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A True History of the P.R.C.

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, August 27, 2007

October 1st, 1949
Just four years after the end of the Second World War, the first Brave Chinese emerges from hiding under his bed. His name is Mao Zedong (lit. Hairy Fat Bastard). Unopposed by either the Government or the military (none of whom have been seen since the first Japanese tourist set foot in China back in 1937), Mao proclaims to the world:

“China has stood up! Actually, we stood up quite quickly, and now our head is a bit dizzy. We’re going to sit down again now, but we’ll probably have another go at it in fifty years or so, after we’ve had a bit of a rest.”

Mao, realising the true greatness of the Chinese Spirit, immediately orders the formation of a New Model Army* (TM) (*available only in Red), and the invasion of both East Turkestan and Mongolia. The fighting is fierce and at times it looks as though the Red Army might lose, but in the end the fact that neither East Turkestan nor Mongolia are in possession of any soldiers, weapons, or indeed anything more dangerous than a punnet of yak butter, proves to be decisive. Chinese scholars immediately discover a map showing that “…these regions have always been a part of China since ancient times”.

The new Chinese National Flag is described by Mao as representing ‘New Democracy‘, with the large star symbolizing the Communist Party of China’s leadership, and the surrounding four smaller stars symbolizing the Bloc of Four Classes: proletarian workers, peasants, petty bourgeoisie, and the nationally-based capitalists. Foreign groups such as Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge, Peru’s Shining Path, the New People’s Army of the Philippines, and the Maoist Communist Party of India, later agree that Mao was on to a good thing.

Mao, realising the continuing true greatness of the Chinese Spirit, orders the invasion of Tibet. The fighting is fierce and at times it looks as though the Red Army might lose, but in the end the fact that Tibet is not in possession of any soldiers, weapons, or indeed anything more dangerous than a prayer wheel, proves to be decisive. Chinese scholars immediately discover a map showing that “…this region has always been a part of China since ancient times”.

Later the same year, a People’s Volunteer Army* (*note complete non-resemblance to, or any affiliation with, the People’s Liberation Army), march across the Sino-Korean border in order to take part in the Aid Korea, Fight America Campaign. This, too, is a huge success, with nearly 54,000 Evil Capitalist Running Dogs killed at a cost of only a million or so Volunteers KIA.

Mao launches the Three Anti’s Movement, in which the people are liberated from the evils of money, food, and independent thought. The people, freed from their burdens, rush to work every morning in labour camps all over the country.

The last Oppressive Foreign Capitalist Running Dogs are thrown out of the (now much-enlarged-since-ancient-times) country, and their (stolen) property nationalised in the name of the Chinese Communist Party. Mao celebrates with a hundred young girls and a few young boys, and declares that “…there is no prostitution in China”. Shanghai, formerly known as ‘The Whore of the Orient’, is renamed ‘The Keen Amateur Cadre Who Works In The Barbershop Around The Corner of the Orient’.

Following the runaway success of the Three Anti’s Movement, Mao launches the Five Anti’s Movement, in which the people are liberated from the evils of money, food, independent thought, their homes, and their children. The program is a hugely popular one, with over 15,000 trained propagandists working in Shanghai alone. As many as 18,000 confessions of sin are made in the first week of February 1952, and 210,000 by the end of the first month. Some big companies voluntarily make 1,000 confessions a day. The owner of the Dahua copper company originally over-confesses to having illegally obtained 50 million yuan. His employees encourage him to confess to greater crimes, however, and he re-confesses to having obtained a staggering 2 billion yuan, a sum greater than the entire Gross Domestic Product, and nearly enough to purchase a decent steak meal somewhere in Texas.

The [insert random number here] Anti’s Movement concept works so well, in fact, that repeat performances are scheduled to be given to receptive audiences for the next five decades:

1953 New Three-Anti Campaign
1957 Party Rectification
1957-1958 Anti-Rightist Movement
1961 Re-education of Party Members
1963-1964 New Five-Anti Campaign
1964 Party Rectification
1964-1966 Socialist Education
1969 Party Rectification
1981 Anti-Bourgeois Liberalization
1982 Anti-Corruption, Anti-Economic Crimes
1983 Party Rectification, Anti-Spiritual Pollution
1983-1987 Party Rectification
1987 Anti-Bourgeois Liberalism
1987-1988 Against Bourgeois Liberalism
1989 Against Bourgeois Liberalism
1989-1992 Anti-Corruption Drive
1993-2000 Anti-Corruption Campaign

The Red Army seizes the Taiwanese-owned Yijiangshan Islands, forcing Taiwan to abandon the Yachen Islands. Mao orders the Red Army to begin shelling Taiwanese positions on the Quemoy and Matsu Islands. His order to “…fire continuously every waking moment that you are not eating” is taken seriously by his military commanders, and as many as five rounds are shot every weekday, except during National Holidays, when the soldiers are forced to work weekends as well. The Red Army eventually loses interest, after also losing well over 20,000 soldiers and almost all it’s landing craft. Mao doesn’t even notice, as he is distracted by a fly.

WAR! Chinese forces peacefully self-defend themselves against foreign aggression in Burma. The Evil Foreign Oppressors are taught a lesson by the Brave Chinese, who don’t even run away very much at all. This ‘Mass Incident‘ is not mentioned in later Chinese textbooks. Repeated Burmese demands for an apology go unreported in China.

The Great Leap Forward is announced, the stated aim of which is to enable China to quickly overtake Great Britain and the United States in the production of shoddy, unsellable goods, and worthless, unusable pig-iron. The Leap is a complete success, and forty-two million people celebrate by voluntarily starving themselves to death. General Peng Dehuai, Supreme Commander of the People’s Volunteer Army and Defense Minister, mistakenly mentions that he isn’t convinced by the economic benefits, but later comes to realise his mistake and beats himself to death in 1974.

In other news, the Red Army resumes shelling of the Quemoy and Matsu Islands, as a prelude to the invasion of Taiwan. Failing to make any headway, Mao issues a ‘Message to the Compatriots in Taiwan’, calling for a peaceful solution to the ‘Taiwan Issue’ and asking for all Chinese to unite against the “American plot to divide China”. Sporadic shelling continues until 1979.

Mao steps down as Chairman of the Party, saying that he wants to concentrate on his writing. His ‘Little Red Book’, he says, isn’t what the publishers are looking for at this time, and all the Chairmaning work doesn’t leave him enough time for any of his wives or children. He names Liu Shaoqi his successor.

WAR! Chinese forces peacefully self-defend themselves against foreign aggression in India. The Evil Foreign Oppressors are taught a lesson by the Brave Chinese, who don’t even run away very much at all. This ‘Mass Incident‘ is not mentioned in later Chinese textbooks. Repeated Indian demands for an apology go unreported in China.

WAR! Chinese forces peacefully self-defend themselves again against foreign aggression in India. The Evil Foreign Oppressors are again taught a lesson by the Brave Chinese, who don’t even run away very much at all this time, either. This ‘Mass Incident‘ is also not mentioned in later Chinese textbooks. Repeated Indian demands for an apology go unreported in China.

The Cultural Revolution, which never actually happened at all, ever, not even a little bit, we don’t know what you’re talking about, nothing to see here, doesn’t actually begin. The Central People’s Broadcasting Station doesn’t set up over seventy million hate-propaganda speakers all over the country, on every street and in every neighbourhood, and the non-existent Cultural Revolution Group doesn’t issue a statement saying:

“Chairman Mao is a genius, everything the Chairman says is truly great; one of the Chairman’s words will override the meaning of tens of thousands of ours.”

Tens of millions of young people are not there at the time. They are probably away visiting their aunts in the country or something. Millions of students don’t form gangs to torture and kill their teachers and professors, nurses and medical students don’t drown doctors in toilet effluent, not one single young person denounces his or her parents for any reason at all. Liu Shaoqi’s death is an unfortunate case of accidentally torturing himself to death and then cremating himself afterwards. Nearly three million people are certainly not brutally murdered by anyone at all, especially by the young people who are probably in the countryside visiting their aunts or something. And that’s all as it should be, particularly since those same young people would be in their late forties and early-to-late fifties today, and therefore running most of the companies and institutions in the country.

WAR! Chinese forces peacefully self-defend themselves against foreign aggression along the Sino-USSR border formed by the Amur and Ussuri Rivers, on which China claims the historic right to navigate since ancient times. The Evil Foreign Oppressors are taught a lesson by the Brave Chinese, who don’t even run away very much at all. This ‘Mass Incident‘ is not mentioned in later Chinese textbooks. Repeated Russian demands for an apology go unreported in China.

Business is booming, and a journalist, visiting at the invitation of the unfortunately-named Deng Xiaoping, reports that:

‘In 1969 the total output increased 90 percent over 1966. That increase was 100 percent over designated capacity. On this basis, in 1970 we fulfilled production 42 days ahead.”

Mao Zedong, the Great Helmsman, dies. His body is converted into a wax candle by means of Advanced Alchemy, and is put on display. Rumours that he later turns orange and has his ear fall off are greatly exaggerated. A verdict on his reign finds that he was 70% correct, and 30% incorrect. The 30% incorrect portion relates to his repeated hosting of Curry Night at Zhongnanhai, in which he would cook his Famous-in-the-World Beef Vindaloo. Lin Biao in particular had been a staunch critic of Mao’s Vindaloo’s, and refused to allow his own staff anything other than Traditional And Delicious Chinese Cuisine*

(*Ironically, Lin Biao died on September 13th, 1971, when his private jet crashed. The inquest found that both Lin’s pilots had been poisoned by actually eating Chinese food, and recommended that in future, at least one pilot eat real food, imported from the West. This led in turn to KFC, McDonalds and Coca-Cola being invited to set up operations throughout China, and Deng Xiaoping’s ‘Open Door Policy’).

On July 28th, there is an earthquake in Tangshan, killing as many as 750,000 people and destroying 93% of all residential buildings. Mao’s successor, Hua Guofeng, shows great concern for the feelings of all the Chinese people, by refusing to accept Evil Foreign Assistance.

The same year, China is admitted to the United Nations as a result of a typing error. Repeated calls for the typist to apologise go unreported in China.

Deng Xiaoping takes his place at the reins, and over a billion people spontaneously rush out and buy Deng-style suits, replacing the now-faded Mao-style suits. Deng, standing just 3 feet, 4 inches high, quickly becomes famous for his habit of chain-smoking cigarettes made from Panda skin. Panda populations plummet worldwide. Deng also orders the setting up of a ‘Birth Planning Commission’ in every town, the purpose of which is to ensure that useless girl babies no longer waste the State’s resources. Boy babies, on the other hand, are fine, just so long as people only have one of them per pair of parents.

Deng, focused on ‘Developing China’s Economic’, observes that:

“To get rich at the expense of everyone else, at any cost, by any means fair or foul, is glorious.”


“It doesn’t matter whether it is a black cat, or a white cat, as long as you can shove a stick up it’s arse, and sell it as a lamb kebab.”

WAR! Chinese forces peacefully self-defend themselves against foreign aggression in Vietnam. The Evil Foreign Oppressors are taught a lesson by the Brave Chinese, who don’t even run away very much at all. This ‘Mass Incident‘ is not mentioned in later Chinese textbooks. Despite the fact that the Red Army’s maps are 75 years out of date, that the Red Army is one of only two militaries in the world with no system of rank, that there is no air support, that they are armed with WWII-era weapons, that there are no modern logistics, communications or transport facilities, and casualties may well be as high as 75% (the Red Army later admits to a 25% casualty rate), the self-defending operation against Evil Foreign Oppressors is a complete victory. Repeated Vietnamese demands for an apology go unreported in China.

Wang XianSheng becomes the first Chinese citizen in history to look both ways before crossing the road. Sadly, this goes totally unnoticed by anyone else, thus answering the question: “If a tree falls down in the forest and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?”. Obviously, it doesn’t.

Deng Xiaoping proclaims that Hong Kong is to be incorporated into China under a policy of something called ‘One Country, Two Systems’ – no one knows precisely what he is talking about, but most people in China suspect it has something to do with the electrical grid or voltages or something. Perhaps telephones. People in Hong Kong start purchasing flights to Vancouver.

June 4th, 1989
Starbucks officially opens it’s first outlet in Tienanmen Square, Beijing. Hundreds of thousands of students form an orderly queue and wait patiently for their chance to have a coffee. Fireworks to celebrate the opening of the store are mistakenly reported to be gunfire by Evil Foreign Media, NATO estimates of 7,000 deaths, and Soviet estimates of 10,000 deaths, are all cited as examples of why China is a Victim Of Foreign Aggression. Starbucks are told to relocate their outlet to the Forbidden City, where they won’t be able to cause any trouble in the future.

Shortly afterwards, Jiang Zemin is promoted to the top job. Over a billion Chinese citizens spontaneously rush out and buy cheap, ill-fitting business suits. Jiang Zemin is later credited with ‘Three Represents’, an enormous intellectual contribution to world philosophy. Put simply, ‘Three Represents’ states that the Chinese Communist Party is responsible for “…the requirements of the development of China’s advanced productive forces, the orientation of the development of China’s advanced culture, and the fundamental interests of the overwhelming majority of the people in China”. No one really understands it, but it sounds catchy all the same.

Hong Kong becomes a colony of China. Both the electrical and telephone systems get re-wired. Shares in airlines that fly out of Hong Kong go through the roof.

An Evil Cult manages to cause spiritual harm to the entire Chinese people. It is, quite rightly, banned from practising in future. Chinese leaders are praised by the Chinese media for following a correct path.

In other news, hospitals open their doors to Good Foreigners Who Need Organ Replacement Therapy.

A US Navy EP-3E, a converted airliner, deliberately and without warning initiates Air Combat Manoeuvres (dogfighting) with a pair of Chinese fighter aircraft. One of the Chinese fighters is hit by the US Navy aggressor, killing the Brave Pilot. The EP-3E is damaged, but makes it to Hainan Island, where it is carefully repaired one system at a time by Chinese technicians, and the US crew allowed to enjoy a stay at a luxurious hotel, gratis. The inflight recorders are retained by the Red Army for legal reasons.

Hu Jintao, known affectionately to his Tibetan colleagues as ‘the Butcher of Lhasa’, is promoted to the hot seat. He immediately sets about making sure that everyone is healthy, and that everyone is protected from Foreign Diseases. A few newspapers who have been printing irresponsible rumours are closed down for the good of the people, and some lawyers get what’s coming to ’em. Hu Jintao, as an avid musician, presides over the commissioning of a new ‘Harmonica Society’ – the response from jailbirds is overwhelming. The Red Army, too, is delighted, having had it’s wish-list fully granted.

‘Morally Correct’ media reporting and entertainment that is free of Evil Foreign Influences leads to a citizenry that is fully content in every way. Everyone is happy, and China becomes known as the Land Of Milk And Honey.

Posted in Annexed Territories, China, Human Rights, Lies & Damned Lies, Propaganda, Wang Xiansheng | Tagged: , | 32 Comments »

This Is Your Life, Wang XianSheng. Part 2.

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Part 2 in a 3-part series on the life of Wang XianSheng, an ordinary citizen of the People’s Republic of China.

When last we saw Wang, he had, at the age of 27, just become a father. His wife, with whom he has a loveless relationship, was alone in the hospital and Wang was spending his misbegotten gains on a KTV hostess.

Wang’s life is a good one: he has an apartment (which he shares with his wife and parents), he has a television (everyone needs a hobby), and he has a son (so no more pressure from his parents in that department). He also has a job at a State-owned company (which allows him to earn a significant under-the-table income), and he has a mistress on which to spend it. Yes indeed, life is fine for Wang XianSheng.

The next few years are fairly uneventful for Wang. His wife is unable to find a new lover, so she continues to act the good wife at home, and keeps her normally sharp tongue in check. His parents spend their days taking care of his son and doing the housework, so he is spared the bother of having to worry about the chores, and his KTV hostess finally agrees to have sex with him. Wang installs her in a nearby apartment so that he can spend the evenings with her, instead of having to deal with his family.

Behind the scenes, though, trouble is brewing. His wife, from the first day of their marriage, has been slowly siphoning Wang’s finances into her own secret account. She, of course, sees this as only natural and if she ever thought about it, would argue that it’s the duty of every wife to do so. Nevertheless, she is a long way along the path of being able to leave Wang, and she has begun to press him to buy her a second apartment, as an ‘investment’. His mistress, too, is plotting for control of Wang’s finances, and has started to suggest that he should divorce his wife and put the apartment into her own name. Wang of course, hasn’t the courage to leave his wife, and hasn’t the integrity to stay. Although things could well continue on like this for some time, a confrontation is almost inevitable at some point.

Wang is thirty two when his father dies of a heart attack. This unfortunate event opens a wholly unexpected can of worms, as before the body is even cold, several of his uncles and cousins start squabbling for control of the assets, including the apartment. This is the beginning of a family feud that will last years, and although Wang will eventually win control of the apartment and ninety percent of his late fathers’ assets, it will be a pyrrhic victory.

Thirty four and Wang’s mother is diagnosed with gastric cancer. The doctors prescribe lots of different Chinese medicines for her, including anti-cancer herbs, qi (chi) tonics, blood-vitalizing tonics, and phlegm-resolving herbs, but nothing seems to help. Wang is told that she might need Western radiation treatment, which will be expensive. This requires a great deal of thought, as Wang is about to buy a car. A car will certainly show everyone he is a big man in the world, but on the other hand, his mother does do all the housework and raises his son for him. Eventually, Wang decides to beg some money from a relative for her operation, thus ensuring a win-win (two wins) scenario for himself.

Wang is thirty seven when the foreigner moves into his apartment building. Really, this is intolerable! Why can’t the foreigner go back to his own country? Wang quietly starts a one-man campaign to have the foreigner evicted, but he is unsuccessful. And fortunately so, as his wife points out to him one night, for his son is at school now and some free English language tuition would certainly be useful. Wang agrees, and asks a friend (who speaks a little English), to enquire as to whether the foreigner can give free English lessons to Wang’s son. The foreigner politely declines, and Wang is incensed – who does this laowai think he is, anyway? Doesn’t he know that Wang is an important man? China should be for the Chinese, and Wang vows to have the last word on the subject.

Thirty eight, nine months later, and Wang gets his last word, when he tells a friend in the Public Security Bureau that this foreigner regularly invites prostitutes back to his apartment. In fact, the foreigner is living with his Taiwanese girlfriend, but that all ends when the police knock on the door one night. The end result is that the girlfriend dumps the foreigner, who is asked to leave the country with a big red ‘Prostitution‘ stamp in his passport. Wang celebrates with a prostitute of his own.

Forty two, and Wang’s mother dies. Wang is devastated – how dare she? Wang has spent all his life caring for her, and now she leaves him with a son to raise and housework to do! Wang has never loved his wife or son, has never had real friends, and even his father was just a person who was there, but his mother, the only person he has ever trusted has finally, in the end, betrayed him. The fucking bitch. Who will look after him now? Two weeks after the funeral Wang’s mistress, seeing her chance, delivers an ultimatum: leave your wife and give me the apartment, or else. Wang, furious and unable to cope with the pressure, beats his mistress and tells her she is finished. Later the same day, he beats his wife and son, too. He is a big man, and nobody should dare to threaten him!

Forty three now, and things have settled down again. His mistress has left him for one of her other lovers, but Wang doesn’t care – she was getting old, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and he has just had a promotion. Wang has been put in charge of approving applications for certain licenses. As a result, he can now earn more through graft every month than some of his colleagues earn in a year.

The next eight years are good for Wang. His son does well at school and then college, and though Wang isn’t sure exactly what his son studies, it is enough that he can boast of the boy’s success. His wife is still with him (having lost a lot of money gambling at the mahjong table, she can no longer afford to leave). And of course, he has the ‘respect’ of the community.

And it all ends for him one morning in August. At seven forty five in the morning, Wang XianSheng, aged fifty one, dies of a heart attack. Wang leaves behind a twenty four year old son and a forty seven year old widow. He never knew his son, never loved his wife. Wang XianSheng never had a true friend, never knew trust. He did not marry for love, nor ever understood the concept. He did not travel to other countries, and he never understood anything about the people who live there. He never thought thoughts that were truly his own. He never appreciated art or poetry, never understood philosophy, never read a book for pleasure. And though he spent virtually all of his life in the company of others, he lived out his existence completely alone.

Wang was not unusual, there are nearly a billion and a half other people just like him. He was a product of his society, and this was his life.

Part three coming soon…

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This Is Your Life, Wang XianSheng. Part 1.

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, June 28, 2007

This is Wang. The result of an indiscretion between his mother and one of her ‘friends’, he is still in the womb. Not yet born, much of his life has already been mapped out for him. He will not ever have a true friend, will never know trust. He will not marry for love, nor even understand the concept. Though he may travel to other countries, he will never understand anything about the people who live there. He will never think thoughts that are truly his own. He will never appreciate art or poetry, will never understand philosophy, will never read a book for pleasure. And though he will spend virtually all of his life in the company of others, he will live out his existence completely alone.

Wang is not unusual, there are nearly a billion and a half other people just like him. He is a product of his society, and this is his life…

Wang is born in a hospital. Though he doesn’t realise it, this is the greatest triumph he will ever experience. Just to get to this point, his mother has had to lie about his conception to her husband, the man whom he will soon be calling “baba”. He will, of course, never know the identity of his biological father. Wang is also fortunate in that his parents don’t already have a child, so his birth was merely a matter of getting Party approval, and he can expect to be taken home rather than being abandoned in a public washroom on the way home.

Wang’s parents are not rich, but neither are they paupers, and Wang will never want for anything that money can buy. He will also have plenty of attention: parents, grandparents, uncles and aunties, will all devote themselves to him. He will seldom be scolded, no matter the misdeed, and he will grow up knowing he is the centre of the universe. For now, though, he is struggling to learn who his parents are. His grandparents have taken control of his life, have selected his name, and are making the decisions. His mother will soon stop feeding him and then his life will be in the hands of the people who make the milk powder. This is a dangerous time for him – many babies have died from the lack of nutrition – but with luck he will make it to solid food.

Wang is never required to move. Indeed, he is unable to do so. Swaddled in numerous blankets and always hot, his arms are pinned to his sides and only his genitals and face see the light. For the next few years, he will not need to learn to walk, and will be carried everywhere by his grandmother.

Three years old, Wang attends kindergarten. Wang is a clever boy, and curious about the world. This does not endear him to his teachers, who frequently shout at him or hit him on the back of the head. At least once a week, he is locked inside a closet and at sleep time, he is tied to his cot so that he will not play with the toys. His parents never ask him about his day, and although they give him expensive toys to play with at home, they don’t take the time to play with him themselves. Wang is starting to learn how to be a ‘good’ boy.

Seven years old now, Wang is at primary school. A quick learner, he does well at political theory and can recite all the Dynasty’s of China. He is aware that there are other countries in the world, but has never been taught their names, only that they are against China. Wang has also learned how to lie, and does so whenever there is a chance to get a classmate into trouble. He feels justified in this, because many of them lie to get him into trouble, too. He does not enjoy sports, but he is learning the violin at his mother’s insistence. Wang’s teachers have noted in his file that he has great potential, partly because he does, and partly because his father was generous with the money at Spring Festival.

At the age of twelve, Wang has a major argument with his father, who refuses to buy him a new bicycle. Wang tells his teacher that his father is against the Party, and the School Party Secretary notes this in his file. Wang is made Class Captain, and his father does not receive an expected promotion. His fathers’ mistress leaves him in disgust, and his wife makes his life a living hell. Despite the abusive atmosphere inside the home, however, appearances are kept up in public, and Wang remains the centre of the universe.

Eighteen years of age and Wang is accepted into university. He does well in the mandatory Political Theory, but his other grades are not so good. He wants to study Marketing, but his father wants him to be an Engineer, so engineering it is. He really doesn’t understand much of it, but there’s no question of failing to leave university with a BSc, as long as his father keeps making donations to his professors.

In his second year of university, Wang meets a foreign student named Sarah. She is the most beautiful woman Wang has ever seen, she actually seems to like him too, and he is determined to marry her. When he announces his plan to his parents, however, the gloves come off. How dare he disgrace his family like that? Does he not care about his family’s face? Does he not know that foreigner girls are immoral and have AIDS? Wang is shattered, but his family are right. Wang stops seeing Sarah, and his family starts looking for a more suitable girl.

Twenty four years old, having graduated university with a BSc, Wang is working for a State-owned company. His work is not demanding, and he has plenty of opportunities for graft. He is also getting married to a girl his parents have found for him. Her family have some influence and he has them to thank for his new job. The girl in question is not attracted to him, nor he to her, but both sets of parents are in favour, so that is that. After they get married, she will live with Wang, his parents, and his grandmother.

Twenty five now, and Wang is told by his mother that it is time he had a son. Wang doesn’t want a child, but duty is duty. The only problem is, Wang is still a virgin. His wife displays all the enthusiasm of a dead cod, and he has only the vaguest notion of what is involved. Wang purchases a ‘yellow’ DVD and watches it for clues, and that night he and his wife finally consummate their marriage. It’s not particularly satisfying for either of them, but Wang has lost his virginity now and feels on top of the world. His wife, who lost her virginity many years ago, at least has her other lover to entertain her.

Twenty six and Wang’s wife is pregnant. Unfortunately, the doctor says it could be a girl. It’s an easy decision to make, so they opt for an abortion and try again. Later the same year, they are rewarded with good news, and this time it’s probably a boy.

Wang’s wife has become very loving – her lover left her when she became pregnant and now she needs to do her part in her husbands’ bed. For her, though, there is some good news – Wang’s grandmother has finally died, so not only has the amount of housework been reduced, she also gets a morning off work to attend the funeral.

Twenty seven and Wang Junior is born. Wang is at a KTV at the time. He has been spending a lot of time at this particular KTV lately, because one of the girls who works there is in love with him. Well, she says that she is, anyway. Wang buys her many presents and he hopes one day she will have sex with him. For now, though, it’s enough that she plays dice games with him and pours his drinks. Yes, she really is special.

To be continued…

*** Part 2 *** Part 3 ***

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