Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

This Blog was Invented in Xi'an 5,000 Years Ago

Archive for the ‘Motivational!’ Category

What Really Happened…

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, June 4, 2013

What Really Happened

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Posted in Ask MyLaowai, Censorship, China, Democracy, History, Human Rights, Motivational! | 1 Comment »

Monday Motivation for June

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, June 25, 2012

Posted in Motivational! | 13 Comments »

Monday Motivation for June

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, June 18, 2012

Posted in Motivational! | 11 Comments »

Monday Motivation for June

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, June 11, 2012

Posted in Motivational! | 14 Comments »

What REALLY Happened…

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A sea of candles lit up Victoria Park last night as a record number of mourners gave public voice to their grief at China’s only large-scale event commemorating those killed in the 1989 Tiananmen Square crackdown.
– South China Morning Post [which is from Hong Kong, not from China].

Posted in Media, Motivational!, Propaganda | 4 Comments »

Freedom and How to Achieve It, Part 1

Posted by MyLaowai on Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Posted in Motivational!, Pornography | 3 Comments »

Zombie Survival

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, August 29, 2011

Posted in Motivational!, Wang Xiansheng | 6 Comments »

There is Still Hope

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, July 1, 2011

How does one go about describing doing business in China? I mean, really? Sure, there are all the obvious adjectives like “dishonest”, “shitty”, “dirty”, “filthy”, “corrupt”, “primitive”, “festering” and so on and so on. But whilst all those adjectives are certainly spot on and absolutely correct, they don’t really give people in the civilised world much of an idea as to what it’s like here in The Land That Time Forgot.

A good friend of mine describes doing business in China as asking someone to paint the fence white, and suddenly two dozen people are running around in circles looking for black paint (the fence, or what’s left of it after they’ve ‘fixed’ it a few times, is eventually painted red and then falls over).

And that’s a pretty accurate description in my experience.

Take an actual example: Two days ago I asked one of my employees to call the courier and arrange for him to pick up a small parcel the following day. Just that, nothing else. Within half an hour there were discussions regarding which courier to use, which country it was going to, how heavy it was, what rate was applicable, the whole nine yards. At this point I intervened and politely pointed out that I wanted the same fucking courier we have always used and that the weight, destination, colour, shape, and any other variable were nobody’s fucking business except mine, and could the person I had originally asked simply call the fucking courier and would everyone else mind awfully going back to work and doing 60% of the job they were actually hired to do?

The next morning I asked what exact time the courier was expected, because I had plenty to do and couldn’t afford to be sat on my thumb all day waiting for him. I was told “before 12pm”, which is about as much use as a chocolate fireman when it comes to accuracy, but is nevertheless the best one ever gets in China. Naturally, the courier arrived at 1pm. He picked up the parcel, and departed. You might think that’s the end of the story, but that’s only because you haven’t been paying attention these last few years.

I received a call on my phone today from the employee who arranged for the courier to come and pick up the parcel. It seems there are now many problems and matters of intense confusion, with the inevitable result that the parcel will cost twice as much to send, it will be sent on the wrong waybill, it might not get there at all because someone decided to re-write the address and now it’s not readable, there is no longer a destination city, the commercial invoice is missing in action, and what colour did I want the fence painted? Please keep in mind that this employee is one of the better ones.

This happens every single time I send anything by courier. And I do mean every. single. time.

And that, to me, is what doing business in China is like.

Have a happy weekend, my little croissants. I’m off to elbow an old woman in the back of the neck.

Posted in Ask MyLaowai, Fact Friday, Motivational! | 48 Comments »

Burial At Sea

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, May 8, 2011

Being buried at sea is an old, established, and very tradition method of being buried. Sir Francis Drake was buried at sea, as was Sir Edmund Hillary and Alfred Hitchcock. Lots of Hollywood stars have been buried at sea, as were quite a few passengers aboard the RMS Titanic. And now, we have a new celebrity joining the list:

Nice one, Navy.

Posted in Media, Motivational! | Leave a Comment »

Great Kid, Don’t get Cocky.

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, November 4, 2010

Expo 2012

Posted in Festivals et al, Motivational! | 14 Comments »