Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Archive for July, 2007

The Brave China Man

Posted by MyLaowai on Thursday, July 12, 2007

There’s this (virtual) organisation in Hong Kong, which goes by the name of the Anti-Kong-Typed-Women Association. Apparently, it was set up by a group of Hong Kong Chinese guys, who seem to have emotional problems vis-a-vis women. Or, in their own words, “certain typical Hong Kong women with serious psychological flaws”. They have a lovely little logo, though:

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Impressive, isn’t it? Well anyway, they planned a massive flash-mob incident to prove how manly they all were (Yeah, that’ll show those women how tough us Chinese Men are! Yeah!). The time and place was set for 1:00pm at Exit E, Causeway Bay MTR. The police got wind of it, and had a few plain-clothes people there to keep an eye on things. At 1:00pm, a young guy wearing jam-jar glasses and a white t-shirt took a step out into the open, took out a piece of paper and recited something short in a low voice. He then departed quickly.

Yeah! That showed ’em! Wow, how brave these Chinese boys are.

The individual concerned (photo below), Ah-Hung, had been interviewed by EasyFinder magazine in which he claimed to be 25 years old but has never dated a girl. He also said: “Revolutions need martyrs. I’m prepared to become a martyr.”

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For the record… Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Ha.

(Thanks to Roland at EWSN for the report, and Peking Duck for the heads up)

In related news, there’s this little gem from our Chinese friends in the U.S. of A. Essentially, there’s a class of visa that is known as an F1, which applies to foreign graduate students who are studying in U.S. Universities. They are not U.S. citizens (and in fact a great many are spies for the Chinese Communists). Their gripe? Read on…

Appeal to Male F1s to Absolutely Never Marry Chinese Girls Who Have Dated White Guys

“You can date, you can also make love, but definitely not want to get married for a very simple reason. Although we are all people of high ability, we can’t settle the status issue: we can’t provide green cards. In other respects we are definitely better than average white people, but because of the system we are forced to compete from a position of weakness.

But our superiority lies in this: Language and culture, after all it is easier to communicate with us than white guys. Usually we are quite traditional, on the whole all can rely on our support. But the ultimate reason is that we allow female F1s to take advantage of us. Their selfish calculation is this: first they date white guys, and if they get married to them, then they have achieved what they wanted; if they couldn’t marry a white guy, they still have us Chinese guys as backups.

Therefore in order to put an end to them treating us as backups, I appeal to you: Let all male F1s join forces to boycott any female F1 who has dated white guys. It’s like trashy schools and top-tier schools competing to enroll new students: Although I am a very trashy university, I will give you an offer right away. I want you to decide right away. If you are waiting for a top-tier university, I will immediately reject you. Why? Because only in this way are you able to maximize your interest. Otherwise all you can get are those who were rejected by top-tier schools.


From today begins the upward progress of a sunny, wretched, handsome male F1.”

Posted by: TwentyFourCM (24cm)

What does it all mean? Well, Chinese males are often extremely insecure around women. Add to this the very low level of respect in which females are held, and it’s no wonder that so many Chinese girls are simply more interested in dating foreign boys than Chinese boys. The Chinese boys lose their face. Laughably, the Chinese graduate students who make the above complaint are the ones who tend to use their foreign-resident status as a lure to pull Chinese girls who are living in China and who want to escape.

It’s easy to laugh at these 9lb emotional weaklings, but they really can be dangerous when the frustration all gets a bit too much for their delicate ego’s to bear, as we saw in the China Bounder incident (reported here in detail).

Draw your own conclusions, people. I’m leaving you with this thought:

If consumers won’t buy your product, could it be that your product isn’t what the market wants?

Posted in China, Media | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

China Blog Awards 2007

Posted by MyLaowai on Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It ain’t no big deal, really. But since it was my birthday recently, and Christmas is coming up and all that… Vote MyLaowai one of your favourite blogs on China:

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*** MyLaowai – Setting The Record Straight Since 2002 ***

 

Voting is easy: simply click the link above, and when the nice shiny voting page comes up, click on the plus sign ( + ) located to the left of the grey box. Next thing you know, Bob will be your Aunty’s live-in lover, and the world will be the mollusc of my choice. Cheers lah.

Posted in China | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

3..2..1..Fire!

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, July 9, 2007

Honestly, this one just blows the mind. The situation is this: July 7th marked seventy years since the so-called Marco Polo Bridge Incident (Roko Bridge Incident), in which Imperial Japanese forces exchanged fire with Kuomintang forces, which in turn kicked off the Second Sino-Japanese War (1937-1945). Historians disagree over whether it was a genuine accident or a deliberate provocation by one or the other parties, and the reality is that both sides were bloody stupid, too full of their own face to be reasonable, and both looking for a fight on any pretext.

Anyway, fast-forward to 2007, and the anniversary. This peasant couple from the Beijing countryside, clearly deranged and in need of full frontal lobotomies, build their own cruise missile and start carting it towards Japan in a donkey-drawn buggy. They make it as far as downtown Beijing, where they are stopped by Police. Images below…

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All I can say about the wife, is that she is not only missing one can from the six pack, but that the plastic doohickey that holds them all together is missing as well. As for the husband, the wheel might very well be spinning, but the hamster is long since dead.

Anyway, this all gets put up on Global Voices Online, and the scary part, the really scary part, is in the quoted comments from Patriotic Chinese Citizens. Some examples:

Hehe, don’t know if that’s for real or not..
But I think, this kind of behavior is hundreds of times more noble than the Koreans’, taking knives and slicing the tips of their fingers off—hundreds of times more grandeur!
And hundreds of times more valiant!
If only it were for real :(

You’ll laugh your heart out at this, nothing sad about it yo…the country is thriving, everyone has to do their part

Non-compliance is not an option. What a cool guy this is.

Goes to show, lots of patriotic types out there. At least it came fro mthe heart…heart is all you need hehe

I hate the enemy just as much! Annihilate the Japanese dwarf invaders!

You never know, a few years from now another Chinese peasant might make an atom bomb……………then the Japanese dogs will have something worth seeing

Our China is so STRONG! Even peasants are making cruise missiles to attack Japan!! Extinguishing the Dwarfland is something that will happen sooner or later!!

I salute that peasant!!!!!!!!!

Valiant…!! Chinese people really are something else..hehe

That expert who was saying the Chinese government spreads anti-Japanese sentiment, did he die or what? Just look at the average folk..that expert is full of rubbish…

If every one of us were like this warrior, little Japan would go down at the first blow.

And these comments are from the people who are the next generation of Leaders…?

(Photos and comments via the Cultural Vanguard and from Iron Blood bbs)

Posted in Festivals et al, You're Joking? | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Another Front for Political and Ideological Education

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, July 8, 2007

Oh dear, here we go (again)…

China’s Ministry of Education has banned university students from renting private accommodation during their studies, telling all students that they must share four to eight-person dormitories.

In a notice issued on Friday, the ministry instructed all universities to make the dormitories “another front for political and ideological education” in order to create a “good climate for the students’ growth”.

The ministry told the universities to strengthen the administration of dormitories, in what it says will ensure the safety of students and facilitate communication between them.

It also ruled that students sharing dormitories should be classmates with the aim of making it easier for teachers to monitor students’ lifestyles outside the classroom.

Xinhua

Posted in Censorship, Human Rights | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Keeping Fit in the PRC

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, July 1, 2007

Next year, 2008, and the Olympics will be coming home to China, the land that invented them. I know this to be true, because I have seen the 40-minute CCTV documentary that proves it. China – the sporting superpower that gave us cricket, soccer, snowboarding and the Tour de France – is experiencing a wave of sporting enthusiasm the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Grog the Neanderthal first learned to throw a stick javelin. As a patriotic , tax-paying, member of this harmonica harmonius society, I therefore bring to you:

Sports. With Chinese Characteristics. Lah.

1. Remember that kid at school that everyone laughed at? Y’know, the one who would stand by himself in the playground with his legs slightly apart, twisting his torso left and right randomly, with his thin little arms flailing wildly and out of control? Yes, the one everyone called fucktard. Well, the joke’s on you, because it turns out that he was in fact practising the National Morning Exercise Of China. Every morning, half a billion fucktards diligent citizens start their day with this display of uncoordinatedism.

2. If that sounds like a little too much work for you (and certainly I doubt I could make myself do it), then how about this: extend your left arm out to the side, and with your right hand, reach across your chest and slap your left shoulder a dozen times. Repeat with arms reversed. Note that it does help with the reaching across bit if you possess a sunken chest, like pirates and Chinese do.

3. Too motionless for you? No problem. Find a nice open piece of lane and walk shuffle slowly backwards for twenty yards. Turn around. Shuffle back. Repeat until you feel dizzy (twice more should do it). Believe it or not, this is the mainstay of Chinese sports, and the reason for their astounding sense of balance and poise.

4. Not Zen enough? Hey, we got it covered. Stand in one place and wave one arm in a slow circle. That’s it, really.

5. For those of you who are into competitive sports, why spectate when you can expectorate? That’s right, sports fans, ‘Long Distance Spitting’ makes a return to the Olympics as the National Sport Of China. Modifications to the points system include bonuses for green colouration of the phlegm, minimal amounts of spray (sidewash), and slipperiness underfoot at the drop zone.

6. Foreigners haven’t been left out, either. The ‘Hop, Skip & Jump Through The Phlegm & Dogshit Minefield’ (A.K.A. the ‘Streetwalk’) has never been more in vogue. Just watch those laowai go!

7. An old favourite, the ‘Get A Seat On The Bus At Any Cost’ event is sure to be a crowd pleaser. Tickets are sure to sell out fast, so hurry to join the queue.

8. Massage is an ancient and traditional Chinese art. Massage is practised widely throughout the Celestial Kingdom, with salons found at convenient locations everywhere, even just outside primary schools. Simply look for the rotating Traditional ‘Barbers Pole’ outside and the Traditional Diligent Qipao-Wearing Masseuse inside. (* see also Press Up).

9. One of the more demanding sports in China, is the ‘Pretend To Pay For Lunch Or Dinner’ contest. The rules are complex and the action intense, but essentially the aim is to wave your money in the direction of the waiter whilst shouting loudly that you insist on paying, and yet somehow end up with your money back in your manbag and your guest having paid. All this after a fourteen-course meal washed down with a nice blend of Coke and Chateau Laroque. Wow, now that’s sport!

10. Finally, there’s the Special Olympics. China is expected to field the largest team ever, with nearly 1.5 billion competitors eligible for the team. Go get ’em, tiger!

Like the Man says… Just Do It!

Posted in Ask MyLaowai, Olympics | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

Know Thy Enemy: Flanker

Posted by MyLaowai on Sunday, July 1, 2007

Say what you want about the Russians, Winters thought,
they do build ’em pretty.

– Tom Clancy, Red Storm Rising.

The Flanker, here in a few of it’s various flavours: The Su-30MK (multirole two-seater, export model), Su-27SK (multirole single-seat, export model), Su-30MKK (Chinese export variant), Su-32 (Two-seat dedicated long-range strike variant with side-by-side seating), Su-33 Naval (Carrier) Variant, Su-47 (Advanced Fighter Demonstrator)

The Su-27 (NATO designation Flanker), one of the world’s most agile aircraft, is a front line fighter aircraft designed by the Sukhoi Design Bureau. The aircraft is equipped to operate autonomously in combat over hostile territory, in escort of deep-penetration strike aircraft and in the suppression of enemy airfields. The aircraft provides general air defence in cooperation with ground and airborne control stations. A naval variant with folding wings exists.

China received 26 in 1991 and a further 22 in 1995 before signing an agreement in 1998 for licensed manufacture of 200 as the Shenyang J-11 (about 90~100 had been built by 2004). In 2006, China also purchased 78 Sukhoi Su-30MKK for the PLAAF (Air Force) and 48 Sukhoi Su-33 for the PLANAF’s (Navy’s) future carrier fighter.

Performance
Maximum speed: 2,500 km/h at altitude (1,550 mph Mach 2.35)
Range: 1,340km combat mission at sea level 3,530 km combat mission at high altitude (800 mi at sea level / 2070 mi at high altitude)
Service ceiling: 18,500 m (60,700 ft)
Rate of climb: 325 m/s (64,000 ft/min)
Wing loading: 371 kg/m² (76 lb/ft²’)
Thrust/weight: 1.085

Armament
1x 30 mm GSh-30-1 cannon with 150 rounds
8,000 kg (17,600 lb) on 10 external pylons
– Up to 6 medium-range AA missiles R-27, 4 short-range heat-seeking AA missiles R-73
+ Upgraded Su-27SM is capable of using R-77 instead of R-27
– Su-27IB can be used to launch X-31 anti-radiation missiles, air-to-ground missiles X-29L/T (laser/TV guidance, which may be projected to helmet), KAB-150 and UAB-500 bombs with laser, TV, or IR guidance

Currently, the Chinese Air Force has seven divisions equipped with the J-11:

1st Air Division based in Anshan, Liaoning, equipped with the J-11
2nd Air Division based in Suxi, Guangdong, equipped with the Su-27SK, Su-27UBK, and J-11
6th Air Division based in Yinchuan, Ningxia, equipped with the J-11
7th Air Division based in Zhangjiakou, Hebei, equipped with the J-11
14th Air Division based in Zhangshu, Jiangxi, equipped with the J-11
19th Air Division based in Zhengzhou, Henan, equipped with the Su-27SK, Su-27UBK, and J-11
33rd Air Division based in Baishiyi, Chongqing, equipped with the Su-27UBK

(Sources: Air Force Technology, Wikipedia)

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Posted in China | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »