background (manager this, manager that…..; lol….well if you can call it like THAT in chinaland) they were not peasants or such (they are all actually, hehe) but all were sluts, selling themselves in hotel rooms for contracts, money, guanxi and commissions (and even using the fact that they are with a laowai. yes..it goes lower… a chinese who fucks the woman of a laowai is an emperor of the world and pays a lot of money and she does all to make it clear to her contacts: i am special: my “boyfriend”/”husband” is FOREIGNER! = MUCH money. fucking then in the hotel bed is nothing for a chinese woman. yes as sick as it sounds…this is so. they are lower than u think).

        i know cases where a white guy was married with a chinese “woman” WITH a kid (stupid him!) and she just left both of them cuz HE didnt want to stay any longer in the cancerous shit hole (cuz he was worried about his kid!) and didn’t want to give her more face (for her friends and business contacts) and being used as a pet and not being respected as MAN as he is. No superior being likes to be used by an inferior entity. so he went back and she stayed in china to find another one to control and fuck. she ate her noodles like nothing happened. they havent seen each other for 3 years. CUZ: she never called her daughter or him then and changed her number and address! the guy now assumes that she is dead.

        well she was already dead inside when he first met her……he just didnt know it back then the poor fellow. Useless to say that she stripped him off of all pmoney he ever earned in china. she even managed to take over his PERSONAL bank account in china with ALL of his money. How is that possible you may ask? only in china. money and hotel rooms can do all there. This is china and chinese women. You’ve been warned :-)

      • 0112337 said

        Oh…ok. So basically of the three aforementioned; blind, stupid, and well…semi-blind (spatially challenged), you chose stupid. And maybe you would have chosen ‘hypocrite’ too…the something deeper involved…which we don’t know.

        It is a marvel to me how you Laowais could always, without fail, end up with the bitchiest and the craziest of farm bitches.

        Take DaBizarre for example, it’s clear to me he had extensive experience prowling in the wilderness (countryside and mountains) but never had ANY luck, an exemplary, total failure of a man. Who knows, the chickens might have even pecked HIM in the process.

        I have found that many of you have this romantic urge to sex prowl to far away places in China, far from the main roads leading to the cities. What did you expect to find there? Hidden utopian mountain goddesses that speak strange utopian languages? Unpolluted by western materialistic filth, wholesome, 100% organic, all natural, well groomed, dumb ass mountain fed estrogen bursting sex bunnies that will drop and fuck at the first sight of your dick, like in the Alps, all for pure love? Which fiction did you read? Did you think this place is…Europe?

        Did you really think Chinese people are stupid??? Why, o why, would they pick you, if not for materialistic reasons, when you are fundamentally evil at the core, don’t have a fucking clue how Confucianism works, what communism means, how Chinese society works in general, don’t speak Chinese, and don’t even look Chinese?

        Sure, you are lucky you weren’t killed.

      • bum said

        0112337: Very simple: The white race is superior. You yellow chinese are inferior. that’s all one can say.

      • 0112337 said

        Bum, are you a Laowai fenqing? Are you secretly paid 50 cents per post by the Neo Nazi Party??? Typical Fenqing hate speech.

        0_o

      • bum said

        “Did you really think Chinese people are stupid??? ”

        yes, they are stupid. naive like monkeys (they look like monkeys and ornag utans as well).

      • bum said

        “Did you really think Chinese people are stupid??? ”

        yes, they are stupid. naive like monkeys (they look like monkeys and ornag utans as well).

        and so does you. you belong to an inferior race. yellow orang utans. inferior chinese.ugly, low and stupid. suckers and locusts. not worth a word. ypeople like have to killed in the millions. cause u r useless. New KZ’s will be coming. 1000 million dead chinese ugly rats and useless eaters must be killed. you will be one of them 0112337. the day is coming.

  5. Jeff said

    I once complained a chinese had no tits and a tight box………… she said get off my back!

    • Jeff said

      I like the GI bit too! – Glucose Index?

    • MyLaowai said

      Take a Chinese boy, roll him over, and hey presto! A Chinese girl!

      • Jeff said

        but a very smelly hole!

      • 0112337 said

        Jeff…and I guess this applies to my boy Little B too, tell me, how is YOUR asshole? Is it tight or is it shaggy, soft, and pliable? I heard older man loose their youthful elasticity in the behind as they age. Hopefully yours is still in shape? Somewhat? Maybe?

        Anyway, Like I told Little B earlier, I know this great pimp around my neighborhood in Beijing. He is a honest man, and a true, erudite, cosmopolitan urbanite, not one of those dirt peasants trying to fake it here. I can look at him straight in the eye and offer him my firm handshake. I trust him with my money. The man gives his bitches 300-400 U.S. dollars per fuck hour. No joke.

        Wouldn’t you be interested? I mean, given the economic conditions out there, you know, it’s tough. No shame about seeking help, just let me know.

        Little B has my coordinates, you can get it from him, or you can reply to this message below, and I promise you I will hook you up with a good contract. Man’s honor.

      • MyLaowai said

        You have this obsession with anal cavities, don’t you Numbers? I guess that explains your postings to a certain Beijing forum…

      • 0112337 said

        Wanna offer yours to my friend, La Pimp? YEAH???

        0_o

      • Jeff said

        numbers? haha …
        well numbers seeing as you asked about my “ring”….well its functioning perfectly…..unlike numbers mother’s ring now theres an undercooked donut without the icing! The ol’ chook gave me pig flu after I succumbed to her begging for one in the pootata!
        luckily I’m young and healthy unlike the Shanghai pigs your mother touched a few weeks ago! Sounds like your mother’s virus has jumped to birds and people now!
        Awwww numbers don’t keep your mother on a dirty farm! stop feeding her melamine, recycled oil, fake rice and bugger knows what else!
        try organic vegetables for a change…after all you can choose your friends and your father but you can’t choose your mother!
        cheerio numb3rs

  6. 0112337 said

    Very interesting comments Laowais. I didn’t have any of these problems while I was here in China. But it’s always very interesting to hear your perspectives. I have been amused.

    Thank you.

    • zhong said

      You are a laowai yourself now, Hijo de puta, Hurensohn. You know english, you learnt it where. in waiguo land eh? where else. the place where u suck blood from the work of others including ur father and whore mother who were murderers during the “cultural revolution” and stole enough money and killed enough people to send u to the americas. haha? Haha!

      English what else? English is enough you think? To understand the world? ya? really? Spanish, German, French? Not necessary to understand this world? really? Your ignorant and sick view of life and this world is coming to an end. and your corrupt father who was a murderer during the 60’s and 70’s will be exposed. You will do the first stupid step as always, and people like me will do the bloody rest. I will enjoy it.

    • Jeff said

      I admit I’ve had my fair share of chinese women.
      thing to do do- force them to brush their teeth vigorously, gargle with mouthwash (twice) then scrub up their holes and give them a douche and serious enema, put them on a western diet (bitch slap them if they even think of eating stinky tofu or blister packed salty shit) wait a day or two then they’re squeaky clean and ready to play. just not into those super tight lil holes and pitiful whining.

      I still miss the bubble butts and well rounded natural tits that only a foreign woman has.

  7. 0112337 said

    See Little B, I am having too much fun on your website. It really is not fair.

    And since I love you so much, I did some research on you. Here’s what I found;

    1. You registered this site on GoDaddy.com under the name Alan Smithee…very clever.

    2. I saw a picture of either you or your Mrs. Little B. She is pretty, and kind of looks like a secretary or maybe a teacher. Very interesting, very interesting preferences. You should tell us what happened sometime in the future.

    3. This website is worth around $500 – $800 dollars. You should thank me.

    4. The coordinates of your website came up to be somewhere in San Francisco, California, USA. Are you really in Cali????

    Anyway, I am not actually a bad guy in real life, and I am inclined to think that you are not such a dismal fellow either, out there. It’s been crazy fun though. But it’s starting to affect my work a little, so I am going to call it quits for a while and let your Laowai Fenqing trolls have a run.

    Maybe I will be back again, sometime in the future, to play with you, so don’t be sad.

    Ok?

    P.S. Most of what I said here is true. Especially about La Pimp, he’s GREAT.

    Let me know…you know….

    • bum said

      your life, chinese yellow monkey is worth nothing.

    • Long Long Time Been Here said

      @numbers: Just because a web address resolves to an IP in the USA, doesn’t mean the administrator is too, never heard of remote administration?

      We will miss you, especially when you try to sound intelligent and sophisticated, but you don’t quite cut it.

    • Only Australian racists could be so worthy of the title of STUPID SKUNK. I think its you filthy Dogs that missed the point…Go Daddy is administrated by human beings is it not? hahahahah :) And Human beings do like money do they not? hahaha :) And some of those human beings that work at Go Daddy may also be of Chinese heritage..may they not? And you people are clearly Australian ..Are you not? And since its hosted overseas then you are paying via electronic funds transfer.. True? Then what he’s saying is that they have more than enough info to chase you down in Cyberspace (Keep in mind that Chinas hacker army is very large..very numerous..and they hate Racist filthy gutless dogs. So its safe to say that you now have a file with the Chinese central security bureau…So anyway.. once they have the card number you are paying your hosting fees with…they will also have the exact financial institution the account is drawn on..Name..address..everything. Now you are probably aware that China has quite a few of its nationals working in all financial institutions across the western world. Most of them have solid connections to Chinese intelligence services back home..So once you are all identified..files are created..You are branded hostile..and then passed on to other branches to be dealt with..And make no mistake..the Chinese deal with it…and are very ruthless..very thorough..and very quiet. Not all loud mouth.like Aussie maggots and US septic tanks.

      I hope i get your file ..they’re paying well the chinese these days.

  8. Jeff said

    Bloody useless lil basterds! couldn’t organise a decent blow-job in a brothel!

    And if “numbers” is the cream of the IT crop telling people that from his own ISP he can find you then he is an incompetent lil shit who has watched too much CSI and Cyber fantasy.

    oIIZEEL…?

  9. Jeff said

    I do believe numbers (0112337) has a very small cheesey uncut weener and no education accompanied with a shocking dental history! (his mother told me.)
    That is why he identifies with the “Lao Bai Xing” of China.

  10. Long Long Time Been Here said

    Everybody ready for the “Golden week”? The week where life is so good and people are so happy they don’t need the Internet for 1 week?

    • MyLaowai said

      Of course we don’t need the internet. And even if we did need it, we probably don’t want it. And if we both need it and want it, then we’re bloody well not going to get it.

      Because this is China.

  11. […] irreverent perspective on China, is only a shadow of its own past. Few posts, fewer comments, and the ones that do appear there keep me from commenting – it’s not my kind of […]

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