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Archive for the ‘Olympics’ Category

Shenzhen Welcomes The World

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, August 12, 2011

From the South China Morning Post:

The airport will close, roads are blocked, banks and public services have been suspended for four days, and helicopters can be seen hovering above 20,000 paramilitary police sent to every corner of Shenzhen.

Taking every precaution imaginable, Shenzhen will kick off the World University Games, also known as the Universiade, today.

President Hu Jintao arrived in Shenzhen yesterday afternoon to attend the Games’ opening ceremony scheduled for today, Xinhua reported. But he may not have a chance to address many locals, as authorities announced that no tickets to the opening and closing ceremonies would be sold to the public.

As part of ramped-up security measures, Shenzhen Baoan International Airport will be closed for four hours from 7pm to 11pm during the opening and closing ceremonies scheduled for today and August 23, The Southern Metropolis News reported. With an average of 36 flights an hour handled at the airport, about 290 flights are expected to be affected by the closures.

Residents of luxurious apartments close to the stadium have been asked to leave their homes for five hours for security reasons during the opening ceremony, but to switch on the lights before they leave. Authorities said each household would be compensated for the power.

Additionally, more than 80,000 people deemed security risks have been kicked out of Shenzhen, and migrant workers have been warned not to petition, gather publicly or use any “abnormal methods” to seek unpaid salaries during the Games.

All these measures are Shenzhen’s way of welcoming the rest of the world. And the city no doubt took a cue from the way Beijing cracked down on potential risks ahead of the 2008 Olympics.

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Posted in Media, Olympics | 6 Comments »

How Wet Thou Art, Pussy!

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, August 19, 2010

Well now, Lee Hannon, it seems you have been a bad boy recently. A very bad boy indeed. Been working for ChinaDaily, have we? Tsk, tsk. As the Chief Editor no less, according to your LinkedIn profile, although ChinaDaily themselves say you are a mere ‘journalist’. My word, Mister Hannon, you have been stretching some truths, haven’t you? Naughty, naughty.

But hey, it’s cool with us. We don’t mind if you get your kicks by licking a Panda’s arse, and we don’t really care if you do love the Party more then you love your own family, because it takes all sorts to make the world go round, and even treasonous vipers like yourself have a place in society. Granted, that place is swinging from the end of a rope tied to your gentleman’s vegetables at one end and a lamp post at the other, but it’s a place nonetheless.

I was, however, interested to read a recent article in which you slagged off England, the nation of your birth. In it, you said words to the effect that the UK was not a good place for tourists to visit during the next Olympic Games. As evidence, you cited the Anholt-GfK Roper Nation Brands Index on the quality of welcome offered to visitors, in which the UK ranked 14th. You probably thought you were quite safe in doing so, as this Index is not widely available for public consumption.

You obviously read the report thoroughly, right? I mean to say, it would hardly be responsible of you to not have read it from cover to cover, agreed?

You made a point of bemoaning the fact that, in the particular category quoted, the UK ranked 14th. Where did your beloved China rank, I wonder? But wait, it would appear that I have a copy of the report myself. Let’s just have a look, shall we? Oh yes, here we are…

Overall Nation Brands Index
UK 4th
China 22nd

Exports Index
– contribution to innovation
– effect on attitudes towards ‘country of origin’
– degree of creativity

UK 4th
China 17th (quality of products 45th)

Governance
– competently and honestly governed
– respect and fair treatment of it’s citizens
– responsible behaviour in international peace and security
– responsible environmental protection
– responsible for reducing world poverty

UK 7th
China 49th (just in front of Iran, in last place)

Culture
– sports
– cultural heritage
– music, films, art, literature

UK 4th
China 7th

People
– friendly towards visitors
– other people want them as friends
– valuable employees

UK 6th
China 35th (but hey, up from 41st, which is good)

Tourism
– people would like to visit
– rich in natural beauty
– rich in historic buildings
– vibrant city life

UK 5th
China 19th

Immigration & Investment
– foreigners want to live there
– quality of life
– good place to study
– businesses worth investing in
– equal opportunities

UK 4th
China 33rd

Special Category: Contribution to Global Recovery from the Economic Crisis
UK 3rd
China 11th

There’s something else worth noting about this report, and that is that the authors have a website on which you can see how ordinary people around the world rated cities and countries across the globe, including their own.

This is how the Chinese people (and Lee Hannon) ranked Beijing:
Most important city in the world (with Shanghai 2nd and Shenzhen 3rd. Hong Kong 4th, of course.)
Best services and accommodation in the world
Best people in the world
Most lively city in the world
Most opportunities in the world

However, China was the only country in which it’s citizens were not allowed to give their opinion on their own country. I find that telling.

What I find equally telling, is that you, Mister Hannon, have lied through your back teeth whilst in the service of the Party. You have crossed the line, sunshine. The Wet Pussy Award is given to those bottom-feeders who “actively seek out ways to support the Han Regime, who publicly side with the Chinese Communist Party… A great many of these sympathisers work […] in the entertainment industry, and most show their support by […] agreeing in public with the position the Han regime takes on anything and everything […] they [also] do the ‘look at the stupid Laowai’ entertainment shows in which Han Chinese are shown to be superior to the nasty barbarian foreigners.”

Mister Hannon, I believe you qualify in the worst possible way, and I award you this Wet Pussy for being a complete and utter toe-rag, wastrel, scumbag, and all-round traitor to humanity. You’d better hope you never meet me in a bar, because I’ll have your guts for my garters, sparky.


Mister Lee Hannon, Wet Pussy Winner.
I hope you die of cancer.

Posted in ChinaDaily, Lies & Damned Lies, Media, Olympics, Propaganda, Wet Pussy Awards | 14 Comments »

The Masque of Augurs and the Two Dancing Bears

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Some say that the Chinese Olympic Swimming Team has taken to wearing executioner masks,
in order to remind themselves of the penalty for failure.

Others say that the legendary Chinese fear of sunlight is now out of control on the beaches of the nation,
and that vampires and were-beasts have begun roaming the Land openly.

All we know, is that this photo was taken in Qingdao.

swimsuit

[Camel Toes An Optional Extra.]

Posted in China, Olympics, You're Joking? | 57 Comments »

Why Smoking Won’t Kill Me

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, October 27, 2007

Further to a previous blogpost, here’s a quick comparison between various places, using the Air Pollution Index as a yardstick:

Beijing, China – 184
Riverside County Metro, California, USA (which is on fire) – 173
Los Angeles, California, USA – 41

Note also that the Chinese data is based on, well, Chinese data. Which means that the reality is almost certainly far worse. This is only what they admit to. Anyone who actually believes what they are told here is a naive fool.

In other news, the Olympics is coming up. Xinhua, the Party mouthpiece, has this story:

Beijing going all out to achieve ‘Green Olympics’

The blue bright sky Beijing enjoyed over the past days had been mistaken by some foreign journalists as “a result of government intervention” to polish the city’s image while a significant congress of the Communist Party of China (CPC) was going on.

Beijing Vice Major Liu Jingmin, a delegate to the five-yearly Party congress, said at a news conference on Friday it actually was the wind coming down from the north that cleaned the air in the host city of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. “Frankly speaking, we didn’t take any measures. It’s the weather that played the role, ” he said.

But with a longer view of the city’s environment and air quality, the improvement is explicit. In 2006, Beijing registered 240 “blue sky” days, or days with fairly good air quality, a rise of 64 days from the previous year.

Nice.

Posted in ChinaDaily, Environment, Olympics | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Nice Logo

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, October 26, 2007

071026olympicslogo.jpg

(Ruthlessly plagiarized from Sinocidal by kind permission from ChouChou.)
(Who was drunk at the time.)

Posted in Olympics | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Coincidence?

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, October 1, 2007

The Special Olympics are in town.

In other news, the average IQ of Shanghai has gone up slightly considerably.

Posted in Olympics | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

We’ve Changed. No, Really.

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, August 19, 2007

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Posted in Olympics | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Fine Speech, Sir!

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, July 30, 2007

This is a speech given by Senator Frank Wolf, who sits on the House Appropriations Committee, State and Foreign Operations Subcommittee. The speech was delivered July 17th, 2007.

“Imagine a country where factory workers have no workplace safety, labor or environmental protections and are required to work 80 hour-weeks for no more than $110 per month to produce goods for export.

“Imagine a country which boldly supplies missiles and chemical weapons technology to countries that support or harbor terrorists.

“Imagine a country that oversees a network of espionage operations against American companies and the U.S.

“Imagine a country which tortures and imprisons Catholic bishops, Protestant church leaders, Muslim worshipers, Falun Gong followers, and Buddhist monks and nuns just because of their faith and systematically destroys churches and confiscates Bibles.

“Imagine a country which has a thriving business of harvesting and selling for transplant kidneys, corneas and other human organs from executed prisoners who are thrown in prison with no trial or sentencing procedures.

“Imagine a country which maintains an extensive system of gulags – slave labor camps, also known as the “laogai” – as large as existed in the former Soviet Union that are used for brainwashing and “reeducation through labor.”

“Sadly, none of this is imaginary. Such a nation exists. It is the People’s Republic of China.

“Sadly, too, that’s just part of the list of egregious actions.

“In 2006, the Chinese government arrested 651 Christians that we know of. Currently China has 6 Catholic bishops in jail and another 9 under house arrest. Renowned human rights advocate Rebiya Kadeer has watched from exile as the Chinese government arrests and beats her family members in her homeland.

“Late last year, western mountain climbers captured on videotape a horrifying scene: Chinese police shooting from their North Face tents at a group of Tibetan refugees crossing Nangpa Pass. A 17-year old Buddhist nun was killed and several others were wounded.

“There are some who assert that human rights are something that should come once stability has been attained. They say that protection of human rights comes second to attaining economic power and wealth. We must reject that notion.

“During the debate over granting China permanent normal trade relations status, proponents argued that economic liberalization would lead to political liberalization in China, that exposing China to the West’s ideas and values would lead them to play a more constructive role in the international community, and that the U.S. and other industrialized nations could influence China through economic activity to better respect the rights of its citizens to fundamental human rights and the unfettered practice of their faith.

“Instead, we have seen why the protection of basic liberties should not come second to economic growth. The China of today is worse than than the China of yesterday, or of last year, or of the last decade. China is not progressing. It is regressing. It is more violent, more repressive, and more resistant to democratic values than it was before we opened our ports to freely accept Chinese products.

“And now, in addition to all of the horrible things the Chinese government does to its own citizens, it does to other countries’ citizens as well. It poisons children in Panama, the Dominican Republic, and Australia, with toothpaste containing an industrial solvent and prime ingredient in some antifreeze. This toothpaste was marketed under the brand name “Mr. Cool.”

“Some 1.5 million wooden toys in the Thomas the Tank Engine line of children’s trains were recalled after manufacturers discovered that the Chinese-made toys were slathered in lead-based paint, a substance that is toxic if swallowed.

“China continues to send American consumers adulterated and mislabeled food products, including prunes tinted with chemical dyes, dried apples preserved with a cancer-causing chemical, scallops and sardines coated with putrefying bacteria, and mushrooms laced with illegal pesticides.

“Food and Drug Administration inspectors who traveled across the world to investigate the recent mass poisoning of U.S. pets stemming from tainted pet food from China arrived at two suspected Chinese factories, only to find the factories had been cleaned out and all equipment dismantled.

“On June 28, the FDA banned the import of five types of farm-raised shrimp and fish from China because they are so contaminated from unsafe drugs in China’s polluted waterways.

“A recent NPR story described how garlic from China outsold garlic grown in California for the first time last year. China began dumping garlic at U.S. ports below cost in the 1990s. Hefty tariffs kept the garlic imports at bay for a few years, but since 2001, imports of Chinese garlic have increased fifteen-fold.

“Several Fourth of July celebrations in my district, including in my hometown of Vienna, Virginia, included malfunctioning fireworks that injured 11 people, including children and an infant. These fireworks came from China.

“Some 450,000 imported tires were recalled from Foreign Tire Sales after it was discovered that the Chinese-made tires were sold without a critical safety feature that prevents the tread from separating from the tire. A blown tire can cause the driver of the vehicle to lose control of his or her car and crash.

“China is one of the world’s leading producers of unlicensed copies of goods ranging from movies and designer clothes to sporting goods and medications. According to the Motion Picture Association of America, 93 percent of DVDs sold in China are unlicensed copies. The MPAA, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and other industry groups say that despite stricter Chinese enforcement, product piracy is growing amid China’s booming economic expansion.

“China is building a new coal-fired power plant every week and within a year will be the biggest source in the world of greenhouse gases. It is building factories and infrastructure all over the developing world, but we have no solid data on China’s plans or programs. A recent editorial in The Washington Post reported that World Bank experts estimate that toxic air and water in China kill some 710,000 to 760,000 Chinese each year.

“During a recent visit to Sudan, Chinese President Hu Jintao promised to build a new palace for the Sudanese president, Omar al-Bashir, despite Bashir’s role in orchestrating the ongoing genocide in Sudan’s Darfur region. This is in addition to the recent Amnesty International report that China is selling weapons to the Sudanese government, which are then being used to kill and maim innocent civilians in Darfur.

“China bullies neighboring Taiwan, repeatedly threatening to launch missiles from the mainland for Taiwan’s refusal to accept China’s claims of sovereignty over the democratically governed territory.

“And despite all of these abhorrent acts, China was still awarded the honor of hosting the 2008 Olympics. The Olympic Games: an event designed to lift up “the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles,” according to its own charter. Does China’s behavior sound like a “good example” to the rest of the world? Or that it is reflecting “fundamental ethical principles” that all nations should aspire to?

“Amnesty International reports that the Chinese government is rounding up people in the streets of Beijing that might “threaten stability” during the Olympic Games, and is detaining them without trial. Human Rights Watch reports that the Chinese government is tightening restrictions on domestic and foreign media, in an effort to control what information leaks out about China’s repressive and violent nature during coverage of the Olympics.

“China has even gone so far as to claim it will “force rain” in the days leading up to the Olympics, in order to have clear skies for the Games. They intend to fire rocket shells containing sticks of silver iodide into Beijing’s skies, provoking a chemical reaction that will force rain – despite mixed reviews on the soundness of this science.

“China s desperation to conceal its true character leading up to the Games smacks of the Nazi bid for the Olympic Games. Analysts are likening the 2008 Beijing Olympics to the 1936 Olympics, in which Nazi Germany soft-pedaled its anti-Semitic agenda and plans for territorial expansion, fooling the international community with an image of a peaceful, tolerant Germany under the guise of the Olympic Games.

“Like the Nazi regime in 1936 Berlin, the Chinese government is preparing for the Olympics by hiring U.S. firms to handle public relations and marketing for the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

“Where is the outrage over China’s unacceptable behavior? The facts are before us. The United States can no longer say that things are improving in China

“But China would have America and the world believe that is the case. China has hired a number of large lobbying firms in Washington, DC to push China’s agenda with the U.S. government. Documents from the Department of Justice show these lobbyists as having a significant presence on Capitol Hill, including almost 200 meetings with Member offices between July 1, 2005 and December 31, 2006.

“America must be a country that stands up for basic decency and human rights. America must speak out on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves – men and women who are being persecuted for their religious or political beliefs. Our foreign policy must be a policy that helps promote human rights and freedom. Not a policy that sides with dictators who oppress their own citizens.

“Next time you make a purchase, and you see the words “Made in China,” think of the poisoned toothpaste, the contaminated food, the polluted waterways and airspace, the exploding tires, malfunctioning fireworks, the human rights abuses, and the intimidation of religious leaders. Remember that China poses a threat not only to its own citizens, but to the entire world. American businesses have an opportunity to capitalize on China’s failure to protect the safety of its food exports. American businesses should seize this opportunity by reclaiming their place in the global market. The United States government and American consumers must be vigilant about protecting the values that we hold dear.”

070730warninglabel.gif

Thanks to A True Chinese Renaissance for the report.

Posted in Annexed Territories, Censorship, China, Corruption, Environment, Human Rights, Media, Olympics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Yingsel, The Tibetan Antelope

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, July 12, 2007

Plagiarised from Yingsel 2008…

My Name is Yingsel.

I am a Tibetan Antelope.

I am known as YingYing in China and I was chosen to be one of the mascots for the 2008 Olympic Games.

I am announcing today that I have left the Chinese Olympic Team.

I can no longer stand to be used as a tool of propaganda by the Chinese government. It has been using me to cover up its violent and brutal oppression inside Tibet.

The Chinese authorities hope that by including me, a Tibetan antelope, in their public relations around the 2008 Olympics, that they can fool the outside world into thinking that Tibet is a part of China and that Tibetans are happy and prosperous under Chinese occupation.

China hopes a successful Beijing Games will mask the true nature of their authoritarian rule.

I’ve gone into hiding because it is not possible for me to speak out against the Chinese government safely as there is no freedom of speech in Tibet or China.

I call on all Tibetan antelopes, Tibetan people, friends, supporters and governments of the world to help me in my quest to restore human rights and freedom in Tibet.

Bod Rangzen. Tibet will be free.

Yingsel

070712yingsel.gif

Posted in Annexed Territories, Media, Olympics | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Keeping Fit in the PRC

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, July 1, 2007

Next year, 2008, and the Olympics will be coming home to China, the land that invented them. I know this to be true, because I have seen the 40-minute CCTV documentary that proves it. China – the sporting superpower that gave us cricket, soccer, snowboarding and the Tour de France – is experiencing a wave of sporting enthusiasm the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Grog the Neanderthal first learned to throw a stick javelin. As a patriotic , tax-paying, member of this harmonica harmonius society, I therefore bring to you:

Sports. With Chinese Characteristics. Lah.

1. Remember that kid at school that everyone laughed at? Y’know, the one who would stand by himself in the playground with his legs slightly apart, twisting his torso left and right randomly, with his thin little arms flailing wildly and out of control? Yes, the one everyone called fucktard. Well, the joke’s on you, because it turns out that he was in fact practising the National Morning Exercise Of China. Every morning, half a billion fucktards diligent citizens start their day with this display of uncoordinatedism.

2. If that sounds like a little too much work for you (and certainly I doubt I could make myself do it), then how about this: extend your left arm out to the side, and with your right hand, reach across your chest and slap your left shoulder a dozen times. Repeat with arms reversed. Note that it does help with the reaching across bit if you possess a sunken chest, like pirates and Chinese do.

3. Too motionless for you? No problem. Find a nice open piece of lane and walk shuffle slowly backwards for twenty yards. Turn around. Shuffle back. Repeat until you feel dizzy (twice more should do it). Believe it or not, this is the mainstay of Chinese sports, and the reason for their astounding sense of balance and poise.

4. Not Zen enough? Hey, we got it covered. Stand in one place and wave one arm in a slow circle. That’s it, really.

5. For those of you who are into competitive sports, why spectate when you can expectorate? That’s right, sports fans, ‘Long Distance Spitting’ makes a return to the Olympics as the National Sport Of China. Modifications to the points system include bonuses for green colouration of the phlegm, minimal amounts of spray (sidewash), and slipperiness underfoot at the drop zone.

6. Foreigners haven’t been left out, either. The ‘Hop, Skip & Jump Through The Phlegm & Dogshit Minefield’ (A.K.A. the ‘Streetwalk’) has never been more in vogue. Just watch those laowai go!

7. An old favourite, the ‘Get A Seat On The Bus At Any Cost’ event is sure to be a crowd pleaser. Tickets are sure to sell out fast, so hurry to join the queue.

8. Massage is an ancient and traditional Chinese art. Massage is practised widely throughout the Celestial Kingdom, with salons found at convenient locations everywhere, even just outside primary schools. Simply look for the rotating Traditional ‘Barbers Pole’ outside and the Traditional Diligent Qipao-Wearing Masseuse inside. (* see also Press Up).

9. One of the more demanding sports in China, is the ‘Pretend To Pay For Lunch Or Dinner’ contest. The rules are complex and the action intense, but essentially the aim is to wave your money in the direction of the waiter whilst shouting loudly that you insist on paying, and yet somehow end up with your money back in your manbag and your guest having paid. All this after a fourteen-course meal washed down with a nice blend of Coke and Chateau Laroque. Wow, now that’s sport!

10. Finally, there’s the Special Olympics. China is expected to field the largest team ever, with nearly 1.5 billion competitors eligible for the team. Go get ’em, tiger!

Like the Man says… Just Do It!

Posted in Ask MyLaowai, Olympics | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »