Help!
Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I’ve got nothing to say. Which is to say, I’ve plenty to say [about China amongst other things], but everything I want to say means I have to think about it in some depth, and that’s as depressing as all Hell. Ye Gods, this place is a depressing wasteland in more ways than most people can comprehend [I do not include those of you who actually ‘live’ here, of course].
China: 5,000 years and still developing.
Guest post required to fill the gap…
Wo Shi Laowai - Wo Pa Shui 
Ned Kelly said
You could write about China’s economic miracle and China “shaking the world”.
Heiney said
The Dalai Lama walks into a bar in Beijing…
Heiney said
…that’s good to start a joke.
Ned Kelly said
Q: Why did the fenqing cross the road?
A: You don’t understand China!
LoveChinaLongTime said
Q: Why did the fenqing defend, on the internet worldwide, a government that limits even his own freedom and access?
A: Because he is being paid 1,250 yuan a month to!
Ned Kelly said
Q: If the entire staff of CCTV, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News all jumped off of a 20 story building at the same time, who would hit the pavement first?
A: Who cares?
MyLaowai said
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But the light bulb has to want to change.
MyLaowai said
Ned Kelly said
Down in Hell, Deng XiaoPing is buried up to his waist in shit. Why is this?
Because Deng stands on Mao’s shoulders.
Neddy said
I just found that the Kingdom of Id is actually in China:
MyLaowai said
No, Neddy, I think you’ll find that the Kingdom of Id[iots] is in China.
Ned Kelly said
The Kingdom of Idiots has always been an inseparable part of China! Idiots paid tribute to the Emperor of China 2,000 years ago!
Neddy said
Heh, that was a typo! Should get myself a spell-checker.
Ned Kelly said
In China, “Id” is phonetically spelled “ih-duh”. It has been spelled that way for 5,000 years. Because when the Chinese evolved separately from other subspecies of homo sapiens, evolving to a higher level than any other subspecies, their more highly evolved tongues lost the primitive ability to pronounce consonants at the end of any syllable. This is proof that the Chinese descend from the Yellow Emperor, who is also known as “Peking Ma-nuh.”
Neddy said
Very good… Speaking of the Yellow Emperor, I happen to know that he also invented Harmonious China:
Ned Kelly said
CCTV asks:
Q: What do you think about Chinese food?
A: (Spoken by a White Whore for CCTV): “It is very spicy!”
Q: Chinaahhh, is a very old civilisation. What do you think of Chinahhh’s 5,000 year old civilisation, compared to Western civilisation which began in 1840?
A: (White Whore says): China is SO AMAZING! I went to Shanghai and it was so amazing!
Q: Do you have a Chinese boyfriend?
A: SHUT UP!
Ned Kelly said
Another BAD Chinese joke:
Q: What do you call an American PR man/journalist who accepts a position as the “Foreign Editor” of China’s “Global Times” and then swiftly bails out of China several weeks later and then pretends to “remember” what’s wrong with the CCP?
A: An intellectual catamite.
LoveChinaLongTime said
A Jew, A Chinaman and Hitler were all in a bar in Hell.
The Chinaman said “Waaaa, I really admire you Jews and your business savvy and ability to make a lot of money! But I REALLY admire you Mister Shee Tuh Le for killing off all those Jews and taking their wealth!!!”
Slap2tickle said
How about an Agony Aunt corner to help all these poor bastards become better people?
LoveChinaLongTime said
How can you improve on or give advice to what’s already perfect?