Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Archive for the ‘Pornography’ Category

Freedom and How to Achieve It, Part 1

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, November 23, 2011

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Posted in Motivational!, Pornography | 3 Comments »

Children’s Corner

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Chinese Schoolgirls: what’s not to like? Knee socks, short skirts, and the ones who can run faster than their uncles are still virgins!

Mind you, there’s a lot of competition these days – schoolgirls are amongst the most sought-after of all girls in China, with businessmen, Party officials and the generally well-to-do all paying top dollar for them. Not that the schoolgirls see the money, mind you, because it almost invariably goes to the parents. Well, that’s fair enough I guess: it goes part-way towards making up for the disappointment of not having a boy child.

Of course, you don’t have to be rich to hire a schoolgirl. Oh no. Almost every middle- and high-school in China has a whack-shack located within fifty yards of the main gate, which is ideal when you understand that the schools supply both the employees and the customers. Not sure where to go? No problems – just follow the headmaster at lunchtime and he’ll lead you straight there.

So, here’s to schoolgirls. May they never lose their charm nor have their knee socks slip below their panties. And in the spirit of this tribute, I present you with a colouring-in competition (hint: the scarf is red):

First Prize: one week’s holiday in Hunan.
Second Prize: two week’s holiday in Hunan.
Judge’s decision is final, no correspondence will be entered into unless we can be arsed.

Posted in Pornography, Sex Sex Sex, Zhang Ziyi | 9 Comments »

The Price Of Poontang

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, July 29, 2010

I received an email from a reader recently, pointing me in the direction of a website that concerns itself with statistics of various sorts. Now, I don’t know if this is your sort of thing, but I simply love statistics, so MLHQ has been knee deep in numbers for the last few days.

Did you know, for instance, that the value of the prostitution industry in Australia is twenty seven million U.S. dollars? I’m frankly staggered, and have to assume they aren’t including all the keen amateurs who marry for money or expect blokes to buy them drinks and steak dinners. The figure for the U.K. is more realistic, around a billion dollars, which is just a little over half of what gets done in much smaller Taiwan ($1.84B). I was not surprised to see that Thailand, long regarded as the sex capital of the world, has a annual turnover of 4.3 billion dollars, but I was a bit surprised to see the Philippines at six billion green-backs. American men are obviously not getting any from their wives, because they are spending 14.6 billion dollars annually on prostitutes, but in Germany, where the industry is legal and regulated, the figure is eighteen billion!

In China, it’s seventy three billion dollars a year! That’s USD$73,000,000,000 per year!

So, you might be thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot of poon getting tanged, but after all there must be a reason Shanghai is called ‘the Whore of the Orient’, right?” And you would be correct, because most economists I’ve talked to, quietly reckon that prostitution is not only the only State-owned business that turns a profit, it also accounts for between ten and twenty percent of true GDP. Add in the fact that Chinese women really are the most unfaithful in the world, and you can understand why China has the worlds highest rate of syphilis – and it’s growing by 30% every year (that’s a faster rate than any other country).

But it isn’t the only big number you see when you start getting into the statistics. Take illegal logging, for instance. That’s 3.8 billion dollars right there, and that’s only what the Party admits to. Music, film, DVD and software piracy add up to more than 20 billion, while the counterfeit goods market is worth 60 billion. China’s contribution to the global drug trade is 17 billion dollars annually, and human trafficking brings in another 2 billion every year, almost as much as the cigarette smuggling industry. To get an idea of volume, a Burmese girl between the age of 16 and 18 who has been snatched from her home and sent to China (and several thousand are every year), is worth approximately $700 when sold as a bride in the countryside. A Chinese girl would be worth far less. The black market is worth nearly a hundred and sixty billion dollars a year!

The reports say that one third of homosexual men in China are married, but I might have read it wrong – it could have been one third of married men are raving queers, which seems rather more likely. Thirty-five percent of organ transplants take place via the application of forged documents, with almost all the rest being harvested from prisoners killed to order. Ninety percent of female North Korean refugees in China end up sold either as wives or prostitutes and sixty thousand Chinese children are abducted and sold annually. Non-performing loans are estimated to be worth nine hundred billion dollars! Seventy three million sharks are killed every year for their fins, 100,000 pangolin’s find their way to the dinner table, and 3,000 tons of protected and endangered animals are annually smuggled in from Vietnam alone for the restaurant trade (that’s why I only eat Panda).

These are big numbers, almost too big to comprehend. Let’s look at numbers you can get your head around, shall we? Like the price to be smuggled out of China and into another country – average price to go to Italy is $15,000 but that probably includes buying off every Italian official in the whole country. But if you’re Chinese and don’t have that kind of money, then why not just stay home and dull the pain of your worthless life with drugs? Pure heroine is cheap at $36.20 a gram, Meth is $6 a gram, Ecstasy is $4.50 per tablet, and Marijuana is a great deal at eighty cents a gram. And if it’s really bad and you decide to end your life, you always have the option of breathing the worlds most polluted air or eating the local food, though I wouldn’t recommend it due to the intense suffering you’re likely to experience (world’s highest rate of food poisoning). Hell, buy yourself a bear paw before you check out; a snap at $50.

Well over half of all the world’s seized counterfeit goods come from China, as do 90% of the counterfeit goods in the whole of the United States (64% in Europe). Chinese organised crime (which in China means ‘working with the blessings of the Party’) earned 3.3 billion dollars for the nation in Italy alone last year. Industrial espionage against the United States is worth in excess of fifty billion dollars a year!

Not one single Chinese policeman has ever arrested the top leaders for crimes against humanity, however.

Folks, I’m not making this stuff up – these numbers are based on official sources.

I love statistics, so if there’s any readers here who consider themselves a ‘numbers’ kind of person, and would like to discuss these shameful and disgusting statistics, feel free to be ignored in the comments section below.

I’m off to see if it still costs $10 to get my knob polished outside the nearby school.

Posted in Ask MyLaowai, China, Corruption, Fact Friday, Pornography | 8 Comments »

Protected: MyLaowai Exclusive: Zhang Ziyi Naked Sex Pics!

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, March 18, 2009

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Women of the Politburo

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, December 10, 2007

The women we look up to, if we know what’s good for us…

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Name : Gao Xiao Jie – ‘Vivy’
Age : 25
Official Position : Assistant Vice Deputy Secretary, Harmonious Military Dancing Troupe Commission In An All Round Way; Massage Expert
Hobbies : “I very like sleeping, playing PC games, and shopping.”
Best Feature : “I am very diligent and Mr Hu say I have correct political opinion. One day I want to have trading company and very fashion. I like rice and so on. Mr Wen say I give good head.”

Posted in Pornography | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Women of the Politburo

Posted by MyLaowai on Saturday, November 24, 2007

The women we look up to, if we know what’s good for us…

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Name : Zhang Xiao Jie – ‘Lily’
Age : 23
Official Position : Deputy Vice Assistant Secretary, Harmonious Nation Discipline Committee For Central Planning In An All Round Way; Tea Lady
Hobbies : “I very like sleeping, playing PC games, and shopping.”
Best Feature : “Mr Hu say my best lucky is my harmonious nature. I am very diligent and cook delicious Chinese tradition food. Mr Wen say I give good head.”

Posted in Pornography | Tagged: , | 9 Comments »

Want To See My Nipples?

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, July 22, 2007

This post relates to the recent case against Oiwan Lam, who is fighting an indecency ruling by the Obscene Articles Tribunal for posting an artistic photo of a topless woman that she found on Flickr. If the ruling is upheld she could face a fine of up to HK$400,000 and up to one year in jail.

If you live in Hong Kong you will be aware of the latest uproar over how the Television and Licensing Authority (TELA) and Obscene Articles Tribunal (OAT) operate. At the Hong Kong book fair this week, a book depicting a classic French painting of Cupid kissing Psyche on its cover was nearly withdrawn from the Hong Kong book fair because TELA inspectors deemed it indecent.

Several media-related decisions by the Obscene Articles Tribunal in the 1990s have resulted in much confusion and criticism. The following three appeals lodged by the now defunct Eastern Express newspaper vividly illustrate the kind of unreasonable and unacceptable interference that the OAT could have on the daily operations of the media (Eastern Express Publisher Ltd v Obscene Articles Tribunal [1995] 5 HKPLR 247). In ruling on the appeals, a High Court judge sharply criticized the OAT saying, “These cases have, in my view, involved a great deal of waste of time, money and valuable resources.”

The first appeal concerned an OAT determination in 1995 that an advertisement in Eastern Express depicting Michelangelo’s statue of David was indecent. The OAT maintained that it was not appropriate for the newspaper to publish a photograph of a statue of wholly naked male body with the penis fully exposed. In allowing the appeal by Eastern Express, the High Court judge noted that he had never, until then, heard any sensible person suggested that the statue of David was indecent. He considered the OAT conclusion as “totally incomprehensible” and one which could not have been reached reasonably given that the advertisement was published on an inside page of a serious English-language newspaper and was clearly intended to be read by normal, reasonable adults.

– Yan Mei Ning, Hong Kong Media Law: A Guide for Journalists and Media Professionals

Well, if showing your nipples is what it takes to upset those bastards, then I’m game for a fight. Behold, netizens, and be amazed, as I expose my nipples for the benefit of the underaged public:

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(Thanks to Rebecca MacKinnon and Roland Soong for the heads-up)

Posted in Censorship, Pornography | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »