Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Archive for May, 2007


Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, May 6, 2007

Han-tipathy (n.): A strong feeling of aversion or repugnance against Han Chinese. (generally developed after an extended stay in areas populated by them.)

From the StrandedMariner Dictionary.

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ChinaDaily Headline – 4th May 2007

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, May 5, 2007

From that bastion of historical fact, the same beacon of light that reported Atlantis had been discovered in Fuxian Lake near Kunming, comes this wee chortle:

Stone Age site yields evidence of advanced culture

Chinese archaeologists say they have uncovered strong evidence that Stone Age people in southern East Asia were at least as technologically advanced as their European cousins — challenging the long-standing theory of “two cultures” *. Excavations at the Dahe Stone Age site, in southwest China’s Yunnan Province, had revealed elaborate stone tools and instruments that rivaled those of the Mousterian culture that existed at that time in Europe, said Ji Xueping, chief archaeologist at the site.

  • Better known as the ‘Movius Line‘ theory, proposed in 1948

Yeah, except that the European sites are dated 70,000-32,000 BC and the Dahe site is dated 42,000-34,000 BC. Looks suspiciously like the Levalloisian and Mousterian-type tools were simply copied, rather than invented by Chinese Neanderthals.

Ye Gods! What’s the big deal, anyway?

Posted in ChinaDaily, Lies & Damned Lies | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

China’s Censored History

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, May 5, 2007

Many thanks to Rebecca MacKinnon for this piece.

The Chinese Communist Party’s Central Propaganda Department convened a meeting at the beginning of this year laying out the ground rules on what should and shouldn’t appear in China’s media and publications. The Anti-Rightist campaign of 50 years ago was listed as one of the no-go-zones. Talking about it is a threat to today’s leaders, apparently. The meeting was summarized in this article (in Chinese) which appeared in a Hong Kong-based publication and circulated around the Internet. It has since been translated into English at the Chinese Content Wiki. Here is a long excerpt containing the decisions regarding censorship of history [bold highlights mine – MyLaowai]:

-This year is the 50th anniversary of the anti-right movement. As events over the past few years demonstrate, many people bearing dissatisfaction with The Party have, through various guises, depicted and glamorized the “anti-right” period of history. Of these people, many are well-known scholars, but they have but one purpose: to smear the name of the Communist Party. For this reason, no memoirs or books regarding the “anti-right” period of history are allowed to be published, and any articles regarding “the anti-right movement” may not be printed.

-Based on practical experience from the past few years, some people in society are “breaking through” the Cultural Revolution, wholly disavowing Mao Zedong and Mao Zedong Thought, attempting and then achieving their comprehensive goal of disavowing the Communist Party of China. For this reason, not only must this kind of article not be published, but vigilance must also be increased.

-Starting today, all historical problems must be in accordance with: “The Resolution on a Number of The Party’s Historical Problems Since the Founding of the Country” (hereafter, “The Historical Resolution”), review treatises from the older generation of revolutionaries like Deng Xiaoping and Chen Yun, as well as embodying the principles of “Looking Ahead in Solidarity”. Criticism of historical events must adhere to “The Historical Resolution”, and no so-called “first-hand material” or previously published articles, including those from People’s Daily that violate The Historical Resolution may not be used as justification. Starting today, all books and articles that violate the spirit of The Historical Resolution may not be published.

-Starting today all specialized accounts published by current and past Central Government leaders must be in accordance with The Historical Resolution.

-Except for The Central Government Document Publishing House, all unauthorized specialized accounts and information regarding Central Government Leaders may not be quoted, compiled or distributed within the country.

-Articles regarding memoirs by current and former Central Government leaders, including those written by the authors in question, their families, secretaries and friends must be applied for by the person in question themselves through the Press and Publication Administration. Those not approved for publication must not be privately printed in any form, or transmitted via electronic means, and especially must not be published overseas.

Posted in Media, Propaganda | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

I Have A Foreigner Boss

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, May 4, 2007

Whilst it would be untrue to say that anything surprises me any more, it is a fact that I am constantly awestruck by the constantly expressed xenophobia and hatred towards non-Han Chinese here. You can see it (and hear it) walking down the street, you can feel it in the air at times. One place you will see it day after day, is on the internet.

ChinaDaily (the Party mouthpiece) operates, in addition to their ‘news’, a forum. One section of the forum is in English. Now, it being a Party mouthpiece, you will of course understand that every single comment that appears has passed scrutiny by a team of moderators. Forget criticism of the Red Gods, it’ll never appear. Essentially, what you see passes muster and is approved of at high levels. It is, therefore, a good barometer of the current state of affairs in China.

Check out this thread. Some young girl has a new job with a foreign company, and is asking for advice on how to deal with a foreign boss. I reckon it’s a stupid question – do your job and work hard – but it ain’t nearly as bad as some of the replies:

my boss is a foreigner and he is not so well to get along with,nothing about the language

Don’t worry about the language barrier, your foreign boss should understand or he’ll just be an IDIOT.

Be sure of the scope of your work, not so that you would be calculating but so that you will not end up a slave labour in your company. I understand that some bosses like to exploit their staff.

Your boss should learn the Chinese culture …. if you are referring to working in China. If your boss, working in China, cannot adapt to the ways in the China and her people, then I think the company has sent the wrong guy to manage the company. He/She should be shipped back immediately home to handle domestic chores.

In the West, the quickest way for the employee to move up would be to sleep with the boss. Better yet, sleep with the boss and then sue the boss and the company for millions for sexual harassment. Quick settlement, early retirement.

American bosses are demanding and unreasonable. The excuse they often give for criticising others – they are from the “advanced” country and you are just a “developing” nation. I have heard those craps from American bosses, many times. One more thing, when it comes to axeing staff or retrenchment because the company is making losses (due to their poor financial management), the American bosses are merciless. They are quite well-known for that

American PRESIDENT exploiting an underaged INTERN sexually. He is writing books and still making his rounds to make speeches. That’s the kind ROTTEN FREE society you have. To protect NOT those vulnerable but those in POWER. Perhaps, it doesn’t matter a s-h-i-t to you yankies that Lebanon (also Iraqi) children and women are bombed and killed so long as the doer is your prodigal son, Israel. And you go round giving the BS about Human Rights, whose rights exactly?

my first job is aslo a foreigner boss. he is from uk, 25-year-old, not so tall. in my mind i feel all foreingers are tall and robust. when i meet him first time, what i saw hit me a heavy blow. my boss nearly has the same height with me, and he is thin. so i am not afraid of him. at first i am so happy. i think i get a perfect chance to make money and practice my oral english. but the guy is so smart that he gave me little money, and he even learn chinese from me!

Generally it’s not easy to get along well with a expatriate despite you can speak english very well.

And on it goes. Well, I’ve got advice for any Chinese wanting to work for a ‘foreigner boss’:

1. Do your fucking job. That’s what the company is paying you 2.5 times what any Chinese company pays you to do. So do.

2. Work, in this context, is a verb. It is something you do. It is not where you go to sleep from 2pm until 5pm.

3. When your employer asks you to do something and you don’t understand – say “I don’t understand”. It’s far better than saying “I know, I know, I know” when in fact you don’t know your arse from your elbow. When you eventually fuck up, giving the blank ‘I-don’t know-nothing-and-I-won’t-lose-my-face’ stare is not going to help much. Unless you want to see yet another laowai reduced to incoherency, in which case it helps plenty.

4. When you have a deadline, it means that you are expected to complete a task by that time, not begin it then.

5. Sorry to be picky, but get your mother to iron your shirt, and learn to brush your teeth. And roll down your shirt and trousers, for goodness sake!

6. You being able to chat on MSN and QQ is not the primary reason your company opened a branch in China. Quite possibly, they actually expect you to do something more productive. Like your actual job, for instance.

7. Sleeping with your boss may well be a job requirement in China, but in most cases your ‘foreigner boss’ has better things to do with his time. There are more than enough whores, slags, and ho’s for him on the street, without him having to deal with them in his business.

8. Contrary to 5,000 years of experience, 60% complete is not 100% complete.

9. Your boss doesn’t give a flying fuck whether ‘this is China’ or not. He wants you to do what you have been paid to do, not ‘negotiate’ the details with him.

10. When your contract says you are supposed to work from 9am to 5pm, then it means that 9am is the time that you should be at your place of employment. It is not the time that you get out of bed.

Honestly peeps, it ain’t rocket science. Why make it so hard?

It’s no wonder we drink.

Posted in Ask MyLaowai, ChinaDaily | Tagged: , | 8 Comments »

Hu Jintao’s Harmonica Society

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, May 4, 2007

Why is Hu Jintao (a.k.a. the Butcher of Lhasa) always going on about wanting to create a Harmonica Society? I thought he only played the Rusty Trombone. Perhaps I heard it wrong, and he really wants a Humongous Society. Or was that a Hormonal Society?

Well, whatever. As we all know, a Staple Society is one in which rice is free for all.


UPDATE: Buy It Here!

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Who’s In This Relationship, Anyway?

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, May 4, 2007

There’s a great deal of bleating and whining from Westerners here, who have had their lives, apartments, and bank accounts taken over by the families of the local bird they’re shagging. The expat forums abound with stern advice from local girls, like this:

you marry the girl and thus automatically marry her whole family. as you have mentioned, your girl “is ready to relocate abroad with whole her family”, since that is the a part of the reasons why your girl is going to marry you, I don’t see any possible solution to bypass her family.

Frankly, I’ve no sympathy. So it’s a ‘cultural’ thing? Big woops – so are all the things that Chinese tell us are unimportant “because this is China”. Grow some balls, peeps. Relationships ain’t about touching your toes while the In-Laws shaft you with a length of rough-sawn timber. True, one must adapt and make concessions in any relationship, but the person who decides precisely which adaptions and which concessions, is you. Nowhere is it written that you have to support the entire extended family, nowhere is it written that the whole herd gets to move in with you, and nowhere is it written that you are not permitted to see your child for the first 90 days of it’s life because the grandparents have priority. The decision is yours, with some input from your missus. And if she can’t accept your ‘culture’, then what the Hell where you thinking when you made your choice?

Early on in the relationship with Mrs MyLaowai, Grandma decided she wanted to come live with us ‘for a few days’. Sure, says I, she’s more than welcome, just so long as she understands that it’s a visit and not a retirement plan. First night, 9:30pm, and I’m finishing up with a client across town. I stop off at my favourite tavern for a sip of ale on the way home, per usual, and then my phone rings. It’s the missus.
“Grandma is asking when you’ll be home”, she says.
“I’ll be home when I’ve finished my beer. Belay that, I’ve just decided to have another. I may come home after that”, I reply.
“Please don’t be too late” Mrs MyLaowai says, and ends the call.

A few minutes later, 20 minutes at the most, the phone rings again:
“Grandma wants you to come home now, she says you are out too late”.
“Right”, says I, “Tell Grandma I’m on my way, and she’s to stay up until we’ve had a little chat”.

I get home shortly afterwards, and the little chat proceeds thusly:
“You see this lightbulb? You know why it’s brightly lit? No? Because I pay for the electricity, that’s why. You see this wall? Floor? Ceiling? Well, I pay for those, too. You see the refrigerator? And the food in it? Well shucks, I paid for that also. And the bed you’re sleeping on? Guess who paid for it? What’s that, speak up? Yes, correct, it was me who paid for the bed. I guess that makes it my house. That being so, I further calculate that I get to make the rules around here. You see, when I come to your home, I follow your rules, and when you come to my home, you follow my rules. That’s the way it works. And if I’m not here, then you follow my girlfriends’ rules, because she is the boss, too. I don’t care whose family you belong to, that’s my culture and that’s the way it is. Deal with it. If you can’t deal with it, you are free to leave at any time. Have a nice night.”

The next morning she was gone, of course. But, I’ll tell you something, she had a case of beer delivered for me by way of an apology, and she’s respected me ever since. And the Word must have gotten out, because the rest of the family learned fairly quickly that this Laowai was not to be fucked with in the usual manner. And they further learned not to fuck with Mrs MyLaowai, either.

So, to all the pansies who think that being shafted by the In-Laws in the name of ‘culture’ is something that goes with the entry stamp in your passport, think again. If you wouldn’t tolerate it back home, you don’t have to tolerate it here, either.

There’s a lesson in that for all of us.

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