Wo Shi Laowai – Wo Pa Shui

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Posts Tagged ‘Children’

Fine Speech, Sir!

Posted by MyLaowai on Monday, July 30, 2007

This is a speech given by Senator Frank Wolf, who sits on the House Appropriations Committee, State and Foreign Operations Subcommittee. The speech was delivered July 17th, 2007.

“Imagine a country where factory workers have no workplace safety, labor or environmental protections and are required to work 80 hour-weeks for no more than $110 per month to produce goods for export.

“Imagine a country which boldly supplies missiles and chemical weapons technology to countries that support or harbor terrorists.

“Imagine a country that oversees a network of espionage operations against American companies and the U.S.

“Imagine a country which tortures and imprisons Catholic bishops, Protestant church leaders, Muslim worshipers, Falun Gong followers, and Buddhist monks and nuns just because of their faith and systematically destroys churches and confiscates Bibles.

“Imagine a country which has a thriving business of harvesting and selling for transplant kidneys, corneas and other human organs from executed prisoners who are thrown in prison with no trial or sentencing procedures.

“Imagine a country which maintains an extensive system of gulags – slave labor camps, also known as the “laogai” – as large as existed in the former Soviet Union that are used for brainwashing and “reeducation through labor.”

“Sadly, none of this is imaginary. Such a nation exists. It is the People’s Republic of China.

“Sadly, too, that’s just part of the list of egregious actions.

“In 2006, the Chinese government arrested 651 Christians that we know of. Currently China has 6 Catholic bishops in jail and another 9 under house arrest. Renowned human rights advocate Rebiya Kadeer has watched from exile as the Chinese government arrests and beats her family members in her homeland.

“Late last year, western mountain climbers captured on videotape a horrifying scene: Chinese police shooting from their North Face tents at a group of Tibetan refugees crossing Nangpa Pass. A 17-year old Buddhist nun was killed and several others were wounded.

“There are some who assert that human rights are something that should come once stability has been attained. They say that protection of human rights comes second to attaining economic power and wealth. We must reject that notion.

“During the debate over granting China permanent normal trade relations status, proponents argued that economic liberalization would lead to political liberalization in China, that exposing China to the West’s ideas and values would lead them to play a more constructive role in the international community, and that the U.S. and other industrialized nations could influence China through economic activity to better respect the rights of its citizens to fundamental human rights and the unfettered practice of their faith.

“Instead, we have seen why the protection of basic liberties should not come second to economic growth. The China of today is worse than than the China of yesterday, or of last year, or of the last decade. China is not progressing. It is regressing. It is more violent, more repressive, and more resistant to democratic values than it was before we opened our ports to freely accept Chinese products.

“And now, in addition to all of the horrible things the Chinese government does to its own citizens, it does to other countries’ citizens as well. It poisons children in Panama, the Dominican Republic, and Australia, with toothpaste containing an industrial solvent and prime ingredient in some antifreeze. This toothpaste was marketed under the brand name “Mr. Cool.”

“Some 1.5 million wooden toys in the Thomas the Tank Engine line of children’s trains were recalled after manufacturers discovered that the Chinese-made toys were slathered in lead-based paint, a substance that is toxic if swallowed.

“China continues to send American consumers adulterated and mislabeled food products, including prunes tinted with chemical dyes, dried apples preserved with a cancer-causing chemical, scallops and sardines coated with putrefying bacteria, and mushrooms laced with illegal pesticides.

“Food and Drug Administration inspectors who traveled across the world to investigate the recent mass poisoning of U.S. pets stemming from tainted pet food from China arrived at two suspected Chinese factories, only to find the factories had been cleaned out and all equipment dismantled.

“On June 28, the FDA banned the import of five types of farm-raised shrimp and fish from China because they are so contaminated from unsafe drugs in China’s polluted waterways.

“A recent NPR story described how garlic from China outsold garlic grown in California for the first time last year. China began dumping garlic at U.S. ports below cost in the 1990s. Hefty tariffs kept the garlic imports at bay for a few years, but since 2001, imports of Chinese garlic have increased fifteen-fold.

“Several Fourth of July celebrations in my district, including in my hometown of Vienna, Virginia, included malfunctioning fireworks that injured 11 people, including children and an infant. These fireworks came from China.

“Some 450,000 imported tires were recalled from Foreign Tire Sales after it was discovered that the Chinese-made tires were sold without a critical safety feature that prevents the tread from separating from the tire. A blown tire can cause the driver of the vehicle to lose control of his or her car and crash.

“China is one of the world’s leading producers of unlicensed copies of goods ranging from movies and designer clothes to sporting goods and medications. According to the Motion Picture Association of America, 93 percent of DVDs sold in China are unlicensed copies. The MPAA, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and other industry groups say that despite stricter Chinese enforcement, product piracy is growing amid China’s booming economic expansion.

“China is building a new coal-fired power plant every week and within a year will be the biggest source in the world of greenhouse gases. It is building factories and infrastructure all over the developing world, but we have no solid data on China’s plans or programs. A recent editorial in The Washington Post reported that World Bank experts estimate that toxic air and water in China kill some 710,000 to 760,000 Chinese each year.

“During a recent visit to Sudan, Chinese President Hu Jintao promised to build a new palace for the Sudanese president, Omar al-Bashir, despite Bashir’s role in orchestrating the ongoing genocide in Sudan’s Darfur region. This is in addition to the recent Amnesty International report that China is selling weapons to the Sudanese government, which are then being used to kill and maim innocent civilians in Darfur.

“China bullies neighboring Taiwan, repeatedly threatening to launch missiles from the mainland for Taiwan’s refusal to accept China’s claims of sovereignty over the democratically governed territory.

“And despite all of these abhorrent acts, China was still awarded the honor of hosting the 2008 Olympics. The Olympic Games: an event designed to lift up “the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles,” according to its own charter. Does China’s behavior sound like a “good example” to the rest of the world? Or that it is reflecting “fundamental ethical principles” that all nations should aspire to?

“Amnesty International reports that the Chinese government is rounding up people in the streets of Beijing that might “threaten stability” during the Olympic Games, and is detaining them without trial. Human Rights Watch reports that the Chinese government is tightening restrictions on domestic and foreign media, in an effort to control what information leaks out about China’s repressive and violent nature during coverage of the Olympics.

“China has even gone so far as to claim it will “force rain” in the days leading up to the Olympics, in order to have clear skies for the Games. They intend to fire rocket shells containing sticks of silver iodide into Beijing’s skies, provoking a chemical reaction that will force rain – despite mixed reviews on the soundness of this science.

“China s desperation to conceal its true character leading up to the Games smacks of the Nazi bid for the Olympic Games. Analysts are likening the 2008 Beijing Olympics to the 1936 Olympics, in which Nazi Germany soft-pedaled its anti-Semitic agenda and plans for territorial expansion, fooling the international community with an image of a peaceful, tolerant Germany under the guise of the Olympic Games.

“Like the Nazi regime in 1936 Berlin, the Chinese government is preparing for the Olympics by hiring U.S. firms to handle public relations and marketing for the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

“Where is the outrage over China’s unacceptable behavior? The facts are before us. The United States can no longer say that things are improving in China

“But China would have America and the world believe that is the case. China has hired a number of large lobbying firms in Washington, DC to push China’s agenda with the U.S. government. Documents from the Department of Justice show these lobbyists as having a significant presence on Capitol Hill, including almost 200 meetings with Member offices between July 1, 2005 and December 31, 2006.

“America must be a country that stands up for basic decency and human rights. America must speak out on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves – men and women who are being persecuted for their religious or political beliefs. Our foreign policy must be a policy that helps promote human rights and freedom. Not a policy that sides with dictators who oppress their own citizens.

“Next time you make a purchase, and you see the words “Made in China,” think of the poisoned toothpaste, the contaminated food, the polluted waterways and airspace, the exploding tires, malfunctioning fireworks, the human rights abuses, and the intimidation of religious leaders. Remember that China poses a threat not only to its own citizens, but to the entire world. American businesses have an opportunity to capitalize on China’s failure to protect the safety of its food exports. American businesses should seize this opportunity by reclaiming their place in the global market. The United States government and American consumers must be vigilant about protecting the values that we hold dear.”

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Thanks to A True Chinese Renaissance for the report.

Posted in Annexed Territories, Censorship, China, Corruption, Environment, Human Rights, Media, Olympics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Virgin on the Ridiculous

Posted by MyLaowai on Friday, June 1, 2007

I’m constantly amazed at all the fuss over Jesus Christ. I mean, sure he was a humble furniture manufacturer who hit the big time, and gained access to foreign markets long before the WTO. Yes, he had a great marketing department, and that helped. But it seems to me, that the big reason why he is such a superstar, is the simple fact that his mother was a virgin at the time she conceived.

Big whoops. It happens in China all the time.

Most couples seem to get married around Spring Festival, which varies from February to March as a rule. They do this for what is described as luck and fortune, but in reality it probably has more to do with the number of times the moon flies around the country or somesuch. The key thing, the really important, crucial thing, is that all Chinese girls are ‘Traditional’, which means they all remain virgins until married, and only take it up the stove pipe when shagging around with Johnny Whiteboy.

And now, just three short months after getting married (but nearing nine months after the October holiday), they are preparing to spawn their first litter.

Virgin at time of marriage, sprogs falling out three or four months later… Sounds like a clear-cut case of immaculate conception to me.

Mrs MyLaowai has a sister, and she’s officially Up The Duff. I’m not saying it was a case of Immaculate Conception, though the the phrase ‘shotgun wedding’ does hover on the edge of conscious thought. Anyway, being pregnant and Chinese, she is required to attend pregnancy classes at the local ‘Community Centre’. Mrs MyLaowai went along with her to one of these classes, and this is the first thing she heard the Instructor say:

“Many Chinese think eating fruit is good for the baby’s skin. But they are wrong. In Africa, there’s a lot of fruit growing in the jungle, but the babies all have very bad skin because it is black.”

I shit ye not.

It all got me thinking about the kinds of advice that expectant mothers need to hear. What to eat, how to live, that kind of thing. So, for the benefit of any poor, uncivilised foreigner mothers out there, here’s:

The Official Pregnant Mother Guide With Chinese Characteristics.

1. Wear a lead-lined apron to shield your baby from harmful radiation emanating from the computer monitors at work. If your employer is a foreigner, he should pay for it, as he is a guest in this country.

2. Do not, under any circumstances, operate the photocopier, as the intense radiation could harm your baby’s healthy.

3. Do not watch TV, as it could damage your baby’s eyes.

4. Do not touch cold meat, as it will lead to severe arthritis in later life.

5. Find either a good recipe for Afterbirth Soup, or a rich customer.

6. Practise squatting a lot. It is not only the natural position for giving birth, but means you are able to do so without stepping away from your assembly line. Most Chinese employers will permit you five minutes in which to give birth, provided you keep your industrial output to within 85% of normal.

7. Eat plenty of fish heads. It will make the baby smart, and the thalidomide, mercury, and other vitamins will ensure that your abdomen doesn’t grow painfully large in the third trimester.

8. Ensure that when your parents select a name for your baby, they choose one that is not only legal, but also appropriate. Some good examples could be:
– Serve The Party
– Victorious People’s Army
– Ice Ice *
– Cube Cube *
– Sun In Sky
– Spring Season
– Oh Look, I Just Saw A Bird
– I Want Eat Lunch
– Volcano
– Killer Angel
– Lily

  • But never Ice Cube. That would be silly.

Please note that only traditional Chinese names are legal in China. Any attempt to give your baby a foreigner name will result in the PSB denying your baby official status. That means no hospital, no school, no welfare. Honestly, this is true.

9. After giving birth, don’t look at the baby. If you do, you may find yourself experiencing strange feelings known as ‘maternal compassion’. A better idea, is for your husband’s family to take the baby away for the first six months or so. If it’s a boy, you’ll get your chance in six months. It’s much better for all concerned.

10. Do not, under any circumstances, breast feed your baby if it can possibly be avoided. China produces more than enough plaster of paris baby formula. Furthermore, while you are sitting around at home playing with your breasts, the Nation is losing valuable production. You wouldn’t want to be an Enemy of the Revolution, would you?

Follow these simple guidelines, and all will be well. Oh, seeing as how today is June 1st, happy International Spoiled Bastard With Nintendo Day International OnlyOneChild Day

Happy International (but only in China) Children’s Day.

Posted in Ask MyLaowai | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »