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Archive for the ‘China’ Category

ChinaDaily Headlines, July 3rd 2008

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, July 3, 2008

Our friends at that very-honest-and-diligent Party mouthpiece, ChinaDaily, had a brainfreeze today. Amongst the many wonderfully entertaining propaganda items on the front page, was this:

Sarkozy not wanted at Olympics, survey says

Chinese people do not want French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s to attend the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, according to the results of a survey published on Wednesday.

Wu Yikang, chairman of the Shanghai Institute of European Studies, said Sarkozy’s inconsistency regarding China is not up to the standard of a thoughtful and responsible statesman.

“Sarkozy’s gesture of setting conditions for his attendance at the Beijing Olympics is an unfriendly move toward China. It shows his immaturity and carelessness as a politician,” Wu said in an interview with the Beijing-based Global Times. “The Chinese government will certainly not yield to his move,” Wu said.

“Some people are acting as if China is begging them to attend the Games,” Wu said.

That’s good, seeing as how the French President had already said he was thinking of not coming. I guess that makes him a safe target.

And this, too:

Chinese tourists say ‘no’ to France

The past few weeks has seen a sharp decline in the number of Chinese people traveling to France, the French Ambassador to China said on Monday.

“The number of visas issued to Chinese tourists has fallen by about two-thirds recently,” Herve Ladsous said at a press briefing.

“But I have spoken with Chinese tourism officials who told me the Chinese government has not issued any notices discouraging tourists from going to France, and I believe them,” Ladsous said.

Well, I have spoken to several travel agents, who all said that they had been instructed by the Chinese Communist Party not to accept bookings for tourist travel to France.

And of course, this one was entertaining:

Exporters face problem of defaulted payments

Chinese exporters, currently plagued by paper-thin profits, are threatened by another emerging problem of defaulted payments from foreign clients, economists said on Wednesday.

Poor dears. Those dishonest Laowai are at it again, apparently.

But this image topped the lot. It shows “members of China’s armed police demonstrating a rapid deployment during an anti-terrorist drill held in Jinan, capital of east China’s Shandong Province July 2, 2008, roughly one month ahead of the Beijing Olympics.”

Using Segway Personal Transporters. “Rapid” doesn’t even begin to say it.

Hahahahahahhahah! Go get ’em Sheriff!

Posted in China | 7 Comments »

(Evil Step-) Mother

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, June 22, 2008

Evil Step-Mother,

The world took pity on you when it saw how backward you were, and tried to help you in every way it could;
The world was somewhat nervous when you focused your newfound financial power on building the worlds largest military, complete with Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles (ICBM’s) and a military space program;
The world condemned you when you butchered tens of millions of your own people, but was willing to forgive you for invading just about every neighbouring country and teaching lies as history;
The free citizens of the world refused to boycott the Olympics, despite the fact that you boycotted more Olympics than any other nation in history;

Let me tell you, Evil Step-Mother, as a free man brought up outside China:
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your people have no morals;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your ambition to dominate knows no bounds;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as you take the most callous side in every international dispute;
They fear you, Evil Step-Mother, as your generals have stated they WANT a nuclear war with the West;
And finally, for the period Qin Dynasty to the date of your inevitable demise, your people have shown their blinkered, xenophobic hatred of all things foreign, contrasting greatly with the civilisation seen in the West.

Evil Step-Mother, words of praise and encouragement have come all too often from the West, most of whose people are willing to let bygones be bygones, and who have tried so very hard, for so very long, to drag you into enlightenment, despite yourself and despite your hostile attitude towards them in return.

Evil Step-Mother, I’m fucking glad I’m not one of the poor bastards who was born in your realm, but that said, I’m doing what I can to give you yet another chance. Not that you’ll take it, but that’s what we civilised people do.

I hope it doesn’t all end in tears.

MyLaowai.

Posted in China | 12 Comments »

Verbatim

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, June 21, 2008

I received this from a reader the other day. It’s short and to the point, and frankly I couldn’t write it any better. Read this:

Now then,

I was sat in the Big Bamboo the other day watching Sweden play Spain in Euro 200b on an overseas Chinese sports channel called Ben Sports. Everything was fine until the breaks when suddenly this message began to repeat on the screen (I didn’t get a photo):

Mother,
The world laughed at you for being backward;
The world was full of envy and anxiety when you opened up and progressed into a financial powerhouse;
The world condemned you when you put law and order into the upheaval and lawlessness created by followers of a self proclaimed Robin Hood in t¡bet but failed to applaud when you used your influence to save the lives of Burmese monks;
The world threatened to boycott and disrupt the August Olympics on ground of your violations of human rights standards set by the West who by apartheid policies and discrimination of coloured people blatantly violated for ages the same standards set.
Let me tell you Mother as a dragon seed brought up outside China;
They fear you Mother as you out compete them;
They fear you Mother as you are set to replace them at the healm of world order faster than they can accept;
They fear you Mother as you refused to take sides in every international dispute as you believe that to each his own and from each his best;
They fear you Mother as you have by hardwork hastened the failure and decadence of self assumed western supremecy system;
And finally for the period 12th May to eternity, you have shown the world the tenderness, love and care of the best guardian government and leaders the Chinese People can ever have contrasting greatly with the aftermath of the Florida and Burmese cyclone.
Mother, words of praises and admiration will never come from the West as they have painted you falsely as a hardcore monster with no feelings for your own for too long and the Western World is watching with total disbelief on CNN, BBC, Fox Media, live, the search, rescue, care and rebuilding operations to restore life and normalcy into the millions of displaced victims led by brothers Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao demonstrating love care and simplicity with no political agenda whatsoever.
Mother, we whether in or out of the Great Wall are lucky and proud to be descendants of the ever Supreme Dragon.

Amen
Mr. Ben Chairman/CEO Bensports Satellite TV May 2008

People were pretty pissed off to have their football match interrupted with this kind of racist nonsense, and the content pretty much makes clear what the Chinese think behind all their nice Olympic Harmony lies. The fact that it’s printed in English means assumedly it is directed against westerners.

Others write about it here:

http://www.shanghairiot.blogspot.com

http://www.shanghaiexpat.com/MDForum-viewtopic-t-77279.phtml

I think you should definitely write something about this.

Hope you’re well.

Posted in China | 3 Comments »

No Comment

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, June 21, 2008

The High Court in South Africa has ruled that Chinese South Africans are to be reclassified as black people.

BBC

I personally have no comment on this, other than there’s one point four billion potential appeals pending.

Posted in China | 2 Comments »

June 4th. Happy Massacre Day.

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, June 4, 2008

This year marks the 19th Anniversary of the Massacre, the day when Tienanmen Square stopped being known as a place, and became known for an event. Many of the participants are still rotting in prisons. Well, those who are still alive are, at any rate.

Why is it that, in China, re-education takes longer than education?

Posted in China | 2 Comments »

My Wet Pussy Award – May 2008

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, May 31, 2008

It’s a bit of a different story this month, and it took me a while to figure out how I was going to tell it. My apologies for being a couple of days late.

I have a friend who’s just gotten out of a Chinese Detention Centre. He was inside for a month, and what he went through was fairly horrific. He’s certainly not the man he was before he went in. Before I tell you a bit more of his story, however, I’d like to talk briefly about a few of the other foreigners that were in there at the same time.

There’s the guy, for instance, who made the mistake of being in a bar at the same time that a bar fight broke out between two groups of Chinese. He wasn’t involved in any way at all, but he was the one the Police picked up because he was the only customer who wasn’t a local. He was, in fact, a sailor on a container ship that had docked up the river, and this was his first visit to China. He spent every night crying and praying. He only got out when the Captain of his ship payed an enormous bribe to the prison guards.

Or the guy from South East Asia, who was picked up in a random sweep in the far west (Xinjiang to the locals, East Turkestan to the rest of the world). His crime was ‘looking like a separatist’. The local Police there, unwilling to admit they had picked up a foreigner by mistake, shipped him off to distant Shanghai. He’s been in for months, and has no prospect of getting out any time soon.

Then there’s the foreign investor whose Joint Venture partner, a corrupt member of the Shanghai Government, decided he wanted the whole operation for himself, and had this poor blighter arrested and put away.

Worst of all, the guy who has been inside for a year and a half. His crime? In the words of the guard who boasted to my friend: “He’s black, and we don’t like black people in China. We don’t want to let him out”.

None of these people – none of them – have ever been charged with any crime. None of them has, to the best of my knowledge, been allowed to see a lawyer. Their consulates don’t know they are in there. Their families haven’t heard from them. They have simply disappeared.

Which brings me to my friend.

He was in a bar with his colleagues after work early one evening, when a very large, very drunk American came over and accused his boss of stealing his drink. He was very obviously looking to start a fight. The target of his aggression offered to buy him another drink to replace the one he had lost, and the American went away after roundly abusing the entire group. Half an hour later he was back, and made to attack my friend. My friend threw up his arm to protect his face, and the glass he was holding nicked the American (but not badly, just enough to draw a little blood). After the American was restrained, my friend left quickly so as to avoid further incident, but apparently the American was able to find out where he worked and what his name was.

Several days later, my friend got an email from this American, which said “I’m gonna fuck you up”. That night, when he arrived home, the Police had set a trap for him, and whisked him away to the Detention Centre.

My friend was lucky – his girlfriend knew what happened to him. Why lucky? Because when the girlfriend went to the consulate, and the consulate went to the Police asking why they hadn’t filed the mandatory report with them, the Police denied any knowledge of the incident. They continued to deny knowing the whereabouts of my friend for a week, and when they finally admitted to knowing where he was, it took another week before they allowed Consular officials to see him, in clear violation of several international agreements. My friend was warned at this time not to say anything except that he was being treated well.

He was not being treated well, not by a long shot.

He was being subjected to intense political re-education, all day every day. No exercise, bright lights all the time, emotional abuse, you name it. He was placed in a small cell with half a dozen Chinese murderers who had also been subjected to the same political re-education, and who as a result harboured a particular hatred towards all foreigners. He ate stale rice and drank dirty water for a month. He slept on the floor. No showers, and one shave per week, with a blunt and bloodied razor that was used for the entire prison population (he refused to shave). Following the events in Sichuan recently, the guards came around and demanded that all prisoners sign a document ‘donating’ their money to the guards, for an ‘Earthquake Appeal’, and when my friend refused, the guards saw to it that all the other prisoners knew it.

My friend was not treated well. Not by a long shot.

He was released after his family agreed to pay the American 350,000 RMB (although he had originally demanded 1,000,000). That’s a lot of money.

And what about this mysterious American, the one who arranged for him to be there? Well, it turns out that this particular Yank has rather a history of doing this sort of thing to people. His modus operandi is to start fights with other foreigners, younger than himself and smaller in build, and then have them arrested. He either pays the Police a percentage or a set price, it isn’t clear which. And then he pockets the money and moves on to the next victim. A regular, old-fashioned, extortion racket. Just like in the old days.

This bastard lives in Shanghai, and has in fact been here for quite a few years. He is involved in real estate, and has a lot of local connections to help him do his dirty work. I know who this person is, I know what he looks like, I know where he works and where he lives, and I know what I’d like to see happen to him. My friend has asked that I don’t publish any of that, and I intend to respect his wishes. But I will also be hitting my knees on the floor every night, praying that this bastard gets his just desserts.

This Wet Pussy Award is for him.

Un-named Yank Bastard, Wet Pussy Award winner.

And where now are the righteous Chinese patriots, the ones who cry foul whenever China’s human rights record is questioned? I can only presume they are okay with their own Police and Party Officials colluding with this American, to extort money out of other foreigners. But hey, feel free to prove me wrong – until you do, I’ll go right on believing that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

And while I’m quoting others, here’s another one for you:

“Why is that camera off? You don’t know what you’re doing here, but maybe I know what I’m doing here. These people [the State] are risking their lives for us? I want to see what they’re going through, even if they don’t want us to. And I want other people to see it. What do you think they’re doing out there? Protecting and defending secrecy? That’s the world of Mao, the world of Stalin, the world of secret police, of secret trials, of secret deaths! You force the press into the cold, and all you will get is lies and innuendo, and nothing – nothing! – is worse for a free society than a press that is in service to the Military and the Politicians. Nothing! You turn that camera off when I tell you to turn it off! You think I give a damn what you think about me? You serve the People? So do I.”

Posted in China, Corruption, Human Rights, Wet Pussy Awards | 31 Comments »

Ask MyLaowai

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, May 22, 2008

Hello. Last week on ‘Party Hints’ I showed you how to make a small plate of goulash go round twenty-six people, how to get the best out of your canapés, and how to unblock your loo. This week I’m going to tell you what to do if there is an armed communist uprising near your home when you’re having a party. Well obviously it’ll depend how far you’ve got with your party when the signal for Red Revolt is raised. If you’re just having preliminary aperitifs – Dubonnet, a sherry or a sparkling white wine – then the guests will obviously be in a fairly formal mood and it will be difficult to tell which are the communist agitators. So the thing to do is to get some cloth and some bits of old paper, put it down on the floor and shoot everybody. This will deal with the Red Menace on your own doorstep. If you’re having canapés, as I showed you last week, or an outdoor barbecue, then the thing to do is to set fire to all houses in the street. This will stir up anti-communist hatred and your neighbours will be right with you as you organize counter-revolutionary terror. So you see, if you act promptly enough, any left-wing uprising can be dealt with by the end of the party.

Thanks, Monty.

Posted in China | 2 Comments »

And Now For Something Completely Different

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, May 22, 2008

Maths is Fun

Posted in China | 8 Comments »

Honk If You Have A Small Penis

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The last couple of days around this time there’s been this almighty honking of horns. I think it’s officially known as:

‘Three Minutes Silence With Chinese Characteristics’

Anyway, I’m taking advantage of this to have a few moments of quiet contemplation in the bog.

Posted in China | 4 Comments »

Quakes and Fakes

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, May 18, 2008

Did you hear the one about kids in Sichuan spending days on end with their heads buried in their school books?

Ok, so that’s in incredibly poor taste, but it isn’t nearly as bad as the one about the Communist Party that builds schools out of tofu in known earthquake zones, and then when the inevitable happens, refuses to allow trained experts to do anything to help, because they don’t want foreigners to see their shame.

I’ve been asked time and again by local businesses to give donations of money “to help the people in Sichuan”, and they are always angry with me when I refuse. Angry with me? My home country, of which I am a taxpaying citizen, offered money. And supplies. And trained teams of experts. And they were told to stay out of China’s affairs. Why are these so-called charitable collectors not angry – nay, livid, absolutely furious – with their own ruling clique? Where are the patriotic, angry youth now? Why are they not calling for the heads of Hu Jintao, Wen Jiabao, and the rest of the murderers who rule this place? Why aren’t the ‘concerned students’ at Tianya baying for the blood of their these bastards, instead of fretting anxiously about a few foreigners having relationships with Chinese girls?

And why is it that, when the inevitable happens and a few low-level Party officials are made scapegoats and executed for the crimes of their Party, why is it that everyone will lay the blame on them, but not dare to lay the blame squarely where it belongs: at the doorstep of the system itself?

That’s right, the system itself. Not just the political system that keeps a small cabal of murderers, thugs and goons in absolute power, but also the social system that for the last 2,300 years has made not caring one iota about anyone else a virtue, and corruption something to be admired. The same system that refuses to allow foreigners to help the victims of your own diseased culture, because you might lose your face. And yes, I know how important your face is to you, just ask any Burmese general.

Think about that, ‘Patriotic Citizens’, next time you talk about how great China is.

Posted in China | 32 Comments »