Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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What Kind Of Business Person Are You?

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, June 24, 2009

If you are in the midst of a global economic recession and have lost between sixty and eighty percent of your orders, how you react says a lot about the kind of person you are.

If you react by being extremely nice to your remaining customers, cutting your costs and margins in order to remain competitive, and doing everything you can to help the customers you have left, then you are a normal business person doing the right thing. There’s every chance that your customers will repay you with increased loyalty and larger orders when things get better.

If you react by screwing what few customers you have left as hard as possible by increasing your margins in order to make up for the lost profits of the other eighty percent, being as uncommunicative and rude as possible, and in general acting an even larger arsehole than ever before, then you are Chinese. You don’t know the meaning of loyalty, so let’s just end this right here.

25 Responses to “What Kind Of Business Person Are You?”

  1. Meursault said

    You’ll like this one Mylaowai. I read this and laughed and laughed until I stopped:-


    Bring on the Wet Pussy Award!

    What’s the guessing the writer doesn’t speak a word of Chinese and has never lived here?

  2. MyLaowai said

    Dear Meursault,

    I write to inform you that we have a new category that supersedes the Wet Pussy. It will make it’s debut in the very near future, and the aforementioned communistical traitor certainly qualifies for the inaugural award.

    In other news, Tai Tai and I are about to launch a new range of children’s books for the above average learner, and I hope your mother’s moggy is well.

    Albatross wings to you, sir. Wolf-nipple chips also (get ’em while they’re hot!).

    I remain, as ever,



  3. Ned Kelly said

    You could call this one the “Gobble-Walla” award, named after the teenage pretty-boys in Burma in WW II who used to cruise for sex-starved British soldiers and say, “Me give you good gobble!”

  4. MyLaowai said

    Although that would indeed be an appropriate award, it isn’t quite what I had in mind.

    Think Wet Pussy. Squared.

  5. justrecently said

    The Chinese do not think of themselves in terms of nation but civilisation; it is the latter that gives them their sense of identity.
    In your dreams, Mr Martin. In your dreams.

  6. FOARP said

    @Meursault – This kind of shit has been coming out for a while now. Will Hutton was the first that I know of, an economist who had previously written entirely about the UK and the US and whose sole source on China seemed to be rehashed Economist pieces. Half of the guy’s book wasn’t even about China, but harped on about the UK, including such gems as pointing out how the UK’s infrastructure is underdeveloped as it has only 30-40% of the length of roads and railway per person that France has, this despite, of course, France having 4 times the UK’s area. Will Self was next with a bunch of idiot pieces talking about how, for example, the competition between state-owned industries NAC and SAIC to buy MG Rover showed how China enjoys ‘a different kind of democracy’. Timothy Garton Ash (a writer I actually respect) then jumped in with a bunch of pieces on China’s importance, the depth of his understanding of China being that some Chinese actually believe their government’s propaganda – well done Mr. Ash! None of these men have lived in China or can speak Chinese, and the idea that, like Jacques, they are qualified to write a book about it is simply laughable.

  7. FOARP said

    I mean, it’s just amazing that Jacques could ever have put pen to paper to start writing this kind of nonsense. The sheer hoariness of the old chessnuts he parades in this article is astounding. He even includes the old one about ‘Confucian values’, as if the system of governance under which China was ruled 100 years ago were somehow relevant to today. I guess the one thing you can say though is that even the China ‘experts’ one sees in the media repeat this kind of rubbish (the Reith lectures given by Jonathan Spence last year were painful, pompous nonsense, the main theory of which (delivered in a ridiculously plummy Oxbridge accent) was that China was ‘returning to Confucianism’.

    I guess it is imply motivated by a desire to remain relevant in a political climate in which there are few great matters of debate. Timothy Garton Ash, for example, cut his teeth reporting from behind the Iron Curtain.

  8. Hunxuer said

    1) His last name is Jacques. He is a wanker.
    2) He must have done a 21 day, 28 city whirlwind China tour once. He is an expert.
    3) He must have received a helluva rub ‘n tug in a massage parlor in Shenzhen. He understands the average migrant worker.
    4) He must be trying to open a consulting business of some sort to fawn this much in such a sickening manner. He is bending over for Uncle Hu’s xiao didi.

    To be a total sycophantic, sellout, bald faced piece of shit is to be a Jacques.

  9. C.A. Yeung said

    This is how China’s institutional intellectuals thought about Jacques’s Confucian dream:


  10. FOARP said

    @C.A. Yeung – I wonder what exactly the difference between Shi Yinhong’ ‘Chineseness’ and ‘Chinese nationalism’ is. I suspect there is none.

  11. C.A. Yeung said


    The answer is there is none.

    However, Shi is not totally nuts, like the fenqings or hard core Maoists such as Kong Qingdong. His advice to the Chinese government on North Korea is rational and sound. We have to cross our fingers to hope that the CCP leadership is listening to him, rather than to Kong Qingdong.

  12. Ned Kelly said

    “Kong QingDong” sounds like the name of a gay porno star.

  13. MyFenwai said

    What is your obsession with homosexuality, Ned?

  14. MrsMyRaowai said

    I have figured out this site.

    Mylaowai.com: where Ned Kelly talks about gay sex and little boys when he isn’t having them.

  15. justrecently said

    Well said, FOARP.

  16. MyFenwai said

    None of these men have lived in China or can speak Chinese, and the idea that, like Jacques, they are qualified to write a book about it is simply laughable.

    Sounds like MyLaowai, Ivan or Ped(o) Kelly, the other “foreign experts”.

  17. MyFenwai said

    mylaowai.com: a busted kiddie porn ring abusing its internet privileges in the laogais for foreign friends.

  18. C.A. Yeung said

    Ned Kelly says: “Kong QingDong sounds like the name of a gay porno star.”

    No, he is not. He is Kim Jong-il’s lap dog – an Asthmahound Chihuahua with a scrawny, dyspeptic and violently psychotic bent – pretty much like Ferin.

  19. MyFenwai said

    I’m from 4chan, don’t know what you’re talking about.

    What does it mean to have a “scrawny bent” anyways? Like Ned’s scrawny, bent pecker?

  20. You know your website’s made it big time when you get your own permanent, resident (multi-account) asshole hanging around everyday trying to feel wanted and loved. It’s even better when it’s some panda-hugging, dumbfk pretending to be a Flag Waving MKer.

    TTC and Sinocidal are dead – long live MyLaowai!!

  21. C.A. Yeung said

    So it’s really you, Ferin.

    Never mind Kim Jong-il’s lap dog. What are you doing here?

  22. Ned Kelly said

    MyFenwai is a poopy-pants.

  23. MyLaowai said


    Why, thank you. Coming from you, that actually means something. $0.50 to you, sir.

  24. MyFenwai said

    It’s not multi-account if you just switch your name.

    You’re an internet newb.

  25. MyFenwai said

    What are you doing here?

    Ranters Wanted

    Would YOU be an alcoholic if only you could make it to the meetings? Do YOU possess the ability to have a really good rant whilst obeying the basic rules of grammar? If the answer to these questions is YES, then feel free to share your deepest, innermost thoughts with your friends here at MyLaowai.com

    How is the compensation, btw?

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